Living Life on the Binge

   Let's see...what can I watch? Ooh, I have the first 4 years of Barney Miller! What else? Oh yeah, my dad gave me the entire Maverick series...on that note I also have all of The Rockford Files, The Wild Wild West, Sledge Hammer, most of Soap, Titus, SCTV, and the first season of SNL...among other shows.

   Then there is all that streams on Netflix or Hulu or whatever other services there are...way too many.

   But that is the nature of the beast in the 21st century...binge watching an entire series, or at least an entire season of a series in one fell swoop.

   I don't know about the rest of you, but I just can't do the binge watch the way many do these days. Yet, shows made now especially for streaming have shorter seasons. The Mandalorian, for instance, is less than 10 episodes in a season, and go for about 40-50 minutes each. One could watch that in a 12 hour period if they really wanted to...and in this COVID era with people staying home, those streaming originals are tailor-made for that kind of watching.

   It wasn't always that way, though.

   Back in the 1950s, when television was in its infancy, the idea of a rerun wasn't in anybody's minds. On average, sitcoms went between 30-40 episodes per season! That pretty much meant that the season went from September to April or May, then some other summer replacement show would fill in until the next season began. Same with westerns and dramas. All 6 years of Leave It To Beaver were 39 episodes, putting its total at 234 shows! I have watched that on one of the services, and I can't do more than 2 or 3 before deciding I've had my fill.

   My wife just finished watching all of Bewitched in a bit over a month, and that was 254 shows! She is more binge-tolerant than me. I was happy when Dick Sargent showed up, it meant the end was near.

   So when did this binge-craze begin? In my mind, TV Land got it started a bit over 20 years ago with their focus weekend marathons of severely cut shows (what they did to Barney Miller was a crime!) That brings about another bit: if you are going to air a show, air it WHOLE...otherwise there is no point. And also, air it with its original closing credits and studio logos, it is part of classic TV.

   The trouble with some classic shows is, many lack the original charm they once had, especially after 3 or 4, maybe 5 episodes! Take Cheers, for instance. Once a hot 80s-90s staple on NBC, Norm and Cliffie wear a bit thin after an hour or so, especially the first 2 years. Another is Family Ties, which truly belonged to the 1980s. The nostalgia wears off after a bit. I can only handle half a disc of The Rockford Files before I'm ready to do something...anything...else!

   Don't get me wrong, lots of these shows are considered classics and deserve to be watched again. For me, I generally have specific episodes in mind for different shows that were, in my mind, the "best ofs". For example, I absolutely love The Wild Wild West, but not all of its 104 episodes were gems. If I had to pick a show I could probably binge-watch for at least a whole disc, it would be WKRP in Cincinnati, I don't think there was a dud in there.

   Actually, I find that my former couch-potato-head ass doesn't desire a whole lot of TV watching anymore. My attention span for it just isn't where it once was.

   Until I get old and retire, I think I'll just stick to an episode here and there of whatever, then put it back into my memory for the time being...unless someone finds the missing episodes of The Edge of Night....then I'm there, dude!

   

The 2000s part 4: 2006

    Eek! It has been some time since I took my trip backward...the holiday doldrums tend to put my creativity into a kind of suspended animation...that and my walking as well!

   After waiting out the beginning of 2021, it was soon apparent the holidays were indeed finished. January 6 clinched that, in fact.

   Looking back at my previous entries about the early 21st century, it is apparent that while there were some decent periods, my personal life was in a serious state of ennui. Catching up on not getting laid for my first 29 years of life wasn't doing the trick enough...I needed more out of life, a more solid connection with another woman that would be longer-lasting. A 3-month relationship in early 2004 had proved fruitless and an attempt at shacking up with another in late the same year proved disastrous...making 2005 a sort of hangover-and-recover year.

That brings us to...

2006

   I was more determined than ever to find "the one" with the new year. I had taken myself off the market in fall of the previous year to shed some old shit off of the soul. The trouble with that was after about 2 months my loins were holding protests. Therefore, after Christmas I got myself back into the game. It started to happen fairly quickly even if sparsely.

   On the way back from my holiday time in San Diego, I met up with a woman named Melanie in Laughlin. What I hadn't quite gotten from her profile was that she had one eye. Eh, not a biggie. We had a nice dinner and chat before I headed home, listening to more of my new Spenser audio book on the drive. We made plans to meet again.

   A couple of weeks went by with nothing really going on. I sent messages to various ladies but with little to no response...though one would prove fruitful later.

   During MLK weekend...the Monday in fact... I met a girl online named Vanessa who really wanted to meet right away or not at all. Having no plans I met her at a bar later at night, bought her a drink or 2 plus a pack of cigs (at least she didn't blow it in my face), then we went back to her home, a trailer in her parents' yard, and proceeded to have a nice time of it. What I discovered pretty quick was that she liked a certain technique that gave her a LOT more pleasure than me, but not before I got my jollies.

   Shortly after that, I met up with Melanie in Laughlin again, this time getting a room. We had dinner, had fun in my hotel room, then she left to be with her boys, with whom I bowled the next morning. Melanie was a nice person, but she was way too down on herself. I recalled I was feeling the same way regarding myself not too long before and realized I did not want that in my future.

   I hung with Vanessa a few more times but before long I came to understand that her mood swings were pretty quick, and I wasn't getting much pleasure emotionally or physically from her. Also, as she didn't have a car, I found myself driving to the southwest to get her, sometimes eat with her, and then take her home. The physical end of the relationship had already died down, so the writing was on the wall.

   A promising start to the year it was not! However, there was a person I had contacted previously whom I had not heard from that finally messaged me back. Her name was Vickie Johnson and she didn't have regular computer and internet access, hence the delay. 

   On February 7, our school had a hard lockdown that went from 12:30 p.m. to almost 6. Everyone was pretty freaked out, and no kids were required to come in the next day if they needed a day to recover... though some came. On my way home (finally) after it was over, I called Vickie, and we talked every night after that and made  a plan to meet on Saturday the 11th.

   On that Saturday, I had to go get a blood draw and had not made an appointment, and as it was a fasting draw, I was pretty hungry and had a big headache when it was all over. I called Vickie and asked her whether she wanted to wait a bit and let me shower or just come over in my cleanest dirty shirt...she chose the latter.

   I picked her up and we went to Pick Up Stix for lunch. My headache was still going even after we ate, so on the way to the movies, we hit up Albertson's for some Advil...for which she had a coupon! What a great omen! We went to see "The Pink Panther" with Steve Martin, during which I felt much better. We had a nice time...and didn't see much of the last part of the movie!

   Afterward, we played some slots for a bit, then went on a drive around town and just talked. It was nice to just be able to get to know someone without getting to the obvious home plate. We stopped and ate at South Coast (later South Point) at the diner, then later headed back to my place and talked and smooched a bit more while watching "Revenge of the Sith". Before we knew it, it was 2am! It had been a long day for me, but I really liked being with her. I made her an offer of sleeping on my bed and I would sleep on the couch (I had napped there many times so no big deal). After some thought and seeing how tired I was, not wanting me to get into an accident taking her home or on the way back to mine, she agreed.

   The next morning, I got up and after she did, I made us breakfast and we just hung out talking and whatever until mid afternoon when she had to get ready for work. I took her home, waited for her to get into her Arby's uniform, then drove her to work. We made plans to have dinner on Valentine's Day, 3 days later. Pretty much immediately after, I went to the store and got her some flowers and a card. I couldn't WAIT until Tuesday!

   I think my kids at school saw something different about me on Monday, I seemed more relaxed and easygoing. On Tuesday after work, I picked Vickie up and took her to my apartment where I made her meatloaf with turkey along with my Nana Moore's piquant sauce (ketchup, brown sugar, and nutmeg). I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she agreed. When I took her home that evening, I couldn't hold it in anymore...I told her I loved her. Now this was almost a classic case of me running off the cliff like Wile E Coyote again...but this time I was covered...she told me she loved me, too.

The End!

No! You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? However, seeing as Vickie and I are still happily together 15 years later, there is so much more!

The following weekend was Presidents' Day. Vickie and I went to breakfast, then out to Valley of Fire. We filmed a little informational video while walking around, then drove around some more. While driving, I was starting to feel quite ill. Recalling that at a school staff function the previous day I had some hot dogs, I figured those were the culprit. I asked Vickie if she could drive. She said she could, but was uneasy about it even though she had a license. After a bit, I took over again and we made it home. I was feeling horrible and she took good care of me. Sometime during that evening I asked if the name Vickie Moore sounded good to her. At the time I wasn't sure if she was humoring me, but she said it had a ring to it. She made some chicken and corn and later I threw that up...and felt much better later!

The next morning, I felt even better, but discovered my computer wasn't working. After breakfast, I called a mobile tech guy to come out, a wheezing 300+ pound guy named Barry. It cost $300 along with a new hard drive (the old one was virus-stricken), but he got it going again. I left him there to work while I took Vickie home so she could get ready for work.

About a week later, I took her over to her brother Mark's house to drop off a birthday present for her 5 year old niece Kaitlyn. I met her, Kaitlyn's brother Brendan, and Mark's girlfriend Laura. Not long after, we went to Joe's Crab Shack for Vickie's birthday where I met her brother Mark and her mom Laurie. At this point I had met most of the family in town...all except her half brother John, with whom Vickie did not have the best relationship. 

Soon after came track break number 2. Vickie and I spent as much time together as possible. On many days I would take her to work, do my thing for a while, then pick her up to hang some more. I took a very short trip to San Diego during track break, but was in a hurry to return to Vickie. She really didn't like being in her own place, which was a house in which she rented a room and had use of the laundry and kitchen facilities. Her roommate, whose grandfather owned the house, was quite the bitch and held the only mail key. Vickie got disability checks due to some previous medical situations (including 2 bouts of childhood leukemia and resulting other things) and was waiting her her monthly installment one night so we could go to dinner. The roommate Christie was taking her time getting home and Vickie went to check with Christy's brother if he had a mail key but he didn't. For some reason that pissed Christy off, but finally she got home with the mail so we could go. Soon after, Vickie rented a box at Smith's to avoid the hassle.

Not long after, Christy let some family friends stay at the house and they pretty much had the run of the place while Christy put restrictions on what Vickie could do and when, including laundry. They got into a huge fight about it one night, after which Vickie hugged me for support and said, "Let's go home." We also got my friend Robin to help us get Vickie's rear projection TV from the house garage to my apartment.

In April, we went to San Diego together for my dad's 60th birthday celebration. We stayed at my mom's and she got to meet my mom, Don, and dog Sabrina and cat Callie. The birthday celebration was at a country club where some of Becky's family had also traveled. Well, everyone who mattered had met everyone who mattered. Later that month, we took a little trip to Primm and stayed at Whiskey Pete's. Little trips like that when she wasn't working were a treat for us. 

In May, I was thinking a lot about her. We had done things nice and slow, pretty much just enjoyed being with each other. I knew I was always happier when I was with her and vice versa. Somewhere in my mind, the m word was rattling around...yep, marriage! As Memorial Day weekend was coming up, we planned a short trip to San Diego. Before going, I bought her a nice simple ring. When in California, we went to the beach and I proposed to her...Wile E. lucked out again, she said yes! Shortly after, we went to a celebratory lunch at Bully's North in Del Mar with Mom, Don, and his business partner Bob Ellis...who had me say "REAL ESTATE" so he could make it a business expense.

As we were now engaged, we decided it would be good to live together before our November wedding. It was a great time, too, because my apartment complex had changed hands and was now run by an outfit that was horrible and cheap when it came to maintenance and repair, especially with water leaks! We looked around and with the help of realtor friend Treasa, we found a really nice 2 bedroom apartment not too far from the Arby's where Vickie worked. It was spacious, well lit, and a perfect place for Vickie's cat Mitzy Mew to romp around in. During the final track break of the year, we hired Starving Students to move things from the apartment and our friends Lauren and Aaron helped get Vickie's things from the house. On the final morning she would ever see that house, Vickie got some final things from there and had a fairly nasty confrontation with Christy...I think she had been looking forward to that. All I remember is Christy following us out of the house in her pajamas just woken up. She looked pretty stupid as we drove away.

Indeed, as the move had happened during the week of July 4th, it was an independence for both of us in our new home. It was a slow process unpacking our boxes. The spare bedroom has the bed Vickie had used in the house. Our kitchen table was a mere card table for the time being, but that was ok. Also during that summer I met Vickie's grandpa Walt. We got along immediately, and he accidentally got my name wrong, calling me "Dave". It was a running joke for years right up until he passed in 2016.

We got in another trip to San Diego, which was memorable because on the way back we stopped and had something to eat at the Excalibur Café with a friend. I played my first round of keno then and won $600! That paid for Vickie's wedding dress and alterations. I haven't won at keno since.

In July we traveled to the L.A. area for my friend Rob's wedding to Samantha Ross. We hadn't made a reservation so we scrounged around for a hotel and found one in Azusa for $75. It was a bit dumpy and it was also a night of power failures. The next day we drove around for a while until it was wedding time and then went to Pasadena. It was a good wedding and Rob looked genuinely happy with his new bride. As Vickie had to work the next day, we drove home that night.

In early August, we wrapped up the 2005-06 school year. Unlike the previous year, this one was ending on a good note and I was sad to be parting with that group of kids. On the last day of school, Vickie and I had dinner at the Top of the World restaurant at the Stratosphere, sharing a chateaubriand dinner. We then went to Mesquite to stay the night. Our room at the Edgewater had a bad A/C unit so we got to move to a new room with a better working one. The next morning we swam a bit, went to breakfast, then drove a bit into Utah and back into Nevada while listening to good music. One thing I already knew about Vickie was that she was a good road trip co-pilot, keeping me awake with coffee, gum, and loud music.

Shortly after the 2006-07 year began, I had a couple more weddings to attend. On Labor Day weekend, we traveled again to San Diego (by plane) for my mom's wedding (finally) to Don. It was a very pleasant time, and nephew Ian and I walked her to the gazebo on the lagoon, which was pretty much the community's back yard. Afterward we had good food and the men had celebratory cigars, me included. The following weekend, we flew to San Francisco then drove up to Santa Rosa for Scott's wedding to Darlene. I hadn't been up there for a while, so the visit was great. Looking back on the wedding shots, I had been gaining a good (as in BAD) amount of weight throughout the year...we had eaten out many times.

As the new school year was progressing, so were our wedding plans. While Vickie's dress alterations were going on, we searched for a chapel, settling on Special Memories Chapel in downtown. We also got flower arrangements through Smith's floral department. 

One night we were out drinking and karaoke-ing with the Mikinka sisters and Vickie had gotten a bit toasted. She fell off her stool, giving her quite the bruise, and later she felt nauseous, throwing up a few times on the way home. After getting her on the bed, I said something to her and she told me quietly to F off. I thought it was funny, but she didn't...and quite frankly has not done a lot of alcohol since.

Before we knew it, November had arrived. Luckily we had the first almost 2 weeks before the 11th to finalize things. On the 10th, everyone was coming in from everywhere, both my family and friends plus Vickie's family. There was a rehearsal dinner at Mastroianni's Italian restaurant, where my dad held podium as "master of ceremonies" so to speak, telling his corny jokes. After dinner, Vickie and I checked one more time with the chapel to make sure all was set, then she went to stay at her mom's for the night.

The next day, I got up, ate, got a haircut and shave, went to get my tux, had a bit of lunch, then got dressed. The plan was to get to Red Lobster where the chapel limo would pick me and the wedding party (Scott, his dad, Lora and Alexa, Vickie's coworker Tonya, the Mikinkas, and I) at 1:30 as the wedding was at 2. Somehow the chapel people hadn't checked this so I had to call. The limo was late and as it had to dodge around Veteran's Day traffic. On the way, I got a call from Treasa, who immediately gave her phone to Vickie, who was fearing I had changed my mind. At last we got there, but had to wait a bit for another wedding to end as we came late. At least the ceremony went right and we said our personal vows to each other. 

The limo getting us to Red Lobster for the reception wasn't too bright either and took his sweet time getting there. Luckily as it turned out, due to the disasters, Scott and Sam Catania had a Sicilian style talk with the chapel people, who got us a lot of our stuff for free. Red Lobster itself was good, though I suspected that despite our chosen appetizer items we'd agreed to pay for, some full meals were put on our bill, which was about $900. 

That night, we went to our apartment and changed clothes. Rob and Sam stayed there as well, along with my grandma. While Vickie and I went to Mesquite for our brief honeymoon night, Rob and Sam hung with my grandma and took her to breakfast the next day before going home. Vickie and I had a good night together and hung around Mesquite for part of the day, where we saw some of Vickie's family on their way back home. Once home, we took Grandma Jo to dinner then to the airport.

After that it was just hanging out in our apartment with each other doing whatever for a few days. We then took a small road trip up into Utah then across to Page, Arizona to check out the Glen Canyon Dam (pretty DAMN impressive), then headed down to the Grand Canyon and then home...a good 2 day trip. Not long after we went to Big Bear Lake to meet up with my mom and Don for Thanksgiving at their cabin. There was a decent little apartment above the garage for us to stay in. Dinner was great and we also took in a movie and did a little fishing. Soon after, it was time to get back to school, and that week I celebrated my 34th birthday.

In December, we got a new kitten from Vickie's friend Courtney, a pretty orange tabby we named Layla. Finally Mitzy had a playmate! Also in December, we went on a late night drive to visit my grandma as she was getting ready to move in with my aunt Terry in San Diego and needed some organizing help. One thing we attained was my grandpa Fitz's chiming naval clock. That had always been one of my favorites. Also in December we were getting some things here and there for the apartment, one of them being a wooden dining table with 4 chairs. That was a fun fit into the car trunk!

We decided that Christmas would be spent with just the 2 of us in Las Vegas instead of traveling. It was the first time I had ever done Christmas without my parents, even when they were apart. It was a nice change. And it was a great end to perhaps the best year of my life!

2020...The Review

 Well, to sum it up really quick...fuck this year! OK, I'm done.

Wait, what? You actually WANT me to go way back to one of the worst years in modern history that many people faced? Hey, do you reheat crappy food, too?

(sigh) All right, fine. Just remember, YOU asked for this, not me!

To be fair, the year should be separated into 2 distinct parts...the normal part and the pandemic part.

On my end of things, I was starting a weight loss contest at school, and went on a very low carb eating plan. Despite the oily hair and truly rancid breath at first,  the weight was coming off pretty well.

The normal part, was of course quite short, from January to mid March. Oh sure, there was talk of the Coronavurus and there were a ton of jokes made at its expense. Why? People joke about what they don't understand...and even better comedians know how to joke about what they DO understand...and make enlightening connections.

In those opening months, nobody thought much about it. As for me, I was teaching grammar and writing to 3 different classes every day, one of the worst set-ups for a grade level I ever experienced...and I am glad it was cut short.

In terms of politics, the first months were still about weeding out what was essentially a 20-contestant round of The Dating Game., a round that began the previous summer. There was so much buildup over who could topple Donald Trump in November of 2020. The bizarre twist of this was that he was impeached in January and was acquitted.. He was in fact pretty unstoppable despite the social media hype over his political demise.

We lost Kobe Bryant...and many mourned his passing more than the other folks who were aboard the flying machine. Fame is a bizarrely twisted thing.

Hollywood slimeball Harvey Weinstein was finally convicted of rape and sexual abuse. His many victims had some justice at last...but that doesn't repair soul damage.

And looming through all of this was the COVID 19 epidemic. People talked...people rumored...people fucking PANICKED!

And then March hit...and bit by bit the shit really did hit the fan. First up was the stock market crash. COVID was really having an effect as more cases were coming up. Meantime, I took my wife to Laughlin for her birthday. The next week, we scored for free tickets to see Billy Idol on March 14. There had been talk at work the day before whether schools were closing down, but no final word.

The final word hit on March 15 that we would be out through the middle of April. The first week we did nothing but sit and wait. That didn't bother me much, the rest felt good. 

What DID suck was what I call legal looting...meaning people were allowed to buy up as much water and toilet paper as they wanted. Really, the panic was scary and quite ridiculous. The mask wearing was recommended at first but not enforced. There were also more hired security guards standing in front of stores...just in case.

My weight loss had been 20 pounds by the time we were sent home. The trouble with being home with not a whole lot to do is that you tend to stress eat, even though I wasn't really stressed. More like bored off my ass. As the first week passed, we as teachers were told to just do review for the remaining 2 months, nothing new to teach at all. Plus, we had to make sure we made at least once a week contact with parents and students for attendance purposes. This went on from late March to mid-late May.

I decided that since we were in an emergency mode, I didn't want to style my hair anymore, so my wife gave me a crew cut in late April, and I razored the rest off. Been maintaining the baldness since. As I was giving assignments merely for attendance purposes and checking with parents, I didn't have a whole lot to do, so I got back on the jigsaw puzzle craze. Trouble was, a lot of other people felt the same way...and new puzzles got scarce. 

As we got into mid May, things calmed down a bit, and slowly toilet paper and water got restocked. We had bought a 5 gallon bucket of laundry detergent that was delivered...and we are still using it!

The stimulus checks came and we put ours to good supply use. The country was starting to relax...maybe a bit too much.

I finally had myself on a normal (as in low carb) eating plan again and began experimenting with different things. It was nice to be active in the kitchen!

In late May we had a drive thru graduation ceremony for the 5th grade on the school playground. It was perfect social distancing.

And then George Floyd was beaten by police....and like the Rodney King tragedy 29 years previous, people went apeshit and there was a wave of combined peaceful and violent protest. A local police officer in Vegas was shot by a civilian in early June. So now we had not only COVID to contend with but also social unrest on a different level. 

Plus, Joe Biden had become Trump's opponent in the upcoming election. It was like a choice between Denny's and IHOP. Not the 2 best breakfast choices, but when you're hungry and that's all there is at the next exit...

The summer of 2020...probably my best in a long time! We did not have the dough to travel, and there weren't a whole lot of places to go, anyway. So I walked. And walked and walked and walked! The walks started slowly and then built...from 3 to 4 to 5 to 6,7,8 mile jaunts, and then finally I did a 10 in July! It was probably a bit much but that was ok. I finally got my weight below 200 for the first time in years, and my clothes were hanging more on me. We got a few swims in also at the YMCA as well as at a friend's house, but really it was about the walks.

Then came murder hornets without Kato. Move on.

I lost an old and dear friend from my first school Tom Williams. It was a sad time in mid July, and I was honored to speak at her funeral, though sad and angered that only a few old colleagues came to pay respects.

In August Kamala Harris was nominated as potential VP to Biden. I had no opinion since she had no impact on me.

Then came the real distance learning for most of the nation. After some wasted time on learning one system via page design, we ended up using another system anyway. The sudden spike in internet usage caught the Internet/wifi providers in their bare asses. Come to think of it, the problem has remained though on a smaller basis.

The west coast was up in flames! Wonder if those hornets were involved?

I will say this about distance learning...if your heart is into your class and you want to make it work...it is not all that bad. You just have to expect some going in and out among your students as they have connection issues. Just takes patience.

We lost Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Eddie Van Halen within a month of each other...2 legends of 2 different ilks....yes I went to college, I am ALLOWED to use higher-level 3-letter words!

October brought us the debates sponsored by Satan...yep, IHOP vs Denny's all right! We also lost the grand quizmaster of Jeopardy...Alex Trebek! The quiz game show world will never be the same. We also lost legendary actor Sean Connery. There will never be a Bond like him...no will there be a sexier Scottish lisp again.

November brought a surprise or 2. First, the COVID rate was rising, and at an interesting rate in our district. Therefore it was determined that even teachers couldn't be at school alone, they had to suffer with their families. On the plus side, I turned a proud 48. On the political side, everything that was foreseen and warned about happened. Biden won the electoral and Trump fans went apeshit. They still are.

December brought a subdued Christmas spirit as COVID cases kept rising and the election results kept being challenged. Overall a pretty fast month.

Other deaths of famous people...and this year the deaths of many nonfamous people should also be respected...a tough year for many.

Honor Blackman (Pussy Galore in Goldfinger)

Wilford Brimley (actor)

Jeremy Bulloch...the original Boba Fett costume wearer

Edd "Cookie" Byrnes (actor)

Pierre Cardin (fashion designer)

Mary Higgins Clark (author)

Robert Conrad...famous for playing James West on The Wild Wild West...one of my favorite shows!

Mac Davis (singer)...rest in peace, sir, but I never got hooked on you.

Olivia de Havilland and Kirk Douglas...both at 104! That is a life!!

Brian Dennehy

Winston Groom (author of Forrest Gump)

Buck Henry (writer and comedian)

Terry Jones (Monty Python)

Tom Kennedy (game show host)

Hal Ketchum (country singer)

John Le Carré (author)

Jim Lehrer (TV newsman)

John Lewis (civil rights activist)

Johnny Nash (singer)...I hope he can see clearly now.

Fred 'Curly' Neal (Harlem Globetrotters)

Ken Osmond (Eddie Haskell)

Regis Philbin

Charley Pride

John Prine (singer)

David Prowse (the man in the Darth Vader costume)

Helen Reddy...she was woman!

Carl Reiner

Diana Rigg (played James Bond's only...and brief...wife)

Kenny Rogers

John Saxon (actor)

Jerry Stiller

Peter Tork (the quiet Monkee)

Max Von Sydow

Lyle Waggoner

Fred Willard

Bill Withers (singer)

Chuck Yeager (legendary pilot)

That was just a sampling, I know, and we lost many more.

In closing, 2020 could be heaven or hell, depending on where you stood in life. For me it was heaven surrounded by chaos. We can only hope that the hells of one year can evoke the heaven of the next.

A happy and blessed 2021 to all!

Santa's Coach

 As I watch all of these Christmas specials we have on disc, I have to say I am quite grateful to not have to tune in to local stations to figure out when the few remaining classics will air, for there are so many more that USED to air.

   We are all familiar with the somewhat prickish Santa Claus in Rudolph, and the gentler jollier ones in Frosty The Snowman, Santa Claus is Comin' To Town and The Year Without a Santa Claus....and if you are NOT familiar with these, you are a low-down dirty millenial, now GET OUT!!!

   No, sorry, I had a little 2020 tension there, forgive me. Only 8 days left.

   What I was getting at, though, is that no matter the depiction, there is an original image of Santa Claus from which all translations sprung, for better or worse, from TV and movie versions to Salvation Army models outside Wal Mart and so forth. That said, the original Santa Claus likely didn't just KNOW how to BE Santa Claus, he had to have some sort of training from a form of acting coach, perhaps a coach elf. I can imagine the training might have gone something like this:

Hi there...the file says your name is Santa Claus?

All right, well, I've been asked to give you some insider tips on how to do your job.

Well, I never said you were doing it badly. Come to think of it, I have no idea what your job actually is.

No. You see I was pulled out of a gig just the other day, showing some guy named Washington how to be 'presidential'. 

Yeah, I seem to have a reputation for helping first timers, I guess. Problem is, it can be a crap shoot at times. Now, this is your first time at your job, am I right?

OK, so tell me what your general duties are.

You go around the world and give presents to all the children on Christmas Eve. All the DAMN children! 

Right. Okay, I think the first thing to do here is improve the attitude a bit.

Yes, I don't think you'll develop a very good rep if you curse your clientele regularly. I think what we need here is a sense of jolliness. Now let me hear you laugh.

Oh god, you sound like my dentist when he announces a root canal for me. I don't think har har is going to work here. Let's try something else.

No no no, the he he he won't work either, you sound like a future restraining order. Let's try it again.

Whoa! Definitely not a huh huh huh, you sound like a butthead. One more try.

Yes, YES! HO HO HO is definitely the way to go. I want you to practice that laugh as often as you can. Now, let's talk about the gift-giving. What's the plan?

Well, now that's something else we need to work on. I don't think you're going to be successful if you just walk into people's homes and drop off presents and just leave. 

No, it's mildly creepy and while the kids will like it, parents probably won't. If some stranger walks in and drops off presents, wrapped or not, I'm likely to toss him out on his ear.

Oh no, I can work this out. I'm thinking...hey, what if we make it so you come at night when everyone is asleep? Yeah, that's it! And you won't get caught up in any unnecessary conversation...otherwise you won't get to all those damn-er, all the kids.

No, the front door isn't such a hot idea, often they're locked.

No, I don't think the image of you as a lockpicker will go over well...there is P.R. to consider here. No I was thinking of you coming down the chimney. 

Sure! When you come late at night, the fires will most surely be out. Let's see, what else? Oh, let me take a good look at you.

No, there's nothing really wrong, you just look like a middle-aged barfly, and those are a dime a dozen. What we're looking for here is...a right jolly old elf! 

How? Easy: put on a good amount of weight and grow a big beard and mustache. You have the white already. 

No that won't be enough. Some special clothes will be needed...a suit of some sort. Um...what's your favorite color?

Eek! I don't think black is a jolly color. Tell you what, let me think about it for a while and I'll send you to my tailor when I have it mapped out. We have a few months. Now, there's one little wrinkle I haven't figured out. You give gifts to all the children, right? 

Well, I think you might want to think of that a bit. Some of those kids, well, can be DAMN kids and pretty naughty. Let's do this. Come up with a list of the ones who are naughty and the ones who are nice. The ones who are nice will know you're coming to town.

The bad ones? Hmm...well I could be a little turd when I was a kid and my dad whacked me with a piece of coal.

No, no! No whacking, remember I mentioned having good P.R. But maybe leave them some coal, I think that'd leave a message for the next year.

Good good, I think we're making progress. Listen, I'll work on the clothes angle and get back to you. You work on the attitude and laugh. Oh, and I also have a line on the newest thing in transportation. 

Yep, think of this: flying reindeer. Sleep on that and we'll talk later!

The 2000s part 3: 2004-2005

So far, the 21st century had been quite a rollercoaster ride for me, and it was not looking to change anytime soon. I had gone from a somewhat high to a pretty big low, then dug myself out of that to enjoy a new start in life, including a new foray into the dating world. As I was about to find out, though, my digging myself out of that big hole wasn't a permanent thing!

2004

As the new year was upon us, I was getting more involved with Gigi, the friend of a married woman who tried to have a fling with me. As previously indicated, despite my desire to catch up from a pretty lame time in my 20s sexually, I had some scruples and had to turn that girl down. Gigi, on the other hand, was openly divorced with an elementary-aged daughter. We got together a couple of times in late 2003, and right after new year, we had ourselves a nice time on the pretext of me helping her put together a metal shelving unit.

I really dug Gigi, and we were having a nice time of it. Sometimes she would come to my apartment, but usually I went to hers since most often her daughter was with her. There were a few issues, however. One was that she had some jealousy about my past flings, few as they were, especially in regard to Treasa for some reason. That one escalated when Treasa took me out for a belated birthday celebration at a dinner theatre show called Ba-Da-Bing. Admittedly, when I took Treasa home, we did share a kiss and I was tempted...but temptation was it and I went home. The other was that I was tiring of the constant drives to her apartment, which was southeast of the airport. She also grew weary of my admittedly cavalier attitude toward our relationship. At 31 (she was 38), I should have been a lot more mature, but like I said, I was catching up on life at this point.

On a more normal plane, I was keeping a nice platonic friendship with Lora and started hanging with her and her daughter Alexa from time to time. I enjoyed those times more because there wasn't any sexual bullshit to contend with. Considering that to this day she and I remain great friends should be a big indicator of priorities!

On the work front, things were...ok. I enjoyed my class a lot and I had also begun a twice a week tutoring program after school for some extra bucks. That and going to the gym afterward made me pretty exhausted by the time I got home. 

After a bit of an argument about whatever, around Valentine's Day I believe, Gigi and I had a temporary breakup...meaning she broke up with me in the morning, then after going to a wedding and getting hammered, she begged me to come to her place. So, we continued a bit longer, but not much. By late March, we agreed (mutually this time) that we weren't a long-term fit. Treasa and I started hanging together for a bit after that, but like before it wasn't exclusive...and for a change I was ok with that. I'd already figured out that I wasn't quite ready for what I considered tethered domestication. Treasa even invited me to her home for Easter dinner which included her folks, whom I had seen many times when they were picking up Christian from school.

I met a few others around this period with mixed results...sometimes they were drinks and/or dinner, sometimes a one time dalliance. One was a girl named Danni who I met up with at the place where you watch planes take off and land at McCarran...the place seemed designated for such meetups.

Another was Shannon, a pretty BBW redhead I had taken a fancy to, but she suddenly backed away and I didn't think it was me this time...but it likely was. Looking back at myself in those days, I really do not think I displayed what could be considered self confidence and self possession. Women generally have a good radar for those things.I think about the way I sat at restaurants with dates, not really listening to understand, but rather to get an "inside" angle. Yeah, I do believe I was shallow in that way but didn't realize it...just a boy inside trying to catch up to manhood...but not emotionally.

It was getting to me big-time!

Back at work, Teddy Brewer was finally about done with her first full year at Tom Williams, and was ready to make some changes...one of them being a switch for me from 1st to 5th grade. Quite a jump for sure, but she had me observe some good 5th grade teachers to see how they did things. I got a few ideas, but nothing really solid. What didn't help was that it was near year's end and they were pretty done with the year as well.

As the end of the school year was upon us, Treasa and I called it quits again. I wasn't so upset at her as I was at myself. Something was definitely wrong...but it was just beginning.

I did some of my time off between years (2 1/2 weeks) in San Diego and while there continued the online search for women. I began talking with a somewhat younger girl named Dorothy who lived in Texas. I figured maybe some long-distance thing without meeting would be healthy...it wasn't.

One problem with being in a new grade was that I had to change rooms...this room being a portable that had a faulty AC system sensor-wise. After a short time available to get the room together, the year began.

Now, I can pretty much sum up this ENTIRE year in one word: bad. It was for the most part a pretty rough group of kids. However, looking back on it all...they were pretty funny and if I had not let my bad level of self-respect and frustration get in my way, I think the year would have gone a LOT more smoothly. However, my state of emotion left me quite reactionary to the smallest things...and 5th graders pick up on that and use it against you. My classroom management was shit and not only the kids but many of the staff took note of it...and people I considered to be friends at work began turning their backs on me and getting quite cold, especially a couple in my own grade level. If I had the strength and courage to ask for help, I would have. But I was drowning...and having many a discussion with Teddy in her office. For the first time in my career (but not the only time) I was getting regularly called on the carpet.

One positive experience at this time was a trip up to Reno with my friend and colleague Kathleen Everett for a class on Nevada School Law and Nevada Constitution. It was a quick weekend where the school law stuff took the most time and the constitution was essentially a long lunch/text scavenger hunt. What was nice was getting out of town on a road trip. Kathleen and I were already friends, so we had some nice conversation up and on the way back.

While talking to Dorothy in Texas frequently online, I also had a reunion with Indy from the previous year. She had asked me to help with her broken down car on the freeway and things just developed from there. It wasn't the right time at all, but my timing sucked these days anyway. 

My mind...especially emotions, was a mess by October. The past several months of one failed romantic/sexual efforts had taken their toll on me. I couldn't think straight, I couldn't teach right, it was all falling apart! So in my infinite lack of wisdom...I asked Dorothy to not only come visit, but also stay with me for a bit and see how it worked out. It was the dumbest idea I could have had then, and my family and friends were quite baffled by this.

Dorothy came on a Saturday,6 days before Nevada Day weekend. I cleaned up my place nicely and made room for her stuff, then picked her up at the airport. It was ok at first, and our curiosities about each other were satisfied that first night. We did some food shopping and made some plans to hit up some concerts coming up. Then the week hit again and she was stuck at my apartment...getting homesick in the process. The week dragged on like that and by the time the carnival came on Thursday, I practically forced her to come. I was introducing her like she was the one for me, even though she was definitely uncomfortable.

The weekend after was fairly tense and getting worse. Monday morning, we were rearranging furniture in the apartment. I was fixing something and she had made a joking comment that I didn't seem like a handy man...and I completely took it as a huge offense...for no good reason. But the writing was on the wall...it had been there when I asked her to come in the first place! The experiment wasn't working at all, it had in fact sunk me lower than I had been 3 years before! To be perfectly honest, I don't think I had ever completely left that funk, I should have gone to see an independent shrink after I left the HMO one, there was a lot of crap to sort out and LET out!

We decided it was best for me to take her back to Texas. A road trip did sound fun. I asked her from time to time if there was any way to work it out, but that was how desperate and emotional I was at that point. I knew the answer when I asked the question...many times!

The road trip itself was actually pretty good! I had never explored I 40 east of Kingman, so I got to see a lot of nice Arizona country along old route 66. Not a whole lot to see east of Flagstaff, but it got better once we got close to New Mexico. We made it past Albuquerque and stopped in Santa Rosa 100 miles later for the night. The next morning I discovered we were in the Great Plains portion of New Mexico...pretty blah, and it stayed that way all the way to Amarillo and down U.S. 287 to Wichita Falls. Afterward, the trees were more aplenty as dusk came and we passed through the Fort Worth-Dallas metro area to Dorothy's home town of Rockwall.

We stayed at her brother's house that night, then  drove around town the next day and she introduced me to her family members all over the place. It was a bit uncomfortable as I knew I was leaving her the next day. We hung with a friend from late afternoon until night. Her friend noted my dour mood and reminded me frankly that I had done the inviting to stay in the first place..so I needed to take my part of the blame for this situation...what she didn't get was I was already doing that...a ton!

The next morning, after a brief but tearful goodbye, I headed out. Actually, the road trip by myself was what I needed. I listened to some Baldacci book on tape as I cruised down I 30 to I 20 and saw a lot of Texas rolling and flat land...flatter as I passed Abilene! By the time I got on I 10, the sun had set and it was a dark ride to El Paso where I stayed the night. The next morning was a bit rainy. I went to Tucson where I visited my second cousin Mike Fitzmorris and his wife for an hour or so, then I headed to my grandma's for a couple of days in Sun City West. I remember her asking me how Dorothy "was"! There are really times I miss that woman's lack of tact to this day!

When I got home, it was easier than I thought it would be with the emptiness. I made sure my appointment with a shrink was confirmed. Just the first few sessions got a LOT out that had been building and I saw where I had to go in order to be a better me in terms of teaching and relationships. Soon after, I went to San Diego for Thanksgiving. My dad and his friend Mark took me to their form of therapy...a strip joint! To understand just how bizarre this was, my dad is FAR from the strip joint type, though Mark seemed right at home. I got a lap dance or two and got fairly plastered. I probably shouldn't have driven to Mom and Don's new house in Cardiff, but rush hour traffic actually helped me to drive carefully.

Then it was back to school. It was only a few weeks between track break and Christmas break and those few weeks were not too bad in terms of teach-student relations. The first day back was my birthday, and a girl I had met in October named Jen kept our dinner date at Red Lobster, though she understood I was a bit messed up at this point and it was the last I saw of her. 

My therapy sessions had done a lot for me already, and I cautiously tiptoed back into the dating scene, promising I'd take it a lot easier and not feel so rushed. Well..that was ME! A girl named Thea that I met the second weekend of December had a quicker solution in mind. I will say this about her at the very least...the sense of manhood I felt I had lost over the year was restored. Like Lora, she became a friend for life! Like Treasa, she had a wandering eye and got involved with someone else pretty fast after that. This time it was not so bothersome.

Christmas in San Diego...'nuff said. Though I will say that my time with Dad and Mark before gave me a new interest. Going to 'gentlemen's clubs' was actually therapeutic for me. It kept my mind happy and relieved tension on Fridays after a tough work week...they were all tough work weeks at this point.

2005

Coming back into school after the holiday was not something I was looking forward to. Despite new ideas and gimmicks I had, the opening weeks from 2004 had sadly set the pace and my class for the most part wasn't having it...though my toughest kid Ja'shon was actually slowly warming up to me and by year's end he and I probably ended our time together better than the rest. That said, the year was really sliding downhill faster than before. A couple of new boys caught on fast to the fact that their teacher wasn't worth a whole lot as a teacher. 

Thank heaven for weekly therapy with a therapist and at my favorite 'club', The Library! Working out at the gym still along with a twice a week yoga class also helped.

I turned my eye back to the dating scene. I met a girl named Stacy online and we got together a couple of times. End of story. Then I met someone named Jacqueline, who was a live-in nanny for a family of 5. She seemed pretty nice and we had a good time, but something was off. First, she gave me a promise ring on our second or third date. WARNING! Also, she had quite the mood swings and was a wiccan practitioner. That last part didn't bug me as much as the mood swings and promise ring. Among these mood swings, she accused me of being cold and emotionless.

There was some truth to this. As in the beginning of my first therapy rounds 3 1/2 years earlier, the emotions let out a lot first, leaving essentially an empty tank waiting to be refilled...the tank was still on empty.  

After 3 tumultuous weeks, I called it quits with her. It was then that I found out that she was still married to her second husband!! Now, I could have asked about that before, but being a somewhat typical guy, I didn't have a pre-date questionnaire asking for past history and insurance number. I truly believe I escaped a ticking time bomb.

During the spring track break, I headed to Washington for a family visit as well as pop in to see Derek. This was significant in that it was the last time I got the chance to see him. He was happily married with a cute boy named Orion and another on the way. That wasn't why I stopped coming...it was just a year later I had other things on my mind. He and I still talk to this day via email.

After coming back, I had one or two dating opportunities...then Thea came back into the picture. I was interested in pursuing her more than a certain level, but she wasn't. That was ok, for she was really the best thing for me at the time. Nothing else was lurking on the horizon in that department and I felt good with her.

Treasa had gotten engaged to a guy named Darin, who I got to meet one day at lunch with Christian. He seemed pretty nice, I was glad she had found someone pretty solid...in relative terms. Lora, Alexa, and I hung out from time to time. I even was trusted enough to pick up Alexa from her school when Lora was working a long shift. One time when Lora worked a pretty long night shift, I picked up Alexa and took her home, fed her, and put her to bed, then sacked out in Lora's bed until she came home, then slept more until it was time to go get ready for work. There were times for a bit when I wondered if I had missed an opportunity that night, but we had a perfectly platonic friendship...and love. An attempt on anything else would have killed all that and Lora was a jewel in my life.

I was invited to Kathleen Everett's home for Easter dinner with her family. I had already met her husband John and daughter Nicole before, so it was a nice gathering.

At work, I was just barely catching my breath every day. Professionally, I was shutting down and getting shut out by my colleagues. Sad to say, I know I wasn't actively calling for help, but nobody was reaching out to me, either. I think I was being viewed as one of those people who was lucky enough to get by for 3 years before calling it quits. There was a new second assistant principal named John Villareal. I was never sure why he was there, but he was another who called me on the carpet a couple of times, though in a gentle way. Teddy's time was about up and Kristie Rodeles was taking the reins as principal...and she had my problems to contend with. As there had been a few issues parents had raised concerns about (and rightly), for the last two weeks she had someone sit in the room with me while I taught. Given how the year had gone, I was grateful for the backup.

During the final track break, Rob Lander and I took a hiking trip in Zion. It was a breath of fresh air for a couple of days, well needed!

My time with Thea had gradually, and wordlessly, come to an end. I always knew she had an eye on something or someone else. It was ok. Other endeavors were proving mostly fruitless with a couple of exceptions. One was a girl named Karen Mikinka, whom I ended up hanging with along with her neurotic, quite weird sister Denise. Actually, they were both a bit off center, I hung with them here and there. Another was named Robin Fitzgerald who had 2 kids. We became movie and meal buddies here and there. What endeared me to Robin was that when the next school year was starting, she called me the night before to wish me luck.

But first, let's end the other year and quickly before my mind goes again! The schedule was a bit messed up, with 5th grade graduation the day before the last school day, which was thankfully only until 12:40. We were done with each other at that point, no love lost. As I said, I was the one who made that year what it was, not them. After the day was over, I got in my car, grabbed my stuff, then headed to San Diego. There was a bit of sprinkling going on during the drive, which suited me fine. During the time there, my mom had gotten me a book called The Reluctant Disciplinarian ..a pretty good read and gave some tips on how to get the year started right. I actually liked this one more than The First Days of School. 

Upon return, I got to move from the portable with iffy AC to the main building, and was neighbors with Dorothy Williams. I always had a good relationship with her, and she remained positive with me even through my tough year before. I can say the same for Kathleen Everett, tech guy Paul Minkler and librarian Bob Boucher. The rest were what one would call fair weather friends. We also became bathroom partners, watching each others' classes if one of us had to go. We had 2 new specialist teachers, Christy Speas for music and Erica Hendrickson for art. New year, new faces, a positive already. A downside was that Scott Gupton had moved on to another school.

And with that, the school year began. Therapy had ended months before (due to insurance not paying) but I was feeling overall much better. I had a fairly tough class again, but I was much better prepared mentally for it and therefore got things started off right.

During Labor Day weekend, I met a girl named Jessica...another with 2 sons. We got together for coffee and then later at her place, and then again a week later. After that, it was a quick shut out (like others). This time, instead of shrugging and deciding to try again, I made a quite huge decision...to drop out! Indeed after over 2 1/2 years of one failure after another, despite some fun times in one bed or another, I needed a break or there was going to be another huge downfall! It was time to concentrate on me and work. The strip joint thing was still going, though not every Friday as before, so I had that if needed. I was hanging here and there with the Mikinkas and also Robin from time to time for companionship.

That time of celibacy really helped me to rediscover me. My teaching became a LOT more solid and Rodeles started to throw some praise my way here and there. I think she did that out of some sense of obligation. In the five years I worked under her, I never got the sense that she really liked me that much...I am not to everyone's taste.

As the carnival of 2005-2006 came, I was feeling great and definitely ready for track break. This time, I mostly hung around Vegas until Thanksgiving, then a quick jaunt to San Diego. In the early part of break, I went out with the Mikinkas for a little partying and got myself pretty plastered on vodka tonics. Quite frankly, my system needed the flush. They ended up driving me home and Denise brought me my car later. As Karen went on a business trip, Denise was scared to be alone to I hung at their place on the couch a couple of nights. The more time I spent with those 2 the more I understood how asexual they were...no vibes in that direction in any way. I do recall once that Denise asked if something happened to Karen, would I move in? It didn't take me long to say no...I was trying to be me for a while...whatever that was.

As my 33rd birthday passed, I realized the celibacy was wearing thin. I was getting good social time but that one part that had gone long without until 29 was getting restless, and the strip joint visits were getting less helpful. I decided that after Christmas I would enter the market again, this time more aware than before.

In fact, after I came back from the typical empty San Diego Christmas, I stopped in Laughlin to have dinner with a girl named Melanie. What I didn't realize from her online pic (taken at an odd angle) was that she had one eye. Hey, that didn't bother me, I had grown a lot in the past months. We made plans for another visit after New Year, which I partially spent with Robin and then the Mikinkas. We went to the Excalibur to watch the fireworks, ring in the New Year, then fight the crowds to escape. Pretty empty really. I realized that I wanted more...and was ready for more and I don't mean just sex. Ah, the next year!

Christmas Special Hell

 It's the most sanctimonious time...of the year

With the Hallmark channel blasting

With uber Canadian casting

Requiring more than one beer!

It's the most melodramatic time...of the year!

Sheesh! Whatever happened to the good ol days of strictly kid-friendly programming, when Rankin Bass used to kick ass? Looking at media and societal trends through the decades, I can chalk it up to pretty much one thing: candy-ass snowflakes!

Yes, this group of self-proclaimed victimization of media representations (I am full of lame rhymes today, forgive me!) has made it their mission to look at holiday past and blast it to smithereens.

The best example, of course, is the 1964 classic "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer". Once the mainstay of the Christmas specials, we can generally break it down as follows:

1) Mom and Dad have an imperfect child they are embarrassed over

2)Santa Claus is revealed to be an egotistical prick

3) The child is befriended then scorned by the same 'friends' once the imperfection is revealed.

4) The child runs away with a fellow outcast and both are joined by another mysterious gold-digging axe-licker.

5) The 3 outcasts become heroes when rescuing family from a misunderstood beast.

6. Only when there is a true emergency does Santa kiss the outcast's ass...but he still left a bad first impression.

7. Have a holly jolly Christmas.

Now, that is a classic 20th century plotline for many a claymation special...the underdog comes through. We watched these shows without really any criticism because, really, folks were made out of tougher stuff and could handle pretty much anything...as long as the happy ending was attained, no matter how outlandish or, often forced to finish up the hour nicely with McDonald's and toy ads.

Decades later, only Rudolph and Frosty and Charlie Brown and a handful of other newer creations remain on the air, and with the ever-expansive cable lineups, these specials are hard to find...that is unless you buy the box set from Walmart with no ad interruptions.

But that is not the only reason the classic lineup is in danger of disappearing forever. It is also the 'victims', many of whom are near my age, who believe their childhood traumas had something to do with the media of the past and are determined to protect the future generations from the past.

Well, look no further! At Dr Delighted headquarters, we are positively delighted to give the people what they need! Granted what many people really need is a sharp kick in the ass and remove the brick from it. However, most don't realize that so we'll give them, for a fair market price (first-born children aren't off the bargaining table), their tailor-made no-offense holiday special.

Let us go to the planning table of Dr Delighted where the ideas of the future are put through the cheese grater of today.

Dr Delighted: All right, everyone, settle down and let's get this hashed out. It's a Hallmark special for cryin' out loud! These things are supposed to write themselves in ten minutes or less. Jeeves!

Jeeves: My name is Sam.

Delighted: Like it matters. What plots do we have available?

Jeeves: We have the classic Scrooge thing with the ghosts, but that last one with Andy Dick as Bob Marley kind of killed it. Then there's the old "It's a Wonderful Life" standby.

Delighted: Well, stand by here and remind me.

Jeeves: Someone stays in his community and does his best to work and raise a family and then when everything goes down the drain, an angel waiting to get its wings shows him what life would be life if he hadn't been born.

Delighted: Humph...anything else?

Jeeves: Well now, there's a new wrinkle becoming popular...some twit keeps reliving Christmas Eve over and over until they get their act together.

Delighted: Yeah I saw that bit with the guy from "Wings"...I fell asleep. Let's go with the angel thing again. But this time, it has to be completely devoid of anything considered passé.

Adjutant 1: Such as?

Delighted: Men, women,  and angels.

Adjutant 2: How exactly are we going to do this, sir?

Delighted: My first name is Doctor!

Adjutant 2: Oh, sorry Doctor, but how do we do this without men,. women, or angels?

Delighted: Great question. As we all know, Hallmark wants us using Canadians and desperate ex-soap actors to save on production costs. But that's not enough anymore. With so many groups picketing for whatever the hell they picket for, the era of Mark Consuelos and Candace Cameron Bure cutesy flicks is over. 

Adjutant 1: Doctor?

Delighted: Who are you?

Adjutant 1: I'm, Adjutant 1.

Delighted Oh. Yes?

Adjutant 1: Who do we get instead?

Delighted: Simple. We get a bunch of Canadian actors who are gender-ambiguous. So instead of George getting hitched to Mary and having a bunch of kids, we have 2 gray area people who simply have a  civil commitment ceremony and adopt some gray area multi-racial kids.

Adjutant 1: Ah, and the angel?

Delighted:  Well, you know an angel will get a bunch of flak from the agnostics and atheists. So instead we'll have an actual gender-neutral human who is looking to fulfill their community service requirements.

Adjutant 2: What about the villain Potter?

Delighted: It'll be a device like Alexa, nobody can be offended at that ambiguity!

Jeeves: Is the hero...er heroine...er main character still working at a bank?

Delighted: No, it'll be a modern yet underdog version of Amazon.

Can you imagine? Let's hope the holiday special never gets to this point! 

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

The 2000s part 2: 2002-2003

 Even though the first two years of the 2000s were not entirely happy, they did help set up the end of another era of my life from which I moved forward.

2002

With the mentally disastrous 2001 out of the way, I was determined more than ever to make 2002 a great one. My first agenda was to keep my documents for job interviews aplenty and hone my interview skills. I had gotten into gear in 2001 quite late and the probability of me getting a job in the 01-02 year was highly unlikely at this point, so 02-03 was the one to shoot for.

In December I had reunited with Jody, a friend from the previous year. We had begun to get quite friendly the first time but something had gotten interrupted. Knowing me...it was me. At any rate, she seemed to want to give things another shot. Even though this was to be another short-lived relationship, at last I got some long unfinished business done and out of the way if you get my drift. Twenty nine years is a LONG time for sure.  As Matthew Broderick's character Jerome says in Biloxi Blues..."This doesn't have to be the greatest experience in my life...I just want to get it over with." I did, notch in life made, moved on.

Interviews were still happening, mostly in the Central Valley, though I remember one in San Jose. There was one just southeast of Fresno in February that produced an interesting side effect. As I was heading back north along CA 99, I was in the left lane when a compact-looking car passed me in the shoulder. He saw too late that the shoulder was ending and he began spinning in both northbound lanes. There was no if or and about it, I was going to hit him. I let out a fatalistic scream as the collision happened. 

Strangely, I really don't recall what happened to the car or driver. I was under the impression that he was able to drive away, though some spectators claimed he went over a bridge to a pit below. The police arrived and concluded what I did. As it was foggy out, they also wanted to make sure we were all safe. My car was towed someplace and I was taken to a local motel. Shaken, I called Scott to let him know what was what. Had I a brain, I would have just asked him to come get me and leave the car to scrap. However, I was a bit in shock and just glad to be alive. The next morning, I was taken to the car by a cab and stupidly elected to pay $700 to tow the car back to Santa Rosa. It was undriveable and got towed away for good anyway. The driver was never found...kind of an unfinished minor chapter in life to this day.

In the meantime, sub jobs were driven to in the beater pickup we had, and it worked fine. Weeks later, I decided to try to finance a car. My dad offered help but I wanted to do this one on my own name...and in the end I got a 1996 Toyota Corolla. It was a pain to have a new payment on something other than bills and credit cards, but this baby was mine.

An interview in Sacramento looked promising, but then I had another for the Clark County School District in Las Vegas...once again in Fresno! I drove there late one day, spent the night, and did the interview in the morning. It seemed to go well and I went back home to keep doing what I was doing. Then, one day in April, I got a big packet in the mail saying I was hired by the CCSD!!

There really is no clear way to describe my feelings at that point. I was overjoyed that someone finally hired me. I was excited that a new adventure in life was starting. I was ECSTATIC that I was going to finally be living by myself for the first time in life. Now, having said that, I really have no complaints about my time rooming with Scott. He is my best buddy from college and always will be. As our joke went, we were just a year short of a common law marriage. It was now time for not only me to live on my own, but him as well. He needed time to let himself grow and explore without me in the way. On top of that, his family had always been good to me and I would miss his parents a ton, as well as June.

Of course, I had forms to fill out and fingerprints to take, but that was all pretty easy. Soon I started getting calls from different principals and before I knew it, I was selected to teach at Tom Williams Elementary as a 1st grade teacher. Being Internet-savvy, I looked it up online, and the principal, Dr. Linda Griffiths, sent me some brochures on affordable apartments. Yes, I was going from free room to rent payments in the near future, but I looked forward to it...it was part of a new freedom.

You know that 'lame duck' period between an election and inauguration? That's what May to early August essentially was. It was just a waiting game. I didn't have a whole lot in terms of loose ends. Kimberly was teaching in San Jose, Karen and Grady were getting ready to get married, and Scott was likely counting down the days to when I left. I had no current  female interests to say goodbye to. One thing that rattled me just a bit, though, was that my ed school friend Jacqueline had gotten married to someone I had not even met. It was none of my business really, and I was happy for her, but we talked fairly regularly even after graduating, so I felt a bit betrayed. A bit. I was moving soon, so none of it mattered.

In early July, I flew down to San Diego so that my mom and I could drive up to Las Vegas to check out my school and look into an apartment. It was a fairly stormy drive and there was a lot of rain, thunder and lightning as we got closer to Vegas. We got a pretty cheap room for Vegas on a Friday night:$59 at Circus Circus. The next morning it was a whole lot nicer out, though quite humid for the desert. We checked out my school, which turned out to be an outdoor school...meaning classrooms were accessed from outdoor corridors. Then we set about getting myself an apartment. The best value was a $500 one bedroom near Nellis AFB. I signed papers for an hour, put down a deposit, and now had a place to come to in just three weeks. Coming back to San Diego, I learned an important lesson: NEVER drive back from Vegas on a Sunday! A normally 5-6 hour drive turned into 8-9 hours with everyone coming home.

In the next weeks, I alternated between getting my stuff together, watching TV, barbecuing, and driving to the coast and back. The closeness of the ocean was one thing I would forever miss. My favorite place to go was Goat Rock, where on a clear night you could see thousands of stars out in the cool northern coast air. I had gotten to know Sonoma County as my home for 8 years, and a significant life era was coming to an end very soon.

And then it happened. My dad rented a Ford F150 and brought up some glass tables he and Becky weren't using, along with a rocker. I had packed my stuff in boxes, but the boxes wouldn't fit into the truck and my car...so we transferred to trash bags and it fit much better. We had a goodbye to Santa Rosa dinner with Scott and took off at 2:00 am. We stopped on I 5 for breakfast, then cut across CA 58 toward Barstow and then hit I 15. We hit my apartment complex around 1, signed some papers in the office and paid rent for month 1, and then spent a hot humid couple of hours unloading the truck and car. Thank heaven I was allowed to take the bed I was using at June's house. 

After unloading, we got back in the truck and sought out a decent place to eat. After driving down Las Vegas Blvd quite a way, we saw a sign at the Stardust for Tony Roma's...ribs and a cold beer sounded really good then! After that, we headed back to the apartment and both crashed. It had been a long day! The next morning, my dad quietly left me a check to get some household supplies and got an early start back home. That guy keeps a fairly rigid schedule, always has!

I woke up, got up, and looked around. It was official. I was on my own for the first time in almost 30 years! There were a lot of things I WANTED to do, but the first thing obviously was to get some gas and grab some breakfast. There was a Chevron close by for $1.43 a gallon. The clerk inside gave me a lead on Blueberry Hill just up Las Vegas Blvd. I went there and had a pretty good breakfast...and would do that every Saturday for the next four years. After that, I went to the nearby Walmart and did some basic food and supplies stocking up. The rest of the day I organized my videos and other things. One thing I did not have was a microwave, so the rental office let me borrow one until I got my own.

I had arranged for phone service, gas, and a cable hookup for when I arrived, The phone was hooked up when I got there, I just had to wait on Southwest Gas and Cox cable, both of which arrived on Monday. There was just a week to putz around and get oriented. One day I visited my school and met Dr Griffiths and the new assistant principal Kristie Rodeles. I also had to get my computer Internet figured out from the computer my dad let me have. Eventually I got my own computer and printer from CompUSA.

One thing became pretty obvious to me pretty quick: I was living in the desert. That might sound like a big DUH, but it is significant if one is used to a fairly to mainly humid climate. It took some adjusting, especially the bright glaring sunsets. Another thing was the vastness of the Vegas Valley, which comes out to about 600 square miles. Whereas I was used to driving around and hitting different towns every 7-10 miles (or 3-4 in PA), here it was Las Vegas (taking up the most space), North Las Vegas, Henderson, and if you were adventurous, Boulder City just past Railroad Pass. I ventured to Hoover Dam one Sunday and noticed that trucks weren't allowed over the dam on U.S. 93 after 9/11.They had to travel down U.S. 95 to a place called Laughlin and cut over from there to U.S. 93...a fairly long detour. I had yet to travel to those places, but I was a desert newbie.

On August 13, the CCSD new recruit welcoming extravaganza began. We were treated to all sorts of food and drink while being lectured on this and that...stuff that had nothing to do with teaching itself. During these sessions, I got to meet some of my co-workers at Tom Williams, new just like me. There I met Madelyn Levine, Charlene Ohl, Louise Pell, and Halie Zimmerman. At these meetings we learned a lot about the health plan, the union, and the credit union. I also learned a bit about the year-round system, something I was about to learn fairly fast. In fact, I was on track 2, which meant that after 3 weeks I would be on my first vacation! Some news people were there and I was elected to be our table's spokesperson.

After the intro district crap was over, it was time to go to our schools and learn some real skinny on what went on. I was already given some math materials called Investigations, but it seemed quite over the head for a newbie. We also learned a bit about the reading program, some slush called Literacy 2000, as well as the boss's expectations. At the school meetings, I met a lot of new people who'd become regulars in my professional life (and social media life later on): Scott Gupton, Christie Shearer, Jennifer Plank, Bob Boucher, Beth and Josh Danielson, Richard McMahon, Leslye King, Nikea King, Steve Walk, Paul Minkler, Heidi Costolo, newbie like me Kathleen Everett, and Helene Herrera, among others. It was fairly daunting, but the experienced members of my first grade team Jennifer and Christie helped me to figure out how to make a barely acceptable bulletin board and be ready for August 26. 

Even though the school year with the kids had not really started, I was getting some inklings about things already. The first was that Tom Williams was not exactly at the top of the achievement list. Another was that I had a lot to learn and a short time to get fairly decent at it. I was also to learn that parent involvement was a luxury, not a given. Plus, the copiers were always breaking down.

Luckily, as the first day came, I did pretty well. I had a small class so at least getting to know the names was a quick success. Soon after everything started, Steve Walk got me signed up for Project LIFE, a reading skills program taught by Christie Shearer and Jen Plank. A lot of the other newbies were doing it, and since I had no after-school life to speak of yet, I did it.

Before I knew it, track break had arrived. I took a jaunt to Santa Rosa to grab a few things I forgot, then drove down the coast to San Diego for a few days. There was nothing for me to prep for school in that time as I was kind of clueless still. When I got back in early October, the Investigations math program was deemed to be too much of a hassle by many so we went back to an older math program that still had materials lying around. Really, I was feeling my way around things, getting routines down and so on. Richard McMahon helped me to figure out an easy lesson plan grid on Word.

I got in with the Friday happy hour crowd just to have some social time. We hit one bar or another most every Friday, but my favorite was Main Street Station. Often I would dine out on my own Friday nights. For sure I was feeling lonely in a new town but I wasn't quite ready to hit the dating market just yet. For the time being it was work, TV, and my new Nintendo Gamecube. For Halloween, our grade level dressed up as Crayola crayons. We had a group shot taken of that...probably my favorite memory of that year.

In Nevada, they don't observe Columbus Day, but rather Nevada Day, the last Friday in October. There was a school carnival the day before, and first grade ran the pie throwing event. I got smushed a lot! There was also a dunking tank which was good to wash the whipped cream off the shoes. That weekend I visited my grandma and Bob in Arizona. Bob had a lot of tales of him teaching the Navy recruits back in the day. It was the first time I had anything in common with the guy.

In early November I had need of a dentist and got a triple root canal. That was less than positive, but I felt better later. Come mid November, my mom and  Don came for an early 30th birthday celebration. We had a nice hibachi dinner and went to see Jay Leno. Later in November, I went to San Diego for Thanksgiving and my actual birthday. Since it was just me and my mom, we cooked a turkey breast and had some sides, but that was all we needed. This was also my first visit to her new condo in Carlsbad.

December rolled quickly with a surprise or two. The first was that Dr Griffiths was leaving and the second was that I was going to be Santa Claus on the last day of school. Griffiths was allowed to take some people with her to her new assignment and I got the distinct impression that some were disappointed they weren't it. I don't know if it was a loyalty thing or some people wanted to desert what they believed a sinking ship. There was a pretty nice staff Christmas party at Richard's girlfriend's house near Lake Las Vegas.

Then that last day came. I had a sub arranged and stayed on the QT putting on my Santa suit. The one toughie was the eyebrows...office clerk Dawn tried rubber cement...needless to say that left a bit of a burn! The gig was fun and before I knew it, the day was done. I was already packed for San Diego and stopped to see Rob Lander on the way down. He and some friends were going to see the 2nd Lord of the Rings movie and wanted me to come. I did, but fell asleep during some quiet film moments...of which there were many.

Christmas itself was good. My dad got me a new car stereo with a 6-disc changer. Hanging around family that Christmas convinced me it was time to get a social life upon return home...my new Vegas home!

2003

Christmas break was a nice even 2 weeks off, perfect for battery recharge. Upon return home, I decided to see what the online dating scene was like. I wasn't a bar person, it seemed too cheesy and fake. After some fumbles, I met a person named Kimberly Norman. After a couple of dates, I realized she had some personal stuff going on and I wasn't ready for all that...it might sound shallow, but really at that point I wanted to enjoy life and not get into a domestic scene I couldn't handle maturely.  There were one or two others that were quick meetups but nothing came of them.

School was pretty much the same with the exception of our new principal Teddy Brewer. She actually wasn't new, pretty much a veteran and was pretty direct about our status: our standardized testing scores for 3rd through 5th the previous year tanked badly, and with No Child Left Behind in gear, there was no fucking around. I guess as a new recruit I wasn't as shaken as others, but the stress was felt by others. I actually felt good about Mrs Brewer, I felt I could talk to her and get advice when needed...a bit moreso than with Griffiths.

In February, 2 things happened. First, I went to Becky's mom's house for a birthday celebration (who i don't remember). I had assumed it was a sleepover event, but no. I went back home that evening. I did go back there soon after when my dad, his brother, and sons Chris and Craig came for a golf weekend. The other was my grandma's husband Bob passed away. I went to Arizona for the funeral. It was shameful how Bob's family treated my grandma, like the past 13 years had not happened.

After a visit to Washington to see my sister and Derek in late February, I met a girl named Treasa. She was quite lively and without the baggage of others, and from time to time we got together and had some good fun. We weren't exclusive by any means and that bugged me a bit, but I enjoyed time with her so I let her make the rules.

In April, Scott came down for a visit during Spring Break. We took a jaunt up to Zion for a day, did some bowling, visited the Little Darlings 'gentlemen's club'. and saw a movie or two. It was good to see him and even better to see him off...I wanted to see Treasa.

In May, right before my final track break,  I went on the 4th grade trip to Ely. It was a fun bus ride, a LONG bus ride! On the way, we saw Parranagut Lake, Cathedral Gorge, and the Ward Charcoal Ovens. At the latter, I was realizing how underdressed I was. It was May and wintry! At the Motel 6, all of us teachers got McDonald's orders in and delivered them to the students, then slept for the night in our own rooms. The next morning was quite snowy, we were wondering if we'd be able to be home. Luckily it cleared up and after breakfast we were able to go to Lehman Caves just west of the Utah line, then headed home.

Then it was time to understand the reality of summer in a year-round school, especially on track 2! The reality was, there WAS NO SUMMER except the weather, Thank heaven my apartment and classroom had decent AC. I was able to keep my apartment at 80 with a fan or 2 and stayed comfy. During the summer I met someone else on the dating circuit, a girl my age named Lora Head. We had a date and I really liked her, but she also had her eye on another person. Ah, dating! I was starting to feel like I hadn't missed much during my 20s.

And as the year came to a close, I felt the pain for the first time of saying goodbye to a class. It was tearful to be sure...my first class graduating to the next grade. Tearful on my end and the kids!

Also a thing to know in the year-round system is that the time between end of year and start of new one is akin to the time between rolls in a bowling frame....well, not that short, but still short!

As the new year was dawning, a couple of things came down the pike. One, I was getting Treasa's nephew Christian in my class. Two, my time with Treasa was ending. as she had gotten engaged. She tried to tell me this on the night before school started but I was in a bad mood as there had been a water leak upstairs and I had a bunch of flies in my apartment! I was in a much better frame of mind the next day, though it kind of put me off for the new year. The class itself was pretty good. We had gotten a new reading series called Trophies which kicked the ass out of Literacy 2000! Some of us teachers were also elected to do some literacy training off site once a week. The only trouble was that if a sub didn't take the job, we had to return to school. It happened frequently.

I was discovering also that being in the union had some perks, and one of them was reduced membership to a gym. I had put on some weight even when working the Ab Doer, so some fitness was needed. I started going to Gold's Gym a few times a week and with a trainer I was losing the poundage. At Jen Plank's wedding I was starting to look better already.

Even though Lora was interested in another guy, she was interested in being friends. Still being new in Vegas, I didn't have that many so far, so it sounded good. We are good friends to this day.

On the relationship front,  I met someone named Genevieve, a nice but slightly neurotic redhead. We got together a couple of times, once with her friend Gigi. Gen wanted to get sexual and I was cool with that...until her husband called me. I hadn't known that little tidbit, and although nookie is almost always good, I had a standard or two in my moral code. It put her off a lot, but endeared me to Gigi...but more on that later.

Before I knew it, the end of October came and it was carnival time again! I got hit a lot, but this time there was no dunking tank to rinse off in. I visited my grandma that long weekend and came back to begin my track break. I was on track 4, so I got pretty much all of November off. 

At the start, I met a girl named Indy(Indetheow) and we got together a few times, but like a few others, she was looking for something a bit more stable (like wanting to stabilize me). It didn't last long, but I'd see her again the next year.

I took a road trip to Santa Rosa and hung with Scott for a day or two and visited June. Afterward, I drove toward San Diego. On the way, I dropped off a bottle of wine for Kimberly and her new husband. It was a nice evening drive, listening to a James Patterson audio book. I stopped in  San Luis Obispo for dinner and in Buellton for the night. I then hung in San Diego for a bit, but wanted to get back home...a social life was there at last. Not regular yet, but it was getting there.

Lora took me to a hockey game for my birthday, the day I got back. The thing with Indy had ended, but I was talking with Gigi more often, we even went to a movie together, I also met a girl online named Renee, Though there were no sparks there, we got together here and there for a few years.

The staff Christmas party was at Teddy Brewer's house. She had hosted a few gatherings before with her husband Dennis. They had a pretty nice home. Christmas itself was decent. I was looking and feeling a lot better than in the summer. I also wanted to get back home...I was anticipating some good time with Gigi.

But looming far ahead in the next year...an old trouble was coming at me.