The Server is on a Permanent Break?

    Like an alkie's or druggie's worst nightmare, the worst possible attack on an addiction happened yesterday at work. The cyber power WENT OUT! Yes, the entire Internet system went down for the whole school district in Las Vegas! All 600 something square miles of tech-dependent education were forced to rely on...gulp...TEACHING SKILLS!

   And was I exhausted! I actually had to do something so demonic and 20th Century as work directly with my kids using my long dormant teaching skills...and did it feel great!Well, there was one tech involvement but it wasn't using the Internet, it was projecting a quiz we were doing.

   I've been doing this for 22 school years now, and I have to say the first ten years were pretty techless in terms of actual teaching. Sure, we had overhead projectors,but we did a lot of board writing, too. The kids used books to read and books to practice math and books to read about social studies and science. Only in the past few years did the tech  not only become a part of teaching and learning...it became a REQUIREMENT! Independent reading and math practice were put into computer apps instead of old fashioned learning centers we used to put together.

   In that sense, yesterday's service break was welcome. I had to think on my feet to get stuff going with my kids. We had fun. I could do it again, but I suspect our district will not let such human engagement continue.

   How in the world did we get to this point of such tech addiction and dependence in the field of education?

**READER BEWARE!! IF YOU EXPERIENCE ALLERGIES TO MOORE TRIPS DOWN AMNESIA LANE, SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM**

   In the 1983-84 school year at Whitfield Elementary School, we were introduced to an Apple 2 computer and a typing program that taught us the basics of a keyboard. It even had a little game where we could use the arrow keys to direct a mouse to a piece of cheese! There was no touchscreen, no mouse. Just a keyboard. It was not part of our general education, more of an occasional tool to use if we wanted to type something.

   You want to know what technological advancement really got our attention? A TV rolled in on a cart to watch a space shuttle launch or Presidential inauguration. Films on a movie projector and film strips that had accompanying tapes were used often as well. Any audio visual opportunity to learn was welcomed.

But the teacher was the main educator always.

And shame on me, I started a sentence with butt, it's my blog, I don't care.

We played when we got to school before the bell rang, we played at morning recess, we played at recess after eating lunch.

We ate using plates and real utensils on a tray. If we dropped it on the floor, we were humiliated by a cacophany of OOOHS from all in the multi purpose room.

We used books for ever subject: language, spelling, social studies, science, and health. Reading was not a grade, as it was developmental. The only standardized test was the Iowa Test of Basic Skills given early in the school year. As far as I know, those tests didn't penalize teachers. Those were the good old Scantron tests were you wanted a good dull pencil point to fill in the rectangular bubble.

Above all, the teacher reigned as main educator. 

Even in junior high and high school, this remained so. 

***AMNESIA LANE ENDED. YOU CAN READ ON NOW***

What happened?

Cell phones and tablets more powerful than most home computers created a new addiction we can't seem to escape from. Educators in the form of think tanks who never spent quality time in classrooms likely decided to feed into this tech need created at home. 

Soon, I suspect, kids will be given phones at school to zone out.

I hope not, for the role of the teacher will then be relegated to babysitter.

Then again, perfect: at a rate of $10 per hour per kid, at 25 kids...$250 per hour times 6 times 5 is $7,500. Multiply that by 36 weeks is $270,000.

As an alternative, let that Internet server and Wi Fi be on a permanent break, we can adapt. I'm sure we can. 

   

What's the #2 Point?

    Having been in the education biz for a little over half my life now, I really have to ask this honestly...

   What is the point of us teachers being there?

   I know what many of you will say, so I'll say it while rolling my eyes the way my teenage daughter does when we say her name: BECAUSE WE ARE DOING AN IMPORTANT JOB OF EDUCATING THE CURRENT GENERATION OF KIDS.

   Oh are we? I have to say that in my almost 26 full years of either substituting or having my own classroom, I have found that to be almost completely horse hockey, as Colonel Sherman Potter would say.

   Let's take a step back, say 40 years. 1983. Reagan was in full swing in his first term. The music was great. Prime time TV was smoking hot with its action shows and sitcoms. I was at Whitfield Elementary School in the 5th grade. We had a book for each subject, got a lunch made in an actual kitchen and we used plates and real utensils when eating it, and went outside twice during the day for a healthy amount of time. We also had time to learn what was needed to be learned. 

   So what changed? Whatever it was, it seems to have taken place in the mid to late 1990s. According to my 4th and 6th grade teacher (same person), it started with changing how writing was taught. If I am thinking right, kids were having too much fun writing what they wanted so some think tank jerks decided to create STRUCTURED writing for little kids. Now, I learned how to write a structured 5 paragraph essay in high school, but in elementary, we did journal writing and small 1 page focused pieces, generally 1 paragraph.

   Soon after came this little not so cute law called No Child Left Behind. This was right around the time I began with a class of my own...in fact, just 5 months after I began. It was a complete disaster that was based on a recipe probably created by the aforementioned think tank:

Give the teachers a program to teach from for reading and math

Have the teachers administer a test created by DIFFERENT companies than the ones used for teaching.

Blame teachers if they didn't "supplement" enough by using other resources they had to find on their own if the kids scored poorly.

   Folks, this recipe was deliberate and was intended to start a "war" on educators. I can never prove that but school "ratings", at least where I teach, were created and test scores were a major factor for a while. I remember meetings when the ratings were unvewiled. We teachers who tested the kids felt like shit because our scores were low. After all, it was our fault wasn't it?

   No, it wasn't. It never was. But then came more abuse.

   Common Core came next, with everyone expected to teacher the same thing nationwide at each grade level. Heaped on to that was a new paradigm (sounds like paraSITE) where teachers were to blame for the students' poor grades and poor behavior. 

   Add into that a fierce media campaign to make teachers villains as "indoctrinators". A philosophy teacher once taught me that there is in essence a 3 level theater of power. At the bottom level were regular folk who saw only images, like shadows. Then there was a middle level controlling the bottom level, these knew what the shadows were made of, so they were in on part of it, but the top level were the real bosses who knew all and why it was being done.

   That system of power is still quite in place, and social media has expanded it big time, with a small difference...the bottom level has broken off into 2 parts: those who suspect bullshit and those who just believe all they see and hear. The ones who suspect bullshit are those who are targeted because they are not "team players" or "refusing to follow protocol"...whatever nonsense term is put out to eject those who could pose a threat to that middle level...and we have in a sense learned to hate that middle level  because that is who we as teachers "report" to.

   But wait, let me throw in a gorilla wrench...pirncipals are bullshitted just as much and the district leaders are more of that middle level, for they are fed data and orders from a higher societal power and make their edicts.

   It wasn't always this way. Sure, teachers have always fought for better wages to combat the rising cost of living and better compensation for the increasing heap of responsibilities thrown at them outside of the teaching and grading they do. However, there was once an easy curriculum to follow that catered to the students' cognitive abilities and because of that, there wasn't an expectation of over-rigor. 

   I didn't know what a noun, verb, adjective, or pronoun was until the third grade. Now I find myself teaching it to my first graders. Just this week is was PREPOSITIONS! 

   If you recall, there was something in the 1950s when the Soviets (remember that term?) got a vehicle into space and the teachers of America were pressured to teach more math and science...because the Soviets were not allowed to beat us in any race be it space or nukes.

   Who are we competing against now? China? Finland? Japan. Hate to tell you folks this but those countries have  long gone beyond us. We're not making anything of note in America anymore, the auto industry and steel industry and coal industry are not what they were, and as long as this eco friendly wave continues to flow, they won't be up top anytime soon. 

   What do we make? We make addicts and dependents and debt. That's what drives this country right now. I am not immune to it. If I find a fun little game app and enjoy it, you can bet I'll be spending lots of spare time on it. I'm also addicted to carbs. The apps and carbs make a dangerous combo when I am in periods of high stress.

   Let's go into the debt bit. All kids are encouraged to go to college, even attach a little beginner stipend for many, but one they're in, the student loan racket kicks in and sucks up many poor souls for life, especially if they choose a major that isn't economy-contributing. Credit cards are also a problem and those banks running them love it that way. People run up high balances and then figure out too late that their income to debt ratio isn't working in their favor...and viscous financial cycles abound from that. I've been there, too.

   And then there's the dependents. Some are from life circumstances and others because they feel something is owed to them for being alive. But they rely on government assistance or alcohol or drugs or a combo of 2 or 3. Not exactly a contribution to society, just putting their government-sourced funds back into the system. Wheel cogs like many others, I jsut wish they'd stay off the road.

   I've strayed to be sure, but not so much. My point was why are teachers staying in the teaching business? Could it be that there's a hope for some sort of societal redemption? Maybe we just enjoy working with kids despite the hell we go through? I'd like to think it's the latter, at least for me. Whatever that redemption or pendulum swing may be, I don't think it will happen before I retire.

   In the meantime there will always be coffee.

Road Trips 101

    I have taken many a road trip in my life. In fact, last year I did all of the driving in a journey to take my mom from her 30-year home of San Diego to what would become a temporary home in Fayetteville, North Carolina (that's a long story that is still playing out). In fact, that was my first trip coast to coast where I was the pilot. Yet, I have been around the pavemnt many times previous and likely will in the future.

   Of all those roads I have traveled, I would say the one that always brings the most fond memories is U.S. 101. This highway is a major west coast artery that offers coastal views and just as quickly turns toward the forests and countryside. Metro-wise, it is heavily traveled in the Los Angeles and Bay Area portions of California. Smaller towns and villages dot the highway in its journey between downtown Los Angeles where it veers off from Interstate 5 and its terminus AT I 5 in Olympia, Washington. You might say it is the more pleasant way to traverse the Pacific coast if also more inefficient time-wise. 

   Historically, 101 once went all the way down to the Mexican border south of San Diego. Many of the beach communities in San Diego County still call the highway that runs along the coast "101" even though the number was decommissioned in that county decades ago. In many ways 101 is the faster alternative to I 5 there. As my mom and stepdad lived in Cardiff and my dad and stepmom live in La Jolla, 101 was a preferred drive between the 2 residences. Face it, I 5 is and forever will be a congested mess in southern California.

   Back when I lived in the north bay area of northern California, I would go down to San Diego for a visit often. If I was in a hurry, I'd take I 5 or CA 99, neither of which were particularly attractive. At least 99 went through towns and had frequent access to gas and food, whereas 5 has longer stretches of nothing. That's where 101 had an edge aesthtically...though it was not perfect by any means. 

   101 is fairly congested between Santa Rosa and San Francisco since many commuters drive the 55 miles to work and 55 miles back. Still, the rolling hills of the north bay in southern Sonoma County and all of Marin County make 101 fun even in traffic. If on a road trip, though, it is advisable to not take 101 through San Francisco since it is not a freeway or even mere divided highway there. Not unpleasant, just time-consuming with the traffic lights. I will never besmirch San Francisco, it is the most beautiful city scenery-wise I have ever been to. It is better to cut through the Presidio and 19th Avenue to I 280 and take that to the 380 cutoff to SFO and 101 freeway. It is good to catch 101 back here because it affords excellent views of San Francisco Bay in a few places.

   Once past San Jose, 101 begins to take on the country role again as it did north of San Francisco as it rolls out through southern Santa Clara County where you smell the Gilroy garlic fields quite well. Before long the freeway passes through Salinas in northern Monterey County.  FOr the next 100 miles there is a bit of irony for me. As 101 is the more scenic alternative to I 5, CA 1 on the Big Sur coast is the scenic alternative to 101. There is nothing notable through Monterey County and the northern part of San Luis Obispo County, just fields and a few scattered villages along 101. Once in Paso Robles, the rolling hills and valleys begin again. As 101 passes through Pismo Beach, there are some good ocean views before it returns inland. Yet, this inland portion is quite pleasant. Scattered vineyards and gorgeous hills make this a smooth drive. 

   A few miles past Buellton, 101 goes through a mountain pass and suddenly curves to the east where it meets a LONG ocean view stretch in Santa Barbara and Ventura Counties wth just a few interruptions. Once past Ventura, though, the ocean views are gone and 101 enters the urban hell of Los Angeles area traffic all the way to its terminus at I 5...I have driven through this hell many times, and believe me, going northbound (or rather westbound) out of L.A. is a dream...until after Paso Robles anyway.

   However, that is only the southern almost 500 mles of U.S. 101...the best is actually yet to come!

   Going north from Santa Rosa, 101 is a freeway until just north of Cloverdale, passing through the small communities of Windsor and Healdsburg and then the winery-rich Alexander Valley. After Cloverdale, 101 alternates between 2-lane country road and expressway all the way up to Eureka. If you have never been to Mendocino County either on 101 or CA 1, I highly advise you to take either. The 101 portion is curvy and forested, making it hard to believe that 600 miles south the highway hugs the coastline closely. The scenery is beautiful and there is no urban blight  to mar it...which leads me to a complaint.

   In central Mendocino County there is a town called Willits. It is quite pleasant to walk around and look at. I have driven through there several times, no real traffic issues. So that makes me fume at CALTRANS building a bypass for 101 east of Willits! I saw this recently on a YouTubee video of 101 between San Francisco and Crescent City. In my belief, Mendocino County needs no freeways or expressways, just an occasional passing lane. Past Hopland, Ukiah, Calpella, and Willits, 101 passes through Laytonville, Leggett and Piercy before it curves into Humboldt County and weaves through an amazing assortment of greenery, much of them coastal redwoods, for about 75 miles! 

   There is a brief and often needed semi-urban jaunt through Eureka. Lots of food and inns there...I stayed there one night coming back from Washington. After Eureka, 101 goes between expressway and 2-lane road as it cuts through coastal hills and redwood forests, and affords several ocean views...the first since Pismo Beach 550 miles south! After the pleasant town of Crescent City, 101 glides through the last 20 or so miles of California and then enters Oregon.

   Okay, here is my nickel's worth of advice: if you want a consistent stretch of combined forest and coastline, look no further than U.S. 101 in Oregon! It is never far from the ocean (20 miles in some spots tops) and there are a ton of nice little towns...my personal favorite is Coos Bay. Plus, there are no real freeway stretches along the Oregon coast. The bridge from Astoria to Washington state is purely fantastic with great views of the Pacific and the Columbia River. I know I'm putting 101 in Oregon into just 1 paragraph, but it is for good reason: you have to see it for yourself. The only negatives are frequent foig and rain (really? in the Pacific Northwest? You're kidding!) and an often congested traffic light-infested stretch in Lincoln City.

   Frankly, I have not been on 101 much in Washington, as I turned onto WA 4 the one time to visit someone in Longview. From what I have heard, though, the Olympic Peninsula is a must see, so I shall hopefully see it myself sometime.

   So, if you like a variety of scenery that gives golden hills, ocean views, and lots of forest, travel 101...or watch Youtube videos if you have no travel money. Worth it both ways!

Only in America

 Only in America would you need a warning sign to open a pizza box befoire eating the pizza.

Only in America would its national cheese actually be a highly processed 'amalgam' of cheese as opposed to cheese itself.

Only in America would an individual turkey be pardoned and be allowed to live through Thanksgiving.

Only in America would there be a popular sport like pro wrestling that's totally staged.

Only in America would stores need to lock up laundry pods so idiots won't steal and eat them.

Only in America would a deep fried piece of chicken doused in an overly sweet orange sauce be marketed as being Chinese.

Only in America would a 'reality' TV show making polygamous families seem acceptable to be produced.

Only in America would the medical inudstry recommend drugs and treatment and diets that could potentially worsen the health or kill the patients outright.

Only in America...nanny cams!

Only in America would we use an antiquated measurement system that the rest of the world, even ENGLAND, abandoned.

Only in America would you owe money most of your adult life for your schooling?

Only in America are taxes not included in store and restaurant item prices.

Only in America is sex and violence acceptable in media, but the cuss words are bleeped or replaced.

Only in America is tipping a major thing, and I don't mean cows.

Only in America do restaurant servers hover and do well-checks.

Only in America are college sports a big deal.

Only in America are drugs directly marketed on TV to consumers...with numberous warnings.

Only in America is white bread a thing.

Only in America does a bloodthirsty retail event directly follow a (meant to be) wholesome family gathering within a 12 hour period!

Only in America is supersizing a meal a thing.

Only Americans seek out their own cuisine when traveling abroad.

Only in America do people salivate over a pumpkin flavored espresso drink...a month before pumpkins are widely harvested.

Only in America are free refills in existence.

Only in America are 24 hour restaurants commonplace.

Only in America do obviously older people get carded for alcohol.

Only in America are superstores (Costco, Sam's Club, Wal Mart) in existence.

Only in America do we have lawyers who mass advertise.

Only in America are ice and AC so frequently used.

Only in America do people pledge loyalty to the national flag in schools.

Only in America will you see people shopping in their PJs...I think we need a law on this.

Only in America are wide public bathroom door gaps...another one that needs revamping.

And only in America would you find a moron like me who actually take the time to type all this and share for possible ridicule.

Please don't take all this as anti-American, for other nations have their own weirdnesses and take them as normal daily life. I love America, have been American all my 50 1/2 years.

Mall Bearers

    Just picture it...walking down a path just minding your own business, as several hairy ghouls spekaing in demonic tongues try to get your attention, and at all sides of you are members of several satanic cults demanding you give money to them...only this week everything is 30% off.

   No? This doesn't paint an image you can picture? What if I threw in a food court?

   Ah I can see the elated horror on your face now. Indeed, I am referring to a shopping fare that is, in my opinion, on its last legs. And it is really a shame, for the modern American shopping mall has enjoyed several decades in the pop culture mainstream. In fact, the mall itself has been the go-to for maintaining one's status in keeping up with the ever-changing pop culture landscape, from shoes to clothes to music to toys, the mall was for a long time the go-to place for families to shop  and teens to terrorize mall security.

   Yesterday we went to the Meadows Mall to get Natalie an eye exam and order her new glasses at VisionWorks. Afterward, Natalie wanted to go walk around and check out clothing deals along with getting something to eat.  As we walked down the tiled lanes avoiding the hairy ghouls, I glanced around and saw that there were actually more open stores than the last time we were there. How long that will last, who knows?

   At one point, that mall was anchored by 4 department stores: Sears, JC Penney, Macy's and Dillards. Macy's and JC Penney are still in full operation, Dillard's is only one story, and Sears is all gone. That one made me sad, for Sears had a lot of memories for me as a kid. Meadows Mall iteself is farily small as malls go. I remember the first time I was there almost 21 years ago, I was buying some Christmas related items and couldn't get over how fast I was able to get through the whole length, top and bottom floors. The food court has gone through many changes, the only constant being the teriyaki joint all this time. 

   Oh no, the blurry vision has taken hold like an old Hall's cough drop ad and landed me in...1983! Not only that, it's 1983 in Wyomissing, Pennsylvania! Yup, I am in the Berkshire Mall! 

   To me it is kind of amazing that Berks County got this place because as regions go, that county used to pride itself on its sense of individuality and locally owned shops and eateries, and when the Berkshire Mall opened in 1976, that sense of pride in place and time was big. It wasn't until after I moved away that the meh American mainstream retail market had fully invaded the Reading area...2 examples being a strip mall with a Taco Bell where the drive in theater once was, and Chili's. Believe me, when Chili's hits your town, the bandwagon is fully loaded!

   Yes I digress, don't you know me by now? Anyway, back to Berkshire Mall in 1983, a text tour if you will. At the southwest corner was John Wanamaker's, a Philadelphia-based department store. In fact, as one drove northeast on the Warren Street Bypass, Wanamaker's was the store you saw first. On the northeast end was Sear's with its classic overpriced auto repair shop. In the middle was another Philadelphia classic department store called Pomeroy's. The store itself wasn't particularly notable, but I remember the store's name in blue neon lighting outisde at night looking pretty neat. 

   There was no food court in the modern sense, though eateries were all around. One side corridor had an Arby's, a pizza store, and a Taco Casa. Adjacent to that corridor at one point had been a 1-room movie theater which turned into a Chuck-E-Cheese  for a time. In the middle across from the Pomeroy's was a barber shop, a Radio Shack, and a pretty cool video arcade.

   Strewn throughout the mall itself was a donut place, a pretty awesome record store, a K-B Toys, Waldenbooks AND B-Dalton's...people read in those days. I think my favorite place for a few years was York Steakhouse, where we ate on many a Friday night. Many clothing and shoe stores were also interspersed, particularly a Foot Locker where I got many a pair of sneakers for years. Interestingly, Foot Locker has stayed alive all this time as a company!

   Years later, the mall went through a few changes. The upstairs in the middle was redone to accomodate a food court, Pomeroy's was replaced with the Bon Ton, and York Steakhouse went out. 

   A few miles away to the north of downtown Reading, there was another place called Fairgrounds Square Mall. It was decent, with a similar theme of shops and eateries along with a pretty good movie theater, but it didin't have the same feel as Berkshire to me. Fairgrounds Square shut down some time ago, I heard.

   When we moved to San Diego (a much larger metro area than Reading), I got to know a few malls: North County Fair in Escondido, Fashion Valley Mall, Mission Valley Mall, and Horton Plaza. My mom worked for a short time at Robinson-May in Plaza Camino Royal in Carlsbad. When I lived in Sonoma County, there was Santa Rosa Plaza and Coddingtown, though at that point I preferred the cozy local style of outdoor Montgomery Village better.

   Over time, styles and tastes change. Music stores eventually died out as the online streaming and MP3 formats came in. For a time there were stores that sold VHS and DVD movies, and to me Suncoast was the place to find all sorts of goodies during the VHS era.

  And the change that will eventually phase out malls is the online shopping. Add into that the gigantic rentals that the mall owners charge (which is why many stores go under in a short time) and before long the malls will become vacant lots rife for skating and criminal activity. I see it in so many vacant strip mall acreages all over Las Vegas as it is.

   However, I will bask in my memories of a juicy piece of chicken with fries at York, getting a current 45 record by J Geils or some other 80s group at Wall to Wall records, a glazed donut at Donuts Galore, and if I had a few quarters, play some games at Supercade.

   The memories won't go, at least until years of poor diet bring on the Alzheimer's...sort of joking, but I know reality when it hits.

   Until then, a Happy 4th, and try not to launch anything into your hand.

Half a Life with Dried Markers and Glue!

    As I sit back and sip my iced coffee...and spill it on my shirt as a Bryan tradition, I think back on the past 25 1/2 years in the field of education...and then woder if the time spent would have been more productive in another field, such as wine grapes!

   That's not a complaint at all, for I have had many great moments in the classroom both as a licensed teacher in Nevada and a licensed substitute in California. Yet, when one reaches a point where half your life has been spent in your profession, I think it is good to take a little inventory. Speaking of which, we need more toilet paper! More on that later.

   At some point in my early adult period, I had a desire to be a journalist. That is due to having a decent journalism teacher in high school. However, as I saw the negative changes in the journalism field, I knew I'd have to take an immoral hit to character if I wanted to survive in that field...so journalism was nixed. I think it was my dad who put the teacher idea in my ear.

   Before I proceed, I will say that if I could go back, I'd take up computer science and get into the dot com industry and retire early. However, having seen a few movies that are time travel themed of late, we'll just proceed with the present course.

   Looking back on my substitute days, I will say that I was an extremely immature moron who knew nothing about what I was getting into, at first. That first year and a half could have easily broken me if I'd let it, but there's something incredibly brave and masochistic in me that presses forward despite danger signs. By the fall of 1999, I was feeling a good fit and decided to go back to school and traion for the real deal.

   Looking back on THOSE 3 semesters, I can't really put into words exactly what I learned, with the exception of covering my ass when needed. Yes, I am saying I learned more survival lessons than actual methods. It was a lot of theory, taught by professors who were so firmly entrenched in their own perceived greatness that they didn't have a decent balance. It was also northern California, so I take all that with its due thought and dump it into the proper liberal landfill. 

   Both my subbing and back to college years (1998-2002) had their successes and pitfalls, much like the 21 years I have spent as an actual teacher.

   I have written before about my good years and bad years, and I really don't like rehashing myself, I leave that for potatoes. Instead, I will look back at some offside highlights and downers...

   Speaking of toilet paper, it is best to keep a decent roll in your teacher mailbox because the school supply is 1 ply.

   It is commonly said that it is wise to make friends with the office and custodial staff. This is so true, and can result in your classroom being vacuumed more than twice a week, plus getting a new copier toner cartridge installed the same day it was requested.

   If you last in the teaching field a decent number of years, you will work for more than one principal. It is vital to bend with the breeze and learn how they want things done, from lesson plans to email communication. Take it from one who did not learn that right away.

   If you want to eat what the kids eat in the lunch room, you need a good cardiologost and psychiatrist.

   I once assumed most if not all parents were doing their job. I was a moron.

   Being a male in a female-dominated field has its pluses and minuses. The pluses are that you are assumed to possess a certain amount of strength at times and be asked to help lift or move things. The minuses are that you as a male are often left out of many female-based conversations/activities and a sense of isolation can come about at times. Well, actually, as time has gone on, that has become more of a plus. I'm nobody's girlfriend, I don't want to be anybody's girlfriend. 

   Posting on social media about your class or co-workers is perfectly fine...and long as NOBODY is your friend or follows you and the only person seeing your posts is YOU! Such passive aggressive behaviors, if they are seen, leads to social and professional isolation.

   Modern school playgrounds are lame and are built with roughly the same material that submarine was made of...luckily they are not miles underwater.

   If you stay in one position too long, you get cramps. I don't mean physically, I mean staying in one grade level. You get too set and too self-righteous...and often too jaded. I think a period of 2-3 years in one grade is plenty and then change it up, you'll stay fresh (though daily deodorant also assists here).

   Your new markers and glue could very well arrive pre-dried. Thank your parent suppliers anyway.

   What your school/school district pushes on you, just try it. It'll be gone before you get too used to it.

   And finally, let me speak about passion...like all things, passion passes. You will love your class, at, least a few kids in each class, and enjoy a few subjects more than others, but that initial fire dies after some time. Some people lose it quickly and quit, or they never really had it and either quit or languish for years or even decades in a profession they do NOT belong in. And it's ok for that fire to die, because it was what got that motor running before the politics, wage freezes, low test scores, delayed supplies, and broken HVAC systems put out the fire. Put out the FIRE, but not the love. 

   I still love what I do. I love coming early in the morning, getting coffee going and prepping for my day, however it ends up going. I love the group of adults I work with and am getting to positively know my new principal. I love that I am going back to teaching the little kids, the ones that love school. My PASSION comes and goes, and that's ok by me. Staying on a constant high is not good for the body.

   Stay hydrated.

Barney Miller

 Bum-ba-ba-bum ba ba bum...

Some classic bass right there, I knew I should have entered a text music writing career!

Really though, one of my favorite TV shows of all time had a theme song that always, in its 4 opening variations, started with good bass playing. My love of the show, in fact, was based on the theme, then I watched the actual show a bit more and got to know the characters, 3 of whom stayed the entire series.

The series I refer to is Barney Miller, a polkice comedy that aired from January 1975 to May 1982 on ABC, then enjoyed a healthy several decades of reruns, it was that good. 

Why was it good? For one thing, the writers and actors made the characters look like real cops who worked out of the aging 12th precinct building in Greenwich Village in Manhattan. The set itself consisted of two rooms for the most part: the squad room and Captain Miller's office. There was a rare foray early in the series into Barney's apartment that he shared with his wife and children, or stakeout locales...and once even in the precinct bathroom. 

The episodes themselves were put into 3 or 4 acts, the 4th happening if there was time for an episode wrap-up, but it often was finished at the end of the 3rd act.

Another reason this show was so good is its time capsule appeal, though millennials and post-millennials might not appreciate its sense of antiquity...or they might in one way which I'll get to later. The constant budget problems New York faced in the mid to late 1970s was addressed many times, with the detectives being laid off for 3 hours in 1 episode in season 2, and the detectives going on a 24 hour strike in a 2 parter at the end of the third season. A frequent source of irritation came from the endless NYC bureaucracy as well as the depicted incompetence of Federal representatives when they were for some reason needed.

Then we have the characters themselves,3 of whomas I said stayed the entire series.

Captain Barney Miller (played by Hal Linden)

An even-tempered superior officer in his precinct house, saddled with an endless amount of paperwork, loving wife Liz who prefers he quit for his personal safety, detectives with their own quirks that sometimes amuse him and more often than not annoy him to some degree. He is teased a few times with the prospect of being promoted to the rank of Deputy Inspector, but is passed over several times before finally making it at the series end. His officers are loyal to him to a fault, even when they feel they need to go on strike. Barney has a particular knack for letting feuding parties work out their differences in the precinct holding cell or bring parties together (the best example of this is when he unites an elderly eviction victim with a blind mugging victim). His penchant for telling his officers and perps to "maintain their perspective" becomes a running joke over the years. In 1978, he and Liz separate after he is shot in a finger, but they later reconcile. 

Sergeant Phil Fish (played by Abe Vigoda), 1975-77

An aging yet experienced detective who always has some form of ailment. His digestive system has him constantly in the bathroom. The other officers look up to him for guidance and back him up when he isn't at his best. Fish has no patience for age or illness related discussion, for which he responds, GET AWAY FROM ME! He loves his wife Berniece yet knocks her cooking skills (or lack thereof) frequently. In season 3 he and Berniece take care of a group of kids in a group home situation. At the start of season 4, he is forced into retiremnet at age 63. He is in denial at first, but soon accepts his future.

Detective 3rd Grade (promoted to Sergeant in 1977) Stan "Wojo" Wojciehowicz (Max Gail)

Probably the most evolved of the characters, Wojo starts out as a goofy not-too-bright detective, but by season 2 is becoming a more competent detective. He has a vast disdain of prostitutes at first, but then starts to feel he can "change" them, though he often has a disparaging remark toward them throughout the series run. He is also homophobic, though this too lessens in later years. He is a natural ladies man, more often than not late for work because of a rendevous the night before. Wojo also acts as crusader for various causes such as Agent Orange and government food stockpiling, calling in various corporate and government officials against Barney's wishes. At the start of seaosn 8 he learns he is impotent, and at the series end, Wojo has become a more sensitive character.

Sergeant Ron Harris (Ron Glass)

An African American wit, Harris often has a wry or sarcastic barb in response to the craziness or stupidity of others. He frequently has a name for the amubuilance arriving from Bellevue Hospital ("The Good Humor Truck" for example) to take suspects away for psychiatric evaluation. Harris also has a love for writing, which culminates in the publishing of his book Blood on the Badge in 1979. The resulting fame and riches sometimes go to his head and he displays a snobbishness in later seasons, a far cry from his outrage at being shot at by another cop in 1978.  His ego takes a big hit when he is successfully sued for over 300 thousand dollars by sleazy ambulance chaser Arnold Ripner in 1981 for his non-permitted caricature in the book. After Nick Yemana's death, Harris is technically second in command, a position he uses when Barney is jailed for contempt of court in early 1981.

Sergeant Nick Yemana (Jack Soo), 1975-78

An older Japanese detective, Nick is known for his bad coffee-making and odd but humorous statemnts about life. He is an obsessive gambler, always betting on horses. After Fish retires, Nick is Barney's deputy, reluctantly accepting command when Barney is suspended in 1978 for failing to enforce an eviction on a soon to be demolished building's tenants.  A generally unflappable charactger, he does lose his coolness when a 'werewolf' acts up in the holding cell, and when he eats a few hash-laden brownies. Nick wasn't around much in the later part of seaosn 4, and was gone most of season as as actor Jack Soo fell ill of cancer and died in early 1979. A special episode at the end of season 5 had the actors talking about him (real life and character).

Inspector Frank Luger (James Gregory)

Inspector Luger is Barney's immediate superior, but rarely acts in this capacity. A cop from an older time when violence against perps was tolerated and accepted, he is out of touch with the newer breed of cops. He is frequently coming to talk to Barney in his office about perosnal issues that Barney has no real care about. In his rare appearances of authority, he clashes once with internal affairs officer Scanlon, nominates Sergeant Chano for a bravery medal, and reluctantly suspends Barney for dereliction of duty (for said eviction situtation). On more than one occasion, Luger invites himself to Barney's home for a holiday meal. In early 1980, Luger is demoted to captain and works for a few episodes in the 12th precinct. Luckily he is reinstated a few episodes later to the relief of everyone. At the end of the series, he marries a mail order bride from the Phillippines.

Sergeant Chano Amenguale (Gregory Sierra), 1975-76

Chano is a proud Puerto Rican who works hard at his job and is frustrated by perps and society frequently. Chano shoots a set of bank robbers in the first season finale and is depressed, but gets over it after some advice form Barney. Apart from that, not much is known about Chano as his character left after season 2.

Sergeant Arthur Dietrich (Steve Landesberg), 1975; 1976-82

An intellectual, often going to the point of being pedantic, Dietrich has knowledge on a variety of topics, sometimes aiding in investigations but more often than not annoying his fellow officers and have them seeing him as quite weird and unrelatable. Yet, he is an able officer whom his colleagues can depend on, though he and Harris are often at good-natured odds. He appeared once in season 2 as a tutee of Fish, then begins appearing in season 3 sporadically and is a solid regular in season 4 onward.

Officer Carl Levitt (Ron Carey), 1976-82

Levitt is at first depicted as a pushy unlikeable character trying to gain favor with Barney, but he really wants to be a detective, a status he fears will never happen because of his 5'6 stature. Eventually, he is allowed on occasion to fill in for a detective who is out, more often after Nick Yemana dies. He sees any new detective as a threat to his future and is more than once suspected oif acting against the squad room detectives as a saboteur or spy.

Lt Ben Scanlon (George Murdock); occasional appearances 1976-82

Scanlon is a sleazy internal affairs officer that cops love to hate. He is always poking around, looking for reasons to investigate or even have an officer fired. Scanlon refuses to beleive that the 12th precinct officers are above reproach. He thinks he has success with Officer Zatelli who has just been publicly outed by Wojo, but the department promotes him instead. Scanlon is himself in trouble when he harasses an attractive mugging victim who complains to Barney and Wojo.  Ironically, it is Scalon who informs Barney of his promotion to Deeputy Inspector in the finale.

One character who is not a cop that is worth mentioning is Marty Morrison (Jack DeLeon), an openly gay petty criminal. He appears only 8 times in the series but is portrayed quite vividly and respectfully as opposed to a token joke of the time. He finds a regular partner in older Darryl Driscoll, who patiently tolerates well meaning but useless lectures by Luger and Wojo, the latter of whom comes to understand a bit better what the men have to go through. Another gay character is Officer Zatelli, mentioned above.

Over the course of the series, a variety of criminals and victims pass through.Muggers, prostitutes, kidnappers, vigilantes, hostage-takers, one or two suspected child molesters, and a Nazi warm criminal grace the 12th. There are some remarkable episodes that highlight either the characters or the times.

The Escape Artist (1975)- a legendary prisoner and escape artist is captured by the 12th's detectives after receiving a tip. This episode is remarkable because it introduces Harris's aspirations as an author. 

Hash (1976)- Wojo brings in brownies his girlfriend (at the time) made that were laced with hashish. Everyone exceept Barney has at least one, resulting in some off the wall performances.

Quarantine (1976)- The squad room is quarantined due to a suspect's high fever and symptoms of either chicken pox or small pox; besides the detectives and Barney, Luger, Marty and Driscoll and a hooker are forced to spend the night.

Abduction (1977)- an older couple abducts their daughter from a seeming cult after asking for Barney's help to rescue her. The cult leader, dressed to look like Jesus, is cleverly played by David Clennon.

Strike (1977)- The detectives (Wojo, Harris, Nick, and Dietrich) go on a 24 hour strike, leaving Barney and Luger to work the squad room. The ending of this 2 parter shows the respect they all have for Barney.

The Harris Incident (1978)- Harris is shot at by a wet under the ears uniform and his older partner brushes it off, which angers Harris and isolates him from the rest of the squad. This is the only episode of the series that chose to look at Harris as a potential victim due to his skin color.

The Search (1978)- It's Harris's turn at mugging detail, which means he has to dress at a woman and shave off his beloved mustache. This and the next few episodes are the only time Harris is clean-shaven.

Uniform Days (1980)- One day a year all detectives must dress in unoform, but Harris refuses and has in fact sold his uniform. This episode is interesting in that Barney's frustrations at Harris's fame and its interruptions of his work, particularly in his newly uppish attitude. The episode leaves on a bittersweet note, indicating the tension has not completely disappeared between the two.

Liquidation (1981)- After losing an appeal for a lawsuit against him, Harris goes on a bender feeling his life is over. An annyoing clown in the cell tries to cheer him up with song. Harris tries to shoot him but Barney has taken his gun away.

Paternity (1981)- After being slapped with a paternity suit, Wojo discovers he's innocent...since he is impotent. The irony of his years of playing around after hours is evident!

Landmark part 3 (1982)- The 12th precinct has been sold to a private owner after a discovery of an old gun reveals Teddy Roosevelt may have bene headquartered there during his time as police commisioner. Friends and foes alike come to say goodbye. The detectives go their separate ways, Levitt is promoted to sergeant, and Barney is finally promoted to deputy inspector.

There were so many more great episodes of this 170 episode series (adjustable when accounting for hour longs being broken into 2 for syndication). A truly marvelous example of great writing and performances. And if you disagree...get away from me!!

And thank you for reading entry 200!

My Funny Bone Seems To Be Broken

    Occasionally when I get up on work days, Vickie is still up for some reason or other (she redefines the term NIGHT OWL)  and is watching some old classic sitcom or cartoon show. Often she has on Leave It To Beaver and I'll sit with her for an episode. Incidentally, there are two types of episodes of the Beav. They either revolve around Beaver getting suckered into doing something stupid by one or more of his friends and being left holding the bag (the soup billboard being the most classic) or Wally's growing into a young adult. I personally prefer the Wally-centered shows because they most often entail Eddie Haskell, one of TV's classic naughty friends.

   My point is that many of these old classics seem to have gotten lost even in my own generation when they gained a new audience in rerun heaven/hell. Beav is an exception at times, though there are some episodes I once liked that now seem pretty dumb. This applies to mostly sitcoms, although some old westerns like Bonanza and Gunsmoke suffer a slow and painful re-airing.

   There seems to be something about the format and end product of the situation comedy that makes it more often than not the sacrificial lamb of many a new TV season, often scrapped before Christmas. Other times, a sitcom can stick around for a long time with a fairly stable if not large audience and not strike true funny bones. Often they stick a cute kid in it and make money off the less than precocious brat.

   Where the fuck did sitcoms come from?

   For those on millennial island, let me explain a little history. A hundred years ago, there was no TV...or computers or smartphones or Kardashians. Hell, even movie theatres weren't in vogue yet. Entertainment came in the form of vaudeville, a set of live comedy acts on a stage. Many of these acts were so popular that they made it to radio and occasionally to television from there. I've listened to some of these old radio comedies and while corny, they were generally well-written when they weren't throwing in cheap commercial spots within the show itself. When some of these radio shows came to television, audiences weren't quite ready for the sight of their favorite performers and the show fizzled. By the 1960s, most if not all of the radio comedies had died out.

   The trick, as far as I can see, of a successful sitcom has to be a combination of good writing and relatable characters. Beaver worked because he and Wally were like any other American older and younger brother relationship. Similar regular family situations were in Father Knows Best and The Donna Reed Show, among others, and they worked in reruns for decades after, right into the early 1990s. Soon after, we were entering a new age of digital addiction and the old entertainment norms no longer resonated with many, and the older audiences were starting to die off.

   Two examples of successful sitcoms that to me seem timeless with their successes are Barney Miller and WKRP in Cincinnati. The former works because there were just 2 parts of the set: the squad room and Barney's office. The success came with clever lines and the wacky perps who passed through. With WKRP, there was an almost surreal quality among the characters that made them so engaging. New station manager Andy Travis was frequently saying he had to get out of that place. Why? There was another layer cleverly put into that show that really showcased the Ohio-ness of the station's employees, and really any midwestern state has something unique about their people and towns. I know because eastern Pennsylvania small towns have that quality as well!

   Apart from that, there are some classics that have remained classics in my opinion, at least in terms of watchibility, and others I just can't sit through anymore. Aside from Barney, the Beav, and WKRP , let's take a look at a random sampling...

My Three Sons: How this show lasted 12 years (1960-72) boggles my mind, because the highlight character is Uncle Charley and he was only on for 7 years. The rest of it doesn't grab modern attention. Definitely as white as one can get, and the Disney touch is present. Star Fred MacMurray had a strict shooting schedule that made for a non-linear episode shooting each season. The boys had to get frequent haircuts to make those episodes look fairly sequential.

Gilligan's Island(1964-67): I once loved this show. I even bought season 2 on DVD when shows on disc were the craze. However, when watching it I just couldn't get into it. The sex appeal of Ginger and Mary Ann was not enough to sit out the inane situations anymore. To me the coolest character was the Professor, always will be.

The Brady Bunch(1969-74): Another childhood favorite...but as I have caught it a few times in recent years, I have definitely spotted the major flaw: THE WRITING SUCKED!!! Not only that, the canned laughter now brings a sense of nausea. I can see why Robert Reed conflicted with the creative team often. Incidentally, both this and Gilligan were produced by Sherwood Schwartz, a creator who seems to have had a knack for parallel dimension concepts. The Brady Bunch Movie in 1995 and its sequel captured this alternate universe well. 

Get Smart(1965-70): This show really took the spy genre to task...for its first 2 and a half seasons. After that, the originality left. Max and 99 getting married and then having kids just killed it. The highlights me were the wacky KAOS villains, especially Bernie Kopell as Siegfried. When you see him playing Doc on The Love Boat ten years later, it's a mind-number.

Diff'Rent Strokes(1978-86): Like the Bradys, the writing on this show sucked big time, especially after it got into the 1980s. The first season is still watchable, though, for some reason...perhaps the freshness of the concept. By 1982, Gary Coleman's overdone "Whatchoo talkin' about, Willis?!" couldn't save corny and, shall I say, LAZY writing.

Indeed, there are several sitcoms of the 1980s that suffered from a 'malaise of laze': Webster, Silver Spoons, Who's the Boss, and Full House depended on some form of cute factor. The more adult-oriented shows,,while not always faring better on the classic show streaming channels, at least had good writing and fun characters to make them work at the time. I can still watch Cheers and Night Court and, forgive me for saying this, but despite his despicable actions I can still watch The Cosby Show because even though there was a 'cute' factor with Keshia Knight Pulliam and Rayven Symoné, there was enough intelligent writing to make the characters real. I could relate to Theo's school struggles a bit in the early seasons.

As we pulled into the 90s, the old lazy formulas were generally relegated to Friday and Saturday nights when people generally had lives. There was some experimentation with laughless sitcoms (no audience, no laugh track) that gave the viewer respect as to what they could laugh at...it was too early, though, and not until we got shows like The Office did that audience respect pay off. 

I couldn't get into Friends. I've seen less than 25% of the series and, while some episodes were well done, it wasn't a discussion point the day after like other classic shows of the 80s had done. 

As we moved into the new millennium, the sitcom formula was really dying. Luckily, many of those vomit inducers were on Disney, so I was spared. A friend of mine recently posted this about sitcoms:

"I finally figured out what I hate about sitcoms and modern television- these crappy shows try too hard and so do the studio audiences! They laugh hysterically over something that was, at best, mildly amusing (if that). Older “classic” shows relied on a catch phrase (“kiss my grits”; “heyyyyyy”; “dyn-o-mite”) and milked them to death in every episode. The vast majority of old shows are dated and unwatchable- awful outfits, canned laughter, studio audiences who laugh hysterically at every single implied “funny” moment, etc. Yuck!"

He has a point. Those studio audiences probably get paid pretty well to act wildly amused.

A lot of sitcoms were skipped, but mainly because of the 'overdone' phrases. I could easily have picked at Happy Days as it ran 11 seasons. I left it, and Laverne and Shirley, alone because of their nostalgia draw at the time. Apart from that factor, Potsie Webber is probably the longest-running useless character of all time. After Richie Cunningham left to make good movies, the Fonz wasn't as cool anymore.

I really couldn't ever handle I Love Lucy or The Lucy Show, either...ever! Nothing against Lucille Ball, just not my type of comedy.

You know who I miss? John Ritter. He took a pretty racy and daring concept character in the 1970s and made it a classic. He's what made Three's Company work, not Suzanne Somers.

In closing, the sad truth is that in this modern 'woke' era where funny isn't what it once was for many...or never will be ever...the situation comedy concept is dead in terms of development. You can take any old hackneyed concept, put a racial/cultural spin on it, and reheat it, or add cussing and nudity for a quick cheap laugh. It'll get the teenage boys watching, but it doesn't make it smart.

My funny bone isn't broken, just arthritic!

lamara and 37 other

New Me vs Old Me...That is the Question

    Recently I have been looking at myself and thinking UGH!! No, I am not talking about looks. Well, in a way I am, because I haven't felt really good about my looks in some time. Definitely an image problem, and it definitely comingles with my frequent bouts of depression.

   So how do I fix this problem? Well, part of it, a large part of it that is, has to do with my relationship to food. Believe me, it is a damaged and sick relationship, and the food in a way became the narcissist. 

   I say in a way because the food itself was merely an agent of another narcissist...the food INDUSTRY! I could give hundreds of examples of food ads that told you it was healthier or tasted better or subliminally that the CEO wanted to buy another damn yacht, so buying the Drake Yodels would help with the payment.

   A definite up and down history here, so bear with me.

   First up, a confession: for more than 4/5 of my life so far, I have been a sugar addict. Even my dad once labeled me as a sugar junkie when I was a kid. He was right. I could go through more than half a box of Tastykake jelly krimpets or a box of Entenman's crumb donuts in one sitting if someone let me alone with it.

   There was a balance, though, as I got outside and played with my friends and rode my bike, so it was not as if I was Jabba the Hutt in traning...yet. 

   Somewhere along the line in high school, I began a vicious cycle in life where I'd build myself up for something, almost always without solid basis, and I set myself up for a crash. This happened with a girl I liked. It wasn't mutual and the resultant crash put me into probably one of the deepest funks I can remember. Within a year of that time, I began consuming more sugar in the form of junk food and soda, and as I wasn't riding as much as I used to, I was starting to gain weight. It went up and down for a bit but when we moved to California, I was weighing about 175...not the best weight for a 5'5 guy. 

    So what did I do? I went on the Slim Fast diet. I probably did drop a bit just from the change, but I was still consuming sugar in the form of bread. 

   Why was this? Because the food/medical industry was saying fat was the villain so I dropped that shit big time! Truly, my problems were just starting. For a long time in fact!

    Cut forward about 4 or 5 years, right after college graduation, I was at a crossroads and started eating like crap. Lots of chocolate, fast food, anything for that serotonin fix. Even though I tapered off once I started substitute teaching, my weight was at its highest ever in 1998...at that point anyway, in the high 180s. By 2001 I was close to 200. In 2003 I was a bit OVER 200. Small surprise, I was drinking vanilla Coke and Hawaiian Punch Orange Ocean quite regularly. I drank shit and ate shit.

   After a few months at the gym, I was down to 175 and felt great as I'd cut out the high sugary content. After a couple of years and tapering off form the gym, the weight crept up again. After meeting a proposing to Vickie, we tried an Atkins style diet...and our wedding photos were not so hot. Soon after we read up on Dr. Oz's advice and got rid of anything with high fructose corn syrup and walked a lot. That took off some weight for sure form the change...but not long term.

A definite pattern here is short term!

   A few years later, we both went on Weight Watchers. After a few months we quit because I was losing more (short term again) weight.

   For a long time after, I thought I was doing ok, though looking back on past school pictures, I wasn't. I had a definite double, almost triple chin and barely any neck. I didn't look good. Hell, looking back now I looked fairly sick.

Now that I know what I know, which comes later.

   In 2019, our school held a biggest loser challenge which, if it had been about the least dates in high school, I would have won hands down! No, it was weight loss. If I didn't know any better, I'd think the whole thing was set up for me. I anted in and, with some advice from a friend, went very low carb! From January 2020 to August 2020, I lost a bit over 40 pounds through diet and lots of walking! My biggest ever, and I was proud of myself. With the recent shaven head and loose fitting Hawaiian shirts, one might have thought I was a cancer patient!

   In fact I believe I kept under 200 pounds for another year, but I got lazy and started getting into some bad habits again and this past fall I saw my weight at 216. My double chin was starting to return as  well.

   As usually I started to stress, which never helps things and pisses off Vickie to no end. And then I started watching some videos by some doctors...not ones on our insurance plan, but ones with really nothing to gain. In fact, I imagine the food and medical industries might have assassins lying in wait to shut them up, because if people in large droves started listening to them, the profits would drop!

   By the way, since December I have dropped 10 pounds, so I am on the right track. 

   What I learned was that I had an underlying evil in  me much of the time: seed oils. Sunflower, safflower, and worst of all, vegetable oil, otherwise known as soybean oil...none do the body good. In fact, unless I can help it I will no longer do corn, wheat, or soy, or anything that went under major process.

   Process changes the body badly, in the gut, liver, and brain. Hell, even cutting your veggies is a process, but not a bad one. 

   All bread and starches are essentially sugar. Staying away. 

   Water, tea, and coffee are my beverages. Diet Dew, no more.

   Hell, even limiting my Stevia. Making my own mayonnaise with avocado oil.

   If I need a sweetener, I'll use monkfruit until I learn it is dangerous. Nothing yet, though once American know-how gets involved, someone WILL fuck it up. If you have any doubt about that, think about American cheese!

   I think what gets me the most is that the medical industry is in on this on the dark side. They still say low fat, high whole grains, low sodium. Folks, I believe that regimen is creating diabetics by the thousands per day, especially in kids.

   Just like the food industry, the medical industry counts on repeat business. They want you on their drugs which seemingly combat the evils of food or depression or whatever.

   And if you think there isn't a cure for cancer, think about all those doctors and big pharma with their jets, yachts, country club memberships, and influence with our government. Chemo and radiation create new business down the line form the problems they cause.

    Whoa, wait a minute, hold on! I seem to have tripped over a soapbox. Not my intention.

   My intention was to say I'm going to do things my way here on in, with the best possible advice I can find. 

   I don't intend to preach. That might lead to followers and believe me, I don't want anyone following me, it might give me a power trip. What I WANT people to do is think before they act on someone's advice, especially food companies and doctors. Get 2nd opinions, or 3rd opinions.

   Be healthy. If you want a treat here or there from time to time, have one, enjoy it, and get back on the train, because a treat is really just a train stop until you decide it's your new town and the town is East Rutherford.

   That's all. Be good to yourself.

Sugar: The Bitter Truth

Fat Chance: Fructose 2.0

Who Shot the Classic Serial part Tres: Tres Characters

    Recently I took a trip down amnesia lane and pulled out my Dallas box set (luckily no hernia popped!). At first I intended to go through the entire series, but as I got into the 5th season, I was feeling the drudgery of sitting through it all again. Whole seasons in binge mode, especially whole seasons of TV past, run a long time...and when I'm the only one watching, it gets old after a while. Eventually, I caught a few season highlights of season 6, 7, 8, all of 10, some of 11 and 12 and stopped there, After Sue Ellen's departure, the series lost a core relationship that had made the series a success.

   All that said, I thought I'd do a little sum-up of  three of the series's key characters and what made them tick, so to speak.

Lucy Ewing Cooper: The daughter of the middle Ewing son Gary and his girlfriend Valene. When J.R. practically ran Gary and Valene off of Southfork, Lucy was left to be raised by Miss Ellie and Jock, her grandparents. They spoiled her rotten and Lucy, via watching her Uncle J.R. through her childhood years, learned to be manipulative as well as an occasional blackmailer to get what she wanted. She skipped school often and somewhere after maturing into a young woman, she began regularly seducing ranch foreman Ray Krebbs.

This was all going her way until her Uncle Bobby married Pamela Barnes. Pamela was streetwise and could see through Lucy's manipulations to understand how lonely and insecure Lucy was. After a tense start, the two became friends. 

Lucy was thrilled when Bobby and Pam brought her father Gary home and as she had been visiting her mom Valene on the sly at the diner where Valene worked, she worked out a family reunion...a brief one sadly, for J.R. set up Gary with a failing business to get him off the ranch again...and Valene as well. Lucy was heartbroken, and ran away when the family refused to let Valene come to her birthday party. Unfortunately, she ended up being held hostage by a psychotic young holdup artist but was luckily recued by Bobby and the police.

She found love and a brief engagement to handsome Kit Mainwaring, but his admitted homosexuality ended that. She later got engaged to Alan Beam, mainly because she saw him stand up to J.R. (a staged moment, she didn't realize). However Alan was using her to get at the Ewing fortune and when he refused to leave Dallas, J.R. saw to it that the marriage didn't happen. 

After a short affair with a married college professor, Lucy found new love with medical student Mitch Cooper, who was proud of his humility and hard work and resented how easily material things came right into Lucy's hands. Despite this, they married out of love. Lucy was bored, however, and decided to get a job as a model via Pam's connection to publisher Alex Ward. Once again, it all came easily to her and when the modeling got in the way of the marriage, Lucy and Mitch separated. They didn't work very hard to get back together, and when Mitch worked more closely with patient Evelyn Michaelson, Lucy got jealous and slept with obsessive photographer Roger who kidnapped and raped her.

As Mitch left for a position in Atlanta, Lucy discovered she was pregnant from the rape and got an abortion, resulting in a long depression that jeopardized her modeling career. She came out of it and began a romance with Ray's cousin Mickey Trotter. That came to an end when Mickey was injured in an attempted vehicular homicide caused by J.R.'s business victim Walt Driscoll. After Mickey died from being pulled off life support, Lucy tried to get college student Peter Richards interested in her, but he was more interested in Sue Ellen and was later run out of town by J.R. Finally, after being used by Eddie Cronin for her money, Lucy decided to get back with Mitch. They remarried, but after a few years of being a doctor's wife, Lucy was done and came back to Dallas for a while, but after being used by Casey Denault and befriending J.R.'s wife Cally, Lucy left for Italy

To sum up, Lucy didn't have a lot going for her except for looks and a large bank account. She did have a big heart but her spoiled upbringing left her heartbroken over and over.

Ray Krebbs: The result of an affair between his mother Margaret and Jock Ewing during WW2, Ray was ignored and mistreated by his stepfather Amos Krebbs and struck out on his own, eventually being taken in by Jock as a teenager. He grew to love the ranching lifestyle and later became the ranch foreman on Southfork. Later in adulthood, he became a bit of a carouser like J.R. and the two of them often would go out of town together to sleep with women. He also carried on an illegal relationship with Lucy Ewing. Ray thought he found love with Pamela Barnes and brought her to a few Ewing parties, but she ended up marrying Bobby. 

The marriage of Bobby and Pam brought about the end of Ray's sexual relationship with Lucy (Pam was not blind). Thee end of his carousing days with J.R. also came when a jealous husband and his brother in law sought revenge on him and J.R. at Southfork. A lonely Ray had a 1 time fling with the then-snobby but lonely Sue Ellen who brushed him off right after. He then found what he thought was true love with country singer Garnet McGee. However, lusty and amoral J.R. arranged a singing contract with her in exchange for sexual privileges  to her body. Ray was heartbroken over this, but later met Donna Cullum Culver, a woman married to career politician Sam Culver. They fell in love, but she went back to Sam due to his failing health. Ray and Donna reunited, but her political friends and knowledge left them with little in common, according to Ray, and he broke it off.

In late 1980, Amos Krebbs revealed to Jock that Ray wasn't his, but Jock's son. While this thrilled Jock and to a great degree Bobby, J.R. was less than thrilled, and Ellie grew to resent Ray because she thought he was taking Gary's place, but she later realized she was wrong, especially when Ray offered to return his birthright. Ray also decided to toss aside his pride and marry Donna. He worked alongside Jock in a real estate deal with Punk Anderson, and got it in his head that he had the Ewing touch for business. After a solo deal with Punk which was also a winner, he went it alone on another deal when Punk left to join Jock in South America. However, Ray's lack of solo experience got him burned and feeling jealous when his failure coincided with Donna's success as an author.

Adding grief to insult, he fell into a deep depression when Jock died, neglecting his ranch duties and having a tawdry affair with fellow barfly Bonnie. J.R. arranged for Ray's arrest to blackmail him into giving up the voting shares Jock gave him during Jock's time in South America. Ray also made it easy for Donna to find him and Bonnie in bed, hoping she'd divorce him. However, Donna was a fighter and vowed to make their marriage work. Ray was humbled and got out of his depression.

Not long after, Ray was asked by his aunt Lil to help with her wayward son Mickey after Amos Krebbs's funeral. He and Donna bring Mickey to Texas to turn him around and after a tough time, Mickey becomes a better person and has a healthy romance with Lucy. However, a tragic hit and run leaves Mickey paralyzed and Ray and Aunt Lil pull the plug so he won't linger in a coma. Ray is prosecuted and found guilty, but the sentence is suspended. Afterward, he and Donna befriend government man Edgar Randolph and give him emotional support when he is despondent over J.R.'s blackmail, as well as befriend Clayton Farlow when he reveals his son Dusty's true parentage and why sister Jessica makes him uneasy.

After Donna takes Bobby's place at Ewing Oil after he is laid up following a shooting by Katherine Wentworth, she invests in a small oil company that proves prosperous. Ray again feels emasculated, , driving a new wedge in their marriage. He also assists Bobby and J.R. in fighting Cliff and Jamie Ewing in their lawsuit to prove their large ownership of Ewing Oil. After that is over, Donna reveals her pregnancy, but her oil interests will not take a back seat to being an at home wife and expectant mother, make the marriage wedge permanent and they divorce.

In the meantime, Ray befriended Jenna Wade after Bobby left her to reunite with Pam. Their warm friendship is interrupted when Ray decides to sue for custody of his and Donna's baby, but backs off to focus on Jenna, who with teenage daughter Charlie moves in with Ray and eventually marries him. His mishandling of being a stepfather leads to a separation when Jenna takes Charlie to Europe for boarding school. Ray has a brief a affair with psychotic Connie, who tries to kill Ray when he rejects her out of guilt. Jenna returns and reconciles with Ray and they both decide to leave Texas to escape their pasts. He returns to help the Ewings fight in the range war against Carter McKay and his hired thugs backed by vengeful WestStar chair Jeremy Wendell. Once that ends, he leaves permanently.

To sum up, Ray Krebbs is a good man who struggles with his self esteem and his beliefs over how a man-woman relationship should be.

Cliff Barnes: Cliff is the son of Rebecca and WIllard "Digger" Barnes. Early in his life Rebecca deserted him and Pam and Digger. They had maternal support from Digger's sister Maggie, but Cliff learned via Digger to hate the Ewings due to Jock's supposed "cheating" of Digger, when in reality Jock was protecting Digger from his own neglect through anger, pride, and extensive drinking. Cliff eventually became and lawyer and fought the Ewngs on the legal side, bringing him in direct conflict with J.R. many times. Although he tried to be an honest lawyer and local politician, Cliff had no shame in using people to satisfy his goals, including bedding J.R.'s secretary Julie to get information. 

After a failed bid at a state senate seat due to Pam's accidental bean-spilling, Cliff becomes more ruthless and has an affair with Sue Ellen partly out of revenge and partly out of intel opportunity. After acting as a courier to rescue Bobby from a ransom situation, he gives up on Sue Ellen to focus on his political career due to J.R.'s threat to ruin him. He briefly takes up with Julie when she returns only to be framed for her murder, though Bobby finds the real killers. Sue Ellen's pregnancy comes back to bite him when Pam tells Bobby about his and Sue Ellen's affair and Bobby comes to beat him up. When baby John Ross III is kidnapped, Cliff assists with finding him, but is told to back off by Bobby. 

While he learns of a genetic disease he inherited from Digger that could endanger any child he sires, , Cliff enjoys a position with the Office of Land Management that blocks the Ewings at every turn, but J.R. uses lawyer Alan Beam to sway Cliff into running for the U.S. Senate, with J.R.'s secret funding which is pulled when Cliff is out of the OLM. For revenge, he sues for paternity of John Ross, but J.R. is proven to be the daddy after all. Cliff then works for the D.A. and stumbles upon a case against Jock for the murder of Hutch McKinney and pushes hard for the prosecution. However, Digger confesses to the murder on his deathbed as well as Pamela's true paternity by Hutch. While going through Digger's remaining things, Cliff comes upon a document giving him and Pam equal shares in Ewing field 23, but J.R. shuts it down with Jock's blessing. This makes him a suspect in J.R.'s shooting but he is exonerated.

Not enjoying his low-level position in the D.A.'s office, Cliff takes up with helping Dave Culver in his Senate campaign, hoping to benefit from Dave's success by taking over his state senate seat. He also enjoys a romance with Donna during this time, but when Donna and Dave realize Cliff's deep-seated opportunism, the seat is offered to Bobby instead. Cliff reluctantly becomes Bobby's aid and counsel, but uses the position to push for J.R.'s prosecution in the Southeast Asia revolution involvement. J.R. uses Afton Cooper to drug Cliff so get hold of the incriminating evidence and Cliff's bid fails, resulting in his termination from Bobby's employment and also his hopes in joining Jeremy Wendell at WestStar. He is angry at Bobby for his supposed interference on J.R.'s behalf and goes to talk it over with Bobby at Southfork but is distracted when he sees a floating body in the pool...Kristin Shepard's. He and J.R. are questioned, but exonerated when Kristin's body is discovered to be filled with drugs.

 At this point in fall of 1981, Cliff is re-establishing a relationship with his long-lost mother Rebecca, who is eager...too eager...to have him accept her again, not realizing the opportunist he is. Before long, he is heading Wentworth Tool & Die, one of this stepfather's origin companies, and making it into a power base to take on J.R. At one point he has J.R. into a corner when his opponent has bought up all of Clayton Farlow's oil and stockpiled it to force Sue Ellen off of Clayton's ranch The Southern Cross, but Clayton coldly calls J.R.'s bluff, putting Ewing Oil in jeopardy. Cliff gathers the oil cartel to collaboratively buy J.R.'s loans. However, Miss Ellie pays them off as well as sells Clayton's oil back to him. Cliff's next move is to take up with a newly divorced Sue Ellen, but a vengeful J.R. tricks him into an oil venture that comes up dry, and Cliff embezzles millions from the company to bankroll it. Fired from the company, he asks Sue Ellen for a loan, but she angrily turns him down and calls it off with him. Afton Cooper, who previously spurned Cliff but is now seeing the good in him, tries to warn him but it is of no use. A failed Cliff tries to commit suicide via overdose but survives.

Now temporarily an emotionless void, he is uninterested in any relationship, even with more than willing Afton. However, when he dances with Sue Ellen at her re-wedding to J.R., Afton calls him on his callousness and he comes out of  his emotion coma. Rebecca gives him the Wentworth  oil company, and he uses it to help develop a new drill bit to cut through frozen tundra to find oil. As Pam and half sister Katherine have a stake in the company, especially after Rebecca dies in a plane crash, the two sisters outvote Cliff and let Bobby use it in his Canadian venture. That deal comes at a price to Bobby and Pam's troubled marriage...the drill bit comes with a divorce, which eventually delights Cliff.

Cliff becomes even more determined to beat J.R. At the Oil Baron's Ball, he wins the Oilman of the Year award for the drill bit and talks about how Jock "cheated" Digger in his acceptance speech, causing a brawl. ON the same line, he blackmails Sly, J.R.'s secretary, for information on J.R.'s deals in exchange for helping to get her brother released from prison, even though he has no prison clout. J.R. finds out and gets even with Cliff by maneuvering him into an offshore drilling venture, practically bankrupting him and his company. Luckily, Cliff gets cartel pal Jordan Lee to lend him his offshore drilling expert and at the last minute strikes oil.

This is a major turning point for Cliff because now he has money and resources to battle J.R. on an even battle ground, though his mouth never ceases to get him in hot water with those closest to him, the first being Afton who has had enough of him selfishness and obsession with beating J.R. She leaves him right before he is suspected and arrested for shooting Bobby. However, in a lineup, beautiful Mandy Winger spots him and provides him his alibi for that night. They are an item for a bit before J.R. easily woos Mandy from Cliff. 

Cliff starts doing more business with the cartel and learns of Jamie Ewing's document claiming a large percentage of Ewing Oil for the Barnes's and Ewing cousins and gets into a marriage with her, but in the courtroom, they are thwarter by Jamie's brother Jack's evidence that her papers mean nothing, and he tries to get a divorce, but Jamie wants to make it work. However, he treats her with contempt and disrespect, even when he tries to woo Jack to sell his 10% of Ewing Oil to Cliff. Jamie finally has it with Cliff when she catches him smooching with Jack's ex April. Jamie helps Cliff with an oil leak and charges him a fee, along with signing their divorce papers, gains Jack's 10% for $1, and leaves Dallas to work for Sue Ellen in her branch of Valentine Lingerie in Los Angeles, but later dies from a rock slide in Mexico during a vacation.

Cliff is at his worst in terms of business management, having to depend on Pam for money disbursement and makes a deal with the devil himself, Jeremy Wendell, for money to repay Pam in exchange for info to use against Ewing Oil. When Jamie's 10% of Ewing Oil comes under legal scrutiny due to the divorce papers having never been filed, the judge award him 5% and April the other 5%. As Ewing Oil is about to crumble due to J.R.'s dealings with terrorist B.D. Calhoun, Pam pleads with him to sell his 5%, but he can't...he owes it to Digger. Too bad, because the governments has shut down Ewing Oil and Cliff gets just under 100 million for it. 

After Pamela is seriously injured in a fiery car crash and desires to be left alone, Cliff is depressed because he feels that he couldn't do justice for Digger. Enter Harrison "Dandy" Dandridge, who claims to have a nose for oil like Digger did. He finds oil on his tax-burdened land, but only a little...but accidentally stumbles upon a vast sea of natural gas. Dandy at first thinks Cliff is trying to screw him out of it and comes at Cliff with a gun at the Ewing BBQ. Cliff realizes this is what happened with Jock and Digger, assures Dandy that he merely paid the taxes on his land, and makes peace with Ms. Ellie over all of his attempts to ruin or co-own Ewing Oil over the years. Touched by his new humility, she asks if this means peace for him and J.R. as well, but too much history between the two makes him sadly say they would probably always hate each other even if they had different last names. 

A lot to say there, but that 11th season was a major turning point for Cliff. After reluctantly selling his gas field to Jeremy Wendell, and later Barnes Wentworth, Cliff becomes a partner with Bobby at Ewing Oil, but later distracted by seeing Afton again and meeting her child, he neglects work, and then complains when he is not on every meeting and deal, thanks to meddling from Michelle Stevens. He leaves Ewing Oil to head up an investigation about a tanker collision, seemingly to spite Bobby and J.R., but is forthright when the collision proves to be an accident.

  Cliff is wooed by P.R. superwoman Stephanie Rodgers, and later becomes the national energy "czar" and has a promising new relationship with Liz Adams, but her past gets him involved with a murder that eventually causes him to lose his political position. He finally sees an opportunity to get Ewing Oil again and finally succeeds as J.R. sells his part to him. The last part of the final season saw Cliff returning to his old selfish, nasty form...but then the last season was mercifully short as it was so badly written and developed.

   To sum it, Cliff Barnes is a man whose long-dormant desire to be as powerful (if not more than) as the Ewings comes true, but his mouth, greed,  and whininess destroy him every time.