I'm not really into doing odes, especially when I don't get what a Greek body ash holder is. I've done a major one recently, to The Edge of Night, by far my favorite TV show (my wife snickers at its cheesiness, which is ok). Looking at the snobbish celebrity world that is constantly thrown at us even when I duck, it brings to mind another of my favorites: The Hollywood Squares.
When I talk about Hollywood Squares, I mean the 1966-81 REAL version with Peter Marshall as host. I definitely do not refer to the Match Game-Hollywood Squares Hour, or the 1986-89 version with John Davidson, and hell no, I got quickly disenchanted with the Tom Bergeron version, even though he was a great emcee. There are reasons I love the one and not the others. Like a good writer, I will now transition to the reasons.
1. The real version had a variety of celebrities. Some of them were up-and comers, some were current (then) actors and musicians in their prime, and some were in their show biz decline and getting rent and food money for the week Bill Bixby once said the Squares were a help during the lean years in his career, according to my HS book, and big-time celebrity Burt Reynolds in his star status days still went on the show because it had helped early in his career. So did Mel Brooks. That's class!
2. The humor was almost no-holds-barred. I mean, there wasn't any cursing, but there was no political correctness. The stars could joke about anything and pretty much get away with it. The Tom Bergeron-Whoopi Goldberg version was pretty tame and afraid to touch certain subject matter.
3. The host Peter Marshall was an established show biz guy who'd done comedy, movies, and musicals and often laughed when there was a funny line from the stars. You don't find many like him anymore.
4. There were about 3 regular stars at any given time: Paul Lynde in the center, Charlie Weaver, Wally Cox, and George Gobel after Weaver left us, and those Cox reruns made me laugh when they were on Game Show Network. There were 6 wild cards each week, adding a bit of mystery as to who'd be on the following week. The John Davidson version tried this and was successful, there was just something missing.
The Bergeron-Goldberg version had about 5 regulars, it seemed, and 4 wild cards, and their regulars weren't comedy gold, in my humble but correct opinion. I've never been a Whoopi Goldberg fan, I don't think Gilbert Gottfried, Jeffrey Tambor, or Caroline Rhea were that funny.
And I think that brings me (why else would I be in this paragraph?) to the point of celebrity. Back in the 60s and 70s, actors and musicians were more willing to work for a meager wage of $750 a week on a game show, and they were willing to poke fun at even themselves. In other words, those people looked like (for the most part) they were having a great time.
A show like Hollywood Squares wouldn't work today. There's just too much cost to get a "star" to commit for a week, even if they were just finished shooting in the next studio over. I say "star" because, well, some people who think they're stars really are hopeful has-beens who think they deserve lots of money because their time is apparently precious. No, the only way Hollywood Squares would work now is to get celebrities through utter extortion and blackmail, something lots of performers could use to take them down a notch anyway.
There's also the dumb-down factor. Anyone see what's happened to Family Feud in the 21st century? The families need more time for fast money than Richard Dawson gave them in the 70s and 80s. I think Squares would be the same, for both the actors and contestants. Try past references, intelligent pop culture nuances and any high-level vocabulary words and those people would be the proverbial deer in my headlights!
So, I hope they put the old show back on or at least on DVD since GSN chickened out on it after only a year. That and Edge of Night would make a happy collection together!
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