Yes, I have seen it. The image is frightening to be sure, but it is our current future. Riddle me this, faithful (and cheating) readers: what do you get when a whole nation of gen x parents decide to either completely ignore their kids OR hover over their kids constantly, making sure that not one bad grade gets on their report card or not one mosquito bites their precious arm? You get...the basement generation!
Now before lots of dander falls off the ruff, I will say that I'm a gen Xer and I am far from perfect, just ask my wife for a complete list of details! However, I have goals...the main one getting my kid on her own by the time she's 18, latest being 18 and two hours. I want her to go to college, or military, or some trade school...whatever will help her go and succeed and make something of herself. The secret to this is, making her realize she can accomplish things.....and what the consequences are when she doesn't try. The main consequence is, of course, not allowing her and her Pauly Shore-looking boyfriend to live with us while he "finds himself".
No, I see that all around me as it is. The frightening thing is, a lot of those back-home dwellers are in MY generation! And then we come to the hoverers...some may call them HELICOPTERS...those parents who seem to have developed an extreme fear that any outside influences, like flies, germs, toy guns, teachers, wheat, black and white movies, and Disney stuff produced by Disney himself, pose a threat to their child's well-being. Their only solution is to fight all of these environment and self-esteem killing influences with all their might. They de-germ every molecule in the house, fight any grade below A (because, hey, the teacher obviously did not teach the material right or recognize the child's "giftedness", but I'll get into that after retirement), and get rid of child-killers like metal playground equipment, gymnastics units in P.E., and that wretched piece of trash ranking just above Congress...that's right, keeping score so that there are winners and losers in sports, because losing can mean, OH NO....FEELING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF!!!!
Let's look into the future, now that I'm done vomiting. Let me create a child to demonstrate my vision...with a cute name with a French, sophisticated hint...Pathetique! This wonderful, precious, gifted, yet overly bullied by outside forces (like real life) child, graduates and earns (through lots of angry phone calls and blackmail) a diploma. Next, she goes off to college where the professors expect a smidgen of literacy and critical thought. When the kid can't perform to college standards, Pathetique weeps uncontrollably because this has NEVER happened before. Mom and Dad always fixed this. Hey, that's it! Call mom and she'll fix that professor good. Mom calls to find out that, strangely, while her influence worked in public and free education, tuition-based education works quite differently. Pathetique gets her schedule switched so he/she can have a nice professor who understands her better. Professor B proves to be as evil and conceited as Professor A. Mom then calls the dean to demand why these sociopaths are still employed. After the dean finishes his 5-minute laugh and refuses tuition reimbursement, Pathetique 's folks shell out more dinero for a tutor to help her brush up on some things. The tutor realizes, within ten seconds, that his wide-eyed and innocent charge needs to repeat 3rd through 12th grade in order for college to mean anything, then refuses to refund the $5 consultation fee.
Therefore, Pathetique is forced to finish the semester on her own wits and brains...which meant lots of texting to complain about evil professors in basic math and English 101, and all those other courses that make her have to put down her phone and listen. In December, once all the finals are taken and thoroughly bombed, Pathetique comes home with all her stuff. During the holidays, the folks make all sorts of calls, threats, and demands to other colleges who'd be "lucky" to have Pathetique as a student. The trouble is, none of the automated systems bother to put them through to an actual human. Then the parents sit for a few days watching their precious Pathetique using up valuable household oxygen by watching the Disney Channel with a blank stare, putzing on her cell phone with a blank stare, and wondering aloud how she can make a million dollars in a few hours.
Mom declares loudly that an injustice has been made by the school system toward her little gem. Dad finally, after almost 20 years of just nodding, tells mom to shut up once and for all and that they created a moron with no marketable skills. Mom weeps in agreement, and they both decide that kicking the girl out would be cruel, so they fix up half the basement (this is an East Coast family, by the way, so basements are likely), with the laundry and hardware section near the stairs, and Pathetique's half is near that hatch (doggie door) that opens to the back yard. A wall is built to separate the 2 sections. The girl can come up for Christmas, her birthday, and the grandparents' visits. She is fixed up with a microwave, a small fridge, and her bedroom furniture. After much pleading with the cell and cable companies, they give the family the new "basement child" discount so the bills don't rise too much. Food is dropped through the hatch once a week. In other words, the girl is being hidden from the world because, well, Pathetique is well-named (Dad has to explain this to Mom a few times before she gets the translation after all these years). She's their child, but is an embarrassment and that's their fault for kicking the wrong ass for too long. The tax deduction is still there because Pathetique will be a dependent for the next several decades. Also, by keeping her locked away in reverse Rapunzel fashion (below instead of above), no suitors with her brain power will ever invade and try to move in and create mini-Pathetiques.
By the way, making a girl as an example was just coincidence. I laughed at my own name creation so I just went with it. Boys have suffered from Pathetique disease as well.
This is what is coming down the path, parents. The basement generation is already here, we just have to wait until the end of 12th grade for reality to set in. I can see it now. My wife and I are over at a friend's house enjoying social time when we hear an animal sound from below. Without batting an eye, I just nod and ask, "Basement child?"
They nod sadly and say, "It's Pillow's 30th birthday, so we're allowing noise tonight." Then they mockingly put their hand to their faces. "Oops, was that cake made with gluten? Our bad!" Then we all share a hearty laugh.
For those helicopter parents that do not have a basement, have a crew build you one fast. In fact, borrow Richard Donner's blueprints for a "Phantom Zone" if you can, so you can avoid the food bills. However, all of this trouble and expense can be avoided if you let your child experience the world without your input every three seconds. This way, he/she can "find" themselves at a younger age and be ready. Just keep the hatch side of the basement available just in case.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Oh the Yuletide repeats are Frightful....
It is mid-November and we all know what that means...that's right! WalMart descends to hell's 9th level with holiday shoppers as well as the usual morons who don't know what condoms are. It also signals the soft-music stations' incessant playing of Christmas music for the next 6 weeks. I have no problem with this...to a point. I love about 60% of it, and the other 40% is like hell with mistletoe!
We all have our favorites...well, not ALL of us. I am quite aware that Atheist Americans want everything even remotely tied to a belief system blown up like both Death Stars. However, there are just some songs that grate on the nerves and prompt us to turn to the heavy metal station for a few minutes. Here are just a few:
1. Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney.....I like Paul, really I do. However, I think his Wings era had a blandness to it that he could not foresee. The 70s just did that to some performers in all media.
2.Do They Know It's Christmastime by Band Aid...no band aid can repair the damage from the repeated playings, not even with Bactine!
3. Little Saint Nick by the Beach Boys....once again I respect the band, and I do understand the contractual holiday song obligation, but I think the Little Deuce Coupe driven by Pasadena's little old lady down Colorado Boulevard ought to run down this recording once and for all.
4. Anything sung by Josh Groban...I am still wearing garlic and a cross to keep his voice out of my brain!
5. Baby's First Christmas by Connie Francis...again, CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATION is suspected here, but then again I'm not Ms. Francis's biggest fan
6. All I Want for Christmas by Mariah Carey...all I want for her is to LOSE the two front teeth, then this song might be fun!
And then there's the painful rendition department. There's the good and the bad.
Sleigh Ride
Good: Johnny Mathis, Amy Grant, the Ronettes
Bad: AIR SUPPLY
It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Good: Andy Williams
Bad: Johnny Mathis
Jingle Bells
Good: Gene Autry, Bing, Crazy Frog, Jimmy Buffett
Bad: Alvin and the Chipmunks, but then their other songs grate on you after awhile...James Taylor sucks on this, too
Any other bad renditions that I have not thought of? Well, comment to tell me!
Now to the good. I have fond Christmas memories from childhood and have 1 or 2 recent finds that are good to my ears. Highlights are:
1. Anything except "Silent Night" by Gene Autry
2. Bing all the way! Backed up by the Andrews Sisters makes it better. ( a side note: I know it's been alleged that he was a child beater. Well, it doesn't affect his music prowess and that was before my time.)
3. Frank Sinatra
4. Dean Martin
5. "What Child Is This?" by Vikki Carr
6. "Mary Did You Know" by Sonia Isaacs
7. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by Tony Bennett
And, if you can find them, there's a couple of CD's of Christmas novelty songs and skits put out by Dr. Demento. I have one, I need the other (and I do mean NEED)
So, just sit back this holiday season, forget your troubles, listen to some great music....and if you have a moment send a few X Wings down Air Supply's trench, if you get my drift!
We all have our favorites...well, not ALL of us. I am quite aware that Atheist Americans want everything even remotely tied to a belief system blown up like both Death Stars. However, there are just some songs that grate on the nerves and prompt us to turn to the heavy metal station for a few minutes. Here are just a few:
1. Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney.....I like Paul, really I do. However, I think his Wings era had a blandness to it that he could not foresee. The 70s just did that to some performers in all media.
2.Do They Know It's Christmastime by Band Aid...no band aid can repair the damage from the repeated playings, not even with Bactine!
3. Little Saint Nick by the Beach Boys....once again I respect the band, and I do understand the contractual holiday song obligation, but I think the Little Deuce Coupe driven by Pasadena's little old lady down Colorado Boulevard ought to run down this recording once and for all.
4. Anything sung by Josh Groban...I am still wearing garlic and a cross to keep his voice out of my brain!
5. Baby's First Christmas by Connie Francis...again, CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATION is suspected here, but then again I'm not Ms. Francis's biggest fan
6. All I Want for Christmas by Mariah Carey...all I want for her is to LOSE the two front teeth, then this song might be fun!
And then there's the painful rendition department. There's the good and the bad.
Sleigh Ride
Good: Johnny Mathis, Amy Grant, the Ronettes
Bad: AIR SUPPLY
It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Good: Andy Williams
Bad: Johnny Mathis
Jingle Bells
Good: Gene Autry, Bing, Crazy Frog, Jimmy Buffett
Bad: Alvin and the Chipmunks, but then their other songs grate on you after awhile...James Taylor sucks on this, too
Any other bad renditions that I have not thought of? Well, comment to tell me!
Now to the good. I have fond Christmas memories from childhood and have 1 or 2 recent finds that are good to my ears. Highlights are:
1. Anything except "Silent Night" by Gene Autry
2. Bing all the way! Backed up by the Andrews Sisters makes it better. ( a side note: I know it's been alleged that he was a child beater. Well, it doesn't affect his music prowess and that was before my time.)
3. Frank Sinatra
4. Dean Martin
5. "What Child Is This?" by Vikki Carr
6. "Mary Did You Know" by Sonia Isaacs
7. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by Tony Bennett
And, if you can find them, there's a couple of CD's of Christmas novelty songs and skits put out by Dr. Demento. I have one, I need the other (and I do mean NEED)
So, just sit back this holiday season, forget your troubles, listen to some great music....and if you have a moment send a few X Wings down Air Supply's trench, if you get my drift!
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Northwest or Bust!
It's been a while since I've posted about a road trip...actually it's been a while since I've posted anything...a school year tends to do that! It is amazing how one can sit relaxed for a little while and let the mind go anywhere. With me, it's either to a fond memory or a wish to get paid soon! In this case, the fond memory won out.
It is amazing when you live somewhere for a little bit...in my case, about 10 minutes....and have a desire to explore. Once I'd been in the dorms at Sonoma State University for a day or so, I wanted to get to know the area better. The only problem was, I didn't have a car with me, at least not yet. For the first few months in 1994, I relied on my friend Scott for transportation. We took quite a few drives, actually. We got to know the back roads of Sonoma and Marin counties extremely well. Occasionally, we'd also tackle Napa County, too.
In the summer of 1996, we decided to tackle new territory altogether...Oregon! That was one of the really cool things about our friendship. We could just take some free time and go someplace. Two geeks in college without girlfriends, yep! Road trips saved us from insanity!
One day in late June (or early July, I have no idea anymore!) we set off on our trip. The first part was, of course, familiar territory to us: U.S. 101 up to Ukiah. It was a pretty drive. Actually, no part of 101 in those parts is bad at all, but the anticipation of new land and sights was in us. A smooth road passing through rural wine country was relaxing. Scott's guitar rock tapes courtesy of the Time-Life mob syndicate just made it all the more fun.
North of Ukiah and the CA 20 turnoff, 101 narrowed down as it climbed into the tree-blessed territory of Mendocino County. The highway climbed, dipped downhill, and twisted and turned often. The air was fresh and surprisingly cool in those parts, just right to keep the windows rolled down. Soon, we reached Leggett and the northern end of CA 1, the true coast highway of California. At that junction was the drive-through tree with a sign telling the mileage to Mexico and Canada....Mexico was still closer, but not by much.
101 winded its way into Humboldt County. It was here that redwoods began to appear. If it weren't for the dinner choices coming up in Eureka, we would have turned onto the Avenue of the Redwoods. We would do that on a future trip and it was well worth it. 101 wound through the Humboldt forests until it got into Eureka. Eureka is kind of a strange town, especially downtown where it's a bit ratty. The gas is also pricier there. We ate at a Denny's, which, in those days, still had a counter. We took the counter where we could eat and converse with our server.
After dinner, we got back on the road. The clouds were coming in as is common in coastal California. Just outside of Eureka proper, 101 turned into a freeway for the first time in about 180 miles, serving the Arcata and Humboldt State University area. After only 20 miles, however, the freeway narrowed back to 2 lanes as 101 went further north into beautiful and aromatic forested areas, with occasional ocean views rewarding us. After much climbing and winding, we arrived in Crescent City, a town with even pricier gas than Eureka! Crescent Wrench City was also home to Pelican Bay Prison, home to the worst of the worst in terms of violent criminals. We gassed up here and grabbed a drink.
Just outside of town, we turned off 101 and onto U.S. 199, the last remaining Federally-maintained offshoot of U.S. 99. 199 heads into more forested areas of California while 101 straightens out and reaches Oregon 20 minutes later. 199 winds through the Smith River area and even goes through a short tunnel before entering Oregon, and we all know how much I live for those!
Entering Oregon, 199 flattens out a bit but still goes through pretty country. After a little over 40 miles, 199 ends in Grants Pass. It was here we decided to stay for the night, finding a nice fleabag suited for college students. It was run by what seemed to be an Arabic guy who liked his rooms like the desert because that room was HOT!!!
The next morning, we got up and ate breakfast at a local diner, then hit I-5. This excursion was getting better and better! Interstate 5 just east of Grant's Pass ran through the Rogue River Valley, which butts against the north side of the Siskiyou Mountains. The scenery was to die for. After a little while, 5 came into Medford, the biggest town in southern Oregon., then a few small towns like Phoenix and Talent, then Ashland, the home of a decent Shakespeare festival. After Ashland, 5 begins a steep ascent into the Siskiyou Mountains, and reaches I-5's highest point in its entire length right before the California border.
Inside California, the mileage signs begin counting down the, er, miles to Redding and Sacramento. 5 winds through mountain passes and valleys for the next 100 miles and most of it is scenic. We make a little detour close to Redding to check out the Shasta Lake Caverns. Caves are to Scott what tunnels are to me: something to be seen whenever you can. They were pretty neat, and a boat ride across the lake was part of the fun. Afterward, we drove through Redding and grabbed a much-needed drink. After Redding, I-5 descended gradually into the vast and desolate Central Valley, full of agriculture to be sure, but 5 goes through the least populated areas with the exception of Sacramento and Stockton. Still, the good rock music helped. We took 5 all the way to Dunnigan where we got onto 505, a desolate yet fast shortcut to I-80. From 80, we made a stop in Fairfield to see Scott's lovable parents, then headed home to our apartment in Rohnert Park.
This was just one of our several voyages over the next 6 years...yep, 1 year short of a common-law marriage. 17 years later, we are much more domesticated and family-oriented, but I'd give anything to do one more road trip with that guy! I know you can't really go back (2 trips back to PA taught me that!) but one can make a new adventure in a new place anytime.
It is amazing when you live somewhere for a little bit...in my case, about 10 minutes....and have a desire to explore. Once I'd been in the dorms at Sonoma State University for a day or so, I wanted to get to know the area better. The only problem was, I didn't have a car with me, at least not yet. For the first few months in 1994, I relied on my friend Scott for transportation. We took quite a few drives, actually. We got to know the back roads of Sonoma and Marin counties extremely well. Occasionally, we'd also tackle Napa County, too.
In the summer of 1996, we decided to tackle new territory altogether...Oregon! That was one of the really cool things about our friendship. We could just take some free time and go someplace. Two geeks in college without girlfriends, yep! Road trips saved us from insanity!
One day in late June (or early July, I have no idea anymore!) we set off on our trip. The first part was, of course, familiar territory to us: U.S. 101 up to Ukiah. It was a pretty drive. Actually, no part of 101 in those parts is bad at all, but the anticipation of new land and sights was in us. A smooth road passing through rural wine country was relaxing. Scott's guitar rock tapes courtesy of the Time-Life mob syndicate just made it all the more fun.
North of Ukiah and the CA 20 turnoff, 101 narrowed down as it climbed into the tree-blessed territory of Mendocino County. The highway climbed, dipped downhill, and twisted and turned often. The air was fresh and surprisingly cool in those parts, just right to keep the windows rolled down. Soon, we reached Leggett and the northern end of CA 1, the true coast highway of California. At that junction was the drive-through tree with a sign telling the mileage to Mexico and Canada....Mexico was still closer, but not by much.
101 winded its way into Humboldt County. It was here that redwoods began to appear. If it weren't for the dinner choices coming up in Eureka, we would have turned onto the Avenue of the Redwoods. We would do that on a future trip and it was well worth it. 101 wound through the Humboldt forests until it got into Eureka. Eureka is kind of a strange town, especially downtown where it's a bit ratty. The gas is also pricier there. We ate at a Denny's, which, in those days, still had a counter. We took the counter where we could eat and converse with our server.
After dinner, we got back on the road. The clouds were coming in as is common in coastal California. Just outside of Eureka proper, 101 turned into a freeway for the first time in about 180 miles, serving the Arcata and Humboldt State University area. After only 20 miles, however, the freeway narrowed back to 2 lanes as 101 went further north into beautiful and aromatic forested areas, with occasional ocean views rewarding us. After much climbing and winding, we arrived in Crescent City, a town with even pricier gas than Eureka! Crescent Wrench City was also home to Pelican Bay Prison, home to the worst of the worst in terms of violent criminals. We gassed up here and grabbed a drink.
Just outside of town, we turned off 101 and onto U.S. 199, the last remaining Federally-maintained offshoot of U.S. 99. 199 heads into more forested areas of California while 101 straightens out and reaches Oregon 20 minutes later. 199 winds through the Smith River area and even goes through a short tunnel before entering Oregon, and we all know how much I live for those!
Entering Oregon, 199 flattens out a bit but still goes through pretty country. After a little over 40 miles, 199 ends in Grants Pass. It was here we decided to stay for the night, finding a nice fleabag suited for college students. It was run by what seemed to be an Arabic guy who liked his rooms like the desert because that room was HOT!!!
The next morning, we got up and ate breakfast at a local diner, then hit I-5. This excursion was getting better and better! Interstate 5 just east of Grant's Pass ran through the Rogue River Valley, which butts against the north side of the Siskiyou Mountains. The scenery was to die for. After a little while, 5 came into Medford, the biggest town in southern Oregon., then a few small towns like Phoenix and Talent, then Ashland, the home of a decent Shakespeare festival. After Ashland, 5 begins a steep ascent into the Siskiyou Mountains, and reaches I-5's highest point in its entire length right before the California border.
Inside California, the mileage signs begin counting down the, er, miles to Redding and Sacramento. 5 winds through mountain passes and valleys for the next 100 miles and most of it is scenic. We make a little detour close to Redding to check out the Shasta Lake Caverns. Caves are to Scott what tunnels are to me: something to be seen whenever you can. They were pretty neat, and a boat ride across the lake was part of the fun. Afterward, we drove through Redding and grabbed a much-needed drink. After Redding, I-5 descended gradually into the vast and desolate Central Valley, full of agriculture to be sure, but 5 goes through the least populated areas with the exception of Sacramento and Stockton. Still, the good rock music helped. We took 5 all the way to Dunnigan where we got onto 505, a desolate yet fast shortcut to I-80. From 80, we made a stop in Fairfield to see Scott's lovable parents, then headed home to our apartment in Rohnert Park.
This was just one of our several voyages over the next 6 years...yep, 1 year short of a common-law marriage. 17 years later, we are much more domesticated and family-oriented, but I'd give anything to do one more road trip with that guy! I know you can't really go back (2 trips back to PA taught me that!) but one can make a new adventure in a new place anytime.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Coming this season....seasons past!
I don't know about the majority of you...well, because I happen to be in the minority of a lot of taste issues. Seriously, when a good semi-healthy food comes to the store, I tend to be one of the 5 people in America that buy it for the three months it's offered. Whenever a new Will Ferrell movie infects theaters, I am one of seven people in the country injecting the newspaper ads for it with penicillin. Whenever a cool funny TV show comes on, I get to see it for maybe 2 months until it's yanked from the air...and it's not even a network show!
We all know what happens in the new TV season: they introduce a bunch of new shows when the reruns of summer crap have been exhausted. The old crap is replaced with a bunch of replacement crap, essentially. And if you have, say, 40 new shows being introduced, we are lucky if 10 make it past Christmas. Often, we are lucky that they DON'T make it past the holidays. We need to face the facts: there are very little new sitcom ideas that are funny, we don't need any more government agency action dramas (NCIS makes all pale in comparison anyway!), I think I'm numb to crime lab specifics, so another CSI will just plain suck. All in all, new TV show ideas are rarely ingenious and innovative. I look for wit, clever repartee, and engaging mysteries in my network lineup....CBS still insists that "2 1/2 IQ Points"(er, Men) has life in it, and we know they're appealing to the moron crowd. "CSI" is still fun but rather predictable. Its only gems are "NCIS" and "Big Bang Theory". I don't know yet if "Mike & Molly" will return, since they never aired the season finale that included a tornado (because we Americans are too sensitive to handle a show about a tornado right after a major one hits). And I've just discussed 1 channel! I don't even know what the other "majors" have.
OK, I do have a solution, but it is rather drastic. First, I have some innovative ideas, but they will require intelligent writing. And since I'm going to be busy writing weekly lesson plans, my free time will be available only to my family and Angry Birds.
One idea is inspired by the success of "Lincoln". A 20+ episode adaptation of presidents' lives, done accurately yet cleanly, would be an intelligent, educational, and, in the case of Bush #1, funny at times. One president per season would rival the life of Law and Order!
Another: you want reality TV? Let's go into the classroom with a hidden camera and film actual teachers, a different one each week, and show America what they really do. It may just bump salaries up if America sees the reality. Yes, I know the kids' faces need to be blurred (I suggest CGI inserts of Peanuts characters). No side interviews and reflections here, it'll ruin the effect.
Here's a good government agency action drama if you're still insistent on them: the adventures of an agent of the National Labor Review Board chasing labor rights violators. I can just see the chase scene now...the agent chasing down the accounting manager who refuses to give backpay to a former employee at a paint factory....all right, I give this one a month.
More reality but this time not a hidden camera: the kitchen in a fast-food establishment. If we really want to know what we're eating, then this will provide the answer..... Once more, no reflections, but the cooks will look at the camera and explain exactly what they're doing. The court cases coming out of this will just make the show all more riveting!
Courtroom drama? How about a jury room drama where we see twelve different people every week trying a contrived case. Yes, I know, this is not totally original, it's inspired by the Pauly Shore classic "Jury Duty!".....just kidding, but check out "12 Angry Men" sometime. It may be black and white and several shades in between, but quality is quality.
Let's bring some daytime-quality fitness into the prime time arena. It would be the fitness equivalent of Dr. Phil. It would be our friend "Dr." Ron. It would be set in a real gym, and Ron would spend the episode talking about various fitness techniques, practices, and the right way to do various exercises. As he himself will have the attention span and energy of a rabbit on Red Bull (as a result, he burns 10,000 calories a minute), it will appeal to most viewers because Dr. Ron will spend only 1 to 3 minutes on each topic so there's no fear of lengthy lectures on health habits.
Sitcom? Let's see, how about a show about 4 30-somethings acting like they're 20-something. They'll hang out at a café most of the time and lament about their pathetic love lives....what? They did that already? And it lasted for ten whole years? Must have been on NBC, I never saw it.
Chuckle chuckle, just kidding. Yes, "Friends" was indeed a ratings and actors' overpaid per episode success. Every year they (sweating weasels in charge of "new" ideas) try to find some magic combination of semi-young "talented" actors that will prove to be a ratings smash weekly. Want to know the secret? Get a catchy theme song that won't leave people's brains except for intense ECT sessions!
OK, my innovative ideas are over, with no sitcoms, but see what we have here: real people in actual jobs require just a little money boost, not overblown, exaggerated salaries. The production costs are very low on all except for the presidential show, and even then we can have unagented actors playing the presidents in their various points in life.
Well, that was part A. Now here's part B. My innovative ideas will cover only 1-2 night of programming, and we need to spread it out. A night represented by my ideas only will make even me puke. No, we need to put the old back into the schedule. As much as I'd like to try to list a full schedule of network shows for the week, I have neither the time, inclination, nor coke habit to try it. However, I will list my ideas for the old by genre:
Westerns: "The Lone Ranger", "Gunsmoke", "Little House on the Prairie" and "The Wild Wild West" (not precisely a western, but a combo of sci-fi, western, and spy)
Game shows for the early hours: original Hollywood Squares and Match Game, Wheel of Fortune with Chuck Woolery, and Family Feud where fast money only goes 15 and 20 seconds). Some classic "Concentration " episodes would also be fun
Soaps: "Dallas" is a must..."The Edge of Night" would be good as an 11:30p.m. show....in fact this should replace Jimmy Fallon after one "Tonight" show next year!
Sitcoms: "The Cosby Show", "Dragnet", "Barney Miller", "Night Court", "Cops", "All in the Family", and "WKRP in Cincinnati", and "Get Smart"
Kids: "Speed Racer", "Electric Company", "Superfriends", "Ultraman", and every Looney Tunes short ever produced pre-1950.
General fun: "The Muppet Show", "Who's Line Is It Anyway?" and "Monty Python's Flying Circus"
I know my list of shows is my own personal opinion. If yours is different, well, it's wrong! Nah, I think if the viewing public had a say in what's on TV, we all may have our own channels. Yes, I can see it now: Bryan TV! I'd restore old EBS tests, test patterns, and old pre-1980 commercials that lasted less than 3 minutes, even if the products no longer exist. The only infomercial would be a product that, when put to your eyes, would block out any harmful Will Ferrell and Catherine Heigl images (which is all of them!). Until that day comes, I will sit back in my deep armchair, put my feet up, and eat a Spam sandwich (Vikings singing "Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam..." as I eat).
We all know what happens in the new TV season: they introduce a bunch of new shows when the reruns of summer crap have been exhausted. The old crap is replaced with a bunch of replacement crap, essentially. And if you have, say, 40 new shows being introduced, we are lucky if 10 make it past Christmas. Often, we are lucky that they DON'T make it past the holidays. We need to face the facts: there are very little new sitcom ideas that are funny, we don't need any more government agency action dramas (NCIS makes all pale in comparison anyway!), I think I'm numb to crime lab specifics, so another CSI will just plain suck. All in all, new TV show ideas are rarely ingenious and innovative. I look for wit, clever repartee, and engaging mysteries in my network lineup....CBS still insists that "2 1/2 IQ Points"(er, Men) has life in it, and we know they're appealing to the moron crowd. "CSI" is still fun but rather predictable. Its only gems are "NCIS" and "Big Bang Theory". I don't know yet if "Mike & Molly" will return, since they never aired the season finale that included a tornado (because we Americans are too sensitive to handle a show about a tornado right after a major one hits). And I've just discussed 1 channel! I don't even know what the other "majors" have.
OK, I do have a solution, but it is rather drastic. First, I have some innovative ideas, but they will require intelligent writing. And since I'm going to be busy writing weekly lesson plans, my free time will be available only to my family and Angry Birds.
One idea is inspired by the success of "Lincoln". A 20+ episode adaptation of presidents' lives, done accurately yet cleanly, would be an intelligent, educational, and, in the case of Bush #1, funny at times. One president per season would rival the life of Law and Order!
Another: you want reality TV? Let's go into the classroom with a hidden camera and film actual teachers, a different one each week, and show America what they really do. It may just bump salaries up if America sees the reality. Yes, I know the kids' faces need to be blurred (I suggest CGI inserts of Peanuts characters). No side interviews and reflections here, it'll ruin the effect.
Here's a good government agency action drama if you're still insistent on them: the adventures of an agent of the National Labor Review Board chasing labor rights violators. I can just see the chase scene now...the agent chasing down the accounting manager who refuses to give backpay to a former employee at a paint factory....all right, I give this one a month.
More reality but this time not a hidden camera: the kitchen in a fast-food establishment. If we really want to know what we're eating, then this will provide the answer..... Once more, no reflections, but the cooks will look at the camera and explain exactly what they're doing. The court cases coming out of this will just make the show all more riveting!
Courtroom drama? How about a jury room drama where we see twelve different people every week trying a contrived case. Yes, I know, this is not totally original, it's inspired by the Pauly Shore classic "Jury Duty!".....just kidding, but check out "12 Angry Men" sometime. It may be black and white and several shades in between, but quality is quality.
Let's bring some daytime-quality fitness into the prime time arena. It would be the fitness equivalent of Dr. Phil. It would be our friend "Dr." Ron. It would be set in a real gym, and Ron would spend the episode talking about various fitness techniques, practices, and the right way to do various exercises. As he himself will have the attention span and energy of a rabbit on Red Bull (as a result, he burns 10,000 calories a minute), it will appeal to most viewers because Dr. Ron will spend only 1 to 3 minutes on each topic so there's no fear of lengthy lectures on health habits.
Sitcom? Let's see, how about a show about 4 30-somethings acting like they're 20-something. They'll hang out at a café most of the time and lament about their pathetic love lives....what? They did that already? And it lasted for ten whole years? Must have been on NBC, I never saw it.
Chuckle chuckle, just kidding. Yes, "Friends" was indeed a ratings and actors' overpaid per episode success. Every year they (sweating weasels in charge of "new" ideas) try to find some magic combination of semi-young "talented" actors that will prove to be a ratings smash weekly. Want to know the secret? Get a catchy theme song that won't leave people's brains except for intense ECT sessions!
OK, my innovative ideas are over, with no sitcoms, but see what we have here: real people in actual jobs require just a little money boost, not overblown, exaggerated salaries. The production costs are very low on all except for the presidential show, and even then we can have unagented actors playing the presidents in their various points in life.
Well, that was part A. Now here's part B. My innovative ideas will cover only 1-2 night of programming, and we need to spread it out. A night represented by my ideas only will make even me puke. No, we need to put the old back into the schedule. As much as I'd like to try to list a full schedule of network shows for the week, I have neither the time, inclination, nor coke habit to try it. However, I will list my ideas for the old by genre:
Westerns: "The Lone Ranger", "Gunsmoke", "Little House on the Prairie" and "The Wild Wild West" (not precisely a western, but a combo of sci-fi, western, and spy)
Game shows for the early hours: original Hollywood Squares and Match Game, Wheel of Fortune with Chuck Woolery, and Family Feud where fast money only goes 15 and 20 seconds). Some classic "Concentration " episodes would also be fun
Soaps: "Dallas" is a must..."The Edge of Night" would be good as an 11:30p.m. show....in fact this should replace Jimmy Fallon after one "Tonight" show next year!
Sitcoms: "The Cosby Show", "Dragnet", "Barney Miller", "Night Court", "Cops", "All in the Family", and "WKRP in Cincinnati", and "Get Smart"
Kids: "Speed Racer", "Electric Company", "Superfriends", "Ultraman", and every Looney Tunes short ever produced pre-1950.
General fun: "The Muppet Show", "Who's Line Is It Anyway?" and "Monty Python's Flying Circus"
I know my list of shows is my own personal opinion. If yours is different, well, it's wrong! Nah, I think if the viewing public had a say in what's on TV, we all may have our own channels. Yes, I can see it now: Bryan TV! I'd restore old EBS tests, test patterns, and old pre-1980 commercials that lasted less than 3 minutes, even if the products no longer exist. The only infomercial would be a product that, when put to your eyes, would block out any harmful Will Ferrell and Catherine Heigl images (which is all of them!). Until that day comes, I will sit back in my deep armchair, put my feet up, and eat a Spam sandwich (Vikings singing "Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam..." as I eat).
Friday, August 2, 2013
Back to School...and back to back redundancy and Torture
Let's look back at an incredibly active summer. We took a nice active trip to Colorado Springs in early June. This was followed by 7 weeks of my eyes actively engaged in crosswords, eyes actively watching "The Edge of Night" discs or "Star Blazers" on Hulu...or the back of my eyelids when Natalie or Vickie are watching endless reruns of "CSi Miami", "Sofia the First" or whatever mind-numbing program we come upon. When the air wasn't incredibly hot or humid or smoky, we'd get to the pool. Yep, very relaxing, my mind is at rest....meaning it is time to return to work.
Hold on there, pardner! Before ya git yer spurs up yer keister (SLAP! Had to turn off Bonanza!), there is a major obstacle standing between me (and the majority of teachers in this galaxy) and the first day of school with the kiddies! It is called STAFF DEVELOPMENT! Sounds positive, doesn't it? It sounds like we're going to learn a whole bunch of new information that will enhance our teaching and bring ourselves closer to our students' minds and hearts for a better learning experience to be shared, along with better bonding and communication among teachers. Let me put it this way:
I'm looking for someone
Who has a map
So that I may quickly
GET AWAY FROM THAT CRAP!!
I hope I don't get sued by the Seuss family for that plagiarism, but I have a serious issue with what is about to happen in just less than 3 full weeks. According to an article posted by a colleague, staff development days, especially early in the year, are yawn-inducing, puke-filled, earwax-spewing, dandruff-flying, Tylenol-popping wastes of our time. Let's look at a typical staff development day schedule, at least experienced by me:
8:30-Breakfast consisting of lots of simple carbs that will drain your energy by 9:30
9:00- Meeting in the library ALL STAFF- watch video of guy in Denmark using an incredible strategy identifiable only by people who mastered calculus to read data from 2002-2003 test scores...after all our past determines our future!
9:15- meet in small groups heavily watched over by administration to learn basic Danish from a printed Powerpoint file
10:00- 5 minute break to refill on carbs
10:05-Grade levels K and 5 meet in library to conjugate Danish verbs
Grade levels 1 and 3 meet in custodian's closet to learn calculus
Grade Levels 2 and 4 meet in teachers' lounge to diagram Danish sentences.
-ROTATE EVERY 20 MINUTES
11:05- 2 minute break
11:07- required attendance in Multi Purpose Room (or Messy Piles of Refuse) for lunch catered by Jim's Trans-Fatty Subs....bring your own chips and drink and cholesterol meds
12:02- Grade levels have 3 minutes to meet and strategize for a rumored nuclear holocaust tomorrow and document the procedures discussed
12:05- Staff meets in library to practice their mastery of Danish by working in pairs to learn to say "Where is the phone booth?" with a perfect accent on syllables
12:15- Music teacher presents (with obvious prodding) lesson on how to teach reading comprehension while singing in the B key. No-Doze (bought by student-generated funds)will be distributed as needed
1:00- The U.S. Department of Illegible Writing will present in the art room a lesson on teaching proper cursive writing to teach from 2nd grade on up. Anyone who brings up the point that cursive is no longer required will be forced to translate the cursive lesson into Danish.
2:00- The Nevada Department of Coyote Affairs will provide extensive training in the computer lab for teaching multiplication facts using coyote dung....implementation during the year is mandatory for a satisfactory evaluation.
3:15-Time to work in rooms
3:18-Training evaluation in Library
3:35-End of contracted day
Is this what teaching is reduced to? Aside from a few mild exaggerations, yes! Every year, a few days before we meet the kids, and 4-5 times throughout the 9-month year, we are subjected to a variety of trainings. Some of them are examinations of test score data that, despite promises that data analysis will help our teaching, actually dilate our pupils to the size of snow peas! You look at too many numbers and percentages and the brain does start detonating synapses!
Other times, we get 3 hour trainings that reteach us how to implement software that never gets used the right way or has any desirable effect on learning.
And then there are the endless binders with papers full of information on how to teach in a new way, presented by someone who just reads the information verbatim with no personal insight at all. These people get nervous when asked a question that isn't directly answered in the binder. They just love when you smile and nod enthusiastically, not knowing you are plotting their intense torture using a weasel on Red Bull.
No, in order to make a staff development day completely worth the taxpayers' money, a new schedule needs to be formed. Here's an example, using the same 8:30-3:35 schedule
8:30- protein- and caffeine-rich breakfast in the teachers' lounge
9:00- Grade levels meet to review any new standards and ways to effectively teach them. Allow ample time to find usable materials in file cabinets or online.
10:30- Introduction of "Math +", a new math series that meets ALL of the standards and breaks up lesson into effective components and is designed for 179 lessons (that 1 day before Christmas break is useless for learning, let's be honest!)
11:30- lunch from Olive Garden provided by superintendent. Or, you can go off on your own! Be back at 1 (because we all know how slow restaurants can be).
1:00- Grade levels meet to discuss opinions of the new math series if they want; otherwise, use the bathroom
1:10- Meet back in library to receive "Language Ultimate", the brand-new reading series that skillfully utilizes reading comprehension, phonics, spelling, and writing skills within engaging stories. Complete small-group plans for any conceivable size or level are included!
2:30- Grade levels meet to discuss opinions of new reading series if they want....otherwise work in rooms
3:35-end of day
See how meaningful that all was? See how unrealistic that kind of day is? Oh well, for now we have to deal with the cards that are dealt to us. That's ok....my weasels are more than ready!
Hold on there, pardner! Before ya git yer spurs up yer keister (SLAP! Had to turn off Bonanza!), there is a major obstacle standing between me (and the majority of teachers in this galaxy) and the first day of school with the kiddies! It is called STAFF DEVELOPMENT! Sounds positive, doesn't it? It sounds like we're going to learn a whole bunch of new information that will enhance our teaching and bring ourselves closer to our students' minds and hearts for a better learning experience to be shared, along with better bonding and communication among teachers. Let me put it this way:
I'm looking for someone
Who has a map
So that I may quickly
GET AWAY FROM THAT CRAP!!
I hope I don't get sued by the Seuss family for that plagiarism, but I have a serious issue with what is about to happen in just less than 3 full weeks. According to an article posted by a colleague, staff development days, especially early in the year, are yawn-inducing, puke-filled, earwax-spewing, dandruff-flying, Tylenol-popping wastes of our time. Let's look at a typical staff development day schedule, at least experienced by me:
8:30-Breakfast consisting of lots of simple carbs that will drain your energy by 9:30
9:00- Meeting in the library ALL STAFF- watch video of guy in Denmark using an incredible strategy identifiable only by people who mastered calculus to read data from 2002-2003 test scores...after all our past determines our future!
9:15- meet in small groups heavily watched over by administration to learn basic Danish from a printed Powerpoint file
10:00- 5 minute break to refill on carbs
10:05-Grade levels K and 5 meet in library to conjugate Danish verbs
Grade levels 1 and 3 meet in custodian's closet to learn calculus
Grade Levels 2 and 4 meet in teachers' lounge to diagram Danish sentences.
-ROTATE EVERY 20 MINUTES
11:05- 2 minute break
11:07- required attendance in Multi Purpose Room (or Messy Piles of Refuse) for lunch catered by Jim's Trans-Fatty Subs....bring your own chips and drink and cholesterol meds
12:02- Grade levels have 3 minutes to meet and strategize for a rumored nuclear holocaust tomorrow and document the procedures discussed
12:05- Staff meets in library to practice their mastery of Danish by working in pairs to learn to say "Where is the phone booth?" with a perfect accent on syllables
12:15- Music teacher presents (with obvious prodding) lesson on how to teach reading comprehension while singing in the B key. No-Doze (bought by student-generated funds)will be distributed as needed
1:00- The U.S. Department of Illegible Writing will present in the art room a lesson on teaching proper cursive writing to teach from 2nd grade on up. Anyone who brings up the point that cursive is no longer required will be forced to translate the cursive lesson into Danish.
2:00- The Nevada Department of Coyote Affairs will provide extensive training in the computer lab for teaching multiplication facts using coyote dung....implementation during the year is mandatory for a satisfactory evaluation.
3:15-Time to work in rooms
3:18-Training evaluation in Library
3:35-End of contracted day
Is this what teaching is reduced to? Aside from a few mild exaggerations, yes! Every year, a few days before we meet the kids, and 4-5 times throughout the 9-month year, we are subjected to a variety of trainings. Some of them are examinations of test score data that, despite promises that data analysis will help our teaching, actually dilate our pupils to the size of snow peas! You look at too many numbers and percentages and the brain does start detonating synapses!
Other times, we get 3 hour trainings that reteach us how to implement software that never gets used the right way or has any desirable effect on learning.
And then there are the endless binders with papers full of information on how to teach in a new way, presented by someone who just reads the information verbatim with no personal insight at all. These people get nervous when asked a question that isn't directly answered in the binder. They just love when you smile and nod enthusiastically, not knowing you are plotting their intense torture using a weasel on Red Bull.
No, in order to make a staff development day completely worth the taxpayers' money, a new schedule needs to be formed. Here's an example, using the same 8:30-3:35 schedule
8:30- protein- and caffeine-rich breakfast in the teachers' lounge
9:00- Grade levels meet to review any new standards and ways to effectively teach them. Allow ample time to find usable materials in file cabinets or online.
10:30- Introduction of "Math +", a new math series that meets ALL of the standards and breaks up lesson into effective components and is designed for 179 lessons (that 1 day before Christmas break is useless for learning, let's be honest!)
11:30- lunch from Olive Garden provided by superintendent. Or, you can go off on your own! Be back at 1 (because we all know how slow restaurants can be).
1:00- Grade levels meet to discuss opinions of the new math series if they want; otherwise, use the bathroom
1:10- Meet back in library to receive "Language Ultimate", the brand-new reading series that skillfully utilizes reading comprehension, phonics, spelling, and writing skills within engaging stories. Complete small-group plans for any conceivable size or level are included!
2:30- Grade levels meet to discuss opinions of new reading series if they want....otherwise work in rooms
3:35-end of day
See how meaningful that all was? See how unrealistic that kind of day is? Oh well, for now we have to deal with the cards that are dealt to us. That's ok....my weasels are more than ready!
Monday, July 22, 2013
Ain't Hip to Be a Square!
I'm not really into doing odes, especially when I don't get what a Greek body ash holder is. I've done a major one recently, to The Edge of Night, by far my favorite TV show (my wife snickers at its cheesiness, which is ok). Looking at the snobbish celebrity world that is constantly thrown at us even when I duck, it brings to mind another of my favorites: The Hollywood Squares.
When I talk about Hollywood Squares, I mean the 1966-81 REAL version with Peter Marshall as host. I definitely do not refer to the Match Game-Hollywood Squares Hour, or the 1986-89 version with John Davidson, and hell no, I got quickly disenchanted with the Tom Bergeron version, even though he was a great emcee. There are reasons I love the one and not the others. Like a good writer, I will now transition to the reasons.
1. The real version had a variety of celebrities. Some of them were up-and comers, some were current (then) actors and musicians in their prime, and some were in their show biz decline and getting rent and food money for the week Bill Bixby once said the Squares were a help during the lean years in his career, according to my HS book, and big-time celebrity Burt Reynolds in his star status days still went on the show because it had helped early in his career. So did Mel Brooks. That's class!
2. The humor was almost no-holds-barred. I mean, there wasn't any cursing, but there was no political correctness. The stars could joke about anything and pretty much get away with it. The Tom Bergeron-Whoopi Goldberg version was pretty tame and afraid to touch certain subject matter.
3. The host Peter Marshall was an established show biz guy who'd done comedy, movies, and musicals and often laughed when there was a funny line from the stars. You don't find many like him anymore.
4. There were about 3 regular stars at any given time: Paul Lynde in the center, Charlie Weaver, Wally Cox, and George Gobel after Weaver left us, and those Cox reruns made me laugh when they were on Game Show Network. There were 6 wild cards each week, adding a bit of mystery as to who'd be on the following week. The John Davidson version tried this and was successful, there was just something missing.
The Bergeron-Goldberg version had about 5 regulars, it seemed, and 4 wild cards, and their regulars weren't comedy gold, in my humble but correct opinion. I've never been a Whoopi Goldberg fan, I don't think Gilbert Gottfried, Jeffrey Tambor, or Caroline Rhea were that funny.
And I think that brings me (why else would I be in this paragraph?) to the point of celebrity. Back in the 60s and 70s, actors and musicians were more willing to work for a meager wage of $750 a week on a game show, and they were willing to poke fun at even themselves. In other words, those people looked like (for the most part) they were having a great time.
A show like Hollywood Squares wouldn't work today. There's just too much cost to get a "star" to commit for a week, even if they were just finished shooting in the next studio over. I say "star" because, well, some people who think they're stars really are hopeful has-beens who think they deserve lots of money because their time is apparently precious. No, the only way Hollywood Squares would work now is to get celebrities through utter extortion and blackmail, something lots of performers could use to take them down a notch anyway.
There's also the dumb-down factor. Anyone see what's happened to Family Feud in the 21st century? The families need more time for fast money than Richard Dawson gave them in the 70s and 80s. I think Squares would be the same, for both the actors and contestants. Try past references, intelligent pop culture nuances and any high-level vocabulary words and those people would be the proverbial deer in my headlights!
So, I hope they put the old show back on or at least on DVD since GSN chickened out on it after only a year. That and Edge of Night would make a happy collection together!
When I talk about Hollywood Squares, I mean the 1966-81 REAL version with Peter Marshall as host. I definitely do not refer to the Match Game-Hollywood Squares Hour, or the 1986-89 version with John Davidson, and hell no, I got quickly disenchanted with the Tom Bergeron version, even though he was a great emcee. There are reasons I love the one and not the others. Like a good writer, I will now transition to the reasons.
1. The real version had a variety of celebrities. Some of them were up-and comers, some were current (then) actors and musicians in their prime, and some were in their show biz decline and getting rent and food money for the week Bill Bixby once said the Squares were a help during the lean years in his career, according to my HS book, and big-time celebrity Burt Reynolds in his star status days still went on the show because it had helped early in his career. So did Mel Brooks. That's class!
2. The humor was almost no-holds-barred. I mean, there wasn't any cursing, but there was no political correctness. The stars could joke about anything and pretty much get away with it. The Tom Bergeron-Whoopi Goldberg version was pretty tame and afraid to touch certain subject matter.
3. The host Peter Marshall was an established show biz guy who'd done comedy, movies, and musicals and often laughed when there was a funny line from the stars. You don't find many like him anymore.
4. There were about 3 regular stars at any given time: Paul Lynde in the center, Charlie Weaver, Wally Cox, and George Gobel after Weaver left us, and those Cox reruns made me laugh when they were on Game Show Network. There were 6 wild cards each week, adding a bit of mystery as to who'd be on the following week. The John Davidson version tried this and was successful, there was just something missing.
The Bergeron-Goldberg version had about 5 regulars, it seemed, and 4 wild cards, and their regulars weren't comedy gold, in my humble but correct opinion. I've never been a Whoopi Goldberg fan, I don't think Gilbert Gottfried, Jeffrey Tambor, or Caroline Rhea were that funny.
And I think that brings me (why else would I be in this paragraph?) to the point of celebrity. Back in the 60s and 70s, actors and musicians were more willing to work for a meager wage of $750 a week on a game show, and they were willing to poke fun at even themselves. In other words, those people looked like (for the most part) they were having a great time.
A show like Hollywood Squares wouldn't work today. There's just too much cost to get a "star" to commit for a week, even if they were just finished shooting in the next studio over. I say "star" because, well, some people who think they're stars really are hopeful has-beens who think they deserve lots of money because their time is apparently precious. No, the only way Hollywood Squares would work now is to get celebrities through utter extortion and blackmail, something lots of performers could use to take them down a notch anyway.
There's also the dumb-down factor. Anyone see what's happened to Family Feud in the 21st century? The families need more time for fast money than Richard Dawson gave them in the 70s and 80s. I think Squares would be the same, for both the actors and contestants. Try past references, intelligent pop culture nuances and any high-level vocabulary words and those people would be the proverbial deer in my headlights!
So, I hope they put the old show back on or at least on DVD since GSN chickened out on it after only a year. That and Edge of Night would make a happy collection together!
Monday, July 1, 2013
Back in MY day.....I griped about how it was in my dad's day
Yep, I'm there, I've reached the point of no return...I'm in love with the Toyota Prius! No...! That wasn't it, Good heavens, I'd rather drive my old 1980 Chevy Citation with an AM only radio! My point being, I've reached the point of remembering the "old days" fondly. The problem is, they really do not seem that long ago.
The 80s really seem a few years ago to me in many ways. I love the music, TV shows, movies, and cars. I know many don't like the Reagan era, but it was the best of times to me. We knew who the "enemy" was...it was the Russians, it was the principals in "Ferris Bueller" and "Breakfast Club", it was the mall security guard, it was white rap, it was the New Coke! We knew what we liked and did not like.
The 80s, for many, ended when Reagan retired and George Sr. came in. Datewise, it ended when 1990 started. For others, the 80s went just a bit into the 90s and ended around 1992 or 1993, or the end of George Sr. Eras are different for different people.
So, that all being said and sighed over ("Knock it off, nerd! GET-WITH-THE-TIMES!!). Sorry, my pancreas drank coffee, and will probably be up late, just ignore it. Anyhow, we all remember our folks telling US, the 70s-80s-born generation X and Y, how good the old days were. Yeah, I know, Dad, you walked 50 miles in your sailboat boxers, brown socks and sandals through the snow so you could buy your Mustang and listen to the Beach Boys while looking for a Howard Johnsons to have a malt at. Yeah yeah yeah. I've heard it before. Seriously, I believe that Christopher Lloyd happened upon my dad with the DeLorean back in 1962 and, through some goofy Grandpa Musnster-like time experiment, KEPT MY DAD IN 1962! His clothes, music tastes, and views evidence this to a tee.
But now that I'm about 41 and legally have a past, it's time for Mr. Moore's list of "Back in MY day" gloats and self-barricaded views. Keep in mind that I will use a range of 1977-89. This is for the purpose of coming up with more crap to write.
Back in my day..
-Televisions had KNOBS! You had to GET UP to TURN THE KNOB to CHANGE THE CHANNEL...not only that...but you had to GET UP, WALK TO THE TV, AND CHANGE THE VOLUME AND TURN THE SET ON OR OFF!
-MTV meant MUSIC television, not MORON television!
-We could spend less than $15 to fill the gas tank in the car!
-TV dinners were in metal tins and had to be put in the oven for almost an hour!
-The Emergency Broadcast System and nails on the chalkboard were the main ways to make your ears bleed (Katherin Heigl wasn't heard of yet)
-Oh yeah, schools had chalkboards where you wrote with chalk and used erasers that made a cloud of dust. This was school smog!
-TV ad breaks were only about 1-2 minutes! And they weren't spent on promoting the same show 2 or 3 times!
-Disney meant an old classic coming on Sunday night, live or animated, and it could also mean an oldie coming to the theater for a couple of weeks...the concept of taking a little kid and programming them for success hadn't come until the Olsens.
-We did our research in books, which we found using a card catalog, and had to document our sources in really specific formats that made the term paper a nightmare! Er...bad example!
- When someone called you and you weren't available, the phone would ring and ring forever until they gave up. Sometimes, there'd be an answering machine that played a mangled tape, but lets stick with 70s normalcy here.
-A movie, popcorn, and soda could run you UNDER $10!
-Texting someone probably meant hitting them with your English book.
-Cars came with just a radio and an AM one at that.
-We listened to music on vinyl records that inevitably formed skips, then on tapes that melted or got stuck! THANK GOODNESS for CDs!
- School was simple: you came in at 8ish, learned for an hour or two, then you had a 15-minute recess, then another hour or so of learning, then lunch and more recess AFTER YOU ATE, then learned for another 2 or 3 hours, then went home.
-Pizza Hut was mainly dine-in and it was a fun place to be.
-Chicken wings were an often-discarded part of the bird, not a source of appetizer craze!
- TV had TEST PATTERNS, not INFOMERCIALS! Test patterns were these colorful stripes with a low steady beep...and were more intelligent than an infomercial.
-George Carlin, Richard Pryor, and Bill Cosby were the stand-up kings and made us laugh! There was no "Carrot Top"
- Erectile dysfunction and yeast infections were kept in people's private hells, not advertised during "Tom and Jerry"!
-There were no "dating sites", unless you considered the corner pub a place to meet someone serious. You either married your high school or college sweetheart, or spent a lot of time at work passing the secretary's desk or were lucky enough to have a friend introduce you to someone...or you just lamely lived life.
-We said the Pledge of Allegiance without thinking about it, except feeling American pride!
-Junk food was sugary soda and buttery, salty crackers...there was no high fructose corn syrup....at least they weren't listend on the packaging. We just bought it and ate it happily. Of course, we also exercised by playing outside and riding our bikes.
-We didn't learn about sexual lies from any Internet...but we didn't exactly learn from our parents, thank goodness. No, we learned from dad's Penthouse or Playboy, older brothers and older schoolmates, and the scrambled pay channel's Friday night adult movie...and still screwed it up the first time, so to speak.
-We didn't get on anyone's case for weeks for saying an inappropriate thing, that was reserved for marriage!
-Movies tended to be ORIGINAL STORIES, not endless REAMKES!
-There was no Internet to give us lots of information, lies, sound bites, and video clips to expose us to things we didn't need to see. We just lived life as it unfolded live before our eyes.
So, it wasn't all Guns N Roses, there were some inconveniences. However, I'd take an innocent youth any day over all the imagery and violence that we, and our kids, are exposed to. Now, if you'll excuse me, a new episode of the "Cosby Show" is coming on. I gotta get up to change the channel...I wish!
The 80s really seem a few years ago to me in many ways. I love the music, TV shows, movies, and cars. I know many don't like the Reagan era, but it was the best of times to me. We knew who the "enemy" was...it was the Russians, it was the principals in "Ferris Bueller" and "Breakfast Club", it was the mall security guard, it was white rap, it was the New Coke! We knew what we liked and did not like.
The 80s, for many, ended when Reagan retired and George Sr. came in. Datewise, it ended when 1990 started. For others, the 80s went just a bit into the 90s and ended around 1992 or 1993, or the end of George Sr. Eras are different for different people.
So, that all being said and sighed over ("Knock it off, nerd! GET-WITH-THE-TIMES!!). Sorry, my pancreas drank coffee, and will probably be up late, just ignore it. Anyhow, we all remember our folks telling US, the 70s-80s-born generation X and Y, how good the old days were. Yeah, I know, Dad, you walked 50 miles in your sailboat boxers, brown socks and sandals through the snow so you could buy your Mustang and listen to the Beach Boys while looking for a Howard Johnsons to have a malt at. Yeah yeah yeah. I've heard it before. Seriously, I believe that Christopher Lloyd happened upon my dad with the DeLorean back in 1962 and, through some goofy Grandpa Musnster-like time experiment, KEPT MY DAD IN 1962! His clothes, music tastes, and views evidence this to a tee.
But now that I'm about 41 and legally have a past, it's time for Mr. Moore's list of "Back in MY day" gloats and self-barricaded views. Keep in mind that I will use a range of 1977-89. This is for the purpose of coming up with more crap to write.
Back in my day..
-Televisions had KNOBS! You had to GET UP to TURN THE KNOB to CHANGE THE CHANNEL...not only that...but you had to GET UP, WALK TO THE TV, AND CHANGE THE VOLUME AND TURN THE SET ON OR OFF!
-MTV meant MUSIC television, not MORON television!
-We could spend less than $15 to fill the gas tank in the car!
-TV dinners were in metal tins and had to be put in the oven for almost an hour!
-The Emergency Broadcast System and nails on the chalkboard were the main ways to make your ears bleed (Katherin Heigl wasn't heard of yet)
-Oh yeah, schools had chalkboards where you wrote with chalk and used erasers that made a cloud of dust. This was school smog!
-TV ad breaks were only about 1-2 minutes! And they weren't spent on promoting the same show 2 or 3 times!
-Disney meant an old classic coming on Sunday night, live or animated, and it could also mean an oldie coming to the theater for a couple of weeks...the concept of taking a little kid and programming them for success hadn't come until the Olsens.
-We did our research in books, which we found using a card catalog, and had to document our sources in really specific formats that made the term paper a nightmare! Er...bad example!
- When someone called you and you weren't available, the phone would ring and ring forever until they gave up. Sometimes, there'd be an answering machine that played a mangled tape, but lets stick with 70s normalcy here.
-A movie, popcorn, and soda could run you UNDER $10!
-Texting someone probably meant hitting them with your English book.
-Cars came with just a radio and an AM one at that.
-We listened to music on vinyl records that inevitably formed skips, then on tapes that melted or got stuck! THANK GOODNESS for CDs!
- School was simple: you came in at 8ish, learned for an hour or two, then you had a 15-minute recess, then another hour or so of learning, then lunch and more recess AFTER YOU ATE, then learned for another 2 or 3 hours, then went home.
-Pizza Hut was mainly dine-in and it was a fun place to be.
-Chicken wings were an often-discarded part of the bird, not a source of appetizer craze!
- TV had TEST PATTERNS, not INFOMERCIALS! Test patterns were these colorful stripes with a low steady beep...and were more intelligent than an infomercial.
-George Carlin, Richard Pryor, and Bill Cosby were the stand-up kings and made us laugh! There was no "Carrot Top"
- Erectile dysfunction and yeast infections were kept in people's private hells, not advertised during "Tom and Jerry"!
-There were no "dating sites", unless you considered the corner pub a place to meet someone serious. You either married your high school or college sweetheart, or spent a lot of time at work passing the secretary's desk or were lucky enough to have a friend introduce you to someone...or you just lamely lived life.
-We said the Pledge of Allegiance without thinking about it, except feeling American pride!
-Junk food was sugary soda and buttery, salty crackers...there was no high fructose corn syrup....at least they weren't listend on the packaging. We just bought it and ate it happily. Of course, we also exercised by playing outside and riding our bikes.
-We didn't learn about sexual lies from any Internet...but we didn't exactly learn from our parents, thank goodness. No, we learned from dad's Penthouse or Playboy, older brothers and older schoolmates, and the scrambled pay channel's Friday night adult movie...and still screwed it up the first time, so to speak.
-We didn't get on anyone's case for weeks for saying an inappropriate thing, that was reserved for marriage!
-Movies tended to be ORIGINAL STORIES, not endless REAMKES!
-There was no Internet to give us lots of information, lies, sound bites, and video clips to expose us to things we didn't need to see. We just lived life as it unfolded live before our eyes.
So, it wasn't all Guns N Roses, there were some inconveniences. However, I'd take an innocent youth any day over all the imagery and violence that we, and our kids, are exposed to. Now, if you'll excuse me, a new episode of the "Cosby Show" is coming on. I gotta get up to change the channel...I wish!
Saturday, June 22, 2013
A real playlist
Turning on "The Bob", which boasts it can play anything it wants. What it doesn't say is that it can play whatever it wants over and over again. That's the sad state of radio today. It is a veritable ocean of repetitiveness and mediocrity. Even AM talk is all the same: the Democrats are evil, the Republicans are evil, the IRS is evil. We all know those 3 statements are true, I don't need an ensiled maniac with a microphone and transmitter to tell me all that. However, this maniac would love a transmitter and a microphone, utilize the entire USA power grid like Richard Pryor's supercomputer in Superman 3, and play classic TV theme songs, Doors songs, pioneering 50s rock & roll, and throw in an occasional classic 1970s Emergency Broadcast System test with the 30-60 second long tone just to keep it real.
Well, that's what it'll take to make me happy with what I'm listening to .Let's go back-
NO, Bryan, not another trip down amnesia lane!! We can't handle it anymore! We all have a past, let it go, you nerd!
Ahem...sorry. That was the nagging voice, probably from the pancreas, that's always telling me to get with the times. I can't! I'm 40 and I wish it was....1995. Seriously! Even though it was a rough year with my parent's split and all, I have to say there was a great variety of radio stations out there, and lots of them were classic rock. Others were just oldies, 70s, 80s, and the usual rap and 90s gunk that I shied away from because of taste.
Growing up in good ol Reading, Pennsylvania, there weren't a whole lot of stations; that is, I didn't listen to a whole lot of variety...and my tastes sucked as a kid. When we lived in Wernersville in the 1970s, we listened to WUFM out of Lebanon. It was a good mix of current 70s hits. In fact, during a family drive to Michigan one year, my mom made 3 tapes from that station to play on a tape player. I wish I still had them, the mix was good. I also vaguely remember WRAW before we moved. Then, in the 80s after we'd moved back to PA,, the station we generally kept it on was WRFY. It was good, but trendy. The best example for this is the 50 times we heard "Batdance" on any given summer day in 1989! It didn't get any better. For an alternative, I listened to WEEU occasionally. Sure it was an AM station and aired Rush Limbaugh, but I felt music was at its lowest!
While I was at West Virginia in 1991-92, I started to listen to more Doors (after seeing the movie) and Led Zeppelin. When I rejoined my parents that spring, I discovered a great new concept for me: OLDIES! I forget the call letters, but this station played 50s, 60s, and early 70s rock and pop. Was all of it good? No, in fact, a lot of it was dumb. However, I often did not hear a song played in the morning again until the next day, that's how great their library was. Oldies and Doors were pretty much my life for the next 2 years and I loved it. It just seemed to fit my time in San Diego well.
In 1994, I went away from home to Sonoma State and found a decent 70s only station. It didn't stay that way for long, but it was an example how the wide range of stations the Bay Area had. My friend Scott introduced me to some good stations in the Central Valley that played good rock, and I listened to them going to San Diego or back to Rohnert Park/ Santa Rosa for many years.
Once I moved to Las Vegas in 2002, a change happened and it wasn't good. Oldies were relegated to 70s and 80s with some 60s but no 50s, and classic rock consisted of some lame-ass crap that was somehow considered rock (sorry, Bon Jovi, you're not there!). The coming trend remedied that nicely.
The age of the MP3 player was here. It was now possible to program a whole day of music on a tiny device. All you needed were CDs to get your favorites and leave the plaque out. You could also buy MP3 music files to fill that hole in your music day. Granted, not everything you want is in MP3 form, sometimes you have to buy the CD to get what you desire.
My iPod has been my friend for years now. I can listen to what I like going to and from work, and during the occasional errand my wife sends me on. The rest of the time, we listen to Vickie's iPod in the car, it's the law. I don't really mind it, she has a good mix of rock, metal, and country, as well as our daughter's kid music. Some of the song selections are funny, such as "Chim Chim Chiminee" coming after Godsmack's "Voodoo" (which our kid sings to, it's hilarious!).
To conclude, before I return to my theme songs (up next is Petticoat Junction), here is a good sample mix that will keep your brain guessing (which we need quite often, I'm afraid).
1. "I Don't Remember Loving You" by John Conlee
2. "Jesus Loves Me"
3. "Enter Sandman" by Metallica
4. "Trailerhood" by Toby Keith
5. "Amarillo by Morning" by George Strait
6. "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down
7. some "Sophia the Princess" song
8. "Ladies and Gentlemen" by Saliva
9. "End of the Line" by the Traveling Willburys (kid favorite)
10. "Got My Mind Set on You" by George Harrison (kid favorite)
11. Sha La La song by Toby Keith
12. "Fruit Salad" by the Wiggles
13. "I Don't Believe in Love" by Queensryche
14. "Rock-A-Bye Your Bear" by the Wiggles
Is that diverse enough? If not, tough, "My 3 Sons" is next up!
Well, that's what it'll take to make me happy with what I'm listening to .Let's go back-
NO, Bryan, not another trip down amnesia lane!! We can't handle it anymore! We all have a past, let it go, you nerd!
Ahem...sorry. That was the nagging voice, probably from the pancreas, that's always telling me to get with the times. I can't! I'm 40 and I wish it was....1995. Seriously! Even though it was a rough year with my parent's split and all, I have to say there was a great variety of radio stations out there, and lots of them were classic rock. Others were just oldies, 70s, 80s, and the usual rap and 90s gunk that I shied away from because of taste.
Growing up in good ol Reading, Pennsylvania, there weren't a whole lot of stations; that is, I didn't listen to a whole lot of variety...and my tastes sucked as a kid. When we lived in Wernersville in the 1970s, we listened to WUFM out of Lebanon. It was a good mix of current 70s hits. In fact, during a family drive to Michigan one year, my mom made 3 tapes from that station to play on a tape player. I wish I still had them, the mix was good. I also vaguely remember WRAW before we moved. Then, in the 80s after we'd moved back to PA,, the station we generally kept it on was WRFY. It was good, but trendy. The best example for this is the 50 times we heard "Batdance" on any given summer day in 1989! It didn't get any better. For an alternative, I listened to WEEU occasionally. Sure it was an AM station and aired Rush Limbaugh, but I felt music was at its lowest!
While I was at West Virginia in 1991-92, I started to listen to more Doors (after seeing the movie) and Led Zeppelin. When I rejoined my parents that spring, I discovered a great new concept for me: OLDIES! I forget the call letters, but this station played 50s, 60s, and early 70s rock and pop. Was all of it good? No, in fact, a lot of it was dumb. However, I often did not hear a song played in the morning again until the next day, that's how great their library was. Oldies and Doors were pretty much my life for the next 2 years and I loved it. It just seemed to fit my time in San Diego well.
In 1994, I went away from home to Sonoma State and found a decent 70s only station. It didn't stay that way for long, but it was an example how the wide range of stations the Bay Area had. My friend Scott introduced me to some good stations in the Central Valley that played good rock, and I listened to them going to San Diego or back to Rohnert Park/ Santa Rosa for many years.
Once I moved to Las Vegas in 2002, a change happened and it wasn't good. Oldies were relegated to 70s and 80s with some 60s but no 50s, and classic rock consisted of some lame-ass crap that was somehow considered rock (sorry, Bon Jovi, you're not there!). The coming trend remedied that nicely.
The age of the MP3 player was here. It was now possible to program a whole day of music on a tiny device. All you needed were CDs to get your favorites and leave the plaque out. You could also buy MP3 music files to fill that hole in your music day. Granted, not everything you want is in MP3 form, sometimes you have to buy the CD to get what you desire.
My iPod has been my friend for years now. I can listen to what I like going to and from work, and during the occasional errand my wife sends me on. The rest of the time, we listen to Vickie's iPod in the car, it's the law. I don't really mind it, she has a good mix of rock, metal, and country, as well as our daughter's kid music. Some of the song selections are funny, such as "Chim Chim Chiminee" coming after Godsmack's "Voodoo" (which our kid sings to, it's hilarious!).
To conclude, before I return to my theme songs (up next is Petticoat Junction), here is a good sample mix that will keep your brain guessing (which we need quite often, I'm afraid).
1. "I Don't Remember Loving You" by John Conlee
2. "Jesus Loves Me"
3. "Enter Sandman" by Metallica
4. "Trailerhood" by Toby Keith
5. "Amarillo by Morning" by George Strait
6. "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down
7. some "Sophia the Princess" song
8. "Ladies and Gentlemen" by Saliva
9. "End of the Line" by the Traveling Willburys (kid favorite)
10. "Got My Mind Set on You" by George Harrison (kid favorite)
11. Sha La La song by Toby Keith
12. "Fruit Salad" by the Wiggles
13. "I Don't Believe in Love" by Queensryche
14. "Rock-A-Bye Your Bear" by the Wiggles
Is that diverse enough? If not, tough, "My 3 Sons" is next up!
Friday, June 21, 2013
Super Pac Asteroid Command IV
All right, I'll say it: I'm 40 and I LOVE video games! (Hi 40! is your response). I back this pride up by saying I am not on the cutting edge of video games. I am more like on the spork of it because, quite frankly, I can't afford to buy a new system with its coolest game every time one comes out. Really, I marvel, then puke, at the sight of the line at Target or Wal Mart when the newest machine comes to the public for a mere $500 or so, usually around Thanksgiving weekend. Mmm, that sounds like an interesting time: have a huge feast, then go sit or stand in line subjecting everyone to your turkey or ham farts! But, even though I am way behind on the hip new stuff, I have still been able to watch the evolution of the video game world well, evolve!
1970s- my grandparents in Michigan owned a quaint (by today's standards) little device with two knobs. These knobs (sorry, PADDLES) controlled 2 short line segments that batted a square dot back and forth. It was called Pong and we all thought it was fun mindless amusement, especially to a little 6 or 7 year old me!
1981- I meet my new friend Jeremy Bitz who owns this really cool machine called an Atari, where you plug a rectangular piece of plastic into the machine and use a revolutionary gadget called a joystick to play the game! And these games were, by today's standards, pretty lame. But there was nothing 21st-century era to compare them to. So, these games ROCKED! One title in particular comes to mind: Air Sea Battle. In this game, airplanes fought each other, planes fought boats, boats fought planes, or boats fought boats. Well, needless to say, I knew this machine would just rot my brain, so I kept wanting to go to Jeremy's house to play.
1982: Santa's last gift to me before I disowned him as many kids do eventually, was an Atari. Jeremy got an Intellivision. I had trouble with that machine because of its keypad and joystickless controller. However, I played my machine relentlessly. My first 3 games were Pac Man, Donkey Kong, and the somewhat dull Combat (it came with the machine). Pac Man was pretty toned down from its arcade machine father and Donkey Kong just had 2 playing screens, whereas the arcade machine had 4 total screens. Still, as some years passed, I gathered other games, many of them lesser versions of their arcade geneses. Ms. Pac Man (a HUGE improvement over Pac Man), Popeye, Jungle Hunt, Star Wars, Empire Stirkes Back, Return of the Jedi, Jedi Arena, and Missile Command were my favorites.
1985- I got for Christmas a Commodore 64 computer. This machine pretty much changed my game-playing life. For one thing, my dad's office had a HUGE library of games that you could copy to disk! For free!! In fact, I bought very few if any games. Also, the graphics were slightly above the Atari and I could use my joystick on it. I got to play upgraded versions of my Atari games, most of them, anyway! Also-
1986- I get a device called a modem. This allowed me to hold up the phone line so that I could called local numbers on the phone/modem team and access bulletin board systems...one could call them Textbook because there were no pictures, but there were lots of posts by all the nerds in town that had a modem. You could also do this little thing called DOWNLOADING, where you used your phone line to bring in data for a game onto a floppy disk! My world was just getting better and better! My modem was a modest 300 baud in terms of data transfer. I think, from my memory, that 300 baud meant 300 characters on the screen per hour, that's how slow it seemed!
1987. I got a 1200 baud modem plus a new computer desk, and some new games. This was a good Christmas.
1992- I bought for $10 my cousin Erica's Nintendo. This is a perfect example of being behind the times, since the NES came out in 1985! I had played the machine at people's houses before, but now I had my own. I was 20 at the time, and my mom was mad that I wasn't seeking employment actively. The joystick had been "upgraded" to a controller with a directional pad and an A and B button so you could jump AND shoot!What was cool about was Nintendo was that I could RENT GAMES at the video store. My world was really opening up now. This period went for about 3 years.
1995- After gleefully trying out my brother in law's SUPER NINTENDO, I got one of my own when I was at Sonoma State University. It was definitely a step above the NES. This controller had a directional pad, plus A, B, X, Y, and Z buttons! My favorite game by far was Super Empire Strikes Back. Oh yes, I finally got my lightsaber duel after waiting for years. Shadowrun was also a good one, as well as Legend of Zelda. By now there were stores that existed solely to sell video games and computer software. Those games were a good balance to the turmoil of my parents' divorce and my coming into my own personality- and relationship-wise.
2000- I decided to trade in my SNES for a Playstation 1 (2 wasn't out yet). I was now introduced to discs instead of cartridges. The controller had shapes instead of letters. I got a few Star Wars games, Spiderman, and a few others that made life fun. I actually had this machine for only 2 years, for 1 reason only. In late 2002 I was in a game store and saw someone playing Rogue Leader, which contained a very awesome version of the Death Star attack in Star Wars! So...
2002- I traded in my PS1 for a Gamecube and bought Rogue Leader AND Jedi Outcast. The latter had the best lightsaber duel action I'd ever seen! (it is still a favorite) I didn't buy that much for the Gamecube since it was just amusement after a day of teaching.
2006- Traded the Gamecube for a Plasyation 2. Got lots of games, had fun, nothing obsessive about it anymore. Revenge of the Sith was fun, as well as Curious George, but it was an occasional diversion with my finacee, later wife Vickie.
2011- Traded in the PS2 for a Wii. I love bowling, tennis, Price is Right, and Lego Star Wars. Plan to keep this one for a while.
I also remember the era of video game arcades. The Berkshire Mall had a GREAT one in the early 80s before they remodeled to put in a food court. Showbiz Pizza also had a good one. I was lucky enough to go to a couple of birthday parties there before it closed down. The era of arcades is pretty much over, save for racing and shooting games you find here and there, My last memory of an arcade was at West Virginia University. Small, but packed with good games.
As to game systems, I know I missed out on more than a few. I never wanted an Intellivision, I totally missed out on the short-lived Colecovision, and Odyssey was a fast come and go. The whole Sega set just bypassed me. I'm not interested in the new Playstations or XBoxes. Why bother? It's like replacing your movie collection of DVDs with Blu-Ray. It was tough enough replacing my VHS collection, I still haven't finished that quest.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to grab a paddle. That little ball is calling to me!
1970s- my grandparents in Michigan owned a quaint (by today's standards) little device with two knobs. These knobs (sorry, PADDLES) controlled 2 short line segments that batted a square dot back and forth. It was called Pong and we all thought it was fun mindless amusement, especially to a little 6 or 7 year old me!
1981- I meet my new friend Jeremy Bitz who owns this really cool machine called an Atari, where you plug a rectangular piece of plastic into the machine and use a revolutionary gadget called a joystick to play the game! And these games were, by today's standards, pretty lame. But there was nothing 21st-century era to compare them to. So, these games ROCKED! One title in particular comes to mind: Air Sea Battle. In this game, airplanes fought each other, planes fought boats, boats fought planes, or boats fought boats. Well, needless to say, I knew this machine would just rot my brain, so I kept wanting to go to Jeremy's house to play.
1982: Santa's last gift to me before I disowned him as many kids do eventually, was an Atari. Jeremy got an Intellivision. I had trouble with that machine because of its keypad and joystickless controller. However, I played my machine relentlessly. My first 3 games were Pac Man, Donkey Kong, and the somewhat dull Combat (it came with the machine). Pac Man was pretty toned down from its arcade machine father and Donkey Kong just had 2 playing screens, whereas the arcade machine had 4 total screens. Still, as some years passed, I gathered other games, many of them lesser versions of their arcade geneses. Ms. Pac Man (a HUGE improvement over Pac Man), Popeye, Jungle Hunt, Star Wars, Empire Stirkes Back, Return of the Jedi, Jedi Arena, and Missile Command were my favorites.
1985- I got for Christmas a Commodore 64 computer. This machine pretty much changed my game-playing life. For one thing, my dad's office had a HUGE library of games that you could copy to disk! For free!! In fact, I bought very few if any games. Also, the graphics were slightly above the Atari and I could use my joystick on it. I got to play upgraded versions of my Atari games, most of them, anyway! Also-
1986- I get a device called a modem. This allowed me to hold up the phone line so that I could called local numbers on the phone/modem team and access bulletin board systems...one could call them Textbook because there were no pictures, but there were lots of posts by all the nerds in town that had a modem. You could also do this little thing called DOWNLOADING, where you used your phone line to bring in data for a game onto a floppy disk! My world was just getting better and better! My modem was a modest 300 baud in terms of data transfer. I think, from my memory, that 300 baud meant 300 characters on the screen per hour, that's how slow it seemed!
1987. I got a 1200 baud modem plus a new computer desk, and some new games. This was a good Christmas.
1992- I bought for $10 my cousin Erica's Nintendo. This is a perfect example of being behind the times, since the NES came out in 1985! I had played the machine at people's houses before, but now I had my own. I was 20 at the time, and my mom was mad that I wasn't seeking employment actively. The joystick had been "upgraded" to a controller with a directional pad and an A and B button so you could jump AND shoot!What was cool about was Nintendo was that I could RENT GAMES at the video store. My world was really opening up now. This period went for about 3 years.
1995- After gleefully trying out my brother in law's SUPER NINTENDO, I got one of my own when I was at Sonoma State University. It was definitely a step above the NES. This controller had a directional pad, plus A, B, X, Y, and Z buttons! My favorite game by far was Super Empire Strikes Back. Oh yes, I finally got my lightsaber duel after waiting for years. Shadowrun was also a good one, as well as Legend of Zelda. By now there were stores that existed solely to sell video games and computer software. Those games were a good balance to the turmoil of my parents' divorce and my coming into my own personality- and relationship-wise.
2000- I decided to trade in my SNES for a Playstation 1 (2 wasn't out yet). I was now introduced to discs instead of cartridges. The controller had shapes instead of letters. I got a few Star Wars games, Spiderman, and a few others that made life fun. I actually had this machine for only 2 years, for 1 reason only. In late 2002 I was in a game store and saw someone playing Rogue Leader, which contained a very awesome version of the Death Star attack in Star Wars! So...
2002- I traded in my PS1 for a Gamecube and bought Rogue Leader AND Jedi Outcast. The latter had the best lightsaber duel action I'd ever seen! (it is still a favorite) I didn't buy that much for the Gamecube since it was just amusement after a day of teaching.
2006- Traded the Gamecube for a Plasyation 2. Got lots of games, had fun, nothing obsessive about it anymore. Revenge of the Sith was fun, as well as Curious George, but it was an occasional diversion with my finacee, later wife Vickie.
2011- Traded in the PS2 for a Wii. I love bowling, tennis, Price is Right, and Lego Star Wars. Plan to keep this one for a while.
I also remember the era of video game arcades. The Berkshire Mall had a GREAT one in the early 80s before they remodeled to put in a food court. Showbiz Pizza also had a good one. I was lucky enough to go to a couple of birthday parties there before it closed down. The era of arcades is pretty much over, save for racing and shooting games you find here and there, My last memory of an arcade was at West Virginia University. Small, but packed with good games.
As to game systems, I know I missed out on more than a few. I never wanted an Intellivision, I totally missed out on the short-lived Colecovision, and Odyssey was a fast come and go. The whole Sega set just bypassed me. I'm not interested in the new Playstations or XBoxes. Why bother? It's like replacing your movie collection of DVDs with Blu-Ray. It was tough enough replacing my VHS collection, I still haven't finished that quest.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to grab a paddle. That little ball is calling to me!
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Family Vacation 2013
Yes, it has already happened, what we anticipate yearly. The Moore family vacation, version 2013. This is not a vacation with "improvements" like a new Windows operating system. No, every year we take a vacation to seemingly wait for problems to happen. Obviously, a Moore vacation is not complete without hassle! Let's look at highlights before moving on to this year's festivities!
1979: Christmas trip from Wilmington, NC to Michigan. We anticipated a rather long drive, but doable, probably arrive at my grandparents' home after dinner. No, we had a faulty company car
that had a bad electrical system. We broke down about 50 miles from home...then a few other times after that, I believe, and we ended up staying in a motel in Ohio because both my parents were so tired. The trip home was much better, from my memory. I was only 7 then.
1987: The family trip to Yosemite. Mostly pleasant. We flew to Reno, then drove to Yosemite...and stayed at a rathole outside the park because ratholes inside the park were more expensive and required a decade's advance reservation. We did horseback riding, hiking, biking, and took drives around the park itself to see sequoias and the beautiful Half Dome. The trouble was at the end of the trip. We flew from Reno to Minneapolis expecting to connect to Newark (meaning we need a Noah to build a new ark to save worthy creatures after Newark's imminent flooding). The flight was canceled, so we grabbed one airline to Chicago, then RAN to the other side of O'Hare to connect to Newark. We got home 6 hours later than planned. I was 14 then.
2006: My fiancée Vickie and I were going to my friend Rob's wedding in Pasadena. We hadn't made any reservations, so we were hoping to find a nice motel along I-210. Well, that July evening, there was a power failure in the San Gabriel Valley, so vacancies were tough. We finally found a place in Covina for $72...and I have to say, the rathole outside Yosemite was an IMPROVEMENT! There were no towels, graffiti substituted for the usual cheap art in the room, and overall I had the sensation that this hotel was used by well-funded gang members. We got up the next morning, showered, dried ourselves with the sheets and then left at warp speed!
2011- A well-needed trip to Santa Rosa. We made a reservation in Bakersfield, which was about halfway for us from Las Vegas. We got to Bakersfield around 8p.m., ate some dinner, then headed back to the hotel. Natalie was still 1, and was having trouble sleeping in a normal bed. Well, no wonder, because we'd reserved a crib and it wasn't available because someone decided to stay an extra day at this half-diamond Econolodge. So...after trying in vain for hours to get Natalie to sleep, we left. Yep, we abandoned our hard-earned $30 and got the hell out of pit 1...and drove about 90 minutes to pit 2: Fresno. Yes, we drove 100 miles away to find a Ramada for $59! And they had a crib! We went upstairs, changed Natalie's diaper, and went to sleep immediately. The next day, we made it to Santa Rosa without incident. Traffic, yes, but no incident.
2012: Vacation to Florida. We flew from San Diego to Houston, then rushed to our next flight from Houston to Orlando. Apart from the first flight's delay, not bad at all. A wonderful week and a day later (really, it was), we returned our rental car. Interesting side note: If you want to return a rental car to Orlando, there are gas stations 3-4 miles from the airport that are market price. Inside of that, expect to add $2 per gallon! Vickie's aunt gave us the head's up on that. Once we arrived to check in, we were ready to grab a flight to Dulles and then connect to San Diego. Well, our Dulles flight was delayed and we wouldn't be able to make the connection to San Diego. So, the agent rerouted us to Denver, then from Denver to SD. Fine, great...except for one thing: IT WAS A 9 HOUR LAYOVER!!! Oh yes! And with a 2 1/2 year old to boot! And no food vouchers for the day!! Well, at 6pm we boarded the plane only to see an thunderstorm come in and delay us an hour or so. We got to Denver eventually and had to search for our gate. Luckily the flight number had changed and the flight was slightly delayed, so no problem. I wrote to United with my complaints and they gave us $450 in vouchers good for a year. Great! That brought us to.....
2013! Colorado Springs! This came at the end of the last week of school. Our flight on Allegiant was on time, though we were in the back, right next to the engine, so no views at all. Small change there. When we arrived at the wonderfully small airport, we headed to the rental car desk. Vickie had gotten a package deal for car and hotel. Well, the car company apparently hadn't been paid enough from Orbitz because they needed another $200 deposit! We didn't have it! We had to call my mom to get an advance of $200 so we could get out of the airport! After that all was well....almost. We got our crummy car (Ford Fusion stripped of good transmission and a port to play an IPOD), found our hotel, got something to eat, and got paid at 9:35pm and paid my mom back. The one other bad thing was terrible news about a dear colleague, I won't delve into that, it is too soon. After all that, we got to see Cave of the Winds and drove up to Pike's Peak! We saw lots of nice mountains and trees. We didn't see enough! I want to go back. We flew from Denver to Las Vegas on United using our vouchers and had an hour's delay, but we shrugged that one off. Natalie is older and easier to control...at times.
I can't wait until next year's adventure! If all goes well, it will be a return to Colorado Springs, or a visit to Michigan to see family. If all is not well, we will have a canceled flight to Newark, a $400 deposit to get a 1974 Ford Pinto with an electrical problem, and an Econolodge with no towels but lots of graffiti! Somewhere along the line, it does add up, I just hope it stays safe.
1979: Christmas trip from Wilmington, NC to Michigan. We anticipated a rather long drive, but doable, probably arrive at my grandparents' home after dinner. No, we had a faulty company car
that had a bad electrical system. We broke down about 50 miles from home...then a few other times after that, I believe, and we ended up staying in a motel in Ohio because both my parents were so tired. The trip home was much better, from my memory. I was only 7 then.
1987: The family trip to Yosemite. Mostly pleasant. We flew to Reno, then drove to Yosemite...and stayed at a rathole outside the park because ratholes inside the park were more expensive and required a decade's advance reservation. We did horseback riding, hiking, biking, and took drives around the park itself to see sequoias and the beautiful Half Dome. The trouble was at the end of the trip. We flew from Reno to Minneapolis expecting to connect to Newark (meaning we need a Noah to build a new ark to save worthy creatures after Newark's imminent flooding). The flight was canceled, so we grabbed one airline to Chicago, then RAN to the other side of O'Hare to connect to Newark. We got home 6 hours later than planned. I was 14 then.
2006: My fiancée Vickie and I were going to my friend Rob's wedding in Pasadena. We hadn't made any reservations, so we were hoping to find a nice motel along I-210. Well, that July evening, there was a power failure in the San Gabriel Valley, so vacancies were tough. We finally found a place in Covina for $72...and I have to say, the rathole outside Yosemite was an IMPROVEMENT! There were no towels, graffiti substituted for the usual cheap art in the room, and overall I had the sensation that this hotel was used by well-funded gang members. We got up the next morning, showered, dried ourselves with the sheets and then left at warp speed!
2011- A well-needed trip to Santa Rosa. We made a reservation in Bakersfield, which was about halfway for us from Las Vegas. We got to Bakersfield around 8p.m., ate some dinner, then headed back to the hotel. Natalie was still 1, and was having trouble sleeping in a normal bed. Well, no wonder, because we'd reserved a crib and it wasn't available because someone decided to stay an extra day at this half-diamond Econolodge. So...after trying in vain for hours to get Natalie to sleep, we left. Yep, we abandoned our hard-earned $30 and got the hell out of pit 1...and drove about 90 minutes to pit 2: Fresno. Yes, we drove 100 miles away to find a Ramada for $59! And they had a crib! We went upstairs, changed Natalie's diaper, and went to sleep immediately. The next day, we made it to Santa Rosa without incident. Traffic, yes, but no incident.
2012: Vacation to Florida. We flew from San Diego to Houston, then rushed to our next flight from Houston to Orlando. Apart from the first flight's delay, not bad at all. A wonderful week and a day later (really, it was), we returned our rental car. Interesting side note: If you want to return a rental car to Orlando, there are gas stations 3-4 miles from the airport that are market price. Inside of that, expect to add $2 per gallon! Vickie's aunt gave us the head's up on that. Once we arrived to check in, we were ready to grab a flight to Dulles and then connect to San Diego. Well, our Dulles flight was delayed and we wouldn't be able to make the connection to San Diego. So, the agent rerouted us to Denver, then from Denver to SD. Fine, great...except for one thing: IT WAS A 9 HOUR LAYOVER!!! Oh yes! And with a 2 1/2 year old to boot! And no food vouchers for the day!! Well, at 6pm we boarded the plane only to see an thunderstorm come in and delay us an hour or so. We got to Denver eventually and had to search for our gate. Luckily the flight number had changed and the flight was slightly delayed, so no problem. I wrote to United with my complaints and they gave us $450 in vouchers good for a year. Great! That brought us to.....
2013! Colorado Springs! This came at the end of the last week of school. Our flight on Allegiant was on time, though we were in the back, right next to the engine, so no views at all. Small change there. When we arrived at the wonderfully small airport, we headed to the rental car desk. Vickie had gotten a package deal for car and hotel. Well, the car company apparently hadn't been paid enough from Orbitz because they needed another $200 deposit! We didn't have it! We had to call my mom to get an advance of $200 so we could get out of the airport! After that all was well....almost. We got our crummy car (Ford Fusion stripped of good transmission and a port to play an IPOD), found our hotel, got something to eat, and got paid at 9:35pm and paid my mom back. The one other bad thing was terrible news about a dear colleague, I won't delve into that, it is too soon. After all that, we got to see Cave of the Winds and drove up to Pike's Peak! We saw lots of nice mountains and trees. We didn't see enough! I want to go back. We flew from Denver to Las Vegas on United using our vouchers and had an hour's delay, but we shrugged that one off. Natalie is older and easier to control...at times.
I can't wait until next year's adventure! If all goes well, it will be a return to Colorado Springs, or a visit to Michigan to see family. If all is not well, we will have a canceled flight to Newark, a $400 deposit to get a 1974 Ford Pinto with an electrical problem, and an Econolodge with no towels but lots of graffiti! Somewhere along the line, it does add up, I just hope it stays safe.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Ode to The Edge
What can I say? I love a good story, particularly when it's a mystery. It's so hard to find the source of any these days. I think James Patterson and David Baldacci have done so much that their stories have become predictable. I don't mean that I know what will come next, just that the anticipation of a plot point or twist have made their books readable, but forgettable after the first reading or audio book listening. My favorite author Robert B. Parker passed away 2 years ago and I am ambivalent about reading his successor's Spenser novels. Luckily, though, I have found a source for my original love of mysteries available to me.
In early 1986 I found USA was running the old mystery/thriller soap "The Edge of Night". I was immediately hooked on this show. The mysteries were engaging (most of the time), with a master writer named Henry Slesar at the helm. Unfortunately, my dad ddn't like the idea of his son watching a soap (he never even tried to watch at least 1 with me), and every so often my tapings were sabotaged not through malice, but he didn't realize I was recording so he left the cable box on a different channel. However, these instances were only occasional.
As I said, most of the stories were engaging. When I started watching, the Gunther Wagner murder story was in high gear. in late 1981. After that, the return of the real Sky Whitney and his trying to reclaim his fortune, the CEA (CIA clone) accusing Sky of treason because of his imposter's doings, the Ted Loomis story, the Nora Fulton murder, Louis Van Dine trying to take over Monticello (the show's setting, not Thomas Jefferson's home) with mass hypnosis, and the Logan Swift murder trial.
However, other stories were not as engaging: Smiley Wilson's (Frank Gorshin) scam to rob Raven Whitney of her millions (only partially interesting due to the real Sky trying to reclaim that money at the same time), Jody Travis (Lori Loughlin) being duped into playing the martyr of Eden, and most of 1984 with the exception of the Logan Swift mystery. However, I was a loyal viewer and stayed with it right to the end. In its last year, I began writing stories in its vein (and I was still 16 at the time!).
There was a good amount of humor sprinkled throughout the show as well as superb dialogue between the characters, especially in Mr. Slesar's era. in the last year and a half Lee Sheldon succeeded Slesar and the writing got more humorous in a corny way and less witty (I'll take the wit any day). The humor counterbalanced the crime drama well. As the theme song said, "The Edge of Night: half dark, half light)
Well, lately I came upon some EDGE episodes from months before I began watching 27 years ago. I am floored once again by the writing and good acting! Larkin Malloy and David Froman as the fake Sky (Jefferson Brown} and Gunther Wagner respectively made everything worthwhile. I fast forward through the soapy elements, as they're really not my thing. I am hoping that by the end of this year I'll have all the available episodes that I want. from the years I watched.
The fake Sky/Gunther storyline goes as follows (basic plot points only):
1. Sky Whitney arrives in town and begins a relationship with Raven Swift soon after.
2. After much reluctance, Sky proposes to Raven and marries her 8 months later.
3. Raven finds a picture of Sky with some people, including a man named Jefferson Brown. Brown has a peculiar scar on his back that Sky has as well.
4. Raven begins asking questions and Sky panics and hires thug Romeo Slade to kill Raven while everyone is away from the mansion except Raven.
5. Just as Slade is about of kill Raven, Sky, having a change of heart, returns and blows Slade away with a shotgun.
6. Sky reveals that he is Jefferson Brown and how he came to be Sky and Raven is just happy to know the truth.
7. Sky's evil servant/henchman Gunther Wagner, who has contempt for his boss, figures out Sky's murder plot and blackmails him.
8. Sky's plans to open his dance show are foiled when his star dancer Jody quits, and Sky blames her boyfriend Gavin Wylie for the loss and plans to kill him (he now seems to have a taste for murder)
9. After Gavin reveals that he has a gun in case Gunther bothers him again (Gunther broke his leg previously), Sky concocts a plan to make Gavin shoot Gunther with blanks and send Gunther away from town with a huge payoff.
10. Gunther puts the blanks in the gun, playfully assaults Jody, and Gavin confronts Gunther. They end up struggling for the gun and Gunther is "shot".
11. Gavin runs for help and Sky arrives, changes the gun's ammo to real and blows Gunther away for real, ending the blackmail and framing Gavin for the murder for the next 5 months.
Plot points 3 through 11 all happen in 2 months time! This is why I love the show!
In early 1986 I found USA was running the old mystery/thriller soap "The Edge of Night". I was immediately hooked on this show. The mysteries were engaging (most of the time), with a master writer named Henry Slesar at the helm. Unfortunately, my dad ddn't like the idea of his son watching a soap (he never even tried to watch at least 1 with me), and every so often my tapings were sabotaged not through malice, but he didn't realize I was recording so he left the cable box on a different channel. However, these instances were only occasional.
As I said, most of the stories were engaging. When I started watching, the Gunther Wagner murder story was in high gear. in late 1981. After that, the return of the real Sky Whitney and his trying to reclaim his fortune, the CEA (CIA clone) accusing Sky of treason because of his imposter's doings, the Ted Loomis story, the Nora Fulton murder, Louis Van Dine trying to take over Monticello (the show's setting, not Thomas Jefferson's home) with mass hypnosis, and the Logan Swift murder trial.
However, other stories were not as engaging: Smiley Wilson's (Frank Gorshin) scam to rob Raven Whitney of her millions (only partially interesting due to the real Sky trying to reclaim that money at the same time), Jody Travis (Lori Loughlin) being duped into playing the martyr of Eden, and most of 1984 with the exception of the Logan Swift mystery. However, I was a loyal viewer and stayed with it right to the end. In its last year, I began writing stories in its vein (and I was still 16 at the time!).
There was a good amount of humor sprinkled throughout the show as well as superb dialogue between the characters, especially in Mr. Slesar's era. in the last year and a half Lee Sheldon succeeded Slesar and the writing got more humorous in a corny way and less witty (I'll take the wit any day). The humor counterbalanced the crime drama well. As the theme song said, "The Edge of Night: half dark, half light)
Well, lately I came upon some EDGE episodes from months before I began watching 27 years ago. I am floored once again by the writing and good acting! Larkin Malloy and David Froman as the fake Sky (Jefferson Brown} and Gunther Wagner respectively made everything worthwhile. I fast forward through the soapy elements, as they're really not my thing. I am hoping that by the end of this year I'll have all the available episodes that I want. from the years I watched.
The fake Sky/Gunther storyline goes as follows (basic plot points only):
1. Sky Whitney arrives in town and begins a relationship with Raven Swift soon after.
2. After much reluctance, Sky proposes to Raven and marries her 8 months later.
3. Raven finds a picture of Sky with some people, including a man named Jefferson Brown. Brown has a peculiar scar on his back that Sky has as well.
4. Raven begins asking questions and Sky panics and hires thug Romeo Slade to kill Raven while everyone is away from the mansion except Raven.
5. Just as Slade is about of kill Raven, Sky, having a change of heart, returns and blows Slade away with a shotgun.
6. Sky reveals that he is Jefferson Brown and how he came to be Sky and Raven is just happy to know the truth.
7. Sky's evil servant/henchman Gunther Wagner, who has contempt for his boss, figures out Sky's murder plot and blackmails him.
8. Sky's plans to open his dance show are foiled when his star dancer Jody quits, and Sky blames her boyfriend Gavin Wylie for the loss and plans to kill him (he now seems to have a taste for murder)
9. After Gavin reveals that he has a gun in case Gunther bothers him again (Gunther broke his leg previously), Sky concocts a plan to make Gavin shoot Gunther with blanks and send Gunther away from town with a huge payoff.
10. Gunther puts the blanks in the gun, playfully assaults Jody, and Gavin confronts Gunther. They end up struggling for the gun and Gunther is "shot".
11. Gavin runs for help and Sky arrives, changes the gun's ammo to real and blows Gunther away for real, ending the blackmail and framing Gavin for the murder for the next 5 months.
Plot points 3 through 11 all happen in 2 months time! This is why I love the show!
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Meet the Security Risk
The funniest thing happened to us. We were on an airplane to Colorado Springs and they showed an in-flight movie (I'd LOVE to see an out-flight movie example, though). The movie had some scenes of violence that my daughter didn't really need to see. I asked the stewardess/flight attendant/ air deity/ beverage commissioner, whatever they want to be called this week, if they could raise, not the monitor in front of us. She looked at the wrestling unsupervised 7-year olds behind us and knew they wouldn't mind. She then smiled and said she would be right back. It was quite a long wait, because the next thing we knew, we were getting off the plane in Salt Lake City. When asked why, we were told we were a security risk! Now, at first I was flattered that they'd think this of me, a guy who thoroughly rinses his nail clippers after violent nose hair removal! However, I then realized that our flying future was in serious jeopardy!
Of course, I then came to my senses and continued bowling on the WII. This didn't happen to us, but it did happen to an unlucky family flying from Denver to Baltimore. Although personally I would have stayed in Denver for aesthetic reasons, this family was rerouted to Chicago because of the movie thing. The two parents and their 4-year old and 8-year old were considered security risks for asking that the movie monitor be turned off or raised or whatever because the movie being shown was not ok for the child to watch!
Is this what it has come down to? Not only can we not bring our own food and beverages until we get past the security rape and into the overpriced airport food court, not only are we not supposed to ask for Diet Coke because it takes too long to pour at that altitude, we are apparently not allowed to make simple requests! I would personally like to see a list of what are considered security risks besides nail files and nail clippers and fingers in noses and Justin Bieber key chains (oh I HOPE that last one is added!).
I suspect that the truth is scarier, that there is no real list of things, apart from the security scanner alerts. No, the decision in the Denver-to-Baltimore situation was all the pilot's! He had the authority to reroute the flight to Chicago and delay the other passengers and thoroughly inconvenience the family in question here! I have a pretty good idea what pilots have to do to get to their status in life and that it takes some good money to get your pilot's license. However, flying a large group of people from one place to another several times during a day doesn't empower you to make life-changing decisions for other people, especially if they make simple requests! Think of that family. They may now be on a "security risk" list. If they're not forbidden from flying, they may be strip-search requirements!
Well, by golly, we are indeed going to Colorado Springs in early June and we have a 3 1/2 year old with us. Just last summer, she was a security risk by not wearing her shoes when going to the bathroom solitary confinement chamber and just wearing a pull-up a lot of the flight time as well. I was a HUGE security threat by demanding to know why the airline wouldn't take cash for their snack box! Coming back from Orlando, the young man next to us was a security risk because he, too, at 13, only had cash and no card for a snack!
Ladies and gentlemen, all 6 of you who read my stuff, please understand that we as a nation are crumbling due to paranoia. No enemy needs to bomb us, we are bombing ourselves! We need to take action and tell the FAA to chill out! We need to demand good-natured pilots! We need discreet onboard snack generals! We need...oh, yeah, I want the Oreo snack box, do you need my debit card?
Of course, I then came to my senses and continued bowling on the WII. This didn't happen to us, but it did happen to an unlucky family flying from Denver to Baltimore. Although personally I would have stayed in Denver for aesthetic reasons, this family was rerouted to Chicago because of the movie thing. The two parents and their 4-year old and 8-year old were considered security risks for asking that the movie monitor be turned off or raised or whatever because the movie being shown was not ok for the child to watch!
Is this what it has come down to? Not only can we not bring our own food and beverages until we get past the security rape and into the overpriced airport food court, not only are we not supposed to ask for Diet Coke because it takes too long to pour at that altitude, we are apparently not allowed to make simple requests! I would personally like to see a list of what are considered security risks besides nail files and nail clippers and fingers in noses and Justin Bieber key chains (oh I HOPE that last one is added!).
I suspect that the truth is scarier, that there is no real list of things, apart from the security scanner alerts. No, the decision in the Denver-to-Baltimore situation was all the pilot's! He had the authority to reroute the flight to Chicago and delay the other passengers and thoroughly inconvenience the family in question here! I have a pretty good idea what pilots have to do to get to their status in life and that it takes some good money to get your pilot's license. However, flying a large group of people from one place to another several times during a day doesn't empower you to make life-changing decisions for other people, especially if they make simple requests! Think of that family. They may now be on a "security risk" list. If they're not forbidden from flying, they may be strip-search requirements!
Well, by golly, we are indeed going to Colorado Springs in early June and we have a 3 1/2 year old with us. Just last summer, she was a security risk by not wearing her shoes when going to the bathroom solitary confinement chamber and just wearing a pull-up a lot of the flight time as well. I was a HUGE security threat by demanding to know why the airline wouldn't take cash for their snack box! Coming back from Orlando, the young man next to us was a security risk because he, too, at 13, only had cash and no card for a snack!
Ladies and gentlemen, all 6 of you who read my stuff, please understand that we as a nation are crumbling due to paranoia. No enemy needs to bomb us, we are bombing ourselves! We need to take action and tell the FAA to chill out! We need to demand good-natured pilots! We need discreet onboard snack generals! We need...oh, yeah, I want the Oreo snack box, do you need my debit card?
Sunday, February 3, 2013
A great trip to Colorado
When you've lived in the desert for a while, any change is good if for just a week. In early 2008, Vickie and I depserately needed a break from home. In early January, she'd undergone a heavy dose of radiation to deaden a small brain tumor. She was still recovering a month later with a constant headache (to give you an idea, imagine having a large, heavy metal helmet SCREWED into your head with a small amount of numbness injected, then having it on you for hours while heavy gamma rays hit one small area several times).
Well, in early March I was on my track break. That means, in the world of year-round-school, I had a few periods of 3-4 weeks off. These came in November, March, and late June/early July. It was an interesting system and it worked while I was in it...but when the year-round system came to an end for budgetary reasons, I had to adjust big-time. I will probably never blog about that year of adjustment because it also involved an emergency move, my grandma passing away, and just being in a bad year of teaching all-around.
ANYHOW, the master digressor will now get back on track. Vickie had been wanting to show me where she grew up in Colorado for some time. As track break was approaching, it seemed a good time to do it.
I've already blogged about the trip to Salt Lake City, so I'll sum up the Nevada part of the drive: boring! Once we hit Utah, things really changed. In fact, once we got into Cedar City, we were hit with some pretty impressive snow. Occasional flurries and heavier flakes hit us here and there for another hour or so. Just north of Beaver, we got onto I-70. I was familiar with this stretch of road already, but it had been 10 years. As we climbed in elevation, we got hit with more snow. We stopped in Salina for a quick gas-up and snack, then got back onto the road...and entered a snowy, long stretch with no services at all...110 miles! I was trying to stay behind trucks that made good tracks in many areas. Suffice to say, it was fairly stressful. At least I had a good copilot. Finally, we hit Green River, the first service in several hours. We stayed there for probably an hour. Bathroom was a necessity, and a few snacks and drinks were also in order...a little refueling was also needed.
Back on the road we went, and even though it was still snowing in areas, the stress was off. Before we knew it, we were in Grand Junction, Colorado. This was a good place to stop for the night. We'd made reservations, but when I learned what the cost really was, we opted for a lesser, but cheaper, inn...after some dinner at Red Robin.
The next day, we got up, had some good breakfast, and got back onto 70 on a bright sunny morning. Just outside Grand Junction, the scenery is beautiful with red rock cliffs and tight turns through canyons. My favorite stretch, of course, was Glenwood Canyon. My dad and I had first hit this 16 years earlier when the road was still being built to environmentally-happy code. After Glenrood Canyon, 70 goes through a valley sprinkled with some mountain towns, then hits Vail...and begins a steep climb to the Eisenhower Tunnel. This is the point of the continental divide and the highest section of any Interstate highway. We also hit more snow after Vail, so I once again stayed behind trucks. After the tunnel, we started a VERY long downhill (about 60 miles) toward Denver. After a lot of stressful braking, we finally got a rest in Georgetown. Vickie thought there was a good bakery there, but it had closed down. We got back on the road and made it to Denver. It was a welcome sight.
We stayed with Vickie's friend Marilyn for about a week. While there, we saw some good sights. We visited the Children's Hospital (I know that doesn't sound fun, but Vickie's childhood had a lot of connections there). Actually, the hospital was quite nice and child-friendly....and got a lot of sunlight. We also saw Loveland, Fort Collins, downtown Denver (including the capitol), ate a few times at Gunther Toody's diner, as well as Old Spaghetti Factory, and Boulder (no hint of Mork and Mindy). All in all, it was a pleasant week. At that time I really thought about moving there (and I still do). It's just a beautiful blend of plains and mountains.
We headed home on a Saturday and made a goal of Grand Junction again. We stopped in Glenwood Springs and had a good dinner, and then drove the 100 miles to Grand Junction and stayed at another cheap place. The drive home after that was uneventful but safe and, as always, the Nevada part was the worst.
We would like to take a part 2 of this trip soon with Natalie, but we'd fly and rent a car. This is one of my favorites in terms of trips.
Well, in early March I was on my track break. That means, in the world of year-round-school, I had a few periods of 3-4 weeks off. These came in November, March, and late June/early July. It was an interesting system and it worked while I was in it...but when the year-round system came to an end for budgetary reasons, I had to adjust big-time. I will probably never blog about that year of adjustment because it also involved an emergency move, my grandma passing away, and just being in a bad year of teaching all-around.
ANYHOW, the master digressor will now get back on track. Vickie had been wanting to show me where she grew up in Colorado for some time. As track break was approaching, it seemed a good time to do it.
I've already blogged about the trip to Salt Lake City, so I'll sum up the Nevada part of the drive: boring! Once we hit Utah, things really changed. In fact, once we got into Cedar City, we were hit with some pretty impressive snow. Occasional flurries and heavier flakes hit us here and there for another hour or so. Just north of Beaver, we got onto I-70. I was familiar with this stretch of road already, but it had been 10 years. As we climbed in elevation, we got hit with more snow. We stopped in Salina for a quick gas-up and snack, then got back onto the road...and entered a snowy, long stretch with no services at all...110 miles! I was trying to stay behind trucks that made good tracks in many areas. Suffice to say, it was fairly stressful. At least I had a good copilot. Finally, we hit Green River, the first service in several hours. We stayed there for probably an hour. Bathroom was a necessity, and a few snacks and drinks were also in order...a little refueling was also needed.
Back on the road we went, and even though it was still snowing in areas, the stress was off. Before we knew it, we were in Grand Junction, Colorado. This was a good place to stop for the night. We'd made reservations, but when I learned what the cost really was, we opted for a lesser, but cheaper, inn...after some dinner at Red Robin.
The next day, we got up, had some good breakfast, and got back onto 70 on a bright sunny morning. Just outside Grand Junction, the scenery is beautiful with red rock cliffs and tight turns through canyons. My favorite stretch, of course, was Glenwood Canyon. My dad and I had first hit this 16 years earlier when the road was still being built to environmentally-happy code. After Glenrood Canyon, 70 goes through a valley sprinkled with some mountain towns, then hits Vail...and begins a steep climb to the Eisenhower Tunnel. This is the point of the continental divide and the highest section of any Interstate highway. We also hit more snow after Vail, so I once again stayed behind trucks. After the tunnel, we started a VERY long downhill (about 60 miles) toward Denver. After a lot of stressful braking, we finally got a rest in Georgetown. Vickie thought there was a good bakery there, but it had closed down. We got back on the road and made it to Denver. It was a welcome sight.
We stayed with Vickie's friend Marilyn for about a week. While there, we saw some good sights. We visited the Children's Hospital (I know that doesn't sound fun, but Vickie's childhood had a lot of connections there). Actually, the hospital was quite nice and child-friendly....and got a lot of sunlight. We also saw Loveland, Fort Collins, downtown Denver (including the capitol), ate a few times at Gunther Toody's diner, as well as Old Spaghetti Factory, and Boulder (no hint of Mork and Mindy). All in all, it was a pleasant week. At that time I really thought about moving there (and I still do). It's just a beautiful blend of plains and mountains.
We headed home on a Saturday and made a goal of Grand Junction again. We stopped in Glenwood Springs and had a good dinner, and then drove the 100 miles to Grand Junction and stayed at another cheap place. The drive home after that was uneventful but safe and, as always, the Nevada part was the worst.
We would like to take a part 2 of this trip soon with Natalie, but we'd fly and rent a car. This is one of my favorites in terms of trips.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
The U.S. Death Star
I was recently checking Yahoo! headlines, hoping for some nice gossipy tidbit about Ms. Lohan, a new celebrity death, or a food research breakthrough....and got what was possibly the best idea I've read in some time. There were a few thousand people petitioning the White House to approve the construction of a Death Star.
Ok, ok, I know what you are all thinking: THIS IS A GREAT IDEA! Of course it is, just thinkof the economic boom to the country. Lots of jobs would be created, and as a result, more money would be pumped back into the economy. A project of this magnitude could really unite this country. It would finally bring patriotism back just like World War 2 and...oh, who am I kidding? The Empire had what it needed, we don't. Let's break this down:
The Empire taxed and terrorized any planet it wanted at any time. They had all the money AND the materials, and all they needed was a Sith choke hold or burst of lightning to convince their minions to fork over the goods. The Emperor just had to make his wishes known and his will was done....I suspect the Imperial chefs were pretty nervous whenever he got hungry.
OK, let's see what we have....nothing. Really. The congressional bickering over every tiny detail of construction would last forever. Would our taxes be raised? Oh no, those Bush-era tax cuts are now forever, apparently. So, revenue is not a guarantee. Obama has no Force choke hold, lightning, or even mind trick to enforce his bidding....if he utilized Bill Clinton for the mind trick, maybe, just maybe.
All right, let's move to labor: the Empire got everything built pretty quickly and efficiently....well, almost. Toward the end with the first Death Star, they were in such a hurry to finish that they forgot to connect the exhaust port to the ventilation system as opposed to the reactor! Naturally, this voided any homeowner's policy. And of course the second Death Star was REALLY rushed because they left an opening to fit several fighter ships in! All they needed then was Mike Holmes to "make it right", not that the construction crew were Canadian.
Anyway, Imperial labor was efficient, and I suspect their payment was the privelege to live a bit more. They had Vader saying, "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them!" to threaten the few slackers.
Let's look at the highly-motivated U.S. labor force....excuse me while I laugh as I look at a photo of a Ford Pinto! How much will people really want to work on this "project"? It will be a boon to the many temp agencies, I'm sure! The medical benefits will be nill, I'm sure, so that motivation is out. I mentioned the Pinto because, well, if the United Auto Workers were in charge of the Death Star's construction, the elevator to the command tower would never work, the massive planet-vaporizing gun would backfire....and I suspect the cell towers on it would get bad to no reception. The order to destroy an oncoming enemy ship would never be heard!
Finally, let's look at the space aspect. The Empire had star destroyers, TIE fighters, shuttles, pretty stellar-oriented organization, actually. And they had no trouble sacrificing their own in the name of the Emperor.
OK, let's look at our space savvy. Now, back in the 1960s, this was possible. We WANTED to conquer the universe, but the farthest we got was the moon. After that, we just sent satellites, probes, Hubbles, and shuttles for the next few decades. I sense that the 1986 Challenger debacle killed the spirit. We as Americans don't like it when people from our country die, so it was determined, apparently, that there'd be no further risk to American lives fro space reasons. This doesn't meet with Imperial casualness toward its work forces. They have CLONES with the same brain. Yes, I know, we can think of congress in that way, but I don't want to think of them trying to fly a star destroyer!
So, I think a Death Star is not in our lifetime. The money isn't there, our labor force isn't properly motivated for quality work, and our astronauts get shaky once out of orbit. And...wait...I gotta go, the Emperor wants a BLT!
Ok, ok, I know what you are all thinking: THIS IS A GREAT IDEA! Of course it is, just thinkof the economic boom to the country. Lots of jobs would be created, and as a result, more money would be pumped back into the economy. A project of this magnitude could really unite this country. It would finally bring patriotism back just like World War 2 and...oh, who am I kidding? The Empire had what it needed, we don't. Let's break this down:
The Empire taxed and terrorized any planet it wanted at any time. They had all the money AND the materials, and all they needed was a Sith choke hold or burst of lightning to convince their minions to fork over the goods. The Emperor just had to make his wishes known and his will was done....I suspect the Imperial chefs were pretty nervous whenever he got hungry.
OK, let's see what we have....nothing. Really. The congressional bickering over every tiny detail of construction would last forever. Would our taxes be raised? Oh no, those Bush-era tax cuts are now forever, apparently. So, revenue is not a guarantee. Obama has no Force choke hold, lightning, or even mind trick to enforce his bidding....if he utilized Bill Clinton for the mind trick, maybe, just maybe.
All right, let's move to labor: the Empire got everything built pretty quickly and efficiently....well, almost. Toward the end with the first Death Star, they were in such a hurry to finish that they forgot to connect the exhaust port to the ventilation system as opposed to the reactor! Naturally, this voided any homeowner's policy. And of course the second Death Star was REALLY rushed because they left an opening to fit several fighter ships in! All they needed then was Mike Holmes to "make it right", not that the construction crew were Canadian.
Anyway, Imperial labor was efficient, and I suspect their payment was the privelege to live a bit more. They had Vader saying, "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them!" to threaten the few slackers.
Let's look at the highly-motivated U.S. labor force....excuse me while I laugh as I look at a photo of a Ford Pinto! How much will people really want to work on this "project"? It will be a boon to the many temp agencies, I'm sure! The medical benefits will be nill, I'm sure, so that motivation is out. I mentioned the Pinto because, well, if the United Auto Workers were in charge of the Death Star's construction, the elevator to the command tower would never work, the massive planet-vaporizing gun would backfire....and I suspect the cell towers on it would get bad to no reception. The order to destroy an oncoming enemy ship would never be heard!
Finally, let's look at the space aspect. The Empire had star destroyers, TIE fighters, shuttles, pretty stellar-oriented organization, actually. And they had no trouble sacrificing their own in the name of the Emperor.
OK, let's look at our space savvy. Now, back in the 1960s, this was possible. We WANTED to conquer the universe, but the farthest we got was the moon. After that, we just sent satellites, probes, Hubbles, and shuttles for the next few decades. I sense that the 1986 Challenger debacle killed the spirit. We as Americans don't like it when people from our country die, so it was determined, apparently, that there'd be no further risk to American lives fro space reasons. This doesn't meet with Imperial casualness toward its work forces. They have CLONES with the same brain. Yes, I know, we can think of congress in that way, but I don't want to think of them trying to fly a star destroyer!
So, I think a Death Star is not in our lifetime. The money isn't there, our labor force isn't properly motivated for quality work, and our astronauts get shaky once out of orbit. And...wait...I gotta go, the Emperor wants a BLT!
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Another great trip!
OK, it has been a while since I've posted about a great road trip so here we go. Today's adventure is......car revs instead of drum rolls.....LAS VEGAS TO SALT LAKE CITY!
Huh? I hear a confused rumble in the crowd, mixed with groans of despair. After all, this sounds like a big desert drive, right? Well, some of it is...the biggest desert drive, actually, was the drive to Reno in November....there was 450 miles of it! This drive, however is absolutely BEAUTIFUL...most of it.
The boring desert part is actually right in the beginning. From Las Vegas to the first 10 miles in Arizona, it is scrub, brown, and needing of good music. It can be nice, I suppose, in early morning or at sundown. After over 10 years, however, I am sick of the Nevada desert.
Interstate 15 at least raises the speed limit to 75 once it leaves Las Vegas. We go up a long rise out of the Vegas Valley and then meet the northern end of Las Vegas Blvd. Soon after, U.S. 93 breaks off to head into deeper desert (I've taken it, it is truly desert all the way up to Idaho!), 15 moves to give access to the beautiful Valley of Fire, more desert, then access to Glendale and Logandale. Then comes a 20 mile stretch of straight flat freeway! This is the part I hate the most. Once that's done, we go down a long steep grade and then enter Mesquite, a state border town with a lot of golf courses and spas. I like this town a lot, actually, not to live in, but because it foretells of change.
15 then enters Arizona. The first 10 miles are just desert, but then we enter the gorgeous gorge...really! 15 winds through a huge narrow canyon made by the Virgin River. It's almost 20 miles of pure bliss, and when we emerge from it, the Utah line is straight ahead. What makes it so special is that the scenery has drastically changed. Ahead are red-rock cliffs and mesas...I believe Zion Canyon is behind one of them. From there, 15 enters St. George, a favorite town to stop and eat. I recommend Cracker Barrel, but NOT Chuck-a-Rama! There used to be a Shoney's here, but no more.
From there, 15 begins a fairly steep climb in a short time through some mountains and before we know it, we're entering Cedar City, a sprawling small town that is much cooler in temperature than St. George. 15 sort of goes back into the desert, but there is green growth in this one and it goes by fast. There is even an 80mph stretch in rural Utah! Before long, we go through Beaver and then a little after that is the turnoff for I-70. If we go to Colorado, we turn off here, and that drive has its own treasures, including a 110-mile stretch with scenery but no gas,food, or other touch-ups.
From here, 15 begins a long pattern of summit rises and long valleys between them. These valleys tend to have small towns with services, like Filllmore, Holden, Scipio, and Nephi. Nephi is a favorite gas stop for us. Soon after Nephi, we hit Santaquin, the first town in a long line of towns in the Salt Lake area. This string goes almost all the way to Idaho, in fact! We go through Spanish Fork, Orem, Provo, American Frok, and Lehi. We then go over a ridge to see the sprawling Sal Lake City metro area! It's quite a sight. We don't actually go all the way to Salt Lake, we head into Midvale, just south of the city limits, so we can see Vickie's dad. One day we will head to Clearfield near Ogden (30 miles further up 15) to see her Uncle Bob and Aunt Mary.
The trip back is good as well, with the Nevada desert as the LAST part. We are never really happy to come back, since Utah has given us rain, snow, a lack of slots in every store, and just plain good times. It has also given Vickie access to her father after many years, and that is what makes it so special.
Huh? I hear a confused rumble in the crowd, mixed with groans of despair. After all, this sounds like a big desert drive, right? Well, some of it is...the biggest desert drive, actually, was the drive to Reno in November....there was 450 miles of it! This drive, however is absolutely BEAUTIFUL...most of it.
The boring desert part is actually right in the beginning. From Las Vegas to the first 10 miles in Arizona, it is scrub, brown, and needing of good music. It can be nice, I suppose, in early morning or at sundown. After over 10 years, however, I am sick of the Nevada desert.
Interstate 15 at least raises the speed limit to 75 once it leaves Las Vegas. We go up a long rise out of the Vegas Valley and then meet the northern end of Las Vegas Blvd. Soon after, U.S. 93 breaks off to head into deeper desert (I've taken it, it is truly desert all the way up to Idaho!), 15 moves to give access to the beautiful Valley of Fire, more desert, then access to Glendale and Logandale. Then comes a 20 mile stretch of straight flat freeway! This is the part I hate the most. Once that's done, we go down a long steep grade and then enter Mesquite, a state border town with a lot of golf courses and spas. I like this town a lot, actually, not to live in, but because it foretells of change.
15 then enters Arizona. The first 10 miles are just desert, but then we enter the gorgeous gorge...really! 15 winds through a huge narrow canyon made by the Virgin River. It's almost 20 miles of pure bliss, and when we emerge from it, the Utah line is straight ahead. What makes it so special is that the scenery has drastically changed. Ahead are red-rock cliffs and mesas...I believe Zion Canyon is behind one of them. From there, 15 enters St. George, a favorite town to stop and eat. I recommend Cracker Barrel, but NOT Chuck-a-Rama! There used to be a Shoney's here, but no more.
From there, 15 begins a fairly steep climb in a short time through some mountains and before we know it, we're entering Cedar City, a sprawling small town that is much cooler in temperature than St. George. 15 sort of goes back into the desert, but there is green growth in this one and it goes by fast. There is even an 80mph stretch in rural Utah! Before long, we go through Beaver and then a little after that is the turnoff for I-70. If we go to Colorado, we turn off here, and that drive has its own treasures, including a 110-mile stretch with scenery but no gas,food, or other touch-ups.
From here, 15 begins a long pattern of summit rises and long valleys between them. These valleys tend to have small towns with services, like Filllmore, Holden, Scipio, and Nephi. Nephi is a favorite gas stop for us. Soon after Nephi, we hit Santaquin, the first town in a long line of towns in the Salt Lake area. This string goes almost all the way to Idaho, in fact! We go through Spanish Fork, Orem, Provo, American Frok, and Lehi. We then go over a ridge to see the sprawling Sal Lake City metro area! It's quite a sight. We don't actually go all the way to Salt Lake, we head into Midvale, just south of the city limits, so we can see Vickie's dad. One day we will head to Clearfield near Ogden (30 miles further up 15) to see her Uncle Bob and Aunt Mary.
The trip back is good as well, with the Nevada desert as the LAST part. We are never really happy to come back, since Utah has given us rain, snow, a lack of slots in every store, and just plain good times. It has also given Vickie access to her father after many years, and that is what makes it so special.
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