Pilgrim Travel Agent

    On the eve of one of the most celebrated holidays of November (next to my anniversary and my birthday...only I am having trouble convincing the world to observe these...damn calendar purists!) I was thinking of the history of this holiday.

   Even before Abe Lincoln's 1863 proclamation of a national Thanksgiving (on the last Thursday of November then), there was a little instance of some folks named the Pilgrims about 400 years ago who came to Massachusetts...obviously they were unaware the the high tax rate, otherwise they might have picked Jersey.

   Now, odd-minded as I am, I came to wondering how this group of ne-er do wells even got there in the first place. As history shows, these seekers of religious freedom weren't precisely on the dean's list of life. In fact I think they they were the dunce-cappers of England set for deep-frying chips for the king as a career.

   My opinion is that they made use of a medieval travel agent. I think the call must have gone like this:

   Hello? Ah, Mr. Bradford! Yes, my receptionist wrote a few things down the other day. Now there are a few things I really don't understand.

   Well, for one thing, I usually do round trips to French Vineyards...you know, an easy sail across the Channel, put tourists up at a cute little chateau, give them a few days to get snockered on Chardonnay and then come home.

   You have a Godly purpose? Well ok. I have sent a few folks to Trinidad on missions here and there. Problem is, they get it out of their system pretty quick once they see it's not all beaches and margaritas.

   The New World? You mean that rock-strewn swamp Columbus found about a hundred years ago?

   Well, you see, this isn't exactly an easy package to put together!

   Why? For one thing, the rental ship companies charge hell and highwater for insurance...mostly BECAUSE of the highwaters.

   Yeah I understand you have a purpose, and so do the rental companies! To keep their ships intact!

   All right all right, let me get Lou to price-check available ships. In the meantime let's look at accomodations over there...now you see we have another problem.

   No, I'm not trying to be negative, it's just this new world is, well, not exactly developed. You know, here in England we have inns and pubs with fairly up to date plumbing. Out west, you're talking rustic.

  No, no, I mean so rustic there aren't even small cabins with fireplaces. I mean we're talking beaches with a ton of rocks. And the water isn't precisely good for surfing. Not even a boardwalk from what I hear.

   Now, there are some positives. The area, once you get a bit further inland, is great for growing. You folks good at gardening at all?

   I see. Well, you ought to get good at it and quick. On the off chance you're able to get a rental ship and can pay the per day fees, you're unlikely to get one with a big enough fridge to hold your foodstuffs.I don't suppose you know how to fish?

   Mr. Bradford, I must be brutally honest here. Based on your small budget and lack of travel experience on the seas, I wouldn't rent you a ship if it were up to me, just from a business standpoint.

   Yes I know you have a purpose! Hell, when my grandfather contracted with Columbus way back, he had a purpose,too, and he wouldn't have given Columbus those 3 clunkers if the queen hadn't chipped in for the insurance policy!

   Oh wait, Lou just came back, hold on. (pause) Mr. Bradford, you are not going to believe this, but Shilling a Day Ships has what they call the Pinto of Europe, a piece of crap called the Mayflower. They've apparently had trouble renting it to anyone. In fact they are so desperate they'll rent it for half the price.

Great great. Well, we'll get the paperwork signed once you get here and I can hand you the keys...or the wheel, depending on what year the ship is. 

All right then, bye! Oh, make sure you have 2 forms of ID when you come. Take care! 

The 90s, part 5: 1998-99

    At last we reach the last part of a tumultuous decade. not knowing where I was inside or in the world half the time. One thing is certain...between the beginning of the decade and the end, I had gained a better sense of myself and some independence...in other words, a lot more self reliance. With that, let us move into...

1998

A few changes were coming down the pike this year, and most of them pretty good! For someone who did not function well with major change, I was improving.

The first big change had actually more to do with Scott. He had grown weary of his job at the credit union and was looking for something else. Somehow he got with an insurance company, who sent him to Des Moines, Iowa for training. That meant I was returning to the apartment alone. That was actually quite fine with me. It was a rainy time in Sonoma County and there was a gloomy feeling about as a result, good for alone time. Before returning home, I stopped to see Karen, and actually hung out so late it wasn't safe to drive the remaining almost 100 miles to home, so I spent the night in a guest room and left early the next morning.

I was still awaiting my sub license to come through and still had some Christmas money left, so I took a jaunt to Washington. It was all good going up, but after a few days with the family and a nice get-together with Derek, I attempted to head home.  However, there was a big snowstorm in the Pacific Northwest and it was spreading into Washington fast from Oregon. In fact, after getting about 60 miles from my sister's house, I hit the storm. I stopped and had breakfast in Centralia and tried to figure out what to do, I was so stressed about driving in winter weather after so long...and a bad history of it. After a slightly stress-induced tearful call to my mom for advice, I headed back to my sister's.  There was some slipping along I 5 and even more as I got closer to their hood. There were 2 roads going up the hill to their neighborhood and I chose the wrong one! I pulled off to the side and got a tow truck to bring me down for $50. My brother in law then directed me on the phone to go up the road by the hospital, which had to be kept clear. I finally got there and spent a few more days there until the wintry stuff was gone. Instead I drove through constant rain and wind. It was a long drive and I finally got to ma and pa's in Fairfield...I slept well that night before I headed home.

While waiting for the sub stuff to come, I found another temp job at a scrip company, stuffing scrip orders essentially. I did that for several weeks, actually, before the sub stuff came in early February, not the worst temp job, pretty nice people.

At last the sub stuff did come, but the jobs came slowly. I was averaging maybe 2-3 jobs a week, some of them full day, others half day. Early jobs were in Healdsburg, Windsor, Sebastopol, and Santa Rosa itself.

Now, I have to stop and talk a bit about subbing...it can be a joy or a terror. Several factors are involved: the plans (if any), the environment, the principal, and the location. I'd say the kids, too, but really the kids don't matter if you have yourself together...which I really didn't at first. A year of volunteering really didn't give me a full sense of the job. It took some hits and misses...mostly hits luckily. Kids know how to push, especially to push a sub, and sometimes I gave in. Hey, I was 25 and green at this. It was probably one of my greatest growing periods in terms of education.

Scott came back for a visit in early-mid February. During that time, he and I moved into another apartment close to the one we were in...basically we moved from Parkwood to Parkhurst, a fully owned by family building. Most of the tenants were Jehovah's Witnesses and they knew who we were so they left us pretty much alone sales pitch-wise. He went back to Des Moines afterward, but didn't stay long...the time away was giving him some stomach issues so he returned to start his real job early. The Parkhurst apartment was offered for no rent at all, provided we continued to help June with whatever she needed. I loved that woman so it was an easy arrangement.

In spring of 1998, I found myself writing a letter to my mom, pretty much saying my period of turmoil over the divorce was over. Life had gone on and it was good. We might have had one or two stress periods afterward, but for the most part we were good.

Subbing continued to be fairly irregular for the rest of the school year.  I wasn't well known yet and was called pretty randomly.

In the summer I went back to temp work. One job I had was sending AT&T cellular customers replacement antennas (envelope stuffing again essentially). I met a few people in that job whom I would see in other jobs somewhat regularly for the next year or so. I had a few other jobs here and there that were fairly unmemorable, though one in the Sonoma State bookstore as a book finder brought me home a bit).

Two big events were that summer. One was the family reunion for Becky's family in Vail,  Colorado. It was a long car trip there, cut in half by an overnight stay somewhere in Utah (Salina I think). Once there we did a lot of activities and it was a pretty large group. Rafting, walking, bicycling, and lots of meals comprised the 3 or 4 days we were there. We actually got to San Diego in one long drive on the way back.

The other event, so  to speak, was my sister coming down to San Diego with her 3 kids for a few days. I came down to join them. On that visit, the Volvo needed a new kick down cable so Aamco got their money's worth.

At some point around that time I also visited Kimberly, who was full into her teaching career, one Saturday. We had some lunch, she showed me where her new condo would be, then we rented a movie to watch. Whatever had happened before seemed to have vanished..or at the very least not talked about. I went home that evening feeling pretty good about our friendship. To tell the truth, whenever I think of my 8 years in northern California, she comes to my mind immediately. Not really regret (though I do regret my attitude then at times) but rather a part of my heart and memories that will always remain, even in our  current renewed friendship.

By the fall, sub jobs were starting to come more regularly. I was being requested by some teachers a bit more so that felt good. Healdsburg, Windsor, Wright,  and Piner-Olivet were my most frequent districts to work in. The Santa Rosa City district wasn't one of my favorites. Two principals or teachers at 2 different schools didn't like me and gave me negative reviews (meaning not invited back)...a little discouraging in a first year, but like I said, I was growing and those were the only 2 I can remember...well, 1 more but that came much later.

I went to San Diego for Thanksgiving...well, actually I went with my mom for a trip to my grandma's for Thanksgiving. It was one of those tense family get togethers where my grandma was pitting my mom against my aunt emotionally. My mom was already going through some therapy and going on and on about things with me. I was in the process of learning patience regarding my job so I just let her talk.

I don't remember my 26th much.

Coming to San Diego for Christmas break, I took 101 down. At one point there was some smoke from the car so I of course panicked to check it out. I could see nothing but somehow made it to ROb's for the night. The next morning I took the car to a garage. The weird thing about Volvos is the belt connection...meaning the power steering belt was connected to the AC belt. To make the car more functional and apparently build my upper body strength, the mechanic just snipped the faulty belt(s). I'd already pumped a lot of money into that thing so luckily this was an easy FREE job. Rough steering for a year and some months.

As far as Christmas went, I don't really remember...at that point in life I don't remember where I went during those times, though I suspect I was with my mom on Christmas Eve and early Christmas morning, then went to my dad's then with him and  Becky to Riverside or Palm Springs to be with her family. Either that year or the next...or both. They all ran into each other a lot of years for quite some time...right until the year before I met Vickie. As I mentioned one post or two before, I was really a tagalong visiting family member for a while.

1999

For a change I'll preface this with New Year's. I was hanging with Rob and his friends. We did a bit of bar hopping and one of them had a bit of a buffet spread.  I suspect the food had been sitting out a while because I got sick overnight from a bit of food poisoning. I remember going to my dad's and falling asleep to eradicate the headache.

And then it was back to Santa Rosa and more subbing. As I mentioned before, my name was getting known among schools so I was summoned to some more than others and even requested here and there...an ego booster for a relative newbie.

I soon discovered a downfall to being a sub, well at least in Sonoma COunty. As I worked for various school districts and not the county education office, I got a lot of W-2s. Sadly, as I'd worked for 1 or 2 districts only once or twice I really had little to no withholding removed, so I owed Uncle Sam about $500! Ouch!

It was a pretty cold and dry winter in northern California, what they called La Nina....the previous wet winter had been El Nino. It lasted until about late March or early April when I came back from a visit to Washington, then some warmth came.

Things went pretty much as before until summer and then it was some more temp jobs. My dad came up for a visit in June. I was going to come down to San Diego but the temp stuff hadn't been fruitful so  I decided to stay up there and temp at OCLI (Optical Coating Laboratories Incorporated). The shifts were interesting, a 3 on 3 off, 4 on 4 off schedule for 12 hours shifts. I had nothing better to do in the summer so just worked hard and made decent money. I was certainly worn out at the end of the work day, much more than a typical temp job.

In the fall I went back to subbing, though at this point I was feeling pretty good about my career choice and decided to take the next step...to go back to school and get my teaching credentials. My grandma Jo was pretty happy about this and offered to pay for the program. I took out some student loans to live on  while I was in school.

I was also dabbling about in the dating world and had met several people online and even met one or two in person. One in particular was named Sarah, a Chinese girl who lived in Sacramento. We would get together here and there for the next 2 years. She was a very nice and sweet girl, but at that time of life I didn't really know what I wanted in life and I detected she wanted more of an exclusive thing. 

Birthday #27 wasn't exactly memorable...meaning I don't remember it. 

I don't really remember Christmas much either (see Christmas 1998). I got together with Rob and his buddies again, only this time no food poisoning. I do remember there was the odd fear of 2000 being the end. It came...it wasn't.

The 90s, part 4: 1996-97

    The 90s certainly took me places, both emotionally and geographically! Emotionally, I went from an early depression to better adjusted to trying to adapt to having my parents divorced. Geographically I went from Pennsylvania to West Virginia to San Diego to Rohnert Park. With that, let us roll into...

1996

   I consider the true start to this year to be heading back up to Sonoma State...and this time it was a bit more permanent. I picked up my friend Rob Lander in the morning and we headed back up to school, listening to a lot of Doors and other classic rock. With him was his dad's camcorder, for which we had a fun idea that would come later.

   Once back in school it was the same situation. We were hoping Ed would miraculously decide to stay home, but we were not that lucky. Scott was happy when he was in class or at work so he wouldn't have to deal with his roommate. Not all was bad, though. When the school's cable was working, we'd watch some Saturday morning cartoons or Beavis and Butthead. There had been a pretty good miniseries on earlier called Beatles Anthology, where after several minutes of documenting the member's childhoods, Rob comments, "Yeah yeah, now grow up and get cool!" I also watched The WiId Wild West at lunchtime every day...provided the cable was working.

   Class wise, I had an odd schedule. I took master-class fiction-writing, dance for children (Karen and Kimberly took that, too, so we had a fun time there). My Hutchins classes were Anatomy of a Virtual COmmunity with Professor Kellogg, a pretty cool guy, Children Should Be Seen and Heard, and Science and Poetry with a legendary 60s activist named Mario Savio. I had a little trouble in there making some connections, but he pulled me through. 

   Despite those 14 credits, I seemed to have a lot of free time in the later part of the day. Free time, as we have previously learned about me, was not (and IS NOT) a healthy thing. As Rob was working in the university commons as a fry cook, he suggested I apply for a job. I did and got a part time position as a dishwasher. I must say that was pretty cool and I made some good extra dough from it.

   All while this was going on, Scott, Rob, and I proceeded with making our movie. It wasn't exactly a fresh idea, pretty much a remake of the film I'd made with Derek and Zach 5 years earlier. It was fun, though, and we pulled in Karen, Kimberly, and even good ol Monkey Boy from across the hall. We filmed in the dorm and on location. The best scene was the fight scene between me and Rob up on Sonoma Mountain...so cheesy yet that's one of the fun things about college...you don't take yourself too seriously. Those who do lose out a lot!

   I went to San Diego for Spring Break, but wasn't having much of a good time. Switching between households wasn't too much fun anymore...not that it was before! I was  spending a little more time with my Dad and Becky, getting to know her better. I was starting to flaunt this to my mom and that was opening up some new tension between us. Once again, I look back at the past with a new eye... I  do believe I was angry. I was actually angry at both of my parents, but my mom was the one who was getting targeted. I'd been called on that several times in the next few years.

   After that less than mediocre visit, it was back to school to finish up the year and the movie. I do believe it was in this period that I threatened Ed's life over something he'd said to Kimberly, with whom I'd re-established a good friendship. It got him out of the apartment for the rest of the day and generally away from me for about a week.I had no complaints!

   And then May came and Karen and Kimberly were graduating. Rob was coming back in the fall for one or two more classes, and Scott and I didn't want another year on campus. So we looked around and found a pretty decent apartment not far from school for an affordable price. We began moving in during the last week of school. I distinctly remember a rainy Friday when I'd been doing the dishwasher gig almost all day and then went home to the apartment and fell asleep. Scott and I later grabbed something to eat and went to see the Mystery Science Theater 3000 movie at the theater.

   That summer I took a job on campus on the painting crew, repainting all of the dorms...early start and late afternoon finish. It was pretty good work. Around that time my friend Sarah and I got together once for twice but it was just good friendly conversation. I really liked her but the spark wasn't there.

   I headed home again around the 4th of July, but not a whole week. It was a bit better than Spring Break, but San Diego wasn't home anymore. I really was just a visiting relative!

   The rest of the summer was the same in terms of working. Scott and I took a drive one weekend up to Grant's Pass Oregon.  Along the way we ate at a Denny's in Eureka and listened to his Time Life Guitar Rock tapes a lot. Coming back, we stopped at the Shasta Lake caverns, pretty neat as I recall. We also hung out at the ranch in Cloverdale a lot. In fact, we had grabbed the couch there earlier to get a couch for the apartment...one of those sofas you can sink into easily. We also had a nice routine of doing our lanudry at his Grandma June's house. Sometimes we would take her to the store. Whenever we visited, we would order from a company that delivered from an agreed set of restaurants...kind of an early form of Doordash or other modern delivery companies.

   In the fall, Rob came back for his classes and pretty much camped out on the couch (which unfolded into a bed). He spent a lot of his time studying for his huge human physiology course. Occasionally, though, he had time for fun. His brother Steve came up one weekend and we took a trip up to San Francisco. We even made a mini movie in the apartment Pulp Fiction style.

    Before school began, I took a little trip up to Washington to visit with my sister and her family via plane. While there, we took a little drive around the Seattle area. I found it to be a pretty nice city. Ian had gotten a bit more mouthy at 2 1/2, but Shawn at just under a year was an absolute delight.

   That semester I took an Internet internship class with Professor Kellogg....Sarah was in there as well. The other Hutchins course was Schools in American Society with Zimmer. There was also Children's Lit, Ethnic Groups in America, Intro to Drama (reading plays), and some other Spanish course that I shared with Robin from 2 years ago in the dorms. A fairly light load, actually. I also did some volunteer work in an elementary classroom in Rohnert Park, a third grade class, a few times a week as part of the requirements of the class with Zimmer.

   Early in the year, I came upon a quite welcome sight one morning: Kimberly! She had walked in graduation but still had a class or two to get done to officially graduate. We made plans to get together soon and we did, having a nice lunch, movie, then sat and talked awhile. I was realizing I still had feelings for her a little more than friendship, but she was still on the friendship level. We got together a few more times, but there was an occasion we were to meet and she didn't show. I didn't know she had to get home for something in an emergency, and in not knowing that I sent a bit (more than a bit) of an angry email...dumb old me again! And once I realized what had happened I was apologetic, but our connection had deteriorated a bit thanks to my impulsive nature. The last time I saw her for a while was in early 1997, then again the next year and later in 2001.

   Incidentally, she and her family moved to Las Vegas in early 2018, and we have wonderfully reignited a very healthy friendship, and she has become good friends with Vickie and Natalie. Time really is a great healer!

   One weekend, we guys took a little drive to Lake Tahoe to hang out. The problem was, we didn't have a whole lot of money so we ended up camping out in Scott's car...not the comfiest of evenings. The next morning we awoke, grabbed some breakfast, then headed to Scott's parents'  house where we camped out in the family room for a while.

   If there was any big news that fall it was my dad's visit to tell me he was marrying Becky and asked me to be his best man. 

   I went to San Diego for Thanksgiving and to celebrate my 24th. I also got fitted for my tuxedo there. Thanksgiving was actually at Becky's mom's house where I met much more of her family. I had already met her mom Joy, niece Allison, and nephew Matthew during the summer. Joy even asked me to read a Bible verse before the feast, which I was glad to do. After that, I finished out the semester pretty drama-free.

   During the Christmas break, Scott came down for a bit and we took a car ride across the desert and stayed at my grandma's in Sun CIty West one night. A funny memory from that is my grandma asking what Scott wanted for breakfast, but couldn't remember his name, so she said, "your boyfriend"....my grandma Jo was a classic at times!

   Also during that break, my mom and I took a trip to Washington. This one was not as smooth as the last one as there was snow in the Seattle area. We had a hop to San Francisco where we were for a long time. No flights to Seattle but we got one to Portland. We got a room and hoped to get a flight to Seattle the next morning, but no go. We then grabbed a rental car and did ok until we got past Olympia. The weather got worse and we slipped and slid a bit. Finally we found a shopping center parking lot where my sister met us and took us to their new home in Kent. Once we were there it was a good visit, though Ian was even worse behavior wise than during my last visit...terrible threes I guess!

1997

   The nice thing about having a place of your own is that you can leave and come back whenever you want. Therefore, I didn't have to wait a month until returning to Rohnert Park. On the way back I stopped to visit with Karen and we hung out for a while before I went back home. 

   Pretty soon the last semester for me bachelor degree-wise was beginning. I wanted to have a little fun this time around so apart from the Hutchins courses (Viewing the Middle East, Law and Media, and Senior Synthesis), I also took tennis just for some movement and an ENglish class called Humor in Lesbian Fiction. The last 2 were for credit/no credit so lessen the stress. Apart from that I continued to volunteer in the 3rd grade classroom as I'd made a connection with the kids and I wanted to get a better idea about working in a classroom.

   The social life had gone down a bit as well. Kimberly had left as her class requirements were done. I didn't have any classes with Sarah that semester. It was pretty much just schoolwork. I often putzed around on the Internet on Scott's Mac. Generally, life was pretty dull. Well, except for one event.

   My dad's wedding! I flew down to San Diego in February and got to see my 2 uncles Chris and Harvey. My sister and her husband Mike were also there. The day before the wedding, I went with the guys to play golf, though I observed as opposed to playing. Later on was the rehearsal with a few small munches. I went with the uncles and Mike to Tijuana afterward and we had a pretty good bachelor party for my dad without my dad. Hey, I got a lap dance out of it! Coming home we stopped at a Denny's since we didn't get a real dinner. We got back to my Dad's at about 2...and then he was up at 5 on his bike! Before we knew it, it was time to get dressed and head to La Jolla for pictures before the main event. The wedding went well and there was some decent food at the reception. The only hitch was that my best man speech hadn't gotten properly filmed audio-wise so I had to do an aside and do it again! Aarrgghh! When I returned home I discovered my car had been towed from the parking lot where I  caught the airport shuttle.Welcome home!

   I haven't spent a lot of time writing about the classes themselves because, well, it's like talking about the pigeons milling about in a park. I went in, did my work, met some decent folks that I'd never see again after the classes were done at the end of the semester, then repeat the process. I'd have to say my favorite class was Law and Media. The professor was good but tough. He was also on crutches due to childhood polio. One day he had a fall and one of my classmates Steve DiFranco and I helped him back up...this professor was known to be tough to get an A from but I think that effort helped me get one. We had an end of semester get together at his home on the Russian River in May. I also went on a field trip with the 3rd grade class to San Francisco.

   My dad came up for a graduation celebration and gave me a nice check. I also got one from June. I tell you, Scott's family really treated me nicely. I chose not to walk at the ceremony only because both my parents couldn't be there. Looking back, I'd probably walk if I could redo that time.Later we had a celebratory lunch with Scott's family. I was getting to know his Aunt Dell and Uncle Lew pretty well at this point. Scott's cousin Aaron had recently met and married a woman he met in class named Josephine and they had a daughter named Diana together.

   Afterward, Scott and I took a drive up to Coo's Bay Oregon. I loved those drives up 101, a good blend of forests, hills, and ocean views...more ocean as you got closer to Oregon, and Oregon had a ton of ocean views!

   Then it hit...I am not sure I would classify it as depression, but there was soon a feeling of "NOW WHAT?!" in my system. Whatever it was, my fairly trim figure was taking a turn for the worse as I was eating a lot of crap and not feeling very motivated. 

   In June, we moved from Rohnert Park to a family(his family) owned apartment village in Santa Rosa, so that took  up some time. At least we didn't have to hike furniture upstairs this time. Still, the ennui was hitting big time. I was grabbing fast food for lunch and watching a lot of TV. Yeah, I'd say depression had hit just a bit.

    In August, I got rid of my Dodge after a 5 year marriage and inherited my dad's Volvo (he was getting a BMW). I also helped my mom move into her new condo, her 3rd place since leaving my dad, but this one would last for 5 years. I also drove up to Washington for a visit on my own. This visit was pretty good because I also got to see my old buddy Derek from Pennsylvania. He had moved there fairly recently. He was with a woman named Vickie who was really nice and worked at Barnes and Noble. It was great to catch up and we would make a habit of it whenever I came up. I drove back to Santa Rosa all the way down 101 with a stop in Eureka for the night.

   With all that done it was time to seek some employment. I found myself at a temp agency that put me into a rubber stamp factory in town. That gig lasted about a month. Another was for a few days at a new video store, wiping old store labels off video tapes with what was essentially nail polish remover. Then came a 1 day gig for Pepsi delivering to convenience stores essentially. And then there was a plush toy warehouse gig that lasted a month, pretty much right up to Christmas time. That was ok, the only thing was it was all the way down in Petaluma, about 20 miles each way really.

   Now, I had no intention of doing temp jobs for the rest of my life, it was just something to do to make money and do something with my day for the time being. Three months of lolling about watching TV, Internet surfing, and eating like crap were more than enough, and after graduating from college, it was a huge system letdown. Luckily, I had embarked on another employment route: as a substitute teacher. I had gotten my paperwork, medical stuff and fingerprints taken care of in the fall so it was just a waiting game.

   For my 25th birthday, Scott and I went to grab some dinner then saw George Carlin...that was number 3 for me seeing the guy! 

   Christmas was, well, just that. San Diego...back and forth. The one difference was that since my dad had moved into Becky's condo in La Jolla, the house had been sold. So had my record player, records, and captain's bed of 21 years. When I stayed there it was on a sofa bed in a small room my dad used for riding his stationery bike.Not the comfiest bed but it did the trick. During that trip I seem to remember a conflict with my mom again over my attitude and I discovered through a talk that she was in a peculiar dating situation she wasn't happy about. That did clear the air a bit. I'd gotten some money for Christmas and with some of it I bought a new Doors CD box set with a lot of unreleased material. It made for a fun ride home.

   

The 90s, part 3: 1994-95

    So far we have seen...

   Really embarrassing and humiliating myself over a girl! (freeze)

   A bad sunburn!(freeze)

   Yahoo, it's the Ponderosa!(freeze)

   A car accident!(freeze)

   Another car accident!(freeze)

   And another!(freeze)

   A change to an outside job!(freeze)

   College in West Virginia, a bummer!(freeze)

    Move to San Diego, with lots of lousy short-term jobs!(freeze)

   A return to school!(freeze)

   Hold on to your mouse for the exciting continuation...

1994

   After the return from my Pennsylvania trip (extended a day due to snow), I was feeling mildly bummed, only because my anticipated event was now over and I felt like there was nothing to look forward to. Well, not excactly true, but I did enjoy seeing my friends again. Little did I know what the year was going to bring down the line.

   Shortly after my return, my mom and I took a trip up to Ridgecrest to visit with my siste, her hushand, and baby Ian. What I remmember about this trip are 2 things besides playing with my new nephew. First, my brother in law had a Super Nintendo, and I knew of a recent release: Super Empire Strikes Back! We rented it and I had a pretty good idea that I wanted one of these machines down the line. The other thing was the Northridge Earthquake, my first experience with the ground shaking! It wasn't too scary, though the reports of the damage to roads and resulting injuries and deaths were sad to hear. My mom and I had a slow journey home due to traffic...highways 395 and 15 were now the safe alternative going south.

   After that, it was back to school for me. The days of lazing were done. Some little breaks here and there were healthy, but too long a break can be soul-shattering. In this semester, I took a chemistry course along with its lab, the FINAL algebra class that would for a change count on my transcript, a health class, and thanks to doing well in my speech class, I was invited to take an honors readers theater class where we collaborated together on material to create a script. We even toured a bit in the San Diego area.

   In chemistry, I recalled much of what I learned in Gary Williamson's class 5 years ago, which proved advantageous finances-wise! There were 3 women in class who needed tutoring and by golly I tutored! One of them, Darcy Urquhart, was just a few years older than me and quite gregarious...a new female to focus on, even though once again she was attached. Hey, I was feeling alive again, so no problem! In math, I met a guy named Dave who, with his brother and a few other guys, had a band who played in small clubs and bars. I hung with them a few times for the next several months along with my tutoring gigs. Yay, a social life at last!

   I was really glad to have those escapes. Apart from frequent visits by my sister and her brood, the Moore household was getting more and more tense. The move to San Diego had been tough on my parents' marriage and it was not getting any better. My mom often hung with her sister or went places with her colleagues form National, both escapes her her. She had also experienced some stomach problems at some point. It was stress, pure and simple.

   In the summer, I took a few more classes: music appreciation, some civics class, and philospohy, a pretty light load for a change. I met a few more people in this time, but my mind was now on escape mode. Sonoma State was just around the corner for me and this time I was ready. Plus, it wasn't a huge place like West Virginia was. Kristin had gone away for some training, so Mike and Ian came to see us often.

     In July, my dad and I went up for orientation. I had signed up to be a communications major, but somewhere along the way (I don't remember when anymore) I got the idea I might be a good teacher( a few more years of practice I might get there, har har). The major for teacher wannabes was liberal studies. As I was inquiring about the program in the Hutchins School of Liberal Studies office, I briefly met a girl seeking the same career...her name was Kimberly Cognac. I was hoping to see her again...and I would.

   Coming back, my dad and I drove through Oakland and caught sight of a guy wearing absolutely nothing running across I 580...from the sounds we heard behind us, I don't think he made it...welcome to the Bay Area! We took a scenic route driving through Big Sur on CA 1. It was windy but beautiful!

   Over the next month, things were not improving much at home and I wanted to leave more than ever. I was pondering a lot about if I was making a mistake going so far...Sonoma State was futher away from San Diego than WVU was from West Lawn! In the end I realized that staying near my parents was just going to be stressful...and this guy needed to be him...whatever that was besides a wiseass with a mullet.

   In August we headed up. We stayed in a motel in Rohnert Park and the next day it was move-in time! It was decided I would be without car for the first semester, just to make sure. I hadn't had any accidents since Pennsylvania, but why take a chance?

   As I moved my stuff into my dorm in Solano 508, I almost immediately met my new best buddy Scott Catania. He was a pretty friendly guy...and ever so talkative! Hey, I fart and snore, we all have our shortcomings! He wasn't my direct roommate, Matt Snope was. He was pretty interesting as well, and acted pretty funny when he'd had a few to drink. One night we were all (as a building) playing lawn bowling and Matt acted like a monkey as he picked up the pins...earning him the nickname Monkey Boy! Others in our suite were Ken Richardson and Joe Denny, and in the other part of the suite were Scott and Tim (who later moved to another dorm) and Dan and Craig.

   In another room in our building were Calista Archuleta, Jen McPhee, Jen McInerney, Robin Vatcher, and Gina Lanzavecchia. McPhee, Robin, Gina, and I ended up attending the local church together regularly. In yet another room was Karen Squires. Scott, Karen, and I ended up being the 3 Musketeers for the next 2 years, hanging togehter, doing meals and movies often. She moved into a different dorm in the next semester but we still kept close.

    In our own dorm, things got a bit wild at times, but this time I was a bit readier for it. There was lots of drinking and a little weed (which Ken called "herb") in the large toilet echo chamber. Often at these times Scott and I would go for drives around the Bay Area. Nicely, San Francisco was not  far away so we went there often. We also had a common interest in classic rock.

   Classes wise, I had a pretty good load. One of the classes,a science one, I shared with Kimberly. Needless to say, I looked forward to that one twice or 3 times a week. There was also an international literature course, a psychology class, and basic Spanish with an accompanyin lab. The lab consisted of watching the soap opera Destinos that was frequently on PBS. Nothing too heavy and pretty easy for a first semester away.

   In October I went on a church trip to Aptos (near Santa Cruz) for a weekend. It was a nice time of prayer and reflection...the beach was decent as well. Events of the past few years definitely welcomed a good deal of reflection. When not doing school work, church stuff, or hanging with Scott, I went out for many walks. The cool Sonoma County air made those walks quite pleasant.

   In November it was about time to think about the Thanksgiving holidays. I remember the day I left for San Diego, the science teacher was sensing our restlessness and pretending to be perturbed...I think he wanted an early out as well! The night before, however.Monkey Boy had had an odd combo of Jaegermeister and Twizzlers...making for a quit unplesant vomit on our floor! I couldn't sleep very well anyway so I stayed up and alternated between playing on Ken's Sega and watching TV. When it got light out, I went for a long walk, came to the dining hall to eat, hit up a class or 2, then Scott took me to SFO.

   It was only a few days' visit, but I got some good time with now- 1 year old Ian, who had grown quite a bit of hair since I  had left. Apart from that I could tell the tension in our house had grown even more without me there...I was anxious to return home...to Sonoma State!

   After a few weeks of final classes...and finals, I was picked up by my dad to head home. While in San Diego for a really long break (roughly a month), I luckily got to see Ian a lot and Scott came down for a few days. Mostly I hung in my room awaiting the time to return north. What I was really looking forward to was seeing Kimberly again.

1995

   Ah, the year of a great life change...well, great in terms of major at the time, but it would turn out to be possibly the greatest thing to happen to me. 

   After waiting out the holiday break, it was finally time to head north. I had convinced my dad to let me take my Dodge to school. It was an adventure I was excited to take on. Several music tapes and a Dave Barry audio book were going to take me a long way. Most of the trip was either cloudy or rainy, especially when I got to the Bay Area.  It was a relief when I finally got to school and into my dorm. 

   A few changes to the 508 personnel. Joe Denny had left school and was replaced by Rob Lander, a fellow classic rock devotee and also a runner. Scott's second roommate was replaced by Randy Mazzuss, an odd guy with an uneven temperament. There was also a new guy name Mike who was pretty good. Frequent visitors Bernd and Hunter helped to transform our living area into a piece of art with random pictures and news clippings. 

   I finally got into the Hutchins School of Liberal Studies. Two of those classes were the intro course and practice of culture. What I remember from the intro course  was being assigned to have a dialogue with a painting...yeah right up my alley! The culture course introduced me to perhaps the oddest professor I'd ever had: Richard Zimmer. A very direct and caustic guy who had an odd sense of humor. My other courses were 100 Years of French Cinema, a math number systems course and accompanying geometry course. In my liberal studies courses were a few people from the previous semester's science course and a new friend named Sarah Scallon. Meanwhile, Scott and Karen and I were often joined by Rob Lander, making us a regular foursome at meals.

   In March I finally got up the nerve to ask Kimberly out. Pretty basic and friendly, a quick bite to eat and a movie, then drove around a bit talking. When we got back, we watched Lion King in her dorm room. A pretty nice time, actually! And could I just leave it at that? Oh no. She had invited me to stop by a couple days later for her birthday. I got her a couple of presents and a card and did so (this IS me, captain overboard, of course). Well when I finally saw her she was with some others, a bit plastered from lunch, and was with another guy. Eh, a bit grounded again...a bit older and wiser this time, but still felt hurt...but WAIT, there was more to come.

   A day or so later, my mom called with quite anh interesting message: when she got home that day she was asking my dad for a divorce...well THAT one topped any girl problems for the moment! Needless to say, my emotions were in a new form of whirlwind! My friends were supportive to be sure,  but also knew not to crowd too much. Before Spring Break, Kimberly and I went out again and I was over the birthday thing...hey, we weren't exclusive and it had only been one date! Well, now 2! I felt a bit better about all of that, and I needed some good feeling for Spring Break in San Diego!

   After taking Dan and Hunter to the airport, I took 101 (the LONG way) back. I just wanted to listen to music and and take my time. There was a lot to prepare for. When I got hime I think I got the biggest hug from my dad that I could remember...he was really happy to see me. During that week I spent an equal amount of time with him and my mom, who had moved closed to San Diego State (not far from that temporary aprtment in 1992). My feelings were still pretty mixed up and I didn't know where I fit in...with anything! Without their unity to fall back on anymore, tenuous as that unity had been for a while, I now had to fall back on...me! I had to build myself from the ground up. It was to be a long process.

   Coming back to Sonoma State was a relief! It was now home to me, even if it was in a dorm. The last few weeks were pretty pleasant. Kimberly and I went out one more time, but at this point my parents' split was completely on my mind and I wasn't myself anymore. I was moody, sullen, depressed, and slightly out of sorts...I ran out of synonyms!

   Shortly before I left for home in May, I came to see Kimberly to bring her back an umbrella she'd left behind. I wrote her a note since she wasn't there...saying "Here's your damn umbrella, have a nice summer!" That would be a joke between a lot of us for a while after that, but later. The thing was, I wasn't really mad at her for anything in particular, I was just wrestling with a lot. Perhaps seeking a relationship that semester was not the best idea considering everything, but she and I had some nice times together that got my mind off of things. My dad came to help me take some of my stuff back to the house in San Diego. A bit after breakfast we noticed one of my tires was pretty beat up so we took a detour to Fresno and found a Sears auto place to get it repaired, making our arrival home a lot later than expected.

   For the summer, my aunt got me a job at Ticketmaster in the phone center. I got to work with slow computers to place orders for customers. It was decent dough, and it also got me out of the house often. I also took a government course at night at Miramar. In the meantime I continued to split time between mom's and dad's homes. My sister and Ian were staying at my dad's while she worked at the Naval base. She was also pregnant with number 2, which made life not so grand at times.

   August couldn't come soon enough! My class at Miramar had ended and I'd put in my notice at Ticketmaster. When it came right down to it, I was still numb from the divorce, going through the motions of life and surviving. My mom got me a bean bag and a feather bed to take back up with me. My dad and I headed up one day in 2 separate cars...which suited me fine as I could listen to my stuff instead of a silent car, which gets old on a 10-11 hour trip!

   When we got to the campus, we began taking my stuff to the on-campus apartment in Merlot, the northwesternmost residence building with a wine theme. Unlike the dorm, we had a small kitchen  and fairly decent cupboard space. Rob came shortly after we did. We grabbed something to eat with my dad and did some speculation. Rob and I were sharing a room, but with whom would Scott be shacking up?

   The answer came the next day after Scott arrived. The guy's name was Ed...Ed Kasprzycki (Casper-zickee). It didn't take long to figure out that he was a bit...different. His handshake was a bit oily (always a turn-off for me), he sputtered, often shuffled his feet before entering or exiting a doorway, almost like a bull preparing to charge, and he talked to his mom late at night...every night...and called her by her first name. It turned out he had Tourette's, but cussing wasn't one of his problems (actually if it had been we might have enjoyed his company a lot more). 

   Now, before I continue the tale of the new school  year, I must stop and make a confession...of the 3 amigos in that apartment, I was the meanest to Ed, and I am not by nature a mean person. Slightly in my defense is the fact that he wasn't all that great a personality to deal with anyway, but I did pull some tricks on him that year that he did not handle well. 25 years later I look upon this and understand a lot of anger was finally coming out over recent events. I was good pals with Scott and Rob, but had no connection or obligation toward Ed, so as long as he kept out of my space he was ok. I didn't beat him up or anything, but I did threaten his life one day...which got him out of my way for several days after.

   Actually, the one who really suffered due to Ed was Scott, who luckily held a part time job when not in classes, so he had a little bit more rage toward Ed than I did.

    Anyhow, two doors down from us were Karen and Kimberly and their respective roommates Kerenza and Lori. It was a joyous reunion with Karen, but Kimberly and I had a little tension from the previous year at first, but that thawed with a little time and we got to be friends on a normal basis again, which made hanging out a lot less awkward.

   The four of us roommates had a weekly routine of each chipping in $20 for groceries at Food 4 Less. Back in 1995, $80 could get a week's worth of basic groceries for college guys easily. Breakfast was generally cereal, lunch and dinner were often basic veggie burritos (sour cream, refried beans, and cheese) or sandwiches and chips. On rare occasions we hit up someplace to eat if we had coupons.

   Between the previous spring and current fall, we had gotten involved in some local Rocky Horror Picture Show activities via Karen and Kimberly. One night in September we went to San Jose's show, which was pretty big. Rob got called up on stage as he was a "virgin"and was stripped to his briefs. He didn't care...he knew he'd never see that crowd again. Karen and I had actually been hanging out a lot that fall, which didn't make her then boyfriend (now husband) Grady very happy, but Karen was really just giving me a good friendly ear when I needed one.

   One day when I was getting my books for the semester from the school store, there were a couple of guys hawking credit card offers. I signed up, next thing I knew I got a Mastercard and Discover Card...to this day I wish I had not done that so soon...credit cards have not served me well.

   In terms of classes, I was feeling a slightly less feeling of motivation than usual, though not nearly as bad as West Virginia. I took a biology course that included a lab, an English course, a phys ed for elementary kids class, and my 2 Hutchins courses "We Hold These Truths" (with Richard Zimmer) and "Literature and Society" (with Francisco Vazquez, a tough but kind professor). Still, I pulled a solid 3.0 that semester considering my inner bullshit.I was seeing a regular group of fellow Hutchins students in many of these courses, including my friend Sarah. I was interested in her, but knew from recent experience I had to get my inner self healed a bit more. That wouldn't happen for a long while, and Sarah and I were just friends for the rest of college and a bit beyond.

   Come Thanksgiving, I really didn't want to go to San Diego. My sister and her family (with new addition Shawn) were up in Washington, not sure what my mom was doing, and my dad had a girlfriend so I knew I'd have a 3rd wheel in either household. So I went home with Scott in Fairfield, just an hour away. Scott had a really nice family. His sister Amy was a senior in high school, and his parents Sam and Betty were both high school teachers. As time went, they became like a second set of parents to me so I called them Ma and Pa. I don't talk much to them in recent years, just distance and all, but I still think of them that way. We had a nice time, including a nice dinner and going to see "The American President" at the movies.

   Back to school, just a few more weeks. The weather was cooler and rainier...and another month in San Diego was looming. With the Hutchins classes we just had final projects or papers but no finals.

   My 23rd birthday consisted of drinking some really bad concoctions we'd created with Kool AId and tequila...not watered down enough. Scott got himself nice and wasted, it was kind of fun to watch. Rob had a lot of fun with him when hung over by playing "Tequila Sunrise" in the morning! You know you have a storng friendship when you can get away with that shit!

   On the eve of my departure, Rob left a day early and couldn't fit everything into his car so asked me to bring it to him. That was a pretty stormy week. Even the day I was leaving was pretty wet. I headed out in the early evening through the wet Bay Area freeways. My car was  having some transmission trouble so until I could get it fixed, every few hundred miles I had to put a bottle of transmission fluid in. That night I made it into Fresno and stayed at a Motel 6. The next morning I was awake at about 5 and watched TV for a bit, then headed out. It was somewhat clearewr and a smoother ride.

   When I got to Rob's, he took me to eat at Baker's Square, then I proceeded to San Diego. The first order of business was getting the car fixed. Apparently the transaxle system needed replacing...an expensive job according to my dad.

   Settling in for a long month, I continued the back and forth between my dad's and mom's. Christmas was pretty tough in the new dynamic, both my mom and I were feeling more than a bit sad. Dad was spending time with his new lady Becky and her family. A day or so after Christmas, my mom and I flew up to Washington to spend some time with my sister and her brood. It was the first time I met Shawn. I was also having fun playing with Ian who was a lot more talkative than in the summer. Shortly after, I went back up there with my dad. I also took a drive to Beverly Hills to hang with Lori (one of Karen and Kimberly's roommates) one day. Apart from all that I spent a while in my room listening to music, or in the den watching TV...all the while thinking about some ladies in my life back at school. Before too long, it was time to go back up.

   Altogether, I might have to declare 1995 the start of a new depression in a certain way, but not like the one before. It was more of a situation forced ON me than one I created all on my own. In that way it was a little easier to learn how to cope...though that process was just starting!

The 90s, part 2: 1992-93

    Recently (like YESTERDAY) I wrote a piece about the very early 90s as it related to me. Through that, I made a pretty startling...and cathartic...discovery: I had my first real bout of depression a lot sooner than I thought I had...and it didn't end at the end of that piece, it continued for a time after that. The nice thing is, having that realization relieved a certain weight from my inner core.

   Continuing on into the next two years, I see the continuing trend...and where there was a definite change.

1992

   This year got its true start once I returned to West Virginia University after Christmas break. I had pretty much said goodbye to my life in Pennsylvania during that time. Three weeks is hardly enough time to make that kind of closure but it was all I had...and apparently it was not enough. If I wasn't into my classes much in the fall semester, I was into them even less this time around. I do believe the main reason was that...quite frankly I did not want to be there.

   Going with my parents across the country to San Diego wasn't precisely a fun prospect, either, and the semster and room and board were already paid for, so I sucked it up. One thing I got out of the way was moving into a new dorm, hoping to get a bit more peace. My roommate Charles was a decent guy, it was the rest of the floor for the most part that jsut wanted to party all the time...that just wasn't me.

   I moved into a new building, into a room with a good guy named David Hannibal in mid January. It was truly a better environment. My classes were poetry/drama, a self paced psychology course, some nighttime SPanish course that I dropped fairly fast, and English 2 (aka English 101). I put forth due effort in all, and my grades were fairly acceptable considering my lack of full diligence. I knew San Diego was on the horizon, and it was an uncertain future. I continued to hang with my new friend Craig Caes and the guys on his floor. It helped to pass the time. We  as a group went to church on Sundays and generally ate meals together. My sort-of interest Julie was in one of my classes and I pursued, but alas she was involved so no go there.

   In early April I flew out to San Diego for Spring Break. It was quite different from what I expected...well, I was not sure what I expected exactly, but mountainous terrain wasn't what I had envisioned. Of course I thought of constant beaches, but that's generally what people consider when San Diego comes to mind, right? My parents had bought a house but it wasn't ready yet os they were in an apartment near San Diego State University. It was pretty much an "entertain Bryan and put on happy faces" week...in other words, quite sohrt of real life. We went out to eat a lot,  saw movies, saw a comedy show at the Improv, and drove around the entire San Diego area a lot. The weather was quite pleasant as well, mostly sunny the entire time  was there. It was sad to go at the end, but a sample is  just a sample. Coming back to WVU that Sunday was a definite reality check...cold and snowy!

   Another getaway from campus was during Easter weekend (in college, Easter and Spring break are not always the same period) when I went home with Craig to Canton. He had a pretty nice family, including a dad named Clyde who was a retired pastor. I distinctly remember him reading a Bible verse to us before Craig and I headed out to breakfast...my kind of guy! I also remember getting up early for sunrise service on Easter...same day, we headed home.

   The rest of the weeks were filled with an almost nightly littany of people pulling the fire alarm in the middle of the night then sneaking into hopefully unlocked doors to steal things fro other students. My room was a victim to that. Luckily my plane ticket to San Diego wasn't taken but Dave's books were and it was finals week!

   And then in mid May, the brief West Virginia period was done. I had shipped a lot of my things to San Diego ahead of my departure...at a lot of expense! I arrived in San Diego on a typical gray gloom day, just in time for Mother's Day weekend. A week later, my dad and I enjoyed the final Johnny Carson show together.

   With that began quite a long period of ennui. I didn't know anybody besides my parents and Aunt Terry and cousin Erica. I had no residency established yet so I slept in a lot and my mom and I went to the local mall often, just to pass the time. In mid summer, we both took extension courses at UCSD...me in screenwriting and my mom in paralegal. It was a good way to stay occupied for a time. We were also recruited by my aunt to work for Ticketmaster at the baseball fanfest at the convention center...a pretty easy $300. At the same convention center I also attended the famous ComiCon for a day...quite an experience! The same day we went to see George Carlin at Shelter Island.

   My sister Kristin had joined the Navy earlier in the year and during the summer was stationed at China Lake up in Ridgecrest. My dad and I drove her up there in the desert. Soon after, he and I took a trip to Pennsylvania, rented a truck, grabbed her things from her ex boyfriend Chaz's house (including a heavy ass pottery wheel and 50 pound hunk of clay), then drove down to North Carolina to get her car from her new fiancé Billy Bob. We then took a nice long transcontinental trek back to San Diego, seeing a lot of great county along the way,the best part being the Rockies.

   All of that, while fun, was also a lot of time-passing. I was getting sick of it, and thinking back on it, it really wasn't helping the depression much. One last lift of activity was meeting my aunt's fiancé Pekka Taipale, a very nice Finn,  and participating in their wedding...as an usher again. My parents had also gottne me a car, a 1987 Dodge Colt. Not long after getting it,the thing needed new brakes! Ah, used cars.

   Afterward, it was time for some job seeking. That was quite a low period morale-wise. The first job,so to speak, was learning the art of selling high-end vacuums. Two weeks of that taught me I was no salesman. I then delivered nifty nickel papers to homes for a few weeks, then went to work for  a new pre-Costco Price Club as one of the demonstraters. That lasted a few weeks but at least earned me some good money. I looked for a few other jobs but not much was panning out as the holidays approached. During this period we briefly met my sister's soon to be ex-fiancé Billy Bob as we met her new fiancé Mike at Terry's wedding. 

   Thanksgiving was spent at Terry and Pekka's apartment. There I got my cousin Erica to sell me her Nintendo. My folks weren't too fond of that but I at least had something to occupy my time since the job thing wasn't happening.

   My 20th birthday wasn't much to speak of. I was at a pretty low point...lonely and unemployed. My mom had finally found employment at the library of National University,but that wouldn't begin until January. In the meantime she took a position at Robinson's-May working the jewelry counter at the El Camino Plaza mall in Carlsbad.

   Christmas Eve was spent with Pekka's family and I was starting to feel a bit ill. Turns out I was coming down with pneumonia, a nice way to enjoy the holidays...not!

   So endeth 1992...the last year of complete hell...for a while at least!

1993

   Soon after the pneumonia left me, my folks got me into a weekend course of learning Spanish over the course of a few weeks...it was something! After that, plans for my sister's wedding in Ridgecrest were under way...and I was trying to stay OUT of the way. Nothing for me to do but tag along...as usual. Ridgecrest was quite cold and wintry in February. The wedding went well and all was good...until we got home. 

   We had boarded our aging dog Mac in town while we were in Ridgecrest, and had forgotten to pack his special diet food. Their food did not do him any favors and his system could not handle it. Just a few days after bringing him home, MacTavish Moore passed away. We had this beloved family member for only a little over 10 years. We buried him in our backyar dand created a nice wodden tombstone for him.

   In the meantime, we learned my sister was pregnant. Fast work! I distinctly recall a fight between my mom and dad about it...one of many to come.

   Soon after my Spanish course was done, I took a job putting together a dollar store in nearby Rancho Bernardo. That was some more decent pocket money. After all the putting together work and one actual day of working at the open store, they cut back to necessary personnel...of which I wasn't. Ah well, another brief job gone.

   And then...my year of residency in California was soon established! That meant...BACK TO SCHOOL!

   That meant something else as well...a three-year long depression was coming to an end at last! I enrolled in a full set of summer courses at Miramar College, part of the San Diego city college system. This was much more up my alley than West Virginia was! A daily commute of about 6 miles and back every day was easy. A summer semester is truly intense, even at a community college, but it was what my soul needed. I was getting out of the house, studying, working with others...and generally feeling pretty good about myself.

   In that semester I took an anthropology course, algebra (remember that D from WVU? It necessitated this back to the drawing board come-uppance!), ancient history, and some good ol tennis for physical activity. I was feeling GREAT AT LAST!!! That semester ended with me getting a solid 3.6 GPA, a shitload higher than my 2 point whatever at WVU! A shitty year doing a lot of nothing had given me motivation to succeed.

   With the bad feelings out of me, I decided on another change...letting my hair grow out in back. Mulelt time!

   During this time I began researching some colleges in the state, for community college goes only so far. On Labor  Day weekend, my folks and I traveled to three colleges: Sonoma State, Chico State, and as an afterthought, Fresno State on the way back. Sonoma State won me over immediately with its small town feel. I just knew it was the place for me, so work began to get me there. First I had more coursework to do.

   In the fall I took an English course, a U.S. history course, a speech class, another stupid algebra class, and probably another class I can't remember...or not. At any rate, I was keeping busy. My parents allotted me $20 a week for gas and whatever. One neat place I found was the Quik Wok not far form our house. I fell in love with their garlic chicken and began coming there regularly to have more of that lunch special!

   Now,there was a special present I wanted for Christmas and it really didn't matter if I got nothing else: a trip by myself to Pennsylvania. I really did not care if I received nothing else. 

   In November I traveled with Terry, Pekka, and Erica to my Grandma and Bob's house in the Phoenix area for Thanksgiving. That was a pretty nice trip, I got to see my grandma's sisters and nephew. While we were there my sister gave birth to Ian Michael Slater. He had a few difficulties at first but then pulled through nicely. After returning to San Diego, I went with my dad to Ridgecrest to pick my mom up. 

   Soon after, I celebrated my 21st birthday. Not exactly an ideal 21st of debauchery, but it was a helluva lot better than the previous one! I received my Moore family ring, a 3D map of California, and the radio drama of The Empire Strikes Back.

   Around Christmas, I was noticing more and more tension around the Moore household. My dad was getting moodier and moodier all the time, and sometimes picking fights with people, menaing me and/or my mom. I had elected to spend Christmas Eve with Terry, Pekka, and his family...a much calmer and merry environment. 

   The mullet was finally taking good form!

   A day after Christmas, I headed to Pennsylvania with a little pocket money for the trip. I came into the Reading Aiport and was met by my friend Tris and his teen brother Trevor. We ate at the airport restaurant then began a pretty fun week of getting together with old friends. New Year's Eve was the highlight. We hung at Rick Klingaman's house with several old Wilson faces. It was at this party that I was introduced to Denis Leary and the Jerky Boys...big comedy names of the 90s! It was great seeing Derek, Zach, Jeremy, and even the Kirkners. Even after Tris's mom returned form a trip we were still having a lot of fun. 

   Just being back in Pennsylvania was a great feeling. I had looked forward to it for so long that I didn't want it to end...due to a snowstorm I was granted an extra day. Alas, all good things must come to an end, even vacations. But that was ok...1994 was getting off to a great start!

   

The 90s, part 1: 1990-91

    Back in the summer, I did a review of one of the greatest decades I can remember: the 1980s! Actually I did the 70s as well, though my memories of that decade get fainter as times goes on, so the entries were not as detailed. 

   In short, the 80s were spectacular because that was quite a period of growth...I was growing, after all, physically and emotionally. I also met probably the greatest number of people in those years than any other, many of whom I maintain at least a social media connection with to this day.

   Now we come to the 90s, which were, to put it mildly, CHAOTIC! In terms of residences alone, the 80s contained 3, excluding a few nights hotel stay in November 1980 while waiting for our things to arrive at a rental house. In the 1990s, I was in 2 houses, 3 dorms, and 3 apartments...actually 4 apartments if counting the many nights I spent at my mom's place...but that comes later! For now it is time to close out the Pennsylvania period of my life with...1990 to 1991...actually I will toss in a short burst of 1992 as it fits the theme.

1990

   I was starting the second half (roughly) of 11th grade. Also I was getting more and more into the church I and my family had begin attending. I was enjoying the services led by the quite tall Reverend Bill Miller and his henchman, er...assistant pastor Tom Johnston.Tom actually ran a lot of the youth activities including the monthly snack n yaks (bulimic conventions they were not). The church had a lot of remaining Christmas holiday activities going even after we were back in school, including a 50s dance. 

   There was a girl I really liked at the time (quite a 1-sided situation) whom I got to dance with on that occasion and I think that got a few notions going in my head that I didn't really research before proceeding, absolute nerd that I was. Come Valentine's Day I proceeded to take advantage of the school carnation sales and send her a quite affectionate message she couldn't reciprocate...she let me down quite nicely, but I had built up a LOT in my head...kind of like betting a lot of money on an uncertain poker hand. As a result my heart felt quite busted and it really was all on me. I continued to like her for quite a while, though I didn't make as much of an ass of myself in future occasions both church and school...the key words being "as much". This is ME, after all!

   The rest of that school year was proving to be a downer for me both because of that situation and separate from it. My school work was not the best I could put out, especially in terms of a research paper in English class. My journalism teacher was really seeing my bad moods and referred me to some special counseling...the real problem was I needed to get my head out of my ass, straighten up and fly right. Eventually I got the grades back to a decent place and ended the year on a good note.

   On a separate note, my friend of 10 years, Jeremy Bitz, had been having headaches for quite some time and was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. It was a shock to us all, I distinctly remember the church service where Reverend Miller told everyone and got choked up...actually it did not take much to get Reverend Miller choked up both negatively or positively. However, Jeremy and his family were a strong unit and one diagnosis wasn't going to get them down. He got a second opinion and that one indicated the tumor was benign and could be treated. By golly it was and after a successful surgery, he was good as new!

   In May I also got my braces off at last!

   One thing I was starting to do more was ride my bike on longer jaunts. No longer was it in just Whitfield and Drexelwood, I was riding up into Gring's Mill and on the path to Reber Bridge and then back, and finally Lower Heidelberg as summer dawned. On one particularly nice early summer morning, my buddy Derek and I took a ride up State Hill Road. That could be a dangerous road a ttimes, especially as Pennsylvania was not known for bike lanes on rural byways. One car came aroudn a bend pretty fast and he had to swerve pretty quick to avoid it...as a result his bike tire blew. We tried a few places to see if it would pump up but the tire was dead. We eventually camped outside some girl's garage (yes that one) waiting for Reverend Johnston to rescue us. While waiting, my friend and her mom came home and offered us lemonade as we told this funny tale....I told you I didn't make AS MUCH of a fool. Happily, that summer was filled with more bike rides to other places and I was getting in decent shape.

   In July, my grandma was getting remarried, so we traveled to Michigan once more. I was recruited to act as usher. My grandma had put us up at the near to her condo Red Roof Inn, though it was not the nicest of places. Soon, however, we were at my Grandma's where we met her finace Bob's son Dave. He seemed pretty cool but as time would go on (after this visit) we'd learn he was pretty shifty and dishonest. On this first occasion, though, he helped make arrangements to transfer to a nearby Marriott...a MUCH better place to stay. One other thing I remember about this visit was that it was the last time I saw many people, including family friend Gerry Matter. On the way back, we stopped at a college I was considering...Indiana University of Pennsylvania. It was ok, but not very exciting. Luckily I did not end up there.

   In August, I decided it was time to get myself some more money, so I took a job at the Ponderosa Steakhouse as a server. It was at this job that I discovered the joy of making tip money...a lot of it! I actually ended up working there all of senior year. Speaking of which...

   In September I began the final experience in the Wilson School District, my senior year. One great thing was not having to take another damn year of French, 4 were quite enough for me. Instead of  astraight out English class I took Mass Media with Mr Bob Weirich...a teacher whom my sister had not had a good experience but we got along fine. It was a class all about movies and TV and print and whatever other media was around.  I also took drama, physics with one of my favorite teachers Gary Williamson, as well as another year of journalism with Mark Wiz! There were alos a couple of social studies courses, one being US government with Grant Mahon. Plus trigonometry with Russell Rudy. He really tried to help me understand it all, but senior fever was upon me and my efforts were not quite as strong. I also became involved with TV studio activities, often helping to film the Wilson news weekly reports. I even co-anchored one night, but it wasn't the smoothest.

   Also around this time, Saddam Hussein had invaded Kuwait and aroused the anger of U.S. oil interests, so for the first time in years, gas was on the rise and Operation Desert Shield had begun. This was the hot news topic for months.

   With some of my tip money, I had bought a videotape of one of my favorite series Star Blazers I had seen an ad for in a magazine my friend Zach had lent me. That was a prize possession for a while.

   In November I finally obtained my driver's license using my dad's Volvo...hey, a car is a car. I was also signed up to go on a tirp with a bunch of people to London later in the year.

   Now, I had said my efforts in school were not as great, but efforts in general sucked. I can't really explain it, but I was getting a bit jerky with people, especially my closest friends. I haven;t really thought much about this period for a while, but I tend to think that I was going through one of my first depression periods, and a long-lasting one at that. One positive was with church and getting involved with choir. 

   With having my license, I was allowed to use my dad's car here and there to get to work and occasional church functions. For the most part they were fine...for the most part. Tehre was one function that involved getting somewhere on an icy morning and instead of being smart and just going home, I proceeded to try to get there...and ended up getitng into an icy spin and hitting a stone wall. This was my dad's prized Volvo so I wasn't about to tell the all-out truth. I admitted to hitting something, but instead of revealing the rural location I said it was a wall close to church. Needless to say, my head wasn't in the game. 

   My dad and I took a trip around my 18th birthday to West Virginia University to chekc it out as I had applied there. We foudn out I had been accepted...quite a nice present! Or so I thought at the time.

   For Christmas that year, I got a new set of luggage for the England trip...all for naught as it would turn out.

   I had mentioned I was getting jerky with several people. Well, one night celebrating my friend Derek's birthday, I was getting a little obnoxious and he gave me a nice shot to the gut. Now, for this guy to have that kind of reaction takes a LOT, so I was probably being pretty bad. Funny thing, years later we talked about that and he felt pretty bad. I told him I probably had it coming at the time, so no biggie.

1991

I think the best thing I can say about 1991 is that...it eventually ended. There were some nice moments here and there, but really it was not one of my banner years.

The first bummer to come was that the England trip had been canceled due to a possibility of terrorist activity due to the Iraq-Kuwait situation.

And then comes the famous fire hydrant incident. Possibly one of my parents' biggest miscalculations was that I was responsible enough to have a car of my own. That said, they were smart enough to get me a clunker...a 1980 Chevy Citation. With an AM only radio and a transmisison that shook whenever the car got up to 55...it was not precisely a chick magnet. The best thing I can say about it is that I got to hear Rush Limbaugh a lot...case closed!

Now, I do not remember the exact details, but I know I was driving with friends with me, breaking one of my dad's rules. Another likely broken rule was being distracted and I ended up hitting a hydrant ("fire plug" as we called them there). Now, a smart kid would have stoped to assess damage. That wasn't me. I just kept going, dropped my friends off, and went home to tell my parents...another damn lie, that it had happened in the school parking lot before I even got out of school! The cops showing up at our door that night pretty much tore that lie apart. The next morning, Jeremy's dad had also told my folks the truth about the wall that was hit with the Volvo in December.

In some ways, it was a relief to have it all laid out and let me take my lumps. For sure there was going to be a money payback system for the auto repairs as well as the (luckily light) fine for hit and run of public property. I knew my parents were angry and disappointed, and rightfully so. I had royally fucked up, but some pressure had been eased. I was allowed to keep about $10 of tip money a week and the rest went into the repayment plan.

The rest of the year in terms of school went ok. I was really just going through the motions at this juncture. The high point was the movie we were making for mass media (of which I still have a copy)

In May a lot of end-of-year activities were taking place, including a day trip to Great Adventure in New Jersey. I ended up hanging with Eric Wanner that whole day, a guy I hadn't spent much time with the entire 10 years I knew him. We had a pretty good time that day. I also graduated from confirmation class at church, that was a pretty good moment.

There was also senior prom. I asked my nice coworker Carla Vojtasek at Ponderosa if she would go with me and she accepted. We had a pretty good time. She had a boyfriend so there was no typical pressure to "put on the moves"...we went as friends and that was good for me then. 

Near graduation (like 2 days before), I had another little car fiasco, this time accidentally hitting another moving vehicle in a sort-of blind intersection. This time I had learned my lesson and fessed up immediately. My dad of course was furious and I thought it was going to be a bummer graduation day, but I think either my mom or grandma got his attitude more positive. Later he also found out about a ticket I had gotten (which I took care of myself). Sadly, I had accumulated some impressive (and not in a good way) points on my driving record and had to take a course to remove a few if I was to keep my license. I took it later and passed with no problem.

Following graduation, I was done with Ponderosa Steakhouse. I had developed a bad habit of eating the food and getting a lot of soda. I had started my school day many times with a can of Sunkist. My weight was starting to become a problem. Once again, I attribute that to depression.

I actually went right from that job to working where my dad worked. Well, I didn't work at the same company, I worked for the division that handled the outdoor maintenance, including weeding, watering, mowing, and all sorts of other tasks. The boss was a pretty tough but nice guy named Mark. I was nicknamed L.B. (Little Bryan) as there was another Bryan working there who was older. I didn't mind...it was a fun environment to work in. I got a lot of sun and good exercise that summer.

A few weeks into that job I finally got my car damage repayments finished, so my money was mine at last.

In July I went with my parents to orientation weekend at West Virginia. It was nice, but I had a growing fear of what was coming. I know I had been away to scout camp a few times, but this was quite different.

For the rest of the summer, I worked and occasionally hung with friends in the evenings for movies, dirves, or just hanging out somewhere. You know there are some movies where there are short scenes near the end that kind of wrap things up? That's pretty much how late July through mid August went. Many of us were going to different colleges, others going to senior year in high school, others going a different direction.

Then it came, the "move" to West Virginia University. I look back on that now and realize that if I had not being going through that depression, I would have had a much better time of it. There were a lot of good things about the place. I was in a nice dorm with a decent roommate. His name was Charles Crimmel, a West Virginia native from near Charleston. The dining hall was decent, there was a room where they showed movies and had comedians come in. A monorail took us form the dorms to downtown Morgantown where the majority of classes were. The student union had some good eateries along with a bowling alley, arcade, and a cheap second-run movie theater.

Really, I could have had a lot of fun.

Instead I got homesick and fast. I ended up watching a lot of TV...which earned me the nickname TV Man...I preferred LB, but that would have instigated more than I could handle. Classes were ok, though I ended up skipping my night math class a lot...which probably earned me that D at semester's end. English with Donald Mason was decent. There was also a poli sci class, journalism class, U.S. history class and some orientaiton to college pass/fail. 

My parents came about a month later for a visit, but at the end I was still homesick...though not as bad as before. I just kept to myself a lot. It was a huge university and I wasn't really in that league. The guys in the dorm regularly went out dirnking Thursday through Saturday night and came back loud and obnoxious. If I'd had a brain I would have joined them. I did go to a WVU Mountaineers game but didn't get a lot out of it. I mostly stayed in my dorm listening to music, going to see the cheap movies, seeing comedians on Thursday night, or hiding out in a nook of the Creative Arts building reading or studying.

I did find some friends, if fleeting ones, on another floor and ended up hanging with them the rest of the year, the main one being Craig Caes form Canton, Ohio. There was also a girl in a class that I liked named Julie...and it felt good to be interested in someone else for a change besides the girl in high school. Even if it was unsuccessful, it was a change and any positive change was a feel-good.

In November, I was getting ready to go home for Thanksgiving break, which was a week long. I had, after 2 tries, grown a pretty decent beard and was ready to "unleash" it upon old friends. My dad came to pick me up and we enjoyeda good ride home. We stopped at a Big Boy on the PA Turnpike for dinner where he told of the Moore family future...he was interviewing for a job in San Diego. His current workplace was low in morale and very low in keeping personnel.

That trip home was pretty good for my soul. I got to reconnect with Derek, Zach, Tris, Jeremy, and others. I also got to celebrate my 19th birthday at home. Derek got me a James Bond novel (of which I was reading a lot that fall). I distinctly remember my mom advising me to limit my car activity to keep my driving record copacetic that week.

There were only 3 weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. I made the best of them as I could. My roommate Charles was decent but I hadn't connected well with the other guys on the floor. That was on me, they were actually a good group of guys just enjoying time away from home.

Coming home again in late December was good, but it was not exactly fun-filled. It was official: we were moving to San Diego. If I had known that was happening at all, I would not have gone to West Virginia, I would have just continued the outdoor maintenance job until we moved. 

As a result, I had to close the book on an old life, all while keeping the house clean for people coming to look at it to potentially buy. I stayed out of the house as much as possible, while meeting up with friends as much as possible. We also had the final Christmas Eve get-together with the Kirkners. We got rid of the Chevy Citation...it probably had grown in value with the tpae player my sister's then-boyfriend Chaz had given me for high school graduation, but I pity the fool who had to deal with the shakes it got at fairly mild speeds!

And then one fine Sunday morning in early January 1992 I set off for my seocnd and final semester at West Virginia.

I have not really reflected on this period of life for a while, aside from fire hydrant jokes at my expense (I love them now and hope to use them as a learning experience for Natalie). The depression angle had not been considered until later bouts with it were contended with, and evne then I didn't really piece it together until I began writing today....and that particular bout was not over.