Bryan Moore in '72!

All right, that's it! I have decided once and for all that I am going to get off the current timeline that is 2014. After all, what is the point? The economy continues to tumble, various terrorist groups have the U.S.A. in their sights, and health care is a huge mess. My career is ok right now, but I don't wish to anticipate the strange changes coming down the pike before mandatory retirement (wearing Hanes briefs on my head during the Pledge of Allegiance as a professional responsibility doesn't seem so far-fetched anymore). No, it is time to leave.

What, you weasel-faced scavenger? No, no, no, I am unwilling to give my life so that the government can recycle my social security number, it's been mine for 30 years! I have a much better plan, although it will take some planning, money, consultation from Christopher Lloyd, and an absurd belief in the impossible...I am going back to my birth year of 1972.

What was that you asked, you simple-minded twit? Once again, no! I am not on some self-reflective panty-waisted journey to my childhood to make sure I don't get circumsized! This journey makes complete sense!

Ah, you see it now? No? OK, for one thing I have no intention of meeting any of my family members or talking sense into my child form, it would probably kill me or at the very least get Howard Cosell appointed as CIA director! I completely comprehend the risks of personal interactions. I figure if I take 2 months salary with me to 1972 to build on, I can spend the rest of my life in paradise! I know, a lot say you can't go back. Well, yes I can, because I never truly experienced the 1970s in a cognizant manner. I was 7 when the 80s dawned, so I can experience something completely new. The advantages here to my man-cave mentality are almost endless.

1. Music. Having seen the decline of pop and rock to a demonic, industry-neutered lame form for 20 years, 1972 is a good year to start from. I can get a decent hi-fi stereo set and get all of the rock/ pop I truly enjoy and cut out the crap. Plus, 1972 radio has no "oldies" stations, it is music of the time in its different genres. I can experience Wolfman Jack, The Midnight Special, contemporary concerts with more reasonable ticket prices. And as time moves on, I can re-experience the 80s (in my 50s) music all over again and retire in 1992 with all of my likes and leave the dislikes behind.

2. Teaching. I truly love my job in terms of teaching young minds through my unique comedy style. I can still do this in 1972, but without the current pressures. I can show films, filmstrips, crank out dittoes, supervise my kids during morning recess, and just teach what their minds can handle. Plus, field trips were more frequent. Yes I know, the pay is lower then, but if I already brought 2 months salary back with me, it was already enough to live on then. Also, I know that report cards and lesson plans are still handwritten, but it is a small price to pay.

3. Television: Anyone who knows me understands that I am a lover of old TV shows, 60s and 70s particularly. The cool thing is, in 1972, I already get a mix of the old and new. My favorite games shows are still in vogue, especially "The Hollywood Squares". Also, "The Bob Newhart Show", "All in the Family", "MASH", and "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" are already in their weekly prime. My nights for TV favorites would be set as I corrected papers. Saturday Night Live in 1975 would be another fun weekly treat. AND, I can catch The Edge of Night daily from the CBS run!

4. Movies. Like TV, I know what's coming down the pike already and can plan accordingly. It'd be nice to see "The Godfather", "Dirty Harry" series (most Clint Eastwood movies for that matter) on the silver screen.Reliving the magic of Star Wars in 1977 would be something all over again.

5. Consumer prices. I've done the research. I know which cars were good for gas consumption, I know what the gas prices were. I know what food went for. Historical knowledge comes in handy here and I can just chuckle at people's complaints, knowing that it only got worse as time went on.

6. Travel. Since gas was so low, airfare was cheaper then. Plus, driving around the country would be fun. The Interstate Highway system was not quite complete, so I could enjoy 2-lane roads better (trust me, seeing America this way shows you more). I can see some of my old towns of residence in a 1972 view: Reading PA, Wilmington NC, San Diego CA, Santa Rosa CA, and my current home of Las Vegas! What an education that would be!

Now, there are other issues to consider. I am a male in his early 40s experiencing the joys of high blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, and now gout. I still have to watch my food and beverage consumption in 1972, but there are old,  now bygone eateries I can try and, more importantly, the diet craze hasn't brainwashed America beyond Tab cola yet. I would have to make new friends as well.

Plus, as I am a technophile, I would have to give up my computer and take up my other loves of books, crossword puzzles, and bike-riding. Small loss. Besides, I would have my family with me, so they could experience the different world with me.

So as you can see, there are lots of advantages to living the "old" life. By the time I got to 2014, I'd be 84, if I was lucky to live that long.  I could plan the future better knowing what I already know, by investing in companies I knew to have great growth. Yes, there are other disadvantages I am sure, but they sure have to be better than our current government, health care, and soon-to-come required cotton headgear!