Batcomputer in My Belfry part 2

 

Summer of 1981, 1982, 1983...really about 5 or 6 summers in a row, WTAF channel 29 in Philadelphia aired Batman reruns ritually, starting around Memorial Day and ending just before Labor Day...they knew when school was about to end and when most everyone began. Also when we went to Michigan, WXON 20 always seemed to have it scheduled in the mornings. 

Batman was a show I took seriously in watching, particularly the fistfights. I also loved the music...a foreshadowng of my interest in TV/movie instrumentals.

I last talked about the structure of the first season which first aired in the winter and spring of 1966, and covered the first story which featured the Riddler.

The next week featured Burgess Meredith's first Penguin story. This to me was actually the loosest and weakest of the first season, though Burgess Meredith immediately established himself as a strong regular go-to villain who would pop up regularly throughout the series. The weakness here was the lack of a solid criminal scheme, rather the Penguin wanted Batman and Robin to "plan" it for him. Still the opening theme was not quite complete with its sound effect but was making progress.

And then we have the following week with the introduction of the Joker, the second most regular villain, featuring Cesar Romero as the "clown prince of crime". Unlike the Penguin's first foray, the Joker's was strong, albeit with some twists and turns as he adapted to Batman's actions. At the climax of the second part, the Joker threatens to behead Batman and Robin if a ransom is not paid. This episode also featured a slightly different Bat fight piece that was used only once more (in the next week's first parter in fact).

Note: on older rerun copies, Cesar Romero's signature mustache was not clearly seen, but remasters show it quite plainly.

Also, we see from these first 3 episodes alone that the villains are quite ready to murder our heroes and often gruesomely at that.

And then comes one of my favorites: Instant Freeze/Rats Like Cheese. Mr. Freeze as played here by George Sanders is a strong villain whose main goal is revenge on Batman. He is not physically notable in terms of makeup. In fact he looks like an ordinary older man who has to don an astronaut-like suit with cold air jets to keep him alive when he goes out. Otherwise, he lives in a mountain hideaway with an interesting device. He can control certain parts of a room's temperature to accomodate his henchmen and butler with 76 degrees of warmth, those sections shown in red while Mr. Freeze's personal cold domain is shown as a grayish blue, cool effects for 1966 (pun intended as always). I think what makes this story neat is how "cold" George Sanders plays it. Very serious, very threatening, and with Sanders's deep voiced English accent, he made this 2-episode story a bit dramatic like the pilot.

Note: Mr. Freeze would appear twice more, all with different actors portraying him. To me, this was the darkest and therefore best.

And then came a really strange and probably the most poignant of Batman stories: Zelda the Great. Zelda, as played by the late great Anne Baxter, was not a villain at heart, but rather committed thefts out of necessity to help pay the man who creates all of her tricks and illusions, an Albanian genius named Eevol Ekdol (played by character actor Jack Kruschen). There is no real climactic fistfight here, though the cliffhanger is Aunt Harriet being tied up and suspended over a vat of boiling oil. As it is revealed that Dick Grayson went to see Zelda when he was a young boy, the tragic story of a revealed fraud adds to the drama. This is probably a bit darker than the premiere and the most unusual story of the series. 

That was the first ten episodes so far. And with that, we now enter the cycle of favorite villain repeats with some newbies shoved in here and there.

The Riddler as played by Frank Gorshin would appear in three more stories in this season: A Riddle A Day Keeps the Riddler Away/When  The Rat's Away, The Mice Will Play, The Ring of Wax/Give 'Em The Axe, and Death in Slow Motion'The Riddler's False Notion. All were pretty strong stories with good cliffhangers. Ring of Wax introduced a definitive "Riddler Theme" in terms of music when he and his gang are breaking into a library vault with a wax solvent. The last story had a silent movie caper theme that was pretty fun to watch.

As for The Penguin, he made up for the somewhat weak introduction with The Penguin's Gone Straight/Not Yet He Ain't and Fine Finny Fiends/Batman Makes the Scenes. These two stories highlight even more the Penguin's arrogance and overinflated sense of self worth. This quality never went away in the series. The laugh that Burgess Meredith created came out of his cough from smoking.

The Joker followed up form his strong start with The Joker Goes to School/He Meets His Match, The Grisly Ghoul, and The Joker Trumps an Ace/Batman Sets the Pace. In the first story, the Joker decides to make high school students corrupt from giving them a false sense of easy living. The cliffhanger here was neat, attaching the Dynamic Duo to a rigged slot machine that would deliver killing jolts of electricity when the machine stopped at 3 lemons. Another slightly dark moment comes when Joker attempts to kill his moll, cheerleader Susie when she talks too much to Dick Grayson. Killing a teenage girl, not cool dude! In the last story, Joker is himself and also posing as a visiting fat maharajah who is being held for ransom by Joker. The fight scene where Batman rips out all of the stuffing from Joker's maharajah suit is pretty funny. Not one weak Joker story here.

And now we come to some one-offs, three of which will appear in the next season.

First up is David Wayne as the Mad Hatter (real name Jervis Tetch). I've seen David Wayne give some interesting performances, some mildly comic, others quite dramatic, but he lets loose a bit here as a quite quirky villain with a hat that contains a device that shoots a mesmerizing beam to its victims. Like Mr. Freeze, Mad Hatter is out for revenge, in this case on all of the jurors who found him guilty at his trial, plus Batman for testifying against him. Other than the hat, David Wayne was provided with thick upraised eyebrows and a long horizontal mustache. Quite murderous and quite quirky, he might have been the unintentional first "fun" villain. He would appear once more in season 2.

Next is, get this...? as False Face.Yes, that was how the producers billed him in the first part and the beginning of the second part. However, by the closing credits of the second part, it was revealed that character actor Malachi Throne was False Face. Wait, you might say, WHO? You are right, Malachi Throne was not on the same tier as Cesar Romero, Burgess Meredith, or even Frank Gorshin (a relative newbie compared to the other two). The story itself was good, a master of disguise making himself look like anybody he had just met. As a character actor, Throne was actually a good choice. However, his main look was a plastic mask when not posing as one of the other characters (O'Hara, Gordon, a cowboy)

In one part one scene, Throne is seen as himself (still as False Face but impersonating a bank guard). The cliffhanger here was almost old movie serial-ish, with Batman and Robin being tied up on train tracks. In many ways, this was a weak entry in season one but only because of that cheap Halloween store mask.

And then we come to a true legend: Julie Newmar as Catwoman, hands down Batman's sexiest enemy with whom he would later have a bit of a flirtatious relationship with, even when she was trying to kill him. More on that when I come to season 2. Here, at her most villainous, she kidnaps Robin and forces Batman to do battle with a tiger. Catwoman's goal is always theft of something priceless, often cat-related like this story. And like in the future episodes, she falls to an uncertian fate at the end, but those nine lives...

And then we have another future appearance character: Victor Buono as King Tut. I always loved the backstory here: a professor of Egyptology who got hit on the head and believed he was King Tut, albeit an evil and conniving rendition of the ancient pharaoh. Even his henchmen understand their boss is a little off but they see he's smart and has a possible future as a gang leader. King Tut was definitely created to be a fun villain. Note that I said he was CREATED, which means he was the first villain on the show to not originate in the comics.

Finally, we top it off with another made-for-TV creation that did not originate in the comics...Roddy McDowall as the Bookworm, one other English actor this season. This episode starts a bit violently with Commissioner Gordon seemingly shot to death and falling off a suspension bridge. It is a ruse to steal the Batmobile when Batman arrives to investigate Gordon's "murder:. The Bookworm's M.O. is stealing evil plots from books as he cannot write anything original himself. The cliffhanger is Robin tied to the Gotham Clock Tower. Roddy McDowall is the strong part of this story with some interesting moments including a giant cookbook that traps in the duo and fills with hot steam to kill them. Not the season's best or worst, but it went to show that some villains created for the show were clever and some, like Bookworm, were one-offs, a pattern to be highly continued in season 2.

And there we have the first season. As I noted in part 1, there's nothing like a fresh loaf of bread right from the oven. That's how good the first season was. However, those fresh loaves can get stale fast and in part 3 we will examine that unfortunate transition in season 2.

Batcomputer in My Belfry part 1

I confess, I am a huge fan of the old style of many things; music, movies, and TV. I get movies but even there the number of remakes of certain characters has gotten ridiculous!

Particularly with Batman!

When it comes to Batman, I have been and always shall be a fan of the old 1966-68 TV show, even as I poke fun at it in my later years...although the show did that for itself almost from the beginning...almost.

Let's go to the beginning:

Season 1 (1966)

By far, I believe this season was the strongest. The concept was fresh and it met the era perfectly. It was the mid 1960s and things were gettin' kind of groovy.

The freshness is a key strength here, like a loaf of newly baked bread...things can get stale fast (by season 2, quite stale)

As Batman premiered in January of 1966, one might presume it was a midseason replacement. Not so, it was just that many of ABC's new shows in the fall of 1965 fell flat. Batman was originally slated to begin the fall of 1966.

The producers took the comic books as their source, even if some of those villains had long faded from the comic book stories. Added to that were classic onomatopoeia to fistfight scenes.

The Batman theme by Neil Hefti was adapted to be within the show during those fights or drives in the Batmobile to police headquarters in Gotham City or even the short trot from the Batphone to the Batpoles.

Now, here is the key to the show's success in that first season. There was often a sense of drama or even melancholy in a few episodes, much like the comics. Remember, the comics were not funny, they played out as adventure that kids really got into, always looking forward to the next issue. I once had a Batman comic from the early 80s where Batman and Robin were battling a villain named Crazy Quilt. Even then, the story was engaging.

Adding on to the novelty of the show, the actors/actresses cast as the villains were not doing it because it was "cool" or "hip", they were doing an acting job. 

Next was the Wednesday-Thursday cliffhanger setup and resolution, an easy way for ABC to fill 2 timeslots instead of 1. So when one sees there were 34 episodes in winter/spring 1966, it was really just 17 weeks, but what a production schedule! The following season would be even more brutal with 60 episodes (29 stories)!

And then there were the main actors. I believe Adam West will always be legendary as Batman beyond his passing 9 years ago. Burt Ward was a kid getting into the Batlife without the benefit of age to allow him to invest his paycheck wisely while he had it, not understanding the high would not last very long. Neil Hamilton as Commissioner Gordon did what Jack Webb had done for Joe Friday: played it straight. And it worked! Stafford Repp put on a nice Irish accent for his Chief O'Hara even though he was from San Francisco!

Madge Blake as Aunt Harriett was actually derived from Aunt Harriett in the comics...not a buffer to dispel any "queer" rumors of just dynamic the heroic duo really were!

And then there was Alan Napier as Alfred, the coke bottle glasses wearing faithful butler who held so many secrets I wonder if he (Alfred) went to a shrink to keep his mind straight.

One more thing before I delve into episodes: the cops on the show were depicted as inept many times, depending too heavily on Batman and Robin to solve their problems. However, Gotham City was a metropolis with metropolitan problems, and when the bizarre villains weren't threatening oblivion, regular criminals were surely out there for them to handle. However, regular villains were for regular cop shows.

All Bat-righty, on to the episodes!

And no, I won't delve too deeply into them, there are books that handled that quite well. I used to have one, now I regret getting rid of it. However, this first season was quite special in its newness, so episode quality and villain choices deserve some focus. In this entry I will focus on just the premiere story.

Hi Riddle Diddle/Smack In The Middle: the premiere episode pair was in many ways the weakest of the season and in other ways the strongest. The animated opening sequence was lacking in its sound effects, just straight music. William Dozier wasn't quite as over the top in his narration as he would be in coming episodes. And this was the pilot...often pilots do not get aired but the series was rushed to production. The Riddler was an interesting choice to open the series, as he only had a few comic appearances before the series came about. Frank Gorshin will forever be identified with that high-pitched giggle that made the Riddler special.

The opening to the first episode is at the World Fair in Gotham City with some light music playing over crowd scenes. I mention this because if one watches the final 1968 episode with Batgirl on TV and then the series restarts, it is a trip! No rushing to action, we are gently led in to the Moldavia display and the exploding cake...a whole 40 seconds before anyone talks. We then see a riddle floating down with the riddler music riff playing before it cuts to police headquarters.

There are a lot of cops in that headquarters scene, in later episodes all we see are Gordon and O'Hara deciding how soon is too soon to use the red phone to call Batman. However, the formula is established: the Riddler is deemed too big for real cops, everyone looks at the red phone, and Gordon makes the call. 

Alfred answers and says the boss will be right there. Cut to Bruce Wayne engaged in a conference with some civic group (later it will be him and Dick engaged in some normal human behavior). Alred discreetly somes to Bruce and whispers that there is a call and Bruce collects Dick and off they go to the study. Bruce listens to Gordon, lists the metal bard head to flip the switch that opens a bookcase to reveal two poles that he and Dick rush to. Cut to opening music animation.

The plot in general is that the Riddler seems to want to frame Batman into a lawsuit where his real identity will be exposed. However, the Riddler really wants Batman and Robin out of the way so he can steal the huge Moldavian treasure of jewels and valuable postage stamps in a large stuffed beast. The Riddler uses his moll Molly to pretend to be Robin to infiltrate the Batcave and kill batman. However, he is on to her and she tries to escape but falls into the Batcave reactor...death in the first week! And then there was the climactic fistfight. The yellowish words like KAPOW and SPLAT appeared on the screen with every punch, kick, push, or solid object impact…sometimes overused here, but the comic motif was now established.

This episode pair is so comic book themed it is perfect! Aside from the Riddler's giggle, there was a lot of drama in this first story. Well, maybe not drama per se, but it was all so straightly played. Jill St. John was the first and only player to receive a "Special Guest" credit in the second act. Her character's death is mourned by Bruce at the end. Batman getting accidentally drunk and barred from driving to save Robin by the police was quite cool in its own way and it showed the Gotham cops to be of worth. Even though there were differences from the rest of the series in terms of the opening and story pacing, it works well to this day.

One more thing before I close: there is a sign a little past the Batcave opening that says "Gotham City 14 Miles" in almost every first part episode in the first 2 seasons. And as Batman just loves following the speed limit, it must be a 20-25 minute drive to downtown Gotham...so his promises of "We'll e right there, Commissioner" doesn't quite fly with me.

Next up: repeat performances and one-off villains

Handy Pamby

 Look, under the sink!

It's a whale!

It's a corpse!

No! It's Satan's handyman!

 OK, the thing people should know about me it that when it comes to fixing things or putting them together, I am much stronger in the assembly department. Usually when I put things together there is some form of instruction written in some broken form of English put together by two Himalayan sherpas and a Mensa yak. Even if I can't decipher it, I can just look at the crayon-drawn diagram to see how it all fits together...and by golly it generally stays intact.

There is one exception to my suspicious success in assemblage and that was Vicki's 3-wheel vehicle...yeah an adult tricycle. I am good at screwing things (hey, watch your dirty mind!), nailing things, gluing things and, if we're feeling really kinky, drilling holes. Hoewever, figuring out the brakes and gears assembly was a bit beyind my comprehension...plus there were a few basic mistakes in the directions. When that axon misfire happens, I put in a text to a guy named Darin. Darin is a friend who just seems to have the tools for and knowledge on and for everything, or at least for the specific problems I pose to him. He patiently guides me through the issue then proceeds to go at it himself because he can see I did not get some basic handyman training as a child.

Hold on there, Bryan. Didn't your father teach you these things?

Actually, yes. He tried. The problem was, as a kid I really showed no interest and, to practice some self-deprecation (Bryan yoga), I really showed little to no amount of physical strength or endurance in those early years for even thje simplest mechanics outside of holding utensils, so he stopped with the futility.

Even a girl I was seeing in the before-Vickie dating years said while I was trying to fix something that I didn't come off as a handyman. I took a little offense to that although I knew she was right.

At the time.

However, a mixture of time and situational necessity have helped to mold me into something a little more useful.

It is often not pretty and a trail of dead bodies were close to being a thing on a number of occasions.

Situation 1: When Natalie was in the second grade, she decided to see what would happen if she put kitty litter down her bathroom sink. Kid curiosity. Vickie was irate, not because of the deed but the feared result that our property management would have to call in a plumber and they'd see we had cats (we weren't supposed to). A couple of years earlier, there was a kitchen sink stoppage where a plumber HAD to be called in and the cats were reported and we were in danger of eviction if we did not get rid of them (we hid them at my brother in law's house for a bit until the heat cooled down). 

Not one to be reliving nasty history twice, I decided to see the plumbing setup. Hmm, get a bucket, unscrew both ends of the p trap, clean out p trap, screw it back in and voila! If I had known that two years previous, a lot of headache could have been avoided.

Situation 2: A year or so down the road, we had a fish tank and were in the process of maintenance when one of the ceramic figures we had in it fell into the kitchen sink and broke, jamming up our disposal. This time, I needed some help and good old Youtube DIY videos helped me to disassemble the unit so I could get inside and get out all of the shards. Sure enough, it worked, I reassembled it and we were good to go.

And then came things in the house, particularly Natalie's bathroom.

She has two sinks and even though she is older, some things just "happen" to fall into the drain. A few years ago, I just had to buy a new P trap for her left sink as it was totally rotted dout (much from the previous owners) and just this mornig I fixed up the right sink without any monetary purchase. It was pretty simple in both scenarios.

Other things I learned to do:

Change my own damn car windshield wipers.

Change the car air filter

Change the house air filter

Hell, I even learned to change my own car oil this winter with help from a colleague!

Somethings I am still not good at, like changing the innards of a toilet, aside from a new handle. 

All that said, I've come a long way, all things situation-dependent.

Will I depend on myself, DIY videos, or Darin?

7 times out of 10, myself, not a bad record for a guy who had to use a special 4-finger holed lefty scissors in Kindergarten 48 years ago.

To conclude, I advise to screw responsibly or have a responsible adult screw for you...again, clean that mind!

 

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Taking a Cruise But Didn't Care To Ask, Part 3

Cruise

Exciting and steep
Come aboard
We're fleecing you
Yeah, cruise
Life's expensive reward
Let it sail, it rocks back and forth for you

Yes, my apologies to Jack Jones, but it seemed fitting!

In three days time, we had launched on our cruise ship, the Carnival Firenze, took an excursion to Catalina Island, and took a shorter trip (for me and Vickie anyway) to Ensenada.

And now we were on Day 4, which they call Sea Day, essentially dropping anchor (no I don't mean their pants...at least not that I saw) and sitting  for several hours.

For many, this was probably just another day of fun on the ship since several people did not explore Catalina or Ensenada, and that is ok. There are many things to do on board, not the least of which is eating and drinking. The leisure decks have pools, a ropes course, mini golf, an arcade, and basketball. If one wants to, they can just sit and look at the Pacific Ocean. If you're a desert rat like me, that last one is quite enjoyable.

For us, we partook in our final breakfast in the Michelangelo Dining Room, which was actually a brunch on Sea Day. We then went to see about a trivia game in one of the lounges. WOW WAS IT PACKED! The problem was not the excitement of the activity, but rather a lack of off-ship opportunities...all the rats were stuck on the floating ship. It seemed quite disorganized, so Vickie and I watched for a bit then went elsewhere.

Later on, we hit another trivia game which was better prepared, but as we were a team of 2, we got 4 out of 20. Not our best or worst.

After that was our final dinner on the ship, where I had an appetizer of frog legs (yum!) and seafood penne.

And then we went to see the ship's comedian perform. Vickie and I always love a good stand-up act and this guy was no disappointment. The material was definitely for 18+ of age. Later in the night, we went to the Lido Deck for a little late night snack.

And then came debarkation day.

It's funny how for several days, you're treated like a valued guest, but when it's time to go, THEY WANT YOU TO GO! All passengers were to be out of their rooms by 8:30 a.m. and off the ship no later than 10 a.m. No wonder, they were getting ready for the next voyage, which I believe was the weekend 3-day trip to Ensenada and back.

So, once again, we stood in long lines to get back into the USA officially. It was then a tale of 2 Uber trips to find the right bus depot in Long Beach to find the bus I reserved to take us to San Diego and the ANOTHER Uber to take us to my Dad's place. Natalie was anxious to get home, so after some pizza and telling our cruise tales, and getting a battery jump from AAA, we coffee'd and gassed uo and headed for home, arriving at 2a.m.

Some thoughts...

I know this is a world of long lines when there is food or fun involved, I need to stop be a curmudgeon on that stuff.

It's always a fun mystery to come back in the stateroom to see what towel origami was created by the staff and put on our freshly made bed.

The ship's layout was so intricate that even I was still a bit lost at times near the end. But that was ok, it created a daily sense of adventure.

It was expensive for sure, and took a whole year to pay off...but well worth it if you go only once in your life...we want to go again!

There was no drama...everyone was happy to be there and got along fine. The cruise was definitely a multi-cultural gathering. The United Nations could take notes and learn from this.

And finally there was a definite sadness upon returning. Our stateroom was practically home away from home and our time together was wonderful.

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Taking a Cruise But Didn't Care To Ask, Part 2

 With no coffee in my body yet, I somehow feel inspired to talk about the next part of our 20 years together cruise.

To recap, with so much going on the day we embarked on the Carnival Firenze, Vickie and I just came back to our stateroom and slept after dinner, with me probably sleeping a bit more since I'd been up most of the previous day in excited anticipation of this adventure we'd been waiting for.

And then I awakened, feeling quite refreshed and ready for what our adventure had to offer. I got up, looked outside and got this sight!

Indeed, we were getting ready to dock at Santa Catalina Island! Now, I must confess, this is what I was most excited about in terms of excursions. I had heard of the island but never set sight on it other than photos. I got Vickie up, and we got dressed and went to the dining room for breakfast. 

Then we began our day's adventure with...ANOTHER LONG LINE!! Yes, as I said previously, The Love Boat's 9 seasons never delved into the hell of lines...just like game shows never talk about the taxes on cash and prizes. Luckily, this line moved fast. The ship does not actually dock at the island, but rather sits offshore and uses a local ferry company to take the ship's passengers to and from the island.

Also, anyone who knows me knows that I get just a little disoriented in a new place, particularly when I am not sure where north is. I was also slightly mistaken about where the island was. I had assumed that it lay just south of Santa Barbara when it actually lies about 30 miles south of Long Beach where we had embarked from, so we had not traveled far. 

The area we ferried to was called Avalon, on the northeastern part of Catalina, and wow, is it ever set up for cruise folk! All sorts of souvenir and clothing shops with fairly elevated prices awaited us. Of course, we had one huge advantage: we did not have much to spend for anything. Just paying for this cruise alone took a lot. However, we were not that poor and had enough for a gift for Natalie plus a nice fried seafood lunch along the pier. A sea pigeon absconded with one of my tartar sauce cups quite aggressively, just to keep the sense of adventure alive!

Afterward, we hit one or two more shops and then headed back to the Firenze. A little rest was needed before we got dressed up and attended the photo shoot we were scheduled to have. Now, I kind of knew where this was headed: a pricy sales pitch. We've been through them before when we used to do either family or just Natalie shoots at a Henderson studio for years. I will say the photographer was quite friendly and knew the poses she wanted us to do both inside and outside. 

Soon after, we headed to the dining room for a "formal dress" dinner. Not everyone was dressed in swank, but most were. Vickie opted for a glass of wine. Unlike the rum punches that were foisted on us the first day, this was decided upon by her so I had no objections. My dinner choice was salmon with a delicious asparagus cream sauce. We were even treated to a beautiful sunset over Catalina Island!

Afterward, it was back to the room for rest, it had been quite an exciting day...and I must say this was the best day of the whole trip. 

Of course, with any great day there sometimes follows the antithesis to that greatness, and in this case it was a day docked in Ensenada. Perhaps it was foreshadowed by the less than stellar sight outside our room that morning:

Yeah, shipping docks are not exactly a sight to behold, that is unless you ship things regularly and are excited to see a port.

Unlike the Catalina excursion, the Firenze docked right at the island, so we were able to just get off.

Oh, one thing I forgot to mention is the Sail and Ship cards we were given when our rooms were ready. These cards were our survival to access our rooms, purchase items on board, and get on and off the ship.

Okay...Ensenada, Mexico. If you have any knowledge of Mexico itself when it comes to American tourists, you know that there are NUMEROUS shops and citizens on the streets trying to peddle what they have to offer. I do remember in early 1997 when my dad was getting remarried, my the-borther in law and my dad's 2 brothers and I went to Tijuana and had a bachelor party without the bachelor in attendance. Back then, too, there were a lot of people selling candy on the streeets, Chiclets in particular. 

Helpful tip #5: Saying No or No, gracias is appropriate. Saying No, motherfucker! might get the point across stronger but could also get the hell beaten out of you.

Another thing is that Ensenada, like other Mexican tourist spots, has American businesses there. We saw Carl's Jr, McDonald's, and Starbucks. We stopped in Starbucks for a restroom visit and a chance to tap into some free wifi for a few.

Plus, Mexico is known to be cheaper for a lot of things that are expensive in America, particularly meds, no prescription needed. I've also heard dental work is cheaper.

I think we bought one magnet for my classroom, but that was it. We grabbed the bus back to our ship and got right on. Days later, I do wonder if any people who ate and drank in Ensenada had any issues.

After some lunch on the Lido deck, we just chilled for a while before heading to the top and getting in a round of miniature golf. It was only 9 holes, but still pretty fun. No scorecards. Above us was a ropes course, below was a basketball court, plus an arcade and set of waterslides. Fun for everybody, really!

Later on, we were subjected to the photo session's sales pitch. Most packages were over a thousand, but we decided on one photo of us for about $80. I felt bad for spending so little for all that hard work, but then again, I did not create the prices.

Overall, I think Ensenada day was not the best in terms of experience. Taking photos from the ship made it look much prettier by comparison, and for sure there are a lot of gorgeous parts of Mexico, lots of mountains and beaches near the coast. If you're in Sonora just south of Arizona, well, desert is desert. I know people often associate Mexico with drug cartels and human trafficking...and to just make a small political note that has no business being in this article...no more or less crime than in this country, I am sure.

Up next, part 3: day at sea and debarkation.

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Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Taking a Cruise But Didn't Care To Ask, Part 1

 So, you want to take a cruise on the sea for a few days?

No? Ok, sorry, I'll stop here.

Yeah right! As if any of you will get me to shut up about anything just short of chloroform...though I am sure that method has crossed a mind or two.

Indeed, my wife and I took a long-awaited cruise this past week. It was actually 8 years overdue. We were all set up in spring of 2018 to do this but we forgot some vital documents such as birth certificates. Needless to say, we were crushed. This time, however, we were prepared, especially since this year is our 20th year together and just going to get a 20 piece McNuggets meal was not going to cut it, not even with tossing in an extra hot mustard sauce!

The anticipation was growing in the final weeks, even when I was sick froma virus in the alst 2 weeks of school. Granted, part of that was from not going 8 years ago,mthe mystery of it all. Now, no more mystery and I am quite happy to say if we can pull off a bank robbery or two, I'd love to do it again, though with the sense of a seasoned veteran I did not have this time around.

So, along with my tale, I will include some tips on cruising right and frugally.

We began our true journey at the cruise port in Long Beach, California. It is a giant dome that makes you think you're at Epcot in Florida. As we had driven to San Diego late the night before to drop our daughter at my dad's place, then took a bus to Long Beach and an Uber to the port, we were quite tired.

Now, here is what those episodes of The Love Boat did not depict. There is a helluva long line of people like us waiting to get checked in. The smart and seasoned ones have passports, others like us have government IDs and birth certificates and hope there is no problem.My stuff was ok but Vickie's docs got a couple of raised eyebrows due to the lack of a raised state seal. Luckilly she also brought her social security card so all was good. Next, you go through a TSA like scanner and strip search (wait, that last part was in a nightmare, sorry). After that, it is a climb up a few ramps in that dome, constantly showing all who request it your boarding pass. Photographers are also there to seize the opportunity to make money before you're even on the ship!

Before we knew it, we were finally on the gangway to the Carnival Firenze! It was quite impressive, 14 total decks, though the top 2 were definitely smaller. Once on, we had to orient ourselves quite fast. The first order of business was to find deck 5, section C, which was our muster station.

What is mustering? Apparently whenever you're on a cruiise ship, there is a safety location in case of disaster, and you are to muster (or gather) in a certain place to hear further instructions (often involing loud and desperate prayer).

Once we "self-mustered" ("Bryan Timothy Moore, are you self mustering in there? You'll go blind!") at our assigned location, it was off to deck 10, known as the Lido deck on that particular ship. The Lido deck was where most of the informal dining options were, including a couple of buffets. 

Helpful hint 1: If you desire access to soda or beer, there is a fee for the whole voyage for it. Otherwise, it is water, juice, coffee, or hot cocoa. We opted not to do this.

Helpful hint 2: If you decide you want Internet access, there is a hefty fee for that as well. We just chose the ship wi fi for access to activity choices and meal check in. I can surf at home.

As we sat for our refreshment, a jolly man with a Caribbean accent strongly suggested we try his rum punch. 

Helpful hint 3: Nothing offered except bread is complimentary and this rule applies most definitely to alcoholic beverages.

The moment we grabbed the drinks, we were asked to sign our names...and before we knew it, $35 was charged to our account.

And then, finally around 1:30, we were told that we could go to our rooms. We were on deck 2, which is most definitely on the low part of the ship. That said, Vickie had upgraded us there, otherwise we would not have had a balcony to get good sea air and hear the sounds of the sea. Sadly, our luggage was not yet there. No matter. After checking out the balcony, both of us took a nap.

Helpful hint 4: The toilet paper provided is school-grade. It might be good to leave a little room in the luggage for a home roll or two.

After a little snooze, our luggage finally arrived. We unpacked a few things and then went exploring a bit. What we soon found out was that aside from the photographs, there are other sales rackets (sorry, OPPORTUNITIES) going on. To sum up a wasted hour, we decided not to pursue their little games. Besides, it was time for dinner.

We headed to the Michelangelo Dining Room, where we learned you're supposed to check in on the app. Luckily it was not crowded yet since the sales pitches were still holding other passengers hostage. 

Now, anyone who knows me gets that I love a good meal and this dining room did not disapppint at any time. The service was great, every guest was treated on a first name basis, and the food was delicious! Of course, there were some menu items was were a little or a lot extra, but we generally stuck to the regular items. On the first night, I had a steak and it was as good as a regular restaurant.  What helped was the general ambience and, if you were lucky (which we were often), a seat with a great view of the sea.

We were planning to see a comedy show that night but we were still tired and just went to bed.

Up Next: part 2: Catalina and Ensenada

https://bitethismapquest.blogspot.com/2026/06/everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know_0423411930.html?m=1

A Long, Difficult Journey

 Free! Free at last!

What the hell are you talking about now, Bryan? You always start your posts with something clever only to you.

Well, for one thing, I am free of a sickness that gripped me almost three weeks ago. It really made the last two weeks of school a torture because my voice was so raspy and at times a whisper.

But that's not all. As this really felt like my first true day of summer in terms of feeling good, my daughter and I went on a little errand run together for the first time in a while.

I love our errands, just the two of us. It's the best father-daughter time we have. Of course, we have had many a drive to school together, but since she is not a morning person by personal nature, many of those drives were in 99% silence.

When we do errands, we move fast. We also talk honestly. I feel closer to her now than since she was a little kid falling asleep on Daddy's lap.

I haven't been Daddy for 8 years. The moment she asked me in the fourth grade if she could start calling us Mom and Dad was a heartache, the end of that phase of childhood innocence and starting to feel self-conscious about things. 

It happens. In fact I think the -my and -dy came off of my parental addresses at the same age. I'm not sure if it hurt my parents or not. If it did, they certainly did not show it.

During our errands today, we were talking about the past a bit...a dark past at times. I can practically name the moment that darkness began to disappear.

It was when we were on a trip to Laughlin 2 years ago and we went to see Inside Out 2. It was during that movie when a dam broke inside of me, a dam so full of inner bullshit that had been building for a few years. 

It was a defensive dam to be damned sure (pun intented), defense from stress of finances, job, marriage, parenthood, self respect, all of it.

To give you an image, if you have ever seen the movie Click with Adam Sandler, particularly the scenes where he is an emotional zombie, you get a little idea of what what I was going through, though not quite that unexpressive and dead.

Looking back on it all now, I see a little more clearly what was going on. Actually, two things.

The first was, I was going through my own type of midlife crisis. For sure, we all have our own version, and if you deny it, you might still be in it. That's ok, I was in denial for a long time, too. For me, the midlife crisis was trying to see if I was in the best place, if there was something better for me down the road. Some married men look at other women longingly, seeing if they are still the stud they thought they once were.

Listen to the song, "Middle Aged Crazy" by Jerry Lee Lewis, he says it all on his own perspective.

However, I was also dealing with a then recent observation that I was quite possibly "on the SPECTRUM"...at 49, that bugged me, like there was something ELSE wrong with me on top of other things. 

Yet as time went on, especially after that Laughlin trip and many more relevant therapy sessions (meaning I had a few irrelevant sessions where I wasn't getting to the core yet), I came to see that it made sense over the course of my life, the way I related to a very thin percentage of my peers growing up as well as adulthood.

That brings me back to the "crisis". Being who I was, I wasn't going to seek out an affair with another woman, though the fantasies existed. Hell, we all have fantasies. But I also knew I was not Captain Stud, not even Private First Class Stud...5'5 and hovering around 200...nah. Still, there was an itch somewhere in my head for a while that was not scratchable. 

Also, part of my being on the spectrum means I am a little too open (like now) and obvious in terms of what I say and do. At my previous school, there was a teacher friend with whom I shared a quite taboo love of...STARBUCKS! (had you going?) We had a nice weekly trade-off for a few years of grabbing each other drinks on Fridays. We also chatted pretty frequently and that got a few whispers among the rumor mill, from what I heard (another pun, I am on a roll!).

Going back to high school, I can remember liking a certain girl there quite a lot and being quite obvious and open about it and practically the whole school knew as a result. She and I have chatted about this since then and I sincerely apologized for embarrassing her and we are friends decades later.

Three years ago, there was a friend from an old workplace who was going through a major crisis and we had regular talks to make sure she was doing ok...yes, you caught the SHE, but honestly if it were a male, I would have done no different in terms of trying to help. It made me feel useful for a little while, like I had purpose. The itch was being partially scratched.

But not completely.

The result of this itch at home was me being more than a bit irritable at times and lashing out more than necessary at both my wife and daughter. It was like a pressure valve being released here and there to keep from exploding, but it wasn't solving the problem.

And then the marriage crisis of 2023 hit. 

I will spare the gory details, but many things came to light for both of us and on my 51st birthday, I was asked what I wanted to do. I chose to work on our marriage. Things were pretty good for a month or two but then old behaviors began to resurface that put us in conflict. 

That's when the therapy began. As I said, it began with a certain amount of superfluous bullshit, the kind  a good therapist sees right through...and she was and is a good therapist, I still see her to this day.

And then the Laughlin trip of June 2024 came.

I saw Inside Out 2...and something crumbled. I looked at my kid and realized what a shit I had been for a while. Not all the time, but many times, and it caused her a lot of stress. 

When we got home, I watched Inside Out 1 for the first time. A lot of tears came out of me. I apologized to Natalie for everything. She accepted readily and gave me a big hug. After that the therapy was more honest and right down to it and I was finally able to accept things for what they were regarding who and what I was and not too long after, that itch went away (not that it would ever be scratchable because I was never clear what was itching, I was just lost). It took work on my part for sure, but a lot of buillshit went away. I stopped wondering about another world outside myself. I learned to like myself and where I was.

And when that bullshit goes away, there is a reflective period for me and I probably overanalyze myself more than I should, but that is my nature. It's what keeps me awake at night every so often. I sometimes look back at all those things I've said and done in 53 1/2 years.

Definitely an oddball!

A true geek!

And I'm good with that, finally.

One thing I have stopped doing is trying too hard to get people to notice me.

Going back to high school (once again), I can think of a number of dumbass things I said that earned no small amount of ridicule for days or weeks on end (there was no online meme machine in those days to quickly divert attention) just to satisfy some need to be noticed, even in a way that would backfire.

Hell, even when I hit a fire hydrant in early 1991, the first thought of many of my peers was that I was driving by that girl's house when it happened...it was in my own neighborhood ironically, that's how the ace unform squad of the Spring Township police found me within hours, no need for Ice T and Jerry Orbach to scour the county.

It's all so laughable now, especially to me. But not always.

My mom insisted for years even after I was out of COLLEGE that I was bullied when I was growing up.

I don't even think that word occurred to me back then, growing up. I knew some kids gave me a hard time and ridiculed and criticized me. But I was never beat up or given the junior high toilet swirlie. I was just being me and thinking back on it, being me made me a target. 

Kind of a natural selection thing.

My only standout now is wearing loud Hawaiian shirts and being a kind, funny colleague. Suits me fine.

I could go into other things that make me weird/unique/me, but that's a long boring entry in itself.

All I can say is, I feel good to be accepted by who accepts me, and who doesn't, that's their loss, not my problem. Most importantly, my kid accepts me, and quite frankly, in many ways, that will always suffice.