Barney Miller

 Bum-ba-ba-bum ba ba bum...

Some classic bass right there, I knew I should have entered a text music writing career!

Really though, one of my favorite TV shows of all time had a theme song that always, in its 4 opening variations, started with good bass playing. My love of the show, in fact, was based on the theme, then I watched the actual show a bit more and got to know the characters, 3 of whom stayed the entire series.

The series I refer to is Barney Miller, a polkice comedy that aired from January 1975 to May 1982 on ABC, then enjoyed a healthy several decades of reruns, it was that good. 

Why was it good? For one thing, the writers and actors made the characters look like real cops who worked out of the aging 12th precinct building in Greenwich Village in Manhattan. The set itself consisted of two rooms for the most part: the squad room and Captain Miller's office. There was a rare foray early in the series into Barney's apartment that he shared with his wife and children, or stakeout locales...and once even in the precinct bathroom. 

The episodes themselves were put into 3 or 4 acts, the 4th happening if there was time for an episode wrap-up, but it often was finished at the end of the 3rd act.

Another reason this show was so good is its time capsule appeal, though millennials and post-millennials might not appreciate its sense of antiquity...or they might in one way which I'll get to later. The constant budget problems New York faced in the mid to late 1970s was addressed many times, with the detectives being laid off for 3 hours in 1 episode in season 2, and the detectives going on a 24 hour strike in a 2 parter at the end of the third season. A frequent source of irritation came from the endless NYC bureaucracy as well as the depicted incompetence of Federal representatives when they were for some reason needed.

Then we have the characters themselves,3 of whomas I said stayed the entire series.

Captain Barney Miller (played by Hal Linden)

An even-tempered superior officer in his precinct house, saddled with an endless amount of paperwork, loving wife Liz who prefers he quit for his personal safety, detectives with their own quirks that sometimes amuse him and more often than not annoy him to some degree. He is teased a few times with the prospect of being promoted to the rank of Deputy Inspector, but is passed over several times before finally making it at the series end. His officers are loyal to him to a fault, even when they feel they need to go on strike. Barney has a particular knack for letting feuding parties work out their differences in the precinct holding cell or bring parties together (the best example of this is when he unites an elderly eviction victim with a blind mugging victim). His penchant for telling his officers and perps to "maintain their perspective" becomes a running joke over the years. In 1978, he and Liz separate after he is shot in a finger, but they later reconcile. 

Sergeant Phil Fish (played by Abe Vigoda), 1975-77

An aging yet experienced detective who always has some form of ailment. His digestive system has him constantly in the bathroom. The other officers look up to him for guidance and back him up when he isn't at his best. Fish has no patience for age or illness related discussion, for which he responds, GET AWAY FROM ME! He loves his wife Berniece yet knocks her cooking skills (or lack thereof) frequently. In season 3 he and Berniece take care of a group of kids in a group home situation. At the start of season 4, he is forced into retiremnet at age 63. He is in denial at first, but soon accepts his future.

Detective 3rd Grade (promoted to Sergeant in 1977) Stan "Wojo" Wojciehowicz (Max Gail)

Probably the most evolved of the characters, Wojo starts out as a goofy not-too-bright detective, but by season 2 is becoming a more competent detective. He has a vast disdain of prostitutes at first, but then starts to feel he can "change" them, though he often has a disparaging remark toward them throughout the series run. He is also homophobic, though this too lessens in later years. He is a natural ladies man, more often than not late for work because of a rendevous the night before. Wojo also acts as crusader for various causes such as Agent Orange and government food stockpiling, calling in various corporate and government officials against Barney's wishes. At the start of seaosn 8 he learns he is impotent, and at the series end, Wojo has become a more sensitive character.

Sergeant Ron Harris (Ron Glass)

An African American wit, Harris often has a wry or sarcastic barb in response to the craziness or stupidity of others. He frequently has a name for the amubuilance arriving from Bellevue Hospital ("The Good Humor Truck" for example) to take suspects away for psychiatric evaluation. Harris also has a love for writing, which culminates in the publishing of his book Blood on the Badge in 1979. The resulting fame and riches sometimes go to his head and he displays a snobbishness in later seasons, a far cry from his outrage at being shot at by another cop in 1978.  His ego takes a big hit when he is successfully sued for over 300 thousand dollars by sleazy ambulance chaser Arnold Ripner in 1981 for his non-permitted caricature in the book. After Nick Yemana's death, Harris is technically second in command, a position he uses when Barney is jailed for contempt of court in early 1981.

Sergeant Nick Yemana (Jack Soo), 1975-78

An older Japanese detective, Nick is known for his bad coffee-making and odd but humorous statemnts about life. He is an obsessive gambler, always betting on horses. After Fish retires, Nick is Barney's deputy, reluctantly accepting command when Barney is suspended in 1978 for failing to enforce an eviction on a soon to be demolished building's tenants.  A generally unflappable charactger, he does lose his coolness when a 'werewolf' acts up in the holding cell, and when he eats a few hash-laden brownies. Nick wasn't around much in the later part of seaosn 4, and was gone most of season as as actor Jack Soo fell ill of cancer and died in early 1979. A special episode at the end of season 5 had the actors talking about him (real life and character).

Inspector Frank Luger (James Gregory)

Inspector Luger is Barney's immediate superior, but rarely acts in this capacity. A cop from an older time when violence against perps was tolerated and accepted, he is out of touch with the newer breed of cops. He is frequently coming to talk to Barney in his office about perosnal issues that Barney has no real care about. In his rare appearances of authority, he clashes once with internal affairs officer Scanlon, nominates Sergeant Chano for a bravery medal, and reluctantly suspends Barney for dereliction of duty (for said eviction situtation). On more than one occasion, Luger invites himself to Barney's home for a holiday meal. In early 1980, Luger is demoted to captain and works for a few episodes in the 12th precinct. Luckily he is reinstated a few episodes later to the relief of everyone. At the end of the series, he marries a mail order bride from the Phillippines.

Sergeant Chano Amenguale (Gregory Sierra), 1975-76

Chano is a proud Puerto Rican who works hard at his job and is frustrated by perps and society frequently. Chano shoots a set of bank robbers in the first season finale and is depressed, but gets over it after some advice form Barney. Apart from that, not much is known about Chano as his character left after season 2.

Sergeant Arthur Dietrich (Steve Landesberg), 1975; 1976-82

An intellectual, often going to the point of being pedantic, Dietrich has knowledge on a variety of topics, sometimes aiding in investigations but more often than not annoying his fellow officers and have them seeing him as quite weird and unrelatable. Yet, he is an able officer whom his colleagues can depend on, though he and Harris are often at good-natured odds. He appeared once in season 2 as a tutee of Fish, then begins appearing in season 3 sporadically and is a solid regular in season 4 onward.

Officer Carl Levitt (Ron Carey), 1976-82

Levitt is at first depicted as a pushy unlikeable character trying to gain favor with Barney, but he really wants to be a detective, a status he fears will never happen because of his 5'6 stature. Eventually, he is allowed on occasion to fill in for a detective who is out, more often after Nick Yemana dies. He sees any new detective as a threat to his future and is more than once suspected oif acting against the squad room detectives as a saboteur or spy.

Lt Ben Scanlon (George Murdock); occasional appearances 1976-82

Scanlon is a sleazy internal affairs officer that cops love to hate. He is always poking around, looking for reasons to investigate or even have an officer fired. Scanlon refuses to beleive that the 12th precinct officers are above reproach. He thinks he has success with Officer Zatelli who has just been publicly outed by Wojo, but the department promotes him instead. Scanlon is himself in trouble when he harasses an attractive mugging victim who complains to Barney and Wojo.  Ironically, it is Scalon who informs Barney of his promotion to Deeputy Inspector in the finale.

One character who is not a cop that is worth mentioning is Marty Morrison (Jack DeLeon), an openly gay petty criminal. He appears only 8 times in the series but is portrayed quite vividly and respectfully as opposed to a token joke of the time. He finds a regular partner in older Darryl Driscoll, who patiently tolerates well meaning but useless lectures by Luger and Wojo, the latter of whom comes to understand a bit better what the men have to go through. Another gay character is Officer Zatelli, mentioned above.

Over the course of the series, a variety of criminals and victims pass through.Muggers, prostitutes, kidnappers, vigilantes, hostage-takers, one or two suspected child molesters, and a Nazi warm criminal grace the 12th. There are some remarkable episodes that highlight either the characters or the times.

The Escape Artist (1975)- a legendary prisoner and escape artist is captured by the 12th's detectives after receiving a tip. This episode is remarkable because it introduces Harris's aspirations as an author. 

Hash (1976)- Wojo brings in brownies his girlfriend (at the time) made that were laced with hashish. Everyone exceept Barney has at least one, resulting in some off the wall performances.

Quarantine (1976)- The squad room is quarantined due to a suspect's high fever and symptoms of either chicken pox or small pox; besides the detectives and Barney, Luger, Marty and Driscoll and a hooker are forced to spend the night.

Abduction (1977)- an older couple abducts their daughter from a seeming cult after asking for Barney's help to rescue her. The cult leader, dressed to look like Jesus, is cleverly played by David Clennon.

Strike (1977)- The detectives (Wojo, Harris, Nick, and Dietrich) go on a 24 hour strike, leaving Barney and Luger to work the squad room. The ending of this 2 parter shows the respect they all have for Barney.

The Harris Incident (1978)- Harris is shot at by a wet under the ears uniform and his older partner brushes it off, which angers Harris and isolates him from the rest of the squad. This is the only episode of the series that chose to look at Harris as a potential victim due to his skin color.

The Search (1978)- It's Harris's turn at mugging detail, which means he has to dress at a woman and shave off his beloved mustache. This and the next few episodes are the only time Harris is clean-shaven.

Uniform Days (1980)- One day a year all detectives must dress in unoform, but Harris refuses and has in fact sold his uniform. This episode is interesting in that Barney's frustrations at Harris's fame and its interruptions of his work, particularly in his newly uppish attitude. The episode leaves on a bittersweet note, indicating the tension has not completely disappeared between the two.

Liquidation (1981)- After losing an appeal for a lawsuit against him, Harris goes on a bender feeling his life is over. An annyoing clown in the cell tries to cheer him up with song. Harris tries to shoot him but Barney has taken his gun away.

Paternity (1981)- After being slapped with a paternity suit, Wojo discovers he's innocent...since he is impotent. The irony of his years of playing around after hours is evident!

Landmark part 3 (1982)- The 12th precinct has been sold to a private owner after a discovery of an old gun reveals Teddy Roosevelt may have bene headquartered there during his time as police commisioner. Friends and foes alike come to say goodbye. The detectives go their separate ways, Levitt is promoted to sergeant, and Barney is finally promoted to deputy inspector.

There were so many more great episodes of this 170 episode series (adjustable when accounting for hour longs being broken into 2 for syndication). A truly marvelous example of great writing and performances. And if you disagree...get away from me!!

And thank you for reading entry 200!