Mall Bearers

    Just picture it...walking down a path just minding your own business, as several hairy ghouls spekaing in demonic tongues try to get your attention, and at all sides of you are members of several satanic cults demanding you give money to them...only this week everything is 30% off.

   No? This doesn't paint an image you can picture? What if I threw in a food court?

   Ah I can see the elated horror on your face now. Indeed, I am referring to a shopping fare that is, in my opinion, on its last legs. And it is really a shame, for the modern American shopping mall has enjoyed several decades in the pop culture mainstream. In fact, the mall itself has been the go-to for maintaining one's status in keeping up with the ever-changing pop culture landscape, from shoes to clothes to music to toys, the mall was for a long time the go-to place for families to shop  and teens to terrorize mall security.

   Yesterday we went to the Meadows Mall to get Natalie an eye exam and order her new glasses at VisionWorks. Afterward, Natalie wanted to go walk around and check out clothing deals along with getting something to eat.  As we walked down the tiled lanes avoiding the hairy ghouls, I glanced around and saw that there were actually more open stores than the last time we were there. How long that will last, who knows?

   At one point, that mall was anchored by 4 department stores: Sears, JC Penney, Macy's and Dillards. Macy's and JC Penney are still in full operation, Dillard's is only one story, and Sears is all gone. That one made me sad, for Sears had a lot of memories for me as a kid. Meadows Mall iteself is farily small as malls go. I remember the first time I was there almost 21 years ago, I was buying some Christmas related items and couldn't get over how fast I was able to get through the whole length, top and bottom floors. The food court has gone through many changes, the only constant being the teriyaki joint all this time. 

   Oh no, the blurry vision has taken hold like an old Hall's cough drop ad and landed me in...1983! Not only that, it's 1983 in Wyomissing, Pennsylvania! Yup, I am in the Berkshire Mall! 

   To me it is kind of amazing that Berks County got this place because as regions go, that county used to pride itself on its sense of individuality and locally owned shops and eateries, and when the Berkshire Mall opened in 1976, that sense of pride in place and time was big. It wasn't until after I moved away that the meh American mainstream retail market had fully invaded the Reading area...2 examples being a strip mall with a Taco Bell where the drive in theater once was, and Chili's. Believe me, when Chili's hits your town, the bandwagon is fully loaded!

   Yes I digress, don't you know me by now? Anyway, back to Berkshire Mall in 1983, a text tour if you will. At the southwest corner was John Wanamaker's, a Philadelphia-based department store. In fact, as one drove northeast on the Warren Street Bypass, Wanamaker's was the store you saw first. On the northeast end was Sear's with its classic overpriced auto repair shop. In the middle was another Philadelphia classic department store called Pomeroy's. The store itself wasn't particularly notable, but I remember the store's name in blue neon lighting outisde at night looking pretty neat. 

   There was no food court in the modern sense, though eateries were all around. One side corridor had an Arby's, a pizza store, and a Taco Casa. Adjacent to that corridor at one point had been a 1-room movie theater which turned into a Chuck-E-Cheese  for a time. In the middle across from the Pomeroy's was a barber shop, a Radio Shack, and a pretty cool video arcade.

   Strewn throughout the mall itself was a donut place, a pretty awesome record store, a K-B Toys, Waldenbooks AND B-Dalton's...people read in those days. I think my favorite place for a few years was York Steakhouse, where we ate on many a Friday night. Many clothing and shoe stores were also interspersed, particularly a Foot Locker where I got many a pair of sneakers for years. Interestingly, Foot Locker has stayed alive all this time as a company!

   Years later, the mall went through a few changes. The upstairs in the middle was redone to accomodate a food court, Pomeroy's was replaced with the Bon Ton, and York Steakhouse went out. 

   A few miles away to the north of downtown Reading, there was another place called Fairgrounds Square Mall. It was decent, with a similar theme of shops and eateries along with a pretty good movie theater, but it didin't have the same feel as Berkshire to me. Fairgrounds Square shut down some time ago, I heard.

   When we moved to San Diego (a much larger metro area than Reading), I got to know a few malls: North County Fair in Escondido, Fashion Valley Mall, Mission Valley Mall, and Horton Plaza. My mom worked for a short time at Robinson-May in Plaza Camino Royal in Carlsbad. When I lived in Sonoma County, there was Santa Rosa Plaza and Coddingtown, though at that point I preferred the cozy local style of outdoor Montgomery Village better.

   Over time, styles and tastes change. Music stores eventually died out as the online streaming and MP3 formats came in. For a time there were stores that sold VHS and DVD movies, and to me Suncoast was the place to find all sorts of goodies during the VHS era.

  And the change that will eventually phase out malls is the online shopping. Add into that the gigantic rentals that the mall owners charge (which is why many stores go under in a short time) and before long the malls will become vacant lots rife for skating and criminal activity. I see it in so many vacant strip mall acreages all over Las Vegas as it is.

   However, I will bask in my memories of a juicy piece of chicken with fries at York, getting a current 45 record by J Geils or some other 80s group at Wall to Wall records, a glazed donut at Donuts Galore, and if I had a few quarters, play some games at Supercade.

   The memories won't go, at least until years of poor diet bring on the Alzheimer's...sort of joking, but I know reality when it hits.

   Until then, a Happy 4th, and try not to launch anything into your hand.

Half a Life with Dried Markers and Glue!

    As I sit back and sip my iced coffee...and spill it on my shirt as a Bryan tradition, I think back on the past 25 1/2 years in the field of education...and then woder if the time spent would have been more productive in another field, such as wine grapes!

   That's not a complaint at all, for I have had many great moments in the classroom both as a licensed teacher in Nevada and a licensed substitute in California. Yet, when one reaches a point where half your life has been spent in your profession, I think it is good to take a little inventory. Speaking of which, we need more toilet paper! More on that later.

   At some point in my early adult period, I had a desire to be a journalist. That is due to having a decent journalism teacher in high school. However, as I saw the negative changes in the journalism field, I knew I'd have to take an immoral hit to character if I wanted to survive in that field...so journalism was nixed. I think it was my dad who put the teacher idea in my ear.

   Before I proceed, I will say that if I could go back, I'd take up computer science and get into the dot com industry and retire early. However, having seen a few movies that are time travel themed of late, we'll just proceed with the present course.

   Looking back on my substitute days, I will say that I was an extremely immature moron who knew nothing about what I was getting into, at first. That first year and a half could have easily broken me if I'd let it, but there's something incredibly brave and masochistic in me that presses forward despite danger signs. By the fall of 1999, I was feeling a good fit and decided to go back to school and traion for the real deal.

   Looking back on THOSE 3 semesters, I can't really put into words exactly what I learned, with the exception of covering my ass when needed. Yes, I am saying I learned more survival lessons than actual methods. It was a lot of theory, taught by professors who were so firmly entrenched in their own perceived greatness that they didn't have a decent balance. It was also northern California, so I take all that with its due thought and dump it into the proper liberal landfill. 

   Both my subbing and back to college years (1998-2002) had their successes and pitfalls, much like the 21 years I have spent as an actual teacher.

   I have written before about my good years and bad years, and I really don't like rehashing myself, I leave that for potatoes. Instead, I will look back at some offside highlights and downers...

   Speaking of toilet paper, it is best to keep a decent roll in your teacher mailbox because the school supply is 1 ply.

   It is commonly said that it is wise to make friends with the office and custodial staff. This is so true, and can result in your classroom being vacuumed more than twice a week, plus getting a new copier toner cartridge installed the same day it was requested.

   If you last in the teaching field a decent number of years, you will work for more than one principal. It is vital to bend with the breeze and learn how they want things done, from lesson plans to email communication. Take it from one who did not learn that right away.

   If you want to eat what the kids eat in the lunch room, you need a good cardiologost and psychiatrist.

   I once assumed most if not all parents were doing their job. I was a moron.

   Being a male in a female-dominated field has its pluses and minuses. The pluses are that you are assumed to possess a certain amount of strength at times and be asked to help lift or move things. The minuses are that you as a male are often left out of many female-based conversations/activities and a sense of isolation can come about at times. Well, actually, as time has gone on, that has become more of a plus. I'm nobody's girlfriend, I don't want to be anybody's girlfriend. 

   Posting on social media about your class or co-workers is perfectly fine...and long as NOBODY is your friend or follows you and the only person seeing your posts is YOU! Such passive aggressive behaviors, if they are seen, leads to social and professional isolation.

   Modern school playgrounds are lame and are built with roughly the same material that submarine was made of...luckily they are not miles underwater.

   If you stay in one position too long, you get cramps. I don't mean physically, I mean staying in one grade level. You get too set and too self-righteous...and often too jaded. I think a period of 2-3 years in one grade is plenty and then change it up, you'll stay fresh (though daily deodorant also assists here).

   Your new markers and glue could very well arrive pre-dried. Thank your parent suppliers anyway.

   What your school/school district pushes on you, just try it. It'll be gone before you get too used to it.

   And finally, let me speak about passion...like all things, passion passes. You will love your class, at, least a few kids in each class, and enjoy a few subjects more than others, but that initial fire dies after some time. Some people lose it quickly and quit, or they never really had it and either quit or languish for years or even decades in a profession they do NOT belong in. And it's ok for that fire to die, because it was what got that motor running before the politics, wage freezes, low test scores, delayed supplies, and broken HVAC systems put out the fire. Put out the FIRE, but not the love. 

   I still love what I do. I love coming early in the morning, getting coffee going and prepping for my day, however it ends up going. I love the group of adults I work with and am getting to positively know my new principal. I love that I am going back to teaching the little kids, the ones that love school. My PASSION comes and goes, and that's ok by me. Staying on a constant high is not good for the body.

   Stay hydrated.

Barney Miller

 Bum-ba-ba-bum ba ba bum...

Some classic bass right there, I knew I should have entered a text music writing career!

Really though, one of my favorite TV shows of all time had a theme song that always, in its 4 opening variations, started with good bass playing. My love of the show, in fact, was based on the theme, then I watched the actual show a bit more and got to know the characters, 3 of whom stayed the entire series.

The series I refer to is Barney Miller, a polkice comedy that aired from January 1975 to May 1982 on ABC, then enjoyed a healthy several decades of reruns, it was that good. 

Why was it good? For one thing, the writers and actors made the characters look like real cops who worked out of the aging 12th precinct building in Greenwich Village in Manhattan. The set itself consisted of two rooms for the most part: the squad room and Captain Miller's office. There was a rare foray early in the series into Barney's apartment that he shared with his wife and children, or stakeout locales...and once even in the precinct bathroom. 

The episodes themselves were put into 3 or 4 acts, the 4th happening if there was time for an episode wrap-up, but it often was finished at the end of the 3rd act.

Another reason this show was so good is its time capsule appeal, though millennials and post-millennials might not appreciate its sense of antiquity...or they might in one way which I'll get to later. The constant budget problems New York faced in the mid to late 1970s was addressed many times, with the detectives being laid off for 3 hours in 1 episode in season 2, and the detectives going on a 24 hour strike in a 2 parter at the end of the third season. A frequent source of irritation came from the endless NYC bureaucracy as well as the depicted incompetence of Federal representatives when they were for some reason needed.

Then we have the characters themselves,3 of whomas I said stayed the entire series.

Captain Barney Miller (played by Hal Linden)

An even-tempered superior officer in his precinct house, saddled with an endless amount of paperwork, loving wife Liz who prefers he quit for his personal safety, detectives with their own quirks that sometimes amuse him and more often than not annoy him to some degree. He is teased a few times with the prospect of being promoted to the rank of Deputy Inspector, but is passed over several times before finally making it at the series end. His officers are loyal to him to a fault, even when they feel they need to go on strike. Barney has a particular knack for letting feuding parties work out their differences in the precinct holding cell or bring parties together (the best example of this is when he unites an elderly eviction victim with a blind mugging victim). His penchant for telling his officers and perps to "maintain their perspective" becomes a running joke over the years. In 1978, he and Liz separate after he is shot in a finger, but they later reconcile. 

Sergeant Phil Fish (played by Abe Vigoda), 1975-77

An aging yet experienced detective who always has some form of ailment. His digestive system has him constantly in the bathroom. The other officers look up to him for guidance and back him up when he isn't at his best. Fish has no patience for age or illness related discussion, for which he responds, GET AWAY FROM ME! He loves his wife Berniece yet knocks her cooking skills (or lack thereof) frequently. In season 3 he and Berniece take care of a group of kids in a group home situation. At the start of season 4, he is forced into retiremnet at age 63. He is in denial at first, but soon accepts his future.

Detective 3rd Grade (promoted to Sergeant in 1977) Stan "Wojo" Wojciehowicz (Max Gail)

Probably the most evolved of the characters, Wojo starts out as a goofy not-too-bright detective, but by season 2 is becoming a more competent detective. He has a vast disdain of prostitutes at first, but then starts to feel he can "change" them, though he often has a disparaging remark toward them throughout the series run. He is also homophobic, though this too lessens in later years. He is a natural ladies man, more often than not late for work because of a rendevous the night before. Wojo also acts as crusader for various causes such as Agent Orange and government food stockpiling, calling in various corporate and government officials against Barney's wishes. At the start of seaosn 8 he learns he is impotent, and at the series end, Wojo has become a more sensitive character.

Sergeant Ron Harris (Ron Glass)

An African American wit, Harris often has a wry or sarcastic barb in response to the craziness or stupidity of others. He frequently has a name for the amubuilance arriving from Bellevue Hospital ("The Good Humor Truck" for example) to take suspects away for psychiatric evaluation. Harris also has a love for writing, which culminates in the publishing of his book Blood on the Badge in 1979. The resulting fame and riches sometimes go to his head and he displays a snobbishness in later seasons, a far cry from his outrage at being shot at by another cop in 1978.  His ego takes a big hit when he is successfully sued for over 300 thousand dollars by sleazy ambulance chaser Arnold Ripner in 1981 for his non-permitted caricature in the book. After Nick Yemana's death, Harris is technically second in command, a position he uses when Barney is jailed for contempt of court in early 1981.

Sergeant Nick Yemana (Jack Soo), 1975-78

An older Japanese detective, Nick is known for his bad coffee-making and odd but humorous statemnts about life. He is an obsessive gambler, always betting on horses. After Fish retires, Nick is Barney's deputy, reluctantly accepting command when Barney is suspended in 1978 for failing to enforce an eviction on a soon to be demolished building's tenants.  A generally unflappable charactger, he does lose his coolness when a 'werewolf' acts up in the holding cell, and when he eats a few hash-laden brownies. Nick wasn't around much in the later part of seaosn 4, and was gone most of season as as actor Jack Soo fell ill of cancer and died in early 1979. A special episode at the end of season 5 had the actors talking about him (real life and character).

Inspector Frank Luger (James Gregory)

Inspector Luger is Barney's immediate superior, but rarely acts in this capacity. A cop from an older time when violence against perps was tolerated and accepted, he is out of touch with the newer breed of cops. He is frequently coming to talk to Barney in his office about perosnal issues that Barney has no real care about. In his rare appearances of authority, he clashes once with internal affairs officer Scanlon, nominates Sergeant Chano for a bravery medal, and reluctantly suspends Barney for dereliction of duty (for said eviction situtation). On more than one occasion, Luger invites himself to Barney's home for a holiday meal. In early 1980, Luger is demoted to captain and works for a few episodes in the 12th precinct. Luckily he is reinstated a few episodes later to the relief of everyone. At the end of the series, he marries a mail order bride from the Phillippines.

Sergeant Chano Amenguale (Gregory Sierra), 1975-76

Chano is a proud Puerto Rican who works hard at his job and is frustrated by perps and society frequently. Chano shoots a set of bank robbers in the first season finale and is depressed, but gets over it after some advice form Barney. Apart from that, not much is known about Chano as his character left after season 2.

Sergeant Arthur Dietrich (Steve Landesberg), 1975; 1976-82

An intellectual, often going to the point of being pedantic, Dietrich has knowledge on a variety of topics, sometimes aiding in investigations but more often than not annoying his fellow officers and have them seeing him as quite weird and unrelatable. Yet, he is an able officer whom his colleagues can depend on, though he and Harris are often at good-natured odds. He appeared once in season 2 as a tutee of Fish, then begins appearing in season 3 sporadically and is a solid regular in season 4 onward.

Officer Carl Levitt (Ron Carey), 1976-82

Levitt is at first depicted as a pushy unlikeable character trying to gain favor with Barney, but he really wants to be a detective, a status he fears will never happen because of his 5'6 stature. Eventually, he is allowed on occasion to fill in for a detective who is out, more often after Nick Yemana dies. He sees any new detective as a threat to his future and is more than once suspected oif acting against the squad room detectives as a saboteur or spy.

Lt Ben Scanlon (George Murdock); occasional appearances 1976-82

Scanlon is a sleazy internal affairs officer that cops love to hate. He is always poking around, looking for reasons to investigate or even have an officer fired. Scanlon refuses to beleive that the 12th precinct officers are above reproach. He thinks he has success with Officer Zatelli who has just been publicly outed by Wojo, but the department promotes him instead. Scanlon is himself in trouble when he harasses an attractive mugging victim who complains to Barney and Wojo.  Ironically, it is Scalon who informs Barney of his promotion to Deeputy Inspector in the finale.

One character who is not a cop that is worth mentioning is Marty Morrison (Jack DeLeon), an openly gay petty criminal. He appears only 8 times in the series but is portrayed quite vividly and respectfully as opposed to a token joke of the time. He finds a regular partner in older Darryl Driscoll, who patiently tolerates well meaning but useless lectures by Luger and Wojo, the latter of whom comes to understand a bit better what the men have to go through. Another gay character is Officer Zatelli, mentioned above.

Over the course of the series, a variety of criminals and victims pass through.Muggers, prostitutes, kidnappers, vigilantes, hostage-takers, one or two suspected child molesters, and a Nazi warm criminal grace the 12th. There are some remarkable episodes that highlight either the characters or the times.

The Escape Artist (1975)- a legendary prisoner and escape artist is captured by the 12th's detectives after receiving a tip. This episode is remarkable because it introduces Harris's aspirations as an author. 

Hash (1976)- Wojo brings in brownies his girlfriend (at the time) made that were laced with hashish. Everyone exceept Barney has at least one, resulting in some off the wall performances.

Quarantine (1976)- The squad room is quarantined due to a suspect's high fever and symptoms of either chicken pox or small pox; besides the detectives and Barney, Luger, Marty and Driscoll and a hooker are forced to spend the night.

Abduction (1977)- an older couple abducts their daughter from a seeming cult after asking for Barney's help to rescue her. The cult leader, dressed to look like Jesus, is cleverly played by David Clennon.

Strike (1977)- The detectives (Wojo, Harris, Nick, and Dietrich) go on a 24 hour strike, leaving Barney and Luger to work the squad room. The ending of this 2 parter shows the respect they all have for Barney.

The Harris Incident (1978)- Harris is shot at by a wet under the ears uniform and his older partner brushes it off, which angers Harris and isolates him from the rest of the squad. This is the only episode of the series that chose to look at Harris as a potential victim due to his skin color.

The Search (1978)- It's Harris's turn at mugging detail, which means he has to dress at a woman and shave off his beloved mustache. This and the next few episodes are the only time Harris is clean-shaven.

Uniform Days (1980)- One day a year all detectives must dress in unoform, but Harris refuses and has in fact sold his uniform. This episode is interesting in that Barney's frustrations at Harris's fame and its interruptions of his work, particularly in his newly uppish attitude. The episode leaves on a bittersweet note, indicating the tension has not completely disappeared between the two.

Liquidation (1981)- After losing an appeal for a lawsuit against him, Harris goes on a bender feeling his life is over. An annyoing clown in the cell tries to cheer him up with song. Harris tries to shoot him but Barney has taken his gun away.

Paternity (1981)- After being slapped with a paternity suit, Wojo discovers he's innocent...since he is impotent. The irony of his years of playing around after hours is evident!

Landmark part 3 (1982)- The 12th precinct has been sold to a private owner after a discovery of an old gun reveals Teddy Roosevelt may have bene headquartered there during his time as police commisioner. Friends and foes alike come to say goodbye. The detectives go their separate ways, Levitt is promoted to sergeant, and Barney is finally promoted to deputy inspector.

There were so many more great episodes of this 170 episode series (adjustable when accounting for hour longs being broken into 2 for syndication). A truly marvelous example of great writing and performances. And if you disagree...get away from me!!

And thank you for reading entry 200!

My Funny Bone Seems To Be Broken

    Occasionally when I get up on work days, Vickie is still up for some reason or other (she redefines the term NIGHT OWL)  and is watching some old classic sitcom or cartoon show. Often she has on Leave It To Beaver and I'll sit with her for an episode. Incidentally, there are two types of episodes of the Beav. They either revolve around Beaver getting suckered into doing something stupid by one or more of his friends and being left holding the bag (the soup billboard being the most classic) or Wally's growing into a young adult. I personally prefer the Wally-centered shows because they most often entail Eddie Haskell, one of TV's classic naughty friends.

   My point is that many of these old classics seem to have gotten lost even in my own generation when they gained a new audience in rerun heaven/hell. Beav is an exception at times, though there are some episodes I once liked that now seem pretty dumb. This applies to mostly sitcoms, although some old westerns like Bonanza and Gunsmoke suffer a slow and painful re-airing.

   There seems to be something about the format and end product of the situation comedy that makes it more often than not the sacrificial lamb of many a new TV season, often scrapped before Christmas. Other times, a sitcom can stick around for a long time with a fairly stable if not large audience and not strike true funny bones. Often they stick a cute kid in it and make money off the less than precocious brat.

   Where the fuck did sitcoms come from?

   For those on millennial island, let me explain a little history. A hundred years ago, there was no TV...or computers or smartphones or Kardashians. Hell, even movie theatres weren't in vogue yet. Entertainment came in the form of vaudeville, a set of live comedy acts on a stage. Many of these acts were so popular that they made it to radio and occasionally to television from there. I've listened to some of these old radio comedies and while corny, they were generally well-written when they weren't throwing in cheap commercial spots within the show itself. When some of these radio shows came to television, audiences weren't quite ready for the sight of their favorite performers and the show fizzled. By the 1960s, most if not all of the radio comedies had died out.

   The trick, as far as I can see, of a successful sitcom has to be a combination of good writing and relatable characters. Beaver worked because he and Wally were like any other American older and younger brother relationship. Similar regular family situations were in Father Knows Best and The Donna Reed Show, among others, and they worked in reruns for decades after, right into the early 1990s. Soon after, we were entering a new age of digital addiction and the old entertainment norms no longer resonated with many, and the older audiences were starting to die off.

   Two examples of successful sitcoms that to me seem timeless with their successes are Barney Miller and WKRP in Cincinnati. The former works because there were just 2 parts of the set: the squad room and Barney's office. The success came with clever lines and the wacky perps who passed through. With WKRP, there was an almost surreal quality among the characters that made them so engaging. New station manager Andy Travis was frequently saying he had to get out of that place. Why? There was another layer cleverly put into that show that really showcased the Ohio-ness of the station's employees, and really any midwestern state has something unique about their people and towns. I know because eastern Pennsylvania small towns have that quality as well!

   Apart from that, there are some classics that have remained classics in my opinion, at least in terms of watchibility, and others I just can't sit through anymore. Aside from Barney, the Beav, and WKRP , let's take a look at a random sampling...

My Three Sons: How this show lasted 12 years (1960-72) boggles my mind, because the highlight character is Uncle Charley and he was only on for 7 years. The rest of it doesn't grab modern attention. Definitely as white as one can get, and the Disney touch is present. Star Fred MacMurray had a strict shooting schedule that made for a non-linear episode shooting each season. The boys had to get frequent haircuts to make those episodes look fairly sequential.

Gilligan's Island(1964-67): I once loved this show. I even bought season 2 on DVD when shows on disc were the craze. However, when watching it I just couldn't get into it. The sex appeal of Ginger and Mary Ann was not enough to sit out the inane situations anymore. To me the coolest character was the Professor, always will be.

The Brady Bunch(1969-74): Another childhood favorite...but as I have caught it a few times in recent years, I have definitely spotted the major flaw: THE WRITING SUCKED!!! Not only that, the canned laughter now brings a sense of nausea. I can see why Robert Reed conflicted with the creative team often. Incidentally, both this and Gilligan were produced by Sherwood Schwartz, a creator who seems to have had a knack for parallel dimension concepts. The Brady Bunch Movie in 1995 and its sequel captured this alternate universe well. 

Get Smart(1965-70): This show really took the spy genre to task...for its first 2 and a half seasons. After that, the originality left. Max and 99 getting married and then having kids just killed it. The highlights me were the wacky KAOS villains, especially Bernie Kopell as Siegfried. When you see him playing Doc on The Love Boat ten years later, it's a mind-number.

Diff'Rent Strokes(1978-86): Like the Bradys, the writing on this show sucked big time, especially after it got into the 1980s. The first season is still watchable, though, for some reason...perhaps the freshness of the concept. By 1982, Gary Coleman's overdone "Whatchoo talkin' about, Willis?!" couldn't save corny and, shall I say, LAZY writing.

Indeed, there are several sitcoms of the 1980s that suffered from a 'malaise of laze': Webster, Silver Spoons, Who's the Boss, and Full House depended on some form of cute factor. The more adult-oriented shows,,while not always faring better on the classic show streaming channels, at least had good writing and fun characters to make them work at the time. I can still watch Cheers and Night Court and, forgive me for saying this, but despite his despicable actions I can still watch The Cosby Show because even though there was a 'cute' factor with Keshia Knight Pulliam and Rayven Symoné, there was enough intelligent writing to make the characters real. I could relate to Theo's school struggles a bit in the early seasons.

As we pulled into the 90s, the old lazy formulas were generally relegated to Friday and Saturday nights when people generally had lives. There was some experimentation with laughless sitcoms (no audience, no laugh track) that gave the viewer respect as to what they could laugh at...it was too early, though, and not until we got shows like The Office did that audience respect pay off. 

I couldn't get into Friends. I've seen less than 25% of the series and, while some episodes were well done, it wasn't a discussion point the day after like other classic shows of the 80s had done. 

As we moved into the new millennium, the sitcom formula was really dying. Luckily, many of those vomit inducers were on Disney, so I was spared. A friend of mine recently posted this about sitcoms:

"I finally figured out what I hate about sitcoms and modern television- these crappy shows try too hard and so do the studio audiences! They laugh hysterically over something that was, at best, mildly amusing (if that). Older “classic” shows relied on a catch phrase (“kiss my grits”; “heyyyyyy”; “dyn-o-mite”) and milked them to death in every episode. The vast majority of old shows are dated and unwatchable- awful outfits, canned laughter, studio audiences who laugh hysterically at every single implied “funny” moment, etc. Yuck!"

He has a point. Those studio audiences probably get paid pretty well to act wildly amused.

A lot of sitcoms were skipped, but mainly because of the 'overdone' phrases. I could easily have picked at Happy Days as it ran 11 seasons. I left it, and Laverne and Shirley, alone because of their nostalgia draw at the time. Apart from that factor, Potsie Webber is probably the longest-running useless character of all time. After Richie Cunningham left to make good movies, the Fonz wasn't as cool anymore.

I really couldn't ever handle I Love Lucy or The Lucy Show, either...ever! Nothing against Lucille Ball, just not my type of comedy.

You know who I miss? John Ritter. He took a pretty racy and daring concept character in the 1970s and made it a classic. He's what made Three's Company work, not Suzanne Somers.

In closing, the sad truth is that in this modern 'woke' era where funny isn't what it once was for many...or never will be ever...the situation comedy concept is dead in terms of development. You can take any old hackneyed concept, put a racial/cultural spin on it, and reheat it, or add cussing and nudity for a quick cheap laugh. It'll get the teenage boys watching, but it doesn't make it smart.

My funny bone isn't broken, just arthritic!

lamara and 37 other

New Me vs Old Me...That is the Question

    Recently I have been looking at myself and thinking UGH!! No, I am not talking about looks. Well, in a way I am, because I haven't felt really good about my looks in some time. Definitely an image problem, and it definitely comingles with my frequent bouts of depression.

   So how do I fix this problem? Well, part of it, a large part of it that is, has to do with my relationship to food. Believe me, it is a damaged and sick relationship, and the food in a way became the narcissist. 

   I say in a way because the food itself was merely an agent of another narcissist...the food INDUSTRY! I could give hundreds of examples of food ads that told you it was healthier or tasted better or subliminally that the CEO wanted to buy another damn yacht, so buying the Drake Yodels would help with the payment.

   A definite up and down history here, so bear with me.

   First up, a confession: for more than 4/5 of my life so far, I have been a sugar addict. Even my dad once labeled me as a sugar junkie when I was a kid. He was right. I could go through more than half a box of Tastykake jelly krimpets or a box of Entenman's crumb donuts in one sitting if someone let me alone with it.

   There was a balance, though, as I got outside and played with my friends and rode my bike, so it was not as if I was Jabba the Hutt in traning...yet. 

   Somewhere along the line in high school, I began a vicious cycle in life where I'd build myself up for something, almost always without solid basis, and I set myself up for a crash. This happened with a girl I liked. It wasn't mutual and the resultant crash put me into probably one of the deepest funks I can remember. Within a year of that time, I began consuming more sugar in the form of junk food and soda, and as I wasn't riding as much as I used to, I was starting to gain weight. It went up and down for a bit but when we moved to California, I was weighing about 175...not the best weight for a 5'5 guy. 

    So what did I do? I went on the Slim Fast diet. I probably did drop a bit just from the change, but I was still consuming sugar in the form of bread. 

   Why was this? Because the food/medical industry was saying fat was the villain so I dropped that shit big time! Truly, my problems were just starting. For a long time in fact!

    Cut forward about 4 or 5 years, right after college graduation, I was at a crossroads and started eating like crap. Lots of chocolate, fast food, anything for that serotonin fix. Even though I tapered off once I started substitute teaching, my weight was at its highest ever in 1998...at that point anyway, in the high 180s. By 2001 I was close to 200. In 2003 I was a bit OVER 200. Small surprise, I was drinking vanilla Coke and Hawaiian Punch Orange Ocean quite regularly. I drank shit and ate shit.

   After a few months at the gym, I was down to 175 and felt great as I'd cut out the high sugary content. After a couple of years and tapering off form the gym, the weight crept up again. After meeting a proposing to Vickie, we tried an Atkins style diet...and our wedding photos were not so hot. Soon after we read up on Dr. Oz's advice and got rid of anything with high fructose corn syrup and walked a lot. That took off some weight for sure form the change...but not long term.

A definite pattern here is short term!

   A few years later, we both went on Weight Watchers. After a few months we quit because I was losing more (short term again) weight.

   For a long time after, I thought I was doing ok, though looking back on past school pictures, I wasn't. I had a definite double, almost triple chin and barely any neck. I didn't look good. Hell, looking back now I looked fairly sick.

Now that I know what I know, which comes later.

   In 2019, our school held a biggest loser challenge which, if it had been about the least dates in high school, I would have won hands down! No, it was weight loss. If I didn't know any better, I'd think the whole thing was set up for me. I anted in and, with some advice from a friend, went very low carb! From January 2020 to August 2020, I lost a bit over 40 pounds through diet and lots of walking! My biggest ever, and I was proud of myself. With the recent shaven head and loose fitting Hawaiian shirts, one might have thought I was a cancer patient!

   In fact I believe I kept under 200 pounds for another year, but I got lazy and started getting into some bad habits again and this past fall I saw my weight at 216. My double chin was starting to return as  well.

   As usually I started to stress, which never helps things and pisses off Vickie to no end. And then I started watching some videos by some doctors...not ones on our insurance plan, but ones with really nothing to gain. In fact, I imagine the food and medical industries might have assassins lying in wait to shut them up, because if people in large droves started listening to them, the profits would drop!

   By the way, since December I have dropped 10 pounds, so I am on the right track. 

   What I learned was that I had an underlying evil in  me much of the time: seed oils. Sunflower, safflower, and worst of all, vegetable oil, otherwise known as soybean oil...none do the body good. In fact, unless I can help it I will no longer do corn, wheat, or soy, or anything that went under major process.

   Process changes the body badly, in the gut, liver, and brain. Hell, even cutting your veggies is a process, but not a bad one. 

   All bread and starches are essentially sugar. Staying away. 

   Water, tea, and coffee are my beverages. Diet Dew, no more.

   Hell, even limiting my Stevia. Making my own mayonnaise with avocado oil.

   If I need a sweetener, I'll use monkfruit until I learn it is dangerous. Nothing yet, though once American know-how gets involved, someone WILL fuck it up. If you have any doubt about that, think about American cheese!

   I think what gets me the most is that the medical industry is in on this on the dark side. They still say low fat, high whole grains, low sodium. Folks, I believe that regimen is creating diabetics by the thousands per day, especially in kids.

   Just like the food industry, the medical industry counts on repeat business. They want you on their drugs which seemingly combat the evils of food or depression or whatever.

   And if you think there isn't a cure for cancer, think about all those doctors and big pharma with their jets, yachts, country club memberships, and influence with our government. Chemo and radiation create new business down the line form the problems they cause.

    Whoa, wait a minute, hold on! I seem to have tripped over a soapbox. Not my intention.

   My intention was to say I'm going to do things my way here on in, with the best possible advice I can find. 

   I don't intend to preach. That might lead to followers and believe me, I don't want anyone following me, it might give me a power trip. What I WANT people to do is think before they act on someone's advice, especially food companies and doctors. Get 2nd opinions, or 3rd opinions.

   Be healthy. If you want a treat here or there from time to time, have one, enjoy it, and get back on the train, because a treat is really just a train stop until you decide it's your new town and the town is East Rutherford.

   That's all. Be good to yourself.

Sugar: The Bitter Truth

Fat Chance: Fructose 2.0