A letter of frustration

To Whom It May Concern in the District Where I Work,

   I am a teacher in your district, and have been for over a decade now. In that time I have seen some pretty interesting things happen and the vast majority of them have served to lower teacher morale and hurt student achievement. Now, all of what is to follow in this friendly tsk-tsk letter is merely the point of view from a humble teacher in the trenches.

  

    Imagine putting a rat in a maze. The object, of course, is to get the cheese at the end. To spice things up, the master of the maze puts in several obstacles for the rat to conquer, such as objects to eat, jump over, maybe push through. Or, the rat is injected with a substance to see if the rat is faster, slower, or dead. An even more extreme experiment is to remove the cheese so that when the rat makes it to the end, there is no prize. The master of the maze, be it a curious or perhaps cruel scientist or a kid toying with his pet for idle amusement, HAS NO IDEA WHAT WILL HAPPEN. Dear higher administration officials in charge of our professional lives, you monitor us rats daily and continuously put these obstacles in our way and you HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WILL HAPPEN. At least I hope you don’t, it would be an ego-shattering disaster for us if we knew you had planned our failure as educators.

  

    Let me move immediately to this year’s obstacle: Infinite Campus. I do understand that SASI was an old, defunct attendance system that needed replacing. What you did instead was purchase a whole new system encompassing attendance, grading, progress reports, and report cards. Our training on this has been as-needed and there have been many glitches impeding our responsibilities. What amused some of us further was a mid-May introduction to IC last spring, a time when we are all exhausted and incapable of accepting input from anyone. What used to take a few simple steps in attendance and entering grades has turned into a mega-step procedure for each of those tasks, not to mention printing progress reports and report cards. I often feel like I am assembling a new computer desk in my home, constantly checking the instructions to make sure I was not getting ahead of myself.

     

   Oh yes, that brings me to the next matter of computers. I look enviously at Title I schools, who are able to afford through Federal money high tech devices like iPads and new laptops. My school is not Title I and the computers are barely tolerant of Windows 7. The machine I use in the classroom still works on XP and some days it is slow to put it nicely. In this day and age simple PCs to perform basic tasks (meaning below the gamers’ standards) are quite reasonable in price. With assessments requiring good video and sound being hurled at us, newer machines, or at least newer motherboards and processors inside the old cases, are necessary.

 

    On that note, let us look at the people in charge of maintaining the computers and servers. The district administration has stripped schools of full-time tech gurus and made these hard-working people split time between schools. I hear that it will be even less than that next year. If the system crashes, who will pick up the pieces? There are too many schools in the district for a small elite squad to handle. No, at this stage in the technology-dependent game, full-time techs are needed everywhere.

 

    Next up is the Common Core, or whatever new label is being stamped on it to unsuccessfully convince us think it changed. In this area, I will lean back and relax a bit, because the reading and language arts standards for my grade level make good sense. The math goes a bit overboard, and the science is a bit too detailed. The students in the grade level I teach is in need of lots and lots of practice in their mathematical operations. Neither Envisions nor Engage New York provide the necessary practice. Some teachers say that Engage New York is wonderful in the area of reading. I may try it next year. My point here is that a reasonable curriculum in all areas, spelled out in good plain common-sense fashion, is needed, along with a similar pacing schedule for all subject areas. A team of teachers should get paid to take a year to hammer this out, not a group who has long since stopped knowing what happens in a classroom.

 

    My dear administrators, teaching young minds requires mindful lesson planning, endless copying, a knowledge of each student’s strengths and weaknesses, and constant classroom management, not to mention grading in the off hours, and dealing with irate/inept parents who often are the reason their kids come to school with low achievement and bad attitude. All of these factors require support, not more requirements, programs, and watchdogs. At the current rate, the rat will limp to the end of the maze and see no cheese. What is the cheese? To me, the cheese is student achievement and a sense of accomplishment for the teachers.

  

    I attended public school on the other side of the nation in the 1970s-80s. My teachers were good educators, and all had personality quirks. I did not like all of my teachers, but I came from each of them with lifelong knowledge. None of them were observed frequently by their supervisors, the classrooms had bright sunshine filling us with good energy and vitamin D, we ate a decent lunch cooked fresh, and we all had time to exercise twice daily, at least until the end of the sixth grade. The result? Most of us got a good education from mostly genuinely happy teachers, graduated and went on to college or trade school and are living good lives today. The kids we are teaching get little sunshine and exercise, are subjected to low quality food that for some reason costs money, and they are likely to live with their parents after high school, if they even finish. The world is not ready for them and they are not ready for the world.

   To conclude, I hope you take my words with an open mind. Our district is not alone, it is just the district I work for. Other schools in the nation face similar problems. If the rats feel encouraged with minimal obstacles, the cheese will be taken happily and the rat will look forward to another maze.

Sincerely,

A frustrated and bemused teacher

Nothing Lasts Forever

Happy New Year! What could be a better start to 2015 than a book review by yours truly? Beer, booze, and uninhibited sex come to your minds, I'm sure. However, since I can offer none of those, a book review is in order.

Our selection today is...Nothing Lasts Forever, by Roderick Thorp, a 1979 novel. The relevance of this novel to your lives is that it was the loose basis for the original blockbuster 1988 Die Hard! And I do mean loose. The book is a very entertaining 245 page read and I did it in two days, I had that much trouble putting it down. Here is a synopsis.

**SPOLIER ALERT** If you want to read it, read it, it is a great story if you can find a copy. Scroll down to the end of spoiler alert. Otherwise, continue on. :)

World War 2 veteran and former detective turned security consultant Joe Leland is on his way to Los Angeles to visit his divorced daughter Stephanie Gennaro and her two kids for Christmas. Stephanie works for Klaxon Oil in a 40-story building on Wilshire Blvd. Upon arriving during a party, Joe learns that Klaxon just completed a major business deal with Chile with Stephanie's help. He also learns that she is screwing one of her colleagues Ellis and probably does coke with him.

While he is washing up after his plane trip from St. Louis, he hears a disturbance in the main party room. After hiding to find a place to figure out the situation, he learns the head of the invasion is a German named Anton Gruber. In fact, all of the invading force of 12 is German. In time, Joe takes care (kills) the men and women of Gruber's force and gains better weapons and a radio. He throws one of his victims over the roof, which eventually gains police attention. He also kills the brother of Karl, another of Gruber's force. The threat of Karl is seen throughout the book, but he is seen only twice. 

As Joe is taking out Gruber's force, he has to contend with a maze-like ventilation system to crawl around in, major injuries from broken glass, his own fear of getting killed, and Gruber's threats over the radio to kill all of the hostages combined with his own rhetoric regarding his and Joe's actions. Ellis tries to intervene but Joe refuses, seeing Ellis's true slimeball nature, and Gruber kills him. Joe also develops a friendly but cautious friendship over the radio with Al Powell, a young black cop who responded to the body thrown from the roof. As the night drags on into early Christmas morning, more and more cops and citizens and the media turn the Klaxon situation into a national sensation. Powell's boss Dwayne Robinson distrusts Joe at first, but comes to accept him once he learns who Joe is, but he still wants Joe to back down and let the cops handle it.

Joe knows how people like Dwayne think, and the resulting actions would get him and the hostages, including Stephanie and her kids, killed. Sure enough, the police send in helicopters at dawn, which are dispatched by rockets. Joe gets back into the building via a fire hose and daring leap from the roof. After saving the majority of the hostages (Gruber killed a few) including his grandchildren, he meets up with Gruber who is holding Stephanie hostage. Joe tries to get a clean shot at Gruber, but she refuses to take cover, Joe kills Gruber, but the terrorist holds onto Stephanie and they both fall through the window to their deaths. Devastated, Joe coldly kills one more female terrorist then heads downstairs, warning the cops that Karl is still loose.

Once with the cops, Karl appears. Dwayne shields Joe, but Karl kills Dwayne and gets a shot into Joe before Al kills him. The book ends as Joe is taken to an ambulance, his fate uncertain.

**SPOLIER END**

This book is an interesting tale of morality and the consequences of one's actions, two aspects we don't see much of in Die Hard. Joe Leland is a man in his 50s or early 60s. He has a dark past filled with divorce and alcoholism. He has become a respected authority on security in many areas including banking and retail, but due to this he has become a lonely workaholic who cannot get a successful relationship going after his marriage.

In the Klaxon Oil tower, he is in fear for his life constantly, and also regrets each kill he makes, especially on the women. He is devastated by the fate of his daughter, but also understands that she made bad choices in men and business and that her fate may have been in spite of his intervention, not because of it.

The remarks about society in 1979 are not all that different from now, especially in regards to the destruction of close neighbors and increasing isolation from others (digital technology makes this very true for many). Another point well made is the fact that we the people expect the good guys to get rid of the bad guys, just don't let us see any gory details on how you do it. Otherwise, you'll look bad as well. I see this in the current bad press about police.

In terms of the Die Hard connection, here's a name compare/contrast.

Die Hard Nothing|Lasts Forever

John McClane |Joe Leland

Holly Gennaro-McClane(wife)| Stephanie Gennaro (daughter)

Al Powell |Al Powell

Karl| Karl

Hans Gruber|Anton Gruber/Tony the Red

Dwayne Robinson| Dwayne Robinson

Joseph Takagi| Rivers

Ellis| Ellis

A few other differences: the book has no Dick Thornberg (sleazy reporter), Karl only appears twice, and the injury from glass happens much earlier.

In conclusion, I highly recommend this book, not just to see source material for a movie, but also to read a good action story that discusses society and morality along the way without getting preachy.

I'll Write a Review You Can't Refuse!

Once again I delve into book review mode. This happens so infrequently that I think if someone actually reads it, We'll have Spring 6 weeks earlier. Although in Vegas that doesn't mean much.

Recently I picked up a copy of The Godfather by Mario Puzo, published in 1969, 3 years before the movie. I'd seen the movie several times and in fact own it (a copy of the movie, not the rights). As usual, I like to read source material for movies and often find the source to be more entertaining or at least more detailed. This was no exception!

The book is quite graphic of both violent and sexual scenes, and it gives a background on most if not all of the characters. I won't go too into depth, because I want my 2 readers (on a lucky day!) to get the book and read it themselves.

Don Vito Corleone: you can practically see Marlon Brando as you read the book, they kept true to the book when making the film. Most of his lines are the same. The history of his character is included and was used in The Godfather 2. His morals are strong, and he believes that the law of the land is flawed and broken, so he has his own laws.

Santino(Sonny) Corleone: an explosive character who acts before he thinks. One more, his character was kept intact in the film in both personality and lines.

Fredo Corleone: a weak individual kept mostly intact in the movie. A perfect example of a black sheep. He failed to protect his father from getting shot, then got sent to Las Vegas for his own protection and made trouble for himself there.

Michael Corleone: Once again, I can see Al Pacino as I read the novel. He wants to be his own man without Family help, but the attempted murder of Vito brings out his loyalty and he is willing to go all out to protect his people. In the course of the story, he moves his wounded father to a different hospital room to avoid a murder attempt, kills the gangster and police bodyguard who plotted Vito's death, marries and loses a young Sicilian wife, and loses his brother Santino. All of this hardens Michael traumatically, and he has no trouble ordering the deaths of all who threaten his family when he becomes the new Don.

Constanzia (Connie) Corleone Rizzi: a spoiled daughter who suffers abuse at the hands of her husband. A minor book character but kept intact in the movie.

Tom Hagen: Don Vito's consigliere. He is loyal to the Don and is an effective peacetime lawyer, but lacks the savvy for wartime negotiations. A scene not included in the movie where Tom comes to get Kay and the kids after they fled to New Hampshire following Carlo Rizzi's murder shows how far Tom will go to help keep the Family together, even divulging taboo secrets.

Mama Corleone: a loving, forceful woman who never talks about business with Vito, but knows everything about him. She goes to church frequently to pray for Vito's soul. She also tries to convince Kay to move on with her life after Michael disappears.

Carlo Rizzi: Connie's abusive and womanizing husband who helps to set up Sonny to get killed. He wants a place in the Corleone business, but is a lowlife and everyone knows it. A scene referred to in the book but not in the movie has Carlo hitting Connie on their wedding night to get hold of the cash gifts they were given.

Kay Adams: Michael's girlfriend and lover.  She is curious about the Family and its real business. A warm and open woman, she holds out for Michael while he is away in Sicily. She becomes a Catholic after marrying Michael so she can pray for his soul the way Mama Corleone prays for Vito's soul.

Luca Brasi: Don Vito's violent henchman for dirty jobs. A background for him is supplied that portray him as a monster. Don Vito uses him only when necessary. The gangster Solozzo knows Luca is a threat so he has Luca killed first.

Johnny Fontane: Don Vito's godson.  A singer whose failing voice is hurting his singing career. In the book, his story is larger. He becomes a successful movie star and then producer and eventually gets his voice back thanks to a brilliant surgeon.

Nino Valenti: a talented musician in his own right, he lacks Johnny's success for a long time until Johnny brings him out to California to work for him. Nino is Johnny's friend, but there is a rivalry that Johnny is unaware of until Nino is dying. Nino is not in the movie.

Jack Woltz: a sleazy and pompous movie producer who wants to ruin Johnny Fontane's career. He also likes to screw preteen girls (kept out of the movie). His prized horse's head in his bed is the beginning of Woltz's ruin.

Lucy Mancini: Sonny's extramarital love affair. In the book, her story is expanded upon. After Sonny is killed, she is sent to Las Vegas to work. She meets a brilliant and matter-of-fact doctor named Jules Segal who has her labia tightened to better feel pleasure. They fall in love afterward.

Dr. Jules Segal: A brilliant and matter-of-fact doctor who performs abortions for strippers/dancers in Las Vegas. He does this so that he can be a surgeon. He helps Lucy Mancini get over her grief over Sonny, gets her labia fixed so she can feel pleasure easier, and takes care of Johnny Fontane's throat problems. He also predicts Nino Valenti's death from diabetes. Jules in a way is my favorite character because of his friendly but brutal honesty regarding diagnoses. He has a contempt for Hollywood doctors who do nothing except to help patients mask the pain. Jules also helps to fix Michael's face. He is not in the movie.

Solazzo: a gangster who wants the Corleones to help bankroll him and get the politicians to cooperate. When Vito refuses, Solazzo kills Luca Brasi then tries to have Vito killed so he can reason with Sonny and Tom.

Captain Mark McCluskey: a crooked cop who does freelance side jobs, including being a bodyguard for Solazzo. He gives Michael a powerful blow to the face leaving quite a mark for years.

Peter Clemenza: Vito's caporegime (captain) and friend. He recruits reliable soldiers to help carry out Vito's orders.

Tessio: another old friend and caporegime of Vito's, He is loyal to Vito but wary of Michael's succession and becomes a reluctant traitor.

Paulie Gatto: one of Clemenza's soldiers. He is at first a loyal soldier, but soon sells Vito out to Solazzo. Sonny has Paulie killed. A scene not included in the movie has Paulie and 2 other soldiers beating the crap out of 2 boys who beat and raped a daughter of a man who asked Vito to avenge her attack.

Overall, the movie is true to the book. The movie, of course, is from 1972 and there were certain book scenes to graphic for the times even when rated R. The book is an easy 563 page read and I never wanted to put it down so I could sleep or eat or go to the store. I recommend it to anyone 17 or older.

Santa's Agent

One of my favorite comedians of all time is Bob Newhart. Not really because of his shows, which were indeed funny in their own right, but I mean his comedy albums. His style was that of a conversation between two people, but you heard only 1 side of it with lots of pauses in between. So, I was thinking about writing something in his style.

I was watching a special on Johnny Carson and I noted just how sweet a deal that guy got over time. Eventually, he got to work only 3 days a week and got to own all of his show's tapes. On top of that, he got the network to stop airing reruns of The Tonight Show on weekends. Saturday Night Live can thank him for that, though I don't anymore!

I then got to thinking about Santa Claus and just how sweet a deal he has now. And how does one get sweet deals? Well, if he is worth his salt, it's their agent. So I came to wonder what it would be like if Santa Claus wanted to change the best deal in the world and I came up with this.

Santa Baby, what’s happening?

Ok, sorry, I figured if Eartha Kitt and Madonna both made it a hit, you’d be flattered.

Fine, whatever, I won’t say it anymore. Touchy today, aren't we? So, what can I do for you?

A new contract? Look, Santa, I don’t know what else you could want. I mean, you have the sweetest deal in the world, better than Johnny ever got!

Johnny Carson. He only had to work 3 times a week for the last 10 or so years he was on TV and made millions each year.

Uh huh, yeah. Well look, you pay me to be your agent and I want you to get the best deal possible. You believe that, right?

Good. Well, you HAVE the best deal anyone could imagine. Look at it! You work one night a year. What else could you possibly want?

Change of diet? Well, what do you mean?

You were watching Dr. Oz, I see. Look, Santa, you’ve been around for a while, I don’t think lowering your carbs is gonna make your life longer or shorter, given that you’re a magical being.

No, I don’t think expensive vitamin supplements will make a difference.

(sighs) Santa, listen, I don’t think the kids will be impressed if you’re a spokesperson for Jenny Craig, you know? Just stick with the cookies, cakes, hot cocoa, all of it. Trust me, your clientele doesn’t like change.

Weight-lifting? No, try to imagine the Coca Cola ads with a buff Santa. First, it looks stupid, second, it sends a bad image to kids, like soda will build muscles. Third, nobody wants presents from Schwartzesanta!

Ok, good. Everything else fine?

What about the sleigh?

Well, yeah, I’d say you’re definitely green on the power. After all, you have nine flying reindeer, that’s as green as you can get.

Would that be good to advertise? No, no, I think the people will accuse you of false advertising if you tell them to use reindeer power. It’s that North Pole magic, you know? Nowhere else does it happen.

More reindeer? Uh, no. People have enough trouble remembering eight, then having to add in Rudolph, depending on where you live. Then someone will have to make up a song.

What’s wrong with that? You listen to the Christmas music stations? We have more than enough songs, and different artists covering each one. It's repetitive as it is!

Well you try hearing Wham, Wings, and Air Supply 8 times a day each!

All right, all right, what’s your new little guy’s name?

Sylvester? No no, each reindeer has to have two syllables, so it keeps the beat. Dasher, Prancer, Comet, Blitzen, even Rudolph has 2 syllables.

Look, let's keep it at nine for now, all right? Anything else?

The store Santas are giving you a bad rep? OK, well, the stores hire the bums, not much we can do on that note. Seasonal work, you know?

I know, but you see, a lot of kids see different Santas each year, I think they know they're not you, but one of your helpers.

Well, your real helpers are busy making toys, not enough of them to spread around stores, malls, and street corners.

No, you can't sue. As a magical entity, you don't have the power to bring suit against every business that displeases you. Look, Santa, I'm headed to lunch with the Tooth Fairy in 10, so let's wrap this up.

Mrs. Claus? What about her?

She wants to be more visible? (sigh) No, no, look, that marriage just quells any rumors, you know?

Rumors about your masculinity. I know, it didn't matter for a long time, but modern times made it necessary.

No, I think she can just help fatten you up and make underwear and socks for the kids.

Yeah yeah, I know, kids don't look forward to opening that crap, nobody does! But it gives her something to do.

No, please, don't TMI me on what she does the rest of the year.

(whistles) Shes does? Wow, sounds like we found you a winner, way to go! (chuckle) Sounds like you're not bored for 364 days anyway.

OK, let's wrap this up. No change in diet, no vitamins, no workout, no further exposure for the Mrs, she's done that for you enough already. No new reindeer and no reindeer power advertising. In exchange you keep your one day a year work day, way down from more than 50, but you did that one to yourself. You have the best home/toy factory on the planet without an HOA, better than the old dump in East Rutherford. Also, you have the cheeriest work force bordering on slave labor, not to mention a hot-trotting wife now.

I thought it would sound good if I laid it out for you like that. Hey, gotta go. The Tooth Fairy has his gripes, too, but I gotta remind him he's locked in for 1 more millenium. Night!

KMOR is on the air!

I sit in the car and turn on the radio, preparing for the excruciatingly long 10 minute drive to work...

"It's 7:45 and here's a 4-hour block of Carrie Underwood..." SCAN

"We will return to our Doors tribute after this 20-minute string of politcal mudslinging." Turn to AM, SCAN

"These Democrats are obviously out to make every American a vegetarian zombie." SCAN

"It's not enough for us God-fearing Republicans to have control of the Senate, we must have the Presidency and the baggage claim at the Newark Airport to turn this country around!!" RADIO OFF!

My wife and I have had enough of the current radio trends. Oldies stations now play a range of pop between 1965 and 1995. Our favorite heavy metal/hard rock  station is playing more off-format crap than ever. Even our soft pop station has a strange hip hop hell thing going on. We're fed up and there's only one solution... we will launch our own radio station!

Why are we committing this act of audio "terrorism", as I just pretended some may call it? We believe that the radio industry has destroyed the radio industry, that's why! Over the decades it has become a sterile, rigid system of overplaying the same songs, with taped recordings of disc jockeys dishing out banter that we are led to believe is live.

I remember 20 years ago there was a good range of radio stations out there. Oldies stations played a wide variety from 1955 to 1973. Metal stations played metal. Classic rock played actual rock, and much of it was live performances. There was a 70's only station out of San Francisco in 1994 that was pretty good, then it expanded to the 70s AND 80s, but it was still good. My buddy Scott and I would go on drives and have the radio or his guitar rock tapes to entertain us. It was a great time!

No more good times from the radio status quo, so we will have to make our own.

COMING SOON....KMOR RADIO!

This station will have something for everyone, as evidenced by my wife Vickie's iPod. You could hear Slim Whitman howling , followed by Bon Jovi, then some Ann Murray, followed immediately by Pearl Jam, then some George Strait and then Josh Turner (if you're lucky to get 2 country artists in a row!). Yes, the playlist can go for a week without hearing a song twice! That is, if our ENTIRE iTunes library is loaded up.

Now, of course, we will have more than just our music variety. Our daughter Natalie will get her own 30 minute block of kids' songs or just music that she enjoys singing in the car. This could be lullabies, George Harrison, The Wiggles, Steely Dan, or even Godsmack . It's her slot, she can play what she wants. You may, of course, hear her singing along, and why not? Everyone needs a refresher on their ABCs once in a while. Congress evidences this regularly.

I will, of course, get my own music hour, playing mostly Doors, along with a few old TV theme songs, all interspersed with lots of LIVE commentary.

Any old-timers yearn for the age of radio comedy, drama, or westerns? Well, you will get an hour of that each evening from 7 to 8, with Vickie and I providing the voices of a myriad of characters and sound effects (think clapping coconut shells for galloping horses here).

Now don't think for a minute that there won't be news. Oh yes, there will be...local, state, national, and worldwide, along with weather. Of course, this hard-hitting journalism will come right from Yahoo, the source of all current news. My philosophy here is, if the rest of the journalists out there use other sources, so can I. Weather will be the usual guesswork that all "official meteorologists" use.
These news reports will go no longer than 15 minutes, since that's all most people can handle.

Emergency Alert System tests will occur once a day (at 3a.m.) in accordance with the FCC's requirement to annoy the public.

Now how will this be funded? Commercials, of course...OUR commercials. No annoying jingles here. We will give it to you straight. Here's an example. "Regular vegetable oil is crap and will kill you after a month. Use extra virgin olive oil instead. All grocery stores carry it. Now back to our program." See how direct that was? How's this? "Did your dog pee on the carpet? Try spraying some Resolve on the stain and scrub it for a minute. Resolve is in all major stores. After you use it, train your dog to go outside so you can avoid this problem! Back to our program."

In conclusion, this station is the future of radio. Soon, everyone will be broadcasting their own stations for the public's listening pleasure...or hell. In the meantime, this is Bryan Moore signing off of KMOR for the day. Stay tuned after I leave for an airing of all 60s sitcom themes. Thank you.

Bryan Moore in '72!

All right, that's it! I have decided once and for all that I am going to get off the current timeline that is 2014. After all, what is the point? The economy continues to tumble, various terrorist groups have the U.S.A. in their sights, and health care is a huge mess. My career is ok right now, but I don't wish to anticipate the strange changes coming down the pike before mandatory retirement (wearing Hanes briefs on my head during the Pledge of Allegiance as a professional responsibility doesn't seem so far-fetched anymore). No, it is time to leave.

What, you weasel-faced scavenger? No, no, no, I am unwilling to give my life so that the government can recycle my social security number, it's been mine for 30 years! I have a much better plan, although it will take some planning, money, consultation from Christopher Lloyd, and an absurd belief in the impossible...I am going back to my birth year of 1972.

What was that you asked, you simple-minded twit? Once again, no! I am not on some self-reflective panty-waisted journey to my childhood to make sure I don't get circumsized! This journey makes complete sense!

Ah, you see it now? No? OK, for one thing I have no intention of meeting any of my family members or talking sense into my child form, it would probably kill me or at the very least get Howard Cosell appointed as CIA director! I completely comprehend the risks of personal interactions. I figure if I take 2 months salary with me to 1972 to build on, I can spend the rest of my life in paradise! I know, a lot say you can't go back. Well, yes I can, because I never truly experienced the 1970s in a cognizant manner. I was 7 when the 80s dawned, so I can experience something completely new. The advantages here to my man-cave mentality are almost endless.

1. Music. Having seen the decline of pop and rock to a demonic, industry-neutered lame form for 20 years, 1972 is a good year to start from. I can get a decent hi-fi stereo set and get all of the rock/ pop I truly enjoy and cut out the crap. Plus, 1972 radio has no "oldies" stations, it is music of the time in its different genres. I can experience Wolfman Jack, The Midnight Special, contemporary concerts with more reasonable ticket prices. And as time moves on, I can re-experience the 80s (in my 50s) music all over again and retire in 1992 with all of my likes and leave the dislikes behind.

2. Teaching. I truly love my job in terms of teaching young minds through my unique comedy style. I can still do this in 1972, but without the current pressures. I can show films, filmstrips, crank out dittoes, supervise my kids during morning recess, and just teach what their minds can handle. Plus, field trips were more frequent. Yes I know, the pay is lower then, but if I already brought 2 months salary back with me, it was already enough to live on then. Also, I know that report cards and lesson plans are still handwritten, but it is a small price to pay.

3. Television: Anyone who knows me understands that I am a lover of old TV shows, 60s and 70s particularly. The cool thing is, in 1972, I already get a mix of the old and new. My favorite games shows are still in vogue, especially "The Hollywood Squares". Also, "The Bob Newhart Show", "All in the Family", "MASH", and "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" are already in their weekly prime. My nights for TV favorites would be set as I corrected papers. Saturday Night Live in 1975 would be another fun weekly treat. AND, I can catch The Edge of Night daily from the CBS run!

4. Movies. Like TV, I know what's coming down the pike already and can plan accordingly. It'd be nice to see "The Godfather", "Dirty Harry" series (most Clint Eastwood movies for that matter) on the silver screen.Reliving the magic of Star Wars in 1977 would be something all over again.

5. Consumer prices. I've done the research. I know which cars were good for gas consumption, I know what the gas prices were. I know what food went for. Historical knowledge comes in handy here and I can just chuckle at people's complaints, knowing that it only got worse as time went on.

6. Travel. Since gas was so low, airfare was cheaper then. Plus, driving around the country would be fun. The Interstate Highway system was not quite complete, so I could enjoy 2-lane roads better (trust me, seeing America this way shows you more). I can see some of my old towns of residence in a 1972 view: Reading PA, Wilmington NC, San Diego CA, Santa Rosa CA, and my current home of Las Vegas! What an education that would be!

Now, there are other issues to consider. I am a male in his early 40s experiencing the joys of high blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, and now gout. I still have to watch my food and beverage consumption in 1972, but there are old,  now bygone eateries I can try and, more importantly, the diet craze hasn't brainwashed America beyond Tab cola yet. I would have to make new friends as well.

Plus, as I am a technophile, I would have to give up my computer and take up my other loves of books, crossword puzzles, and bike-riding. Small loss. Besides, I would have my family with me, so they could experience the different world with me.

So as you can see, there are lots of advantages to living the "old" life. By the time I got to 2014, I'd be 84, if I was lucky to live that long.  I could plan the future better knowing what I already know, by investing in companies I knew to have great growth. Yes, there are other disadvantages I am sure, but they sure have to be better than our current government, health care, and soon-to-come required cotton headgear!

Food inglorious food

    I will say it right out front: I love food! I love the different succulent flavors that a good meal can bestow upon my palate. I love the aftertaste, too...most of the time. I remember when I could order a HUGE prime rib dinner with all the fixins and have dessert, too. I remember my favorite meal of baked chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, and cranberry sauce could be enjoyed regularly and without punishment. A special treat at Red Lobster of crab legs, salad and veggies would be well-enjoyed. Oh, do I remember the crabfest in 1999 when Scott Catania and I participated in an all-you-can-eat crab leg dinner!

   I look upon those days with fondness...and now a little sadness, because it is now a thing of the past for me. :(

    As my late 30s came, I was faced with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, weight gain, and, more recently, a bout of gout. On top of that, the foods I once enjoyed are not enjoying me apparently, at least not all of them. Corn and peas do not really agree with me anymore. Too much beef causes nausea. And other foods cause, well, aromas not sold by Glade!

   I will do an Adam Sandler and look fondly back at 1985. I was 13 and could eat anything and everything...which I generally did! Lots of people did! Why? Because there was no stigma about anything really. Well, soda was extremely limited in our house because of the sugar, but then I was someone who worked off the calories on my bike so it wasn't really a problem. My 2 favorite sweets were crumb buns and Tastykake Jelly Krimpets! Coming back to almost 30 years later, I wonder if those Tastykakes are fully exited from my body!

   Why was all of this excess happening in me and the rest of the nation? Simple: WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING INTO THOSE GOODS!! It was not until 1990 (from my readings anyway) that food labels began listing nutrition facts and ingredients. That didn't really faze me at first, because nobody really knew what half the crap was that they listed.

   The big thing in the early 90s was how many calories were ingested from fat. This became significant for me in 1993 when I weighed in at a pretty high pound count. It was time to do something and that was...EAT LESS FAT! Really, this was the 1990s healthy eating caveat. And lots of food companies, PACKAGED food companies in particular, came out with more and more LOW FAT and FAT FREE snacking and meal options. I even bought a fat free margarine once and it tasted like disinfectant smells! I also was under the belief that diet soda was healthy.

   I lost some weight at this time just from the change in eating habits alone. However, as we have all seen, plateaus will come eventually. I still believed in the low or no fat philosophy. There is still something to this now in me, just from a completely new angle.

   I actually lost some decent weight in 1995, not exactly from eating low fat packaged goodies, but from eating a lot of cucumbers in the college dining hall. My parents were splitting and somehow cukes were my comfort food. I ate other things, of course, but cukes and bike riding brought my weight to a healthy level. It stayed that way for a while. In 1997, when I graduated from college, I found myself at a standstill...what now? I didn't feel like finding a job yet and I was eating a lot of crap like M&M's and cookies. In other words, change-in-life depression was hitting me. I've had that at other times since.

   Eating and drinking habits went up and down, I occasionally dropped one food and tried another, this went on for a while. In 2003 I was not looking good so I joined a gym and got a trainer. I was feeling better and looking better as well. Well, that was getting old after a year and a half so I left that lifestyle. I know it works for some and I'm proud of them for staying committed, but I am out-of-place there.

   I think my current attitudes and philosophies actually began in 2007 when my wife and I bought You on a Diet by Dr. Oz. Within a day, we were tossing anything with high fructose corn syrup or hydrogenated oils away. We both lost 25 pounds within a few months of eating and drinking better and taking walks. A health setback for Vickie (brain tumor) kind of put a halt on those habits for a little while. We also still ate crap when we ate at a restaurant.

   And then we come to now. It was all triggered by seeing a pic of myself taken 3 months after starting at the gym and looking at my current self. Something had to be done. I began doing research and was finding disturbing things beyond the hydrogenated and corn syruped evils.

   Canola oil is apparently a highly manufactured product that contains petroleum. I had long believed that canola oil was healthy and we even switched from I Can't Believe It's Not Food (er Butter) to actual butter with canola oil 2 years ago. We now just eat whipped butter in a tub...er, we buy it in tub not stick form, get your mind out of my gutter!

   Before the Canola crisis, we discovered that the "wonderful" Splenda could be dangerous. Since then, I've read a few articles that down the danger, but I still don't want it.

   Farm-raised vs wild caught fish: no more farm raised, too much crap in them.

   And then there's soybean oil. I once believed that soy was the vegetarian's glory. Not so sure now. Having read a lot of about GMO and a certain company that rhymes with Tonto, I use it sparingly, which means if my wife makes egg salad or tuna salad with regular mayo, I'll eat it. Other than that I use my own spread.  Seriously! I have actually made a palatable (to me anyway) mayo with grapeseed oil and eggs. I have not yet read anything credible disowing grapeseed oil, but I will keep a lookout.

   Apart from all that, I have come to highly distrust the FDA. They serve whomever's pockets they reside in and do not represent the People. At the same time, I do not trust every little article I read because they have their biases and I certainly have mine. I therefore trust my own instincts and judgments on whether I will eat a certain food or not. I still believe in moderation but to mainly keep a good healthy regiment of protein, fruits, and vegetables.

   Have to go now: the Force has told me of a crabfest! (at Red Lobster, you pervs!)