The U.S. Death Star

 I was recently checking Yahoo! headlines, hoping for some nice gossipy tidbit about Ms. Lohan, a new celebrity death, or a food research breakthrough....and got what was possibly the best idea I've read in some time. There were a few thousand people petitioning the White House to approve the construction of a Death Star.

   Ok, ok, I know what you are all thinking: THIS IS A GREAT IDEA! Of course it is, just thinkof the economic boom to the country. Lots of jobs would be created, and as a result, more money would be pumped back into the economy. A project of this magnitude could really unite this country. It would finally bring patriotism back just like World War 2 and...oh, who am I kidding? The Empire had what it needed, we don't. Let's break this down:

The Empire taxed and terrorized any planet it wanted at any time. They had all the money AND the materials, and all they needed was a Sith choke hold or burst of lightning to convince their minions to fork over the goods. The Emperor just had to make his wishes known and his will was done....I suspect the Imperial chefs were pretty nervous whenever he got hungry.

OK, let's see what we have....nothing. Really. The congressional bickering over every tiny detail of construction would last forever. Would our taxes be raised? Oh no, those Bush-era tax cuts are now forever, apparently. So, revenue is not a guarantee. Obama has no Force choke hold, lightning, or even mind trick to enforce his bidding....if he utilized Bill Clinton for the mind trick, maybe, just maybe.

All right, let's move to labor: the Empire got everything built pretty quickly and efficiently....well, almost. Toward the end with the first Death Star, they were in such a hurry to finish that they forgot to connect the exhaust port to the ventilation system as opposed to the reactor! Naturally, this voided any homeowner's policy. And of course the second Death Star was REALLY rushed because they left an opening to fit several fighter ships in! All they needed then was Mike Holmes to "make it right", not that the construction crew were Canadian.

Anyway, Imperial labor was efficient, and I suspect their payment was the privelege to live a bit more. They had Vader saying, "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them!" to threaten the few slackers.

Let's look at the highly-motivated U.S. labor force....excuse me while I laugh as I look at a photo of a Ford Pinto! How much will people really want to work on this "project"? It will be a boon to the many temp agencies, I'm sure! The medical benefits will be nill, I'm sure, so that motivation is out. I mentioned the Pinto because, well, if the United Auto Workers were in charge of the Death Star's construction, the elevator to the command tower would never work, the massive planet-vaporizing gun would backfire....and I suspect the cell towers on it would get bad  to no reception. The order to destroy an oncoming enemy ship would never be heard!

Finally, let's look at the space aspect. The Empire had star destroyers, TIE fighters, shuttles, pretty stellar-oriented organization, actually. And they had no trouble sacrificing their own in the name of the Emperor.

OK, let's look at our space savvy. Now, back in the 1960s, this was possible. We WANTED to conquer the universe, but the farthest we got was the moon. After that, we just sent satellites, probes, Hubbles, and shuttles for the next few decades. I sense that the 1986 Challenger debacle killed the spirit. We as Americans don't like it when people from our country die, so it was determined, apparently, that there'd be no further risk to American lives fro space reasons. This doesn't meet with Imperial casualness toward its work forces. They have CLONES with the same brain. Yes, I know, we can think of congress in that way, but I don't want to think of them trying to fly a star destroyer!

So, I think a Death Star is not in our lifetime. The money isn't there, our labor force isn't properly motivated for quality work, and our astronauts get shaky once out of orbit. And...wait...I gotta go, the Emperor wants a BLT!