The Christmas Letter

 Dear Everyone,

   Well,  here we are again after a year. Wow, where has the time gone? Lots has happened in this short time, and I don't quite know where to start, not to mention how to fit it into a concise letter that most of you will probably stop reading after the first paragraph or so. However, since I have this neurotic need to boast about my family's successes in the hopes of one-upping at least one of you other shit-braggarts at least once, let's let it rip!

   Our oldest finally came off of alcohol...again...this past autumn. Of course, he didn't have much of a choice after landing in jail for D and D (NOT  Dungeons and Dragons) for the eighth time this year. It should be noted that he was very polite to the officer when he showed him his...pride. In our son's defense, officers of the law should be more clear when asking for an ID from someone under the influence. In his state, our son thought ID meant immense..."definition". Having landed in the clink a few times myself for inebriation in the past, I can relate to him. Having been arrested so often got him in a slightly higher class of imprisonment, so he is moving up in the world. Even better, he is now the official "Queen" of C block, so now he finally has a title at 26 years old.

   Then there is our younger child. Now, I have heard all of you chortling behind her back about dressing like a hoe and being the most likely to get knocked up before turning 20. Well the joke's on you all! She's only 17 and has 3 months to go before the due date! The dad is a fine gentleman. His official title is "social director" and has an office, so to speak, close to all the local motels. He even gets a commission from all the nearby businesses for bringing them business himself! Hopefully our grandchild will carry on his family name!

   Of course, there is my wife! God bless her, she really has an interest in building our credit rating and local exposure. We went from having very little debt to well over $10,000 in credit cards alone. I was worried about her for a bit with our son's and daughter's successes and feeling somewhat left out. No sir! She has amassed an impressive new wardrobe, made local business connections at various hostels and bars, not to mention making contributions to our local police and court systems. She even unofficially modeled for a local lingerie outfit and has created a demand for more. For some reason, the cash flow has gone away rather than toward us, but I am sure she knows what she's doing.

    And then there's boring old me with the same old sales job traveling all over the place, eating and drinking alone often. Thankfully I am not always forced to sleep alone! I've often woken up as the guest of some kind stranger or another...who for some reason are often rushing me out, but hey, everyone has to get to their own job, right? After one of those trips, I did have a persistent itch and oddly colored mark that hasn't gone away. After all those pleas to get a COVID shot, I am wondering if that'll clear it up?

   Well, that's been our wonderful year! I cannot imagine being in a more loving, successful, and growing family. Hope you all have a great New Year. Try not to be jealous of us, we just do things our way!

Love, 

Phil

That does not compute!

    As I sit here typing what drivel has to come out of my head from time to time, I cannot help but marvel at the splendid progression of technology...and how I am always about 10 steps behind that progression! Seriously, even though my wife has supplied me at various times with color-changing speakers and color-enhanced keyboards, my machine is state of the art...for 1999 almost!

    Well ok, that is quite an exaggeration. The thing is, 1999 seems so yesterday to me, like I was still 27! That's how time flies. One day I'm a swinging ( as in by a thread) bachelor and the next day I'm a husband of 15 years and father of 12 years. Somewhere in this time warp I was using this damn computer to run a virtual classroom for a bit over 2 months of physical classroom exile. Still, I am fairly attached to my computer...for I built it. I have actually build a few incarnations of a personal computer over the past 13 years.

    Oh hell no, Moore! You didn't....you wouldn't! Oh shit you did....you tricked us via text hypnosis into following you down another f'n memory lane traffic jam! (sigh). Fine, let's get this over with!

    The first computer we had actually belonged to me. On Christmas of 1985, my father had apparently seen "A Christmas Story" for the first time and decided to enhance the Darren McGavin's "Hey, what's that over there?" ruse.  After putting me on a seemingly endless wild goose chase via "Look over here" notes, I was finally awarded a complete Commodore 64 hardware suite consisting of the keyboard/CPU unit, floppy disk drive, monitor, and dot matrix printer. All of those components except 1 were pretty good...except for the printer. Apparently Commodore had a jump start on the jamming tradition that has caused so much office and school alcohol consumption spikes. I believe we ended up getting a compatible yet non Commodore printer later as I did use my computer for school work as well when needed.

    My dad's office had a whole library of Commodore games and I got loaded up pretty fast on disk copies. Of course, this was long before the age of point and click ease of use with a mouse. One had to type such pesky commands as 

LOAD "NERDGAMES",8,1

and hope that the disk was of decent quality. Most of the time it was. My old Atari joystick could be lugged into the machine to play arcade-style games, so that was a lot of fun for a while. About a year later, I got a 300 "baud" modem. I believe baud was a Euro-originated word for slow as Granny's molasses, for when I called into online BBS's (bulletin board services) that had game downloads, the download speed was abysmal! I later got a higher speed one, but after a couple of years I had gotten past those as a fun pastime.

    One other thing the computer got me good at was typing. I actually taught myself to type as I created stories, many early ones influenced by my favorite show at the time, "The Edge of Night".

    I actually held on to the Commodore for several years, finally retiring it in late 1992. I don't remember if it just died or what, but my dad had already brought an older PC from work. It was monochrome to be sure, but I did some papers for school on it as well as writing more stories. I held on to that one for a long time, I believe it was retired in the early 21st century. Most of the time in the late 90s, though, I tended to use my friend/roommate Scott's iMac more than my own.

    My dad gave me another used office model when I moved to Las Vegas. It was ok, but those pesky work numbers always wanted a special password. I had enough of that so I went to CompUSA and a computer of my own...CPU, monitor, printer, and the works. Combined with my Earthlink dialup credentials, I was Internet bound on my own at last, doing lesson plans and looking for women! I was successful in the former, hit and miss on the latter.

    One thing I was not ready for with a Windows PC was the number of shady websites that had viruses and eventually the computer didn't even turn on despite the various virus scanners and "protections" I had put on. A new hard drive seemed to resolve this, and I learned to be more cautious in the sites I was navigating.

    Then came the Lesley masters program that I began in early 2008. Of the many tech related subjects I studied, the anatomy of a computer course that I took was my favorite. As a final project, I opted to build my own computer from a "barebones" kit I bought from TigerDirect for about $200. For that price I got a case, hard drive, and associated wires. All I needed was an optical (CD-rom) drive on my own. From then on I was occasionally buying a new hard drive or operating system. A few years ago, I upgraded almost entirely with a new case. That said, I think the novelty of building my own has worn off. Its just too tough to keep up with what works anymore. Granted a new computer can be expensive, so this old thing will have to do for now, provided we aren't tossed back home again..

    All right, flashbacks are now over, you may resume crash position!

The Divorcé Part 5

    The door opened. Dr. Friedman waved me in with a smile. "Sam, right on time as always." He closed the door behind me and waved at the proverbial shrink couch. "Take your favorite seat."

   I sat in the big soft lumpy sofa and relaxed. I'd been seeing Friedman since a bit before the divorce, when I knew things were coming at me. 

   Friedman checked his notes as he sat in his swivel chair, then looked up. "Last time we spoke, you were getting back into the dating world."

   "I've been wading in, testing the waters so to speak."

  "And how does the water feel?"

  "Good at times...other times cold."

  "Might depend on which end of the pool you're in."

  "Brad, I'm not even going tot try to analyze that."

   Friedman laughed. "Well, the shallow end tends to warm faster as its the safer end...on the other hand, the deep end has more variety but can take longer to navigate." He stopped. "Forget it...I'm no good at ad lib analogies." He checked his notes again. "There's a topic you and I didn't grab tightly on , and this is 2 sessions ago. You were so excited about your dating that we didn't touch on it again at all."

  "Which is?"

  "The woman at work. Natasha was her name, right?"

  "Oh yeah, we're going way back!"

  "You brought me there, I never left." Friedman sat forward. "You indicated that you'd fallen for her."

   I sat back and looked up at the ceiling, the memory coming back. "Yeah, this is 6 years ago."

  "Tell me about her."

  "I didn't tell you last time?"

  "You told me her name and that you were in love with her, but that's as far as we got. No, wait, you told me she was also married, right?"

  "Right. You know I'm thinking on that time and realizing something right off the bat...I was more in love with the idea of her than actually being in love with her."

  "All right. What idea of her was so appealing?"

  "Now that's a question I've asked myself time and time again...but I don't have a solid clue. SHe was pretty enough. Had the most kissable lips I'd ever seen, that's for sure."

  "Did you ever kiss them?"

  "Oh no, not even a cheek peck. Despite my feelings, I still respected her marriage."

   Friedman sat back and folded his arms. "All right, let's go back to then. What was it about her that got those feelings going?"

  "Hoo boy! Well, when I first started at the office, it took a bit to fit in. You know, new guy and all coming into an established colleague web. Well, at a staff lunch function, I was sitting by myself...this was about 3 months in...and she asks me to come sit with her and some of her friends. I wasn't precisely involved in their conversation, ladies and all, but I wasn't alone. That was the start."

  "Sounds friendly but it doesn't exactly spell out love to me."

  "Not to me, either. Just as time went, we talked more and got to know each other. Before I knew it I was thinking a lot about her. At first I thought it was pure lust. There was some of that, but not overwhelming. No, this was a heart matter. My day was definitely improved when I'd had some contact with her, either in person or even text. Luckily for me, she never really knew my feelings, at least I don't think she did. Then something happened...some crisis in her husband's family and she took a little time off so they could travel."

   Friedman nodded. "Did she come back?"

  "Yeah, but she was a lot more reserved...very inward...after. I tried to offer an ear of support, but she kept it inside, so I backed away. After about a year, no it was two years, she transferred to another office in another town. It was quiet, no going away party or anything, in fact quite sudden."

  "I see. So you developed some friendly, I'll go with FOND, feelings for another woman. Sounds perfectly normal and nothing to feel ashamed of...if you feel ashamed."

  "I don't now, I did a little then, probably because I mentioned Natasha more than a healthy mention at home."

  "And your wife didn't care for that."

  "We had a few fights about it."

  "And when Natasha left, did it get back to normal?"

   I looked at Brad with a frown. "Normal? I did get a divorce not all that long after."

  "Right. So here's a question: do you think your feelings for Natasha were a factor in your divorce?"

   I looked back at the ceiling. "That is hard to say. My marriage was never normal, whatever that word means. Three years passed between Natasha leaving and my wife leaving, so somehow I doubt it was a main factor."

  "But it might have been one."

  "Could be. I doubt it."

   Friedman closed his notebook. "Sam, we've been dancing around this for a while. We never really hit at it, though."

  "Right, the why of it all."

  "Your feelings for Natasha, innocent as they seem to me, are the first clues as to cause. Apart from that, nothing on your end seems to justify any of it. Although, when she left, you didn't seem too anguished over it apart from the change in life."

  "So ok, I developed feelings for another woman, my wife languished over it for 3 years, then decided I wasn't worth fighting to save our marriage, so she split. Simple, right?"

   Friedman laughed. "Nah, this will take some more cracking. Collecting a $20 copay from you weekly was in fact my life's ambition, so we will look more into this next week. Same time?"

  "Same Bat channel!"

Rest In Peace, Mr. Bond

    This weekend my family and I went to see the latest...and quite honestly last, movie of the James Bond Franchise. It was a really touching end and Daniel Craig pulled it off well. 

   Now, when I mean franchise, I mean a single production company's produced series of films. In this case, I mean the James Bond film franchise that has been in existence since the release of Dr. No in 1962. Yes, the James Bond film franchise has been in existence for nearly 60 years.

   When the series began, it starred Sean Connery as Britain's favorite secret agent with the number 007, the license to kill, created by Ian Fleming. The first movie story began simply, with Bond traveling to Jamaica to find out what happened to Professor Strangways. In that movie we meet many of the regulars that were to be included in the series: Bond's superior M, a gruff old naval admiral whom Bond respected and annoyed quite frequently; Miss Moneypenny, M's secretary who carried an innocent flirtation with Bond over the course of many films; Q, the British Secret Service armorer who supplied Bond with many weapons and oddly futuristic gadgets and who was frequently annoyed by Bond's lack of respect for said equipment, particularly cars; and Felix Leiter, Bond's CIA counterpart, who appeared infrequently over the course of the series...seen just once in the Roger Moore era and never in the Pierce Brosnan era.

   From the success of Dr. No, fans of Britain's new superhero were treated to a movie a year from 1962 to 1965, then every other year as a pattern most of the time for a while. After Thunderball, there was a 2-year wait until the release of You Only Live Twice, which set a new precedent for creating an almost entirely new story from the existing book source. The previous 4 movies had probably 80% source material intact if not more. I've written about that movie and book before, and to briefly repeat, I enjoy both about equally, which is a lot.

   After Connery took the reins for 5 films, he was getting tired of playing Bond and quit after You Only Live Twice. The producers found a new face in Aussie George Lazenby for On Her Majesty's Secret Service. This movie is fantastic by my standards even though Lazenby was not Connery, a fact many took a huge disliking to. Yet, if one puts aside the man's lack of acting experience, the movie is great and returns to the book faithfulness. On Her Majesty's Secret Service saw James Bond falling in love with a troubled woman whom he rescues a few times and she later rescues him. She tragically dies from an attempt on Bond's wife from Ernst Stavro Blofeld, the SPECTRE chief who, in my opinion, is probably Bond's greatest foe of all time.

   Sean Connery was coaxed to return for Diamonds Are Forever, a film that really delved into silly antics in its second half. It was once a favorite of mine, but is now viewed just for its Las Vegas scenes.  The next movie, Live and Let Die, introduced the Roger Moore era of Bond...an era that with maybe one or two exceptions, represented the low end of the franchise for 7 films. The Moore era consisted of a lot of silly 1 liners, extravagant gadgets, and some pretty silly stories.

   Then in 1987, we were introduced to the short Timothy Dalton era...I say era because he got 2 films under his belt unlike Lazenby's single entry. Dalton was a breath of fresh air to Bond fans, particularly fans of the books, since he used the source material to model his portrayal, a return to the brutal agent we met in 1962. Bond in the Dalton era had a penchant for avenging the deaths of friends and colleagues, giving Bond a new dark edge. 

   After those 2 entries, the series fell to the wayside due to legal problems for 6 years. When te problems were over, fans were introduced to Bond #5, Pierce Brosnan,,,yes, Remington Steele himself.  In fact, his first entry Goldeneye was quite enjoyable. Brosnan didn't have the hard edge of early Connery or both Dalton entries, but he held his own. However, the new coolness couldn't help the lackluster stories that ensued, and by the time we got Die Another Day, the Brosnan era was long stale.

   And then came Daniel Craig, who brought a new hard edge that surpassed Dalton's big time, and Bond was alive again in 2006 with Casino Royale, the best on-screen vision of that story since a 1954 teleplay featuring an American as Bond....and the 1967 Bond spoof with that title starring David Niven deserves no mention. After that came Quantum of Solace, which seemed like one huge chase scene to me and not much story, so I didn't watch all of it. Skyfall was much better...and then came SPECTRE, which tied the previous 3 films together, a first for the franchise. 

   I'd like to mention the latest film No Time to Die a bit more, but it's too new, and it is too early to tell if it is truly the end or not. ONe thing I do want to note, though, is the return of Bond feeling love again, only losing it but in an entirely, and heroically self-sacrificing, way. This is shown thematically and musically connected to On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

   One thing I need to mention with the franchise is the retconning of a few key characters. The old gruff M was replaced at the start of the Brosnan era with Dame Judi Dench, who was referred as the old man's replacement. After her death in Skyfall, Joint Intelligence Committee chairman Gareth Mallory (played by Ralph Fiennes) became the new M.

   Then there is the villain Blofeld, who in the 60s and early 70s was played by different actors each time, and was last seen being rammed in his bathosub into a control building on an oil rig in Diamonds Are Forever, his fate unknown. In 2015's SPECTRE, his story was rewritten as having a childhood connection to Bond. Felix Leiter was also reintroduced as an African American in Casino Royale.  

   Miss Moneypenny was also rewritten as an agent who retires from active duty to become M's secretary. Q went from a crusty old coot to R (John Cleese) in the final Brosnan films to a much younger man played by Ben Whishaw in the Craig films...I liked this later version, actually.

    Of course, many of the early stories, right up to 2006's Casino Royale had at least some if not more source material to use. The source material was quite British and often very dry. I read most of them and while more than half were pretty easy to get through, a few I couldn't finish, 1955's Moonraker in particular. The early novels had the Soviet group SMERSH as the antagonists, but by 1961 SPECTRE had emerged. The last novels also showed a change of style to longer in depth of description or emotional narrative in the form of long-ass paragraphs. Still, they were enjoyable. I reread a few often and picture Daniel Craig in the role now...and his portrayal fits just about all of them. Another author named John Gardner picked up the Bond book writing in 1981. I liked them for a while, but my current tastes have left those behind.

   With all that said, is there a future for Bond? I'd like to say no, we have many films to enjoy with several different interpretations...yes, even Roger Moore fans have a place (preferably at the bottom of a canyon). However, we all know that the film world is having trouble in the area of originality, and we might see another form of Bond again in my lifetime, probably made by a different production company and likely non-book source material.

   To conclude, Rest in Peace, Mr. Bond.

Six (or Whatever) Degrees of Me

    A question: how many of you do you have?

   Now before you lock me up for spouting off bad riddles, think about those words...and no, I am not implying schizophrenia by any means...unless it applies to you and then absolutely I am!

   These are the thoughts going through my brain once again and BOY am I FUCKING HAPPY!

    For those who don't quite read me at this moment, well, you fall into 2 categories. One, you stumbled upon this post looking for Alura Jenson porn clips and got completely lost, or you totally understand that I recently got on caffeine again after many months of fearing caffeine was causing my kidney stones. For a long period due to that lack, my ideas were not flowing...now the flow seems to be back on...I just hope not to the point of needing a neurological maxi pad to catch it all!

   All right, I've stalled long enough. How many of you do you have? 

   Personally, I think I have more than 10. And no, I am not implying that a brilliant yet criminal plastic surgeon in Switzerland made duplicates of me like the multitude of wallet sized ugly family shots you are burdened with every Christmas because nobody wants them. 

   No, I mean how many of you have you lived with in your entire life? The you that is in your body, your soul.  

   I think we all know that we as humans evolve over time (to the Christian Fundamentalists who might have stumbled in here looking for Ms Jenson, no I ACCIDENTALLY spewed out the E word, my profound apolo- oh fuck it, MOVE ON!). We all EVOLVE as ourselves over time, and I think in adulthood, at least for me, I have experienced several different versions of myself. In the pre-18 years, I probably experienced a few as well.

   Here's an example. If you have a teenaged or preteen kid who suddenly goes from happy go lucky kid to morosely hiding in their room for several months, only to emerge as a neorevolutionary philosopher telling you your old music and old movies have no place in this brave new world of Tik Tok knowledge, you see exactly what I mean...the caterpillar has made the transformation. 

    The changes don't end there, though. The question for me then is this...are the changes merely biological, psychological, a combo of both, or do I need to go back to iced fucking green tea? I think it is probably a combo, for me psychological most of the time, and purely an EVOLUTION of what I recently experienced.

     Let's go into the many degrees/versions of Bryan over almost 49 years....have something over 50 proof handy just in case! Since there are so many versions, I decided to put it into Apple ios update terminology.

1. Little Kid Bryan: (1.0-1.82818) This guy was pretty nerdy, though generally happy go lucky in nature. Often taken for granted or advantage of BECAUSE of that nature. Liked girls pretty early on, which probably creeped a lot of girls out! This version was updated in mid teen years (not quite sure when) to

2. Teen Angst Bryan (2.0- 2.71940):This was definitely a BUG-INFESTED version! This guy had a really bad habit of taking a liking to a girl and going absolutely overboard without testing the waters first. The resulting emotional fall was quite devastating. There was also a glitch that involved assholish and destructive behavior that turned off people closest to him. Unfortunately, the inner programmer, under heavy budget constraints, took a LONG TIME  to create a "fix". After a while, we finally got treated to...

3. Lost At Sea Bryan (2.2- 2.51953): This version was created under heavy emotional duress and essentially created a fairly empty Bryan for a luckily brief time. This was a period when I lived in San Diego and had no prospects or future of any sort, essentially playing video games and watching TV. Thankfully, this version was temporary as the inner coding department finally got more staff and a contract for paid coffee breaks. It wasn't too long before we hit...

4. College Ready Bryan (3.0-3.32979): This update was long-awaited and well-received. This Bryan was more happy and less emotionally shut down, making some new, if short-lived, friendships in San Diego. This Bryan also came with a mullet-growing app that had mixed reviews. 

5. Early Sonoma State Bryan (3.4-3.53878): A mild update taking me away from the toxic environment of my parents' dying marriage and finally making some more permanent connections in life. This version kept the mullet app and was probably one of the better versions of myself.

6. Mid to Late Sonoma State Bryan (3.5- 3.61669): Sometimes the coding department gets ahead of itself and makes seemingly unneeded modifications, such as parents divorcing. While the new happiness wasn't completely gone, this version carried a bad morosity bug that also had an asshole bug and an unexpected and never-before-seen cruelty bug. Yeah, that divorce really fucked me up inside for a while.

7. Post College Limbo Bryan (4.0-4.41146): This one had a lot of updates and fixes, especially when its premiere had me graduated, unemployed, and sitting around the apartment in Santa Rosa not doing much besides eating crap and watching TV. Luckily a fix was put in that had me working some temp jobs later that fall and an even better fix had me entering the substitute teaching business. That was the money-making aspect. On the personal front, it was quiet for a bit before I did some dating here and there. An even bigger update got me back into school to study to be an actual teacher. That gave me some focus, but these overall 5 years of version 4 point whatever was a particularly devil-may-care era that often came back to bite me for my lack of maturity and caution.

8. New to Vegas/Getting Laid Bryan (5.0- 5.8675309: This long-awaited version was a definite improvement, yet not without its flaws. Bryan was finally on his own for the first time in life. The devil-may-care attitude was eased off and there was a focus on learning how to be a good teacher without stressing out. This had varying degrees of success and failure over time. On the personal side, I was determined to get the ball(s) rolling with the ladies, though my definite lack of successful experience and "polish", so to speak, led to several disasters, although in the sex department I was catching up on wasted time from my 20s. As a result of the rollercoaster personal and professional life, there was a "system crash" a couple years in, a crash that did not recover too quickly.

9. Ready for Love Bryan (6.0-6.321 Contact): This version fixed a lot of previous problems, especially in the area of commitment. I finally found a woman I loved and decided to commit to and marry. Of course, not all was perfect. Having had a lack of positive role models in the marriage department, there were some bumps along the road in terms of learning to be a good husband and get rid of the personality trait known as "bachelor teacher guy", as Vickie called it. On the teacher side, things had improved quite a bit...not perfect, but a smoother sailing for a while.

10. Dad Crash Bryan (6.4-6.45789): An update with a few big flaws. While I embraced the new fatherhood phase of my life, I let my teacher aspect lapse and some fallout came from that, leaving one school and not doing well at the next one either. Another "system crash" resulted here...worse than the first, majorly affecting marriage, fatherhood, and teaching!

11. Darnell Bryan Phase 1 (6.5-6.94533): A new start at a new school was awkward at first, coinciding with a move to a better apartment. This was definitely a recovery phase while a new version was awaiting. Marriage, fatherhood, and teaching were all on the mend. This version lasted just under a year.

12. Darnell Bryan Phase 2 (7.0-7.10446): A LOT of bugs ironed out here as I began a 6-year run as a 2nd grade teacher, my longest stretch in any grade level. I was on a very supportive team and I was getting better integrated in my new digs, making friends with new people, and feeling much better about myself in all aspects of life. 

13. Homeowner Bryan  (7.2- 7.81072): This is the new homeowner phase. A lot of fixes in this one through new challenges and responsibilities...and added marriage stress through it. Two grade level changes added to that along with a kidney stone.

14. Getting in Shape/COVID Bryan (8.0-8.whatever...current phase): Version 8 couldn't have come at a better time. I weighed more than I ever had before and how our team was doing 5th grade was not working well. Two things happened to turn it all around. 1) A Biggest Loser Challenge was taking place at school after New Year and I was determined to make a big change. 2) The new COVID quarantine 2 months later essentially put a halt to a fairly disastrous school year. I was losing weight and feeling much better about myself in terms of appearance and general energy. I was also getting better about being a 5th grade teacher again even though I was practicing in an online fashion. 

   With all those versions, and others to come for sure, I can certainly conclude that my overall self has changed in some ways, yet stayed the same on other planes. 

   The question to ask then is this: can anybody take the time to think back to how many "versions" and "fixes" there have been in their lives? If you can, then you have WAY too much time on your hands!

Broccoli Salad

Renewing the License

    Recently, the state of Nevada made a HUGE miscalculation in terms of common sense....AGAIN! Yep, they decided to renew my teaching license for another 5 1'2 years. Will these bums never learn? 

   Of course, they didn't just GIVE me a new license to recommence inflicting psychological torture in terms of playing old music during morning announcements. No, the state has the foresight to at least charge me $150 for this misguided courtesy. Not only THAT, but there are a series of learning credits that I must achieve in order to have the honor of paying that money. The last time I went through all of this (6 years ago). I took a lot of classes, both online and a couple in-person, to renew...pretty much in the last minute before the license was up. This time around, I took 1 class and the rest of the credits came from in-school trainings.

   Now, let's take a look at this whole scenario. For a TEACHING license, I have to do a bunch of shit to get a new license. For a DRIVER'S license, it is pretty much the same amount of time, though the only thing I have to do is not hit people on the road in all that time....sometimes a bigger pain than those classes!

   Then there are hunting and fishing licenses, which need to be renewed yearly and all you have to do is catch/shoot animals/fish you are allowed to catch/shoot.

  The one thing all of these licenses have in common is money. If you want a license, all you have to do is pay for most of them. In fact, teaching seems to be the hardest to maintain in terms of license. There are requirements for renewal besides money. Imagine, just imagine if one of the oldest institutions in the world that you need a license for, but just once, had to go through a regular renewal process. That's right, I'm talking about the institution of MARRIAGE!

   Can you imagine the divorce rate that would come about if married couples had to meet a certain set of requirements in order to renew the marriage LICENSE? I'm not talking about the vows...those are often treated with such trivial flair that couples renew their vows about as regularly as I renew my other licenses! No, let's just focus on the LICENSURE process.

Husband: Ah shit!

Wife: What is it, dear?

Husband: 'What is it dear'...very funny. I can't believe two years is up already.

Wife: Oh no! You mean...

Husband: Yup, we need to renew the damn marriage license again.

Wife: Oh, the 'damn ' marriage license, is it? Well we can just let it lapse if you like and find other people!

Husband: We might have to anyway. Did we do any of the requirements?

Wife: I don't know, and the inspection is probably coming up, isn't it?

   Pause for clarification. In some states, like Pennsylvania, in order to get your car's registration renewed, you have to get a safety inspection at a PennDOT-approved garage. In other states like California and Nevada, you have to get an emissions test for smog output. This is almost like the teaching license thing. Someone goes over my transcripts and checks out my fingerprints for probably their sexual appeal.

   Now that begs the question: what should the requirements be for renewing a marriage license? Well, screw classes. I've had those up the wazoo. And I think we can agree marriage upkeep classes would end up causing trouble where there originally was none. Your marriage is yours to maintain, not managed by someone doing research for their sociology doctorate. 

   So let's keep it as straight and easy as possible.

Requirement 1: The marriage is a faithful one overall. Sure, he is around other women at work often and she is around other guys at her job (this category can get a bit tricky in the LGBTQI whatever other letters they keep adding, but the idea is the same), but the love and sex is between spouses....YOUR OWN spouse, dumbass!

Requirement 2:  Cooking and Cleaning. Folks, it is the 21st century and we are long past the Cleaver era when June cooked all the meals while Ward likely was busy carrot-waxing in his study...and SHE was likely the 'mopper' after he was through. No, in this day and age men carry a certain responsibility here...I'm not saying they assume a high COMPETENCE, but that's apples and oranges.

Requirement 3: Movie selection: keep it balanced.. Face it, while there are some mutually enjoyed movies for both spouses, there are some he likes and some she likes...and it's not an even split. Yes, he wants to sometimes catch a shoot-em-up classic...that or something with graphic gratuitous nudity and damnit, he does not WANT to see the damn Notebook flick for the 78th time! There are 2 TV's with disc players connected, she can watch it alone if she wants! But he wants to see Dirty Harry for the first time in three years because he finally found it buried under The Notebook, English Patient, Ghost, Titanic, and other weep-monsters that ironically end up being mood killers.

Now that's 3, and I'll keep it there. Of course, there are other areas, like trust and communication, finances, diaper-changing (the KID'S, not your own!) and what not, but those ought to be figured out before the ORIGINAL license is issued. Now back to the spouses at their "inspection"

Inspector: Well, hello. It's that time again isn't it? (evil chuckle)

Husband: Er, yeah. 

Wife: You're creepy.

Inspector: Of course I am. (holds up a paper) Now, let's see what we have here...oh my...15 viewings of The Notebook in 2 years?

Husband: Umm, it's kind of a barter deal.

Inspector: Oh, I see. In this office we call that a classic carrot dangle.

Husband: Yeah, well it gets old WAXING the damn carrot, you know?

Inspector (another chuckle): Of course. As for you, sir...

Wife: Oh good, here we go...

Inspector: Four months of laundry and you've managed to shrink most of your and her shirts in the dryer.

Husband: At least I'm TRYING!

Inspector: Well TRY hitting the delicate setting.

Wife: All right, creepo, do we get renewed or not?

Inspector: Well, it looks like you've remained faithful at least...but then looking at you two I see marriage all over you.

Husband: Huh?

Inspector: I mean you 2 look married, like you've been married forever. Just that vibe, that aura that would drive any potential sexual or romantic interlopers away.

Wife: Bottom line?

Inspector: Share the movies, hit the delicate button, and keep on going, see you in year 17.

   Now, that was an example of success, but we all know there'd be a lot of nonrenewal examples out there. Fifteen years together, we still have our quirks, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Until then, keep the study door closed while in carrot time!

   

A Dynamic Duo

    Over the years I have read a somewhat limited scope of books, at least in terms of series. On an independent scale, I've done pretty well, usually focusing on source materials for famous movies. Some highlights from those adventures are The Godfather, Nothing Lasts Forever (which became Die Hard), 58 Seconds (Die Hard 2), Ordinary People, The Ice Storm, several John Grisham books, both print and audiobook formats, James Patterson (Alex Cross) and The Princess Bride.

   In terms of series, my first tackling was the Ian Fleming set of James Bond novels. Many of them were good, while a select few like Moonraker were dry and hard to get through...in fact I never DID finish Moonraker. Diamonds Are Forever still holds a place in my bookshelf since a good portion takes place in old Las Vegas. His final 3 books, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, You Only Live Twice, and The Man With The Golden Gun, had taken on a slightly different, longer-paragraph format that also contained smaller print, at least in paperback. I also read the updated Bond novels by John Gardner written mostly in the 1980s. That Bond was almost certainly designed with the stunt-laden movies as inspiration.

   After the Bond phase, I got into the Fletch books by Gregory McDonald. Those books taught me a LOT about writing witty dialogue. There were 9 total original Fletch books, my favorite being Confess, Fletch (probably my most reread book). If one thinks they are getting a Chevy Chase-like character, they are to be disappointed. Fletch does have his wit, but his other character traits are fleshed out better on paper better than Clark W Griswold could muster. 

   In the mid to late 90s, I got into Elmore Leonard books quite a bit, and even though they weren't a series about a single character, his stories were intriguing and quite well-written. Several of his stories were made into movies on a small AND grand scale, the most famous being maybe Get Shorty and Jackie Brown, though the early 70s' Mr Majestyk with Charles Bronson was pretty good.

   I took a break from new reading during the early 2000s for a variety of reasons (depression, starting my school career....not necessarily in that order). In late 2005, I don't remember why, I looked into the Spenser series by Robert B. Parker and picked up an audiobook to listen to coming back from Phoenix. I'm not sure what it was, maybe the voice talent on Joe Mantegna, but I was immediately hooked on this character and started getting more books (print) to get into it more. In my bookshelf, I probably have more Spenser than anything else!

   So who is Spenser? Well, he doesn't really have a first name, for one thing. He is a Boston private dick who is a wiseass when it comes to dealing with authority. He is also a gourmet cook who can whip up a great meal with just what he has in his apartment. He was once a police officer who was let go for 'being too much of a fucking hot dog' (Bad Business). 

   In the early books, Spenser resembles Phillip Marlowe in terms of mood. In the first book The Godwulf Manuscript(1973), Spenser in the course of duty ends up not only bedding his college-age unofficial client, but also her mother, leaving him feeling low about himself. In the next book God Save The Child, he meets the woman who is to become the love of his life, Susan Silverman. They develop a 2-part relationship, in the middle of which she took a self-prescribed break from Spenser to find more out about herself and how she is. The break started in one book and they were reunited in the next one. Through it all, they have never gotten married to each other. They tried living together in one book, but it did not work out the way Susan thought it would. Spenser and Susan have a one of a kind love that requires independence for both of them, though they see each other most days of the week, unless Spenser is on a case requiring overnight work or going out of town.

   In 1976's A Promised Land, Spenser encounters a shady old acquaintance named Hawk, a formidable black  thug who is working for a gangster. Spenser and Hawk circle each other a bit throughout the book, but at a pivotal moment before police arrive, Spenser tells Hawk to go. In my view, that really set up a truly dynamic duo for the course of 30+ years of Spenser books.

   The question is, what makes them so dynamic? Spenser works on the side of the law (most of the time) while Hawk has many underworld connections and is often employed by them as a leg-breaker or otherwise enforcer. Still, while tracking down terrorists in Europe in The Judas Goat (1978), Spenser hires Hawk as extra muscle. In this story, Hawk states that he trusts Spenser and, strangely enough, police lieutenant Martin Quirk because he's a straight shooter. For a few stories afterward, Hawk is still working for the bad guys here and there for good pay, and sometimes requires money from Spenser in exchange for assistance, but that does not last long.

   In A Catskill Eagle (1985), Spenser travels to California to break Hawk out of jail so that they can both find Susan (part 2 of their short break). In the course of their search, they end up killing many employees of arms dealer Jerry Costigan as well as some cops owned by Costigan and a pimp and his bodyguard to protect two hookers they forced to let them stay at their apartment. There are many Spenser stories that deal with a certain theme, and this is one of those books. Spenser doesn't really like killing, and he will often opt to let someone go if it is a possibility.  Hawk, while respecting Spenser, views this as a moral weakness that could get Spenser killed one day. 'We gonna have to kill him/them' is advice given by Hawk more than once in this friendship.

   In 1997's Small Vices, Spenser is shot almost to death by Rugar, a gray-attired/skinned assassin while working on a case. Spenser, Susan, and Hawk travel to Santa Barbara so that Spenser can rehabilitate his body and spirit. Hawk is truly at his best in this story, as he does what he can for his friend, but when it comes time to face Rugar, Hawk knows Spenser has to do it on his own, an almost John Wayne-like 'a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do'  philosophy. Eight years later in Cold Service, Spenser helps to rehabilitate Hawk in almost the same way.

   In the course of these stories, Spenser and Hawk work out together at Henry Cimoli's gym, often dine together, and quite frequently exchange racial epithets that modern audiences might take offense to ('dumb jigaboo' has been uttered a few times by Spenser in jest). However, while Black, Hawk doesn't have the standard shoulder chip that would otherwise anger someone else. These two men trust each other with their lives, hands down. On this note, Hawk is very loyal to Susan and would die for her if necessary even though she is Spenser's woman. Hawk has been with many nameless women in the series, usually unseen. He does have a brief relationship with a surgeon named Cecile, but after he is shot, she cannot deal with his unwillingness to let his guard down emotionally. It shows that any relationship has to be strictly on his terms. That said, he has chosen Spenser and Susan as his family because they do respect his terms. Susan does not always get it, but even as a therapist she chooses not to dig deeper...what ain't broke does not need fixing.

   In the Spenser series there is a plethora of regular characters to back up this motley crew.

Lt/Captain Martin Quirk- a by the book (usually) cop who forms an uneasy relationship with Spenser early on, but several books later Quirk is often bringing donuts and coffee to Spenser's office to discuss business.

Sergeant Frank Belson- a less by the book and more sarcastic cop who has liked Spenser since book one.

Paul Giacomin- Spenser's surrogate son who is introduced in An Early Autumn. His divorced parents  toss Paul back and forth like a bargaining chip. Spenser takes this 'unlovely little bastard' who has no social or coping skills and teaches him how to box, work out, and build. Paul appears occasionally in later books, a much more confident and happy young man.

Joe Broz- Joe is a gangster in the early books who frequently clashes with Spenser and often tries to have him killed. As the years go by, Joe is getting too old and losing his once firm control. This is demonstrated by the emergence of his ne'er do well son Gerry, whom Joe tries to groom to take over. When Gerry makes a pathetic run at Spenser and gets a bullet in the knee for his effort, Joe is essentially finished, Gerry is never heard from again.

Vinnie Morris- Joe Broz's bodyguard for a time, but he quits so that he doesn't have to work for Gerry. He is ultra-fast with a gun, faster than Spenser or Hawk. He often helps the two on cases, usually as a bodyguard for clients or a quick gun.

Henry Cimoli- a gym owner who once had a classic style gym for boxers but updated reluctantly with the times. He is a short Italian who can banter with Spenser or Hawk quite well. 

Captain Healy- a Massachusetts State cop who occasionally collaborates with Spenser on cases. Like Quirk, he at first maintained an uneasy alliance with Spenser that evolved into good ol sarcastic banter and trust.

   Original Spenser creator Robert B. Parker passed over 10 years ago and author Ace Atkins took over the series. I have only read one of his books so far, but it was good enough for me to want to read more.

   Who knows what characters I might find next?

Cedar Cedar Pumpkin Eater

    Hey parents! Yeah you, you all know who you are. Remember those days when you decided you wanted to have a kids or 2? Maybe 3 or 4 if you were in a decent enough tax bracket for either tax dodging or food stamps? As you went through pregnancy and then infancy, there was one glorious thought on your minds likely...WHEN THE HELL CAN WE KICK THIS KID(S) OUT OF THE HOUSE SO WE CAN HAVE A LIFE BACK?

   We all know those lucky moments don't happen that often, especially if  a handy dandy grandparent or aunt isn't so handy dandy in town. Luckily for us, Vickie's mom is nearby as is her brother and his family. That generally works for a one-nighter if we need it.

   When Natalie was just 6, my dad arranged for her to fly solo to spend time with him. That was all fine and good...except that he didn't really get a confirmation from us that it was ok before paying for the ticket. That set off a little panic from us, as we weren't quite ready for that. In the end, though, we decided to go ahead with it, knowing in our hearts that the on-board crew would see to her if and when needed. 

   If you've ever flown your child by themselves, it's not that easy. Well, sometimes it is. If you see how far they can fly from the porch door to the back wall and they're under 70 pounds, sure they aviate fairly well once your foot initiates propulsion. No, I mean in terms of dealing with the airport. If you just drop your child off at the ticketing counter, he/she/pick a pronoun will likely seek the luggage loading facilities a la John McClane in Die Hard 2 just for kicks.

   Depending on the airline, some require your child's birth certificate, some require their immunization records, others require their latest FBI dossier. Luckily for us, Southwest merely required the proof of birth. Unluckily, at McCarran Airport, if you park instead of merely depositing the flyer, you have to walk a ways past baggage carousels and one of many mini-casinos before you hit the ticket counters. Then once you find your airline (the furthest one down ALWAYS) then it's a long line as the one who paid for the ticket always uses the most popular and cost-effective and least accident prone airline for some reason. 

   Once you reach an actual agent, then it is another long process getting the birth record verified, blood type confirmed, parents' SAT scores pulled up...these folks are THOROUGH!  Afterward, the minor gets a lanyard with all of their info inside. Then it is off to security where one parent each will forget one of the following:

Wallet

ID

Child

Shoes

Phone/device

The first 4 happen all of the time and get a warm-hearted chuckle for the oops. after you get all the way to the gate. The fifth one, however is a matter of life and death. This happened to Vickie once when all 3 of us went to her cousin's wedding in Houston, and she didn't realize she didn't have her iPad until we were at the gate and by the time she got back to security, it was long taken.

   Afterward, it is just a wait until boarding time and the time she was 6, it was a tearful departure for all 3 of us. Of course, Natalie was good once she was in the plane and pampered by all she charmed. There were a lot of unaccompanied minors on that flight, so she was in good hands.

   This past week we had the same situation except for a few things. This time I skipped the suspense and left my wallet at the ticket counter (recovered by Vickie) and then my ID got shuffled at security's scanner, but was recovered. Also, Natalie is now almost 12 and really could have handled it all without us. She is THAT independent. However, as she is still 11, we had to accompany her one last time. On this flight she sat with another girl her age and they just partied all the way to San Diego. The girl's grandma talked our ears off while we waited for the jet to pull out. I don't know what it is about me and my wife, but we are natural magnets for strangers' life stories and there is no known steroid to treat this. After losing the grandma, we got out of the airport and headed for Utah. 

   There is something about that state that is just magical to us. If you have not been there, chances are you are avoiding it on purpose or just have no reason to cross the Susquehanna River (my Berks County friends know who I mean!). I have written about Utah previously, and there is just so much beauty about the state that one really doesn't know where exactly to start. Now, there is a very good chance that you associate the entire state with Latter Day Saints...you know, the Mormons. Have no fear, you stand a very good chance of not running into one for at least fifteen seconds upon crossing the state line! Just kidding, more like seven seconds. Seriously, I have made good friendships with many a Mormon at work over the past nineteen years, good people, they take their faith IN good faith more than other church-goers I know.

   The neatest way I have found to enter Utah is on I 15. After leaving Nevada, you cross the Arizona Strip, which is the very northwestern sector of the state and inaccessible to the rest of Arizona unless you are on a horse. What is neat about this stretch of highway is that you go through a very narrow canyon for a bit and after emerging from it, you gaze upon a GORGEOUS panorama of mountains and red rock cliffs that left you know you are entering a very different desert from the one behind you...actually that desert behind you tried to pull and pull at you to stay but once you emerge from the canyon and had only 2 miles of Arizona left, it practically kicks you out!

   Our destination was Cedar City...a town named for the tree which was THOUGHT to be cedar but was actually juniper...ah those pioneers had been on the trail a bit too long. Before Cedar City, though, we passed through the town of St George, which is quite Vegas-like in terms of climate and traveler services. After that town, though, I 15 climbs about 3,000 feet for 50 miles and the weather gets a bit cooler in the daytime AND nighttime.

   After getting to our room at the local Ramada, we headed for Rusty's Ranch House and had a good dinner, then headed back to town and caught a gorgeous sunset. We also put our windows down as the temperature was no longer Vegas-like.

   The next day, we headed out (after getting dressed) and ate breakfast at Amber Kay's, then did some shopping along Main Street. One thing we noticed is that pretty much everyone was really nice, even nicer when you buy something.  While there we learned about the upcoming Pioneer Day, which is a major holiday in Utah. We then headed up the mountain to Cedar Breaks National Monument and caught some really spectacular views. It was also thundering and lightning quire a bit so the views were enhanced. Rain and temps going down to the 50s just confirmed we were in a different land altogether. After Cedar Breaks, we had some lunch in Brian Head, went on a deep decline downhill, and got back onto 15 in Parowan and drove the 16 miles back to Cedar City. 

   For dinner, we settled for Sizzler...and yes I do mean settled...as in the food settled in our stomachs after a desperate struggle to not exit back through the mouth! Like other chains, Sizzler is not what it used to be...meaning it used to be great when I was young and didn't discern between quality and crap.

   The next day, we got up and checked out of the Ramada. It was a sad departure, for we really enjoyed the atmosphere, temperatures, and the people. I really could live there if provided the opportunity. On the way back we checked out Kolob Canyon, which is part of Zion National Park. It was pretty spectacular, though I question the $35 fee. The best thing to do there is check our Kolob then go to the main part of Zion right after to make the money spent worthwhile. However, we missed our home and cats and BED! 

   We will check out Pioneer Day perhaps next year. I'd like to come back sooner, maybe experience some snow, which I know falls regularly in the upper elevations. Until then, I will try not to lose my wallet.

Election Meh

    I am proud to claim that I have voted in 8 Presidential elections...and oddly enough, am proud to say I voted for the loser in more than half of those. Even at the young age of 19, I had some sense of principle and wanted to have the right man in. In that first election during 1992, I voted for H. Ross Perot. It was at that time maybe an odd move for me because I had been a Republican in youth, not so much for belief but because I was a follower in the vain hope I would be accepted into the "crowd"...so glad the hell of identity search in high school is long over!

   However, in 1992 I could not bring myself to vote for George H.W.X.Y.Z. Bush. Despite the fun times his presidency brought to Saturday Night Live for 4 years, and the quick action he brought against Saddam Hussein in 1990-91, I didn't see a bright future there. I didn't have anything against Bill Clinton, either, other than he was a Democrat (a big hurdle for me then). Perot, on the other hand, represented something new. Even after he dropped out and came back in at the last minute, I figured what the hell. I lost.

   In 1996, I did vote for Clinton because the nation appeared to be going in a good direction. My politics had also changed quite a bit after being in northern California for a while, and Bob Dole just didn't ring a a good bell...in the back of my mind I was wondering about a sales tax hike on pineapples with a name like that!

   In 2000 I voted for Al Gore, loser move #2. Quite frankly I was not enamored with either  parties' main ticket, and Gore just seemed the lesser of 2 evils. To be honest, I think either was a bad move for our country and I was getting the idea that the U.S. Presidency was losing its steam. Four years later, I voted for John Kerry, loser move #3. Bush was scaring me and the nation was heading down a dangerous direction in terms of never-ending war. That said, I was not all that sure about Kerry, either.

   Then came 2008. I voted for Mitt Romney. His words made a certain amount of sense and he seemed to have a good vision. Same in 2012. Once again, I had nothing against Barack Obama. In fact I really liked his eloquence and intelligence.. to me he seemed what Bryant Gumbel could have been if he'd gone into Ivy League instead of sportscasting!

   And then came 2016. After 24 years I'd come to understand a LOT about the swing of the nation, and the pendulum in that swing was not nearly as low and rhythmic as I had once imagined it to be. Here was how I saw it:

1996-2001- fairly liberal, but with enough checks and balances that Clinton was often able to work WITH an opposing party Congress to get things done.

2001-2009- more Right-leaning and a lot of war-profiting going on at taxpayers' expense despite no end in sight. 9/11 had become more a political tool than national tragedy. A shame nobody of use got it into Bush's head our economy was in trouble.

2009-2017- As perhaps a negative reaction to that right-sided war-profiting and resulting economic plummet, the nation turned to the left quite quickly. Well, not ALL of the nation. While our economy had a slow climb out of a dark hole these 8 years, our government was also developing a new social policy that demanded tolerance of anybody and everybody in terms of self-identity. It also created a health care reform that raised costs on the middle class while low income paid little to none and the high income folks paid whatever (they also didn't care about how much they paid to fill up their cars). In short, that left a LOT of folks unhappy who were used to life being a certain way, and one part of that way was having a white guy as President at all times! That's just being honest. So while the nation was being led by a well-spoken and well-educated African American gentleman, a lot of folks in very conservative parts of the nation didn't take to him or his 'voodoo' ways at all. 

   It's important to understand that so that one may comprehend what has been happening since 2015, when Donald John Trump threw his hat into the Presidential ring as one of his many publicity stunts. Many people thought the idea was funny, for really he was a funny man with a mildly amusing 'reality' show. Yet, the idea took hold and before anyone knew it, he won the 2016 primaries after doing a verbal hatchet job on his Republican contenders...and if you really look at it closely, the whole GOP contest was a show for our benefit. There was no way Cruz or Jeb Clampett Bush or any of those also-rans were true contenders...just like the Dem debates of 2019!

   So in November 2016, my wife and I voted for the also-ran named Johnson. Many said it was a wasted vote that helped Trump. Whatever! I never took Trump seriously even when he was all over the media in the 1980s, and certainly not when he was firing 'apprentices' on TV. Hillary Clinton had bothered me for a long time, and it wasn't for being a woman. Her involvement in foreign affairs over time took a nasty tone and, personally, I thought we as a nation had gone too left. The pendulum had swung way too high. 

   I felt good about my 2016 vote. Still do.

   2017-21- It is frighteningly amazing what can happen when a lot of ducks are in a row party-wise, even when midterms strike a blow to the agenda. It wasn't so much what happened as opposed to what was said. The touted wall was a failure, but the tax cut wasn't. I guess neither really affected me with the exception of gradually declining tax refund amounts. Eh, whatever. In reality, the Trump era really didn't affect me or my family personally. But we come back to the words...words spoken in press conferences and rallies. The people attending those rallies and just reacting to whatever bullshit came out of his mouth were the truly frightening ones...and still are. 

   My mind drifts to Caddyshack where Rodney Dangerfield's character Al Cervik is the center of attention wherever he goes. Most just laugh at him and don't take him seriously at all, he just likes being the big voice in whatever space he occupies, and he knows at heart he is just a big if big RICH blowhard. Donald Trump is  Al Cervik times ten. And he has a following of dangerous people who act on his words. These people are dangerous because they felt betrayed and left behind during Obama's time, their values were ignored. 

   Now, in the old days before social media, it wouldn't have been so bad. Some newspaper and magazine articles and interviews, along with some televised speeches and press conferences and that would have been it. Some violent debates at the local bar followed by a night in the tank, and the next morning a bad hangover or loose jaw. Social media, however, has created an eerie number of shadow groups who bond online and share hatreds and plans to act on them. Of course, social media also has fan pages for old soaps, so there's something for everyone! Fox News has also fed the fish with a lot on non-news and opinion (to be fair, Fox isn't alone in the TV department on opinion) When you have a pretty large group (or rather GROUPS) of disenfranchised people, many in the South and Midwest who are armed without legal license, and they decide to bond over their common goals and dreams, find some online space,and you have a man spouting rhetoric in elementary school vocabulary and logic all over the place, some bad shit will happen. And it did, on January 6. 

   Now we are 6 months past Joe Biden's inauguration. I am no longer part of Facebook partially because of a bad hack job on my account but also because the hatred and bad-mouthing of anyone with a certain view was just getting worse all the time. The memes were getting pretty bad as well. I get some news from a site called Raw Story. Not as raw as they'd like it to be, there is still lots of opinion in those articles. That said, it looks like a scary time ahead. Right now the only ones who can stop Trump from running (and winning) in 2024 is the New York state prosecutors. January 6th is being downplayed a lot, and that invites further violence in my mind.

   However, in closing I must repeat that his four years were meh for me, didn't hurt or help me one bit.  If he is in again, all I ask is that he gets new face makeup and a new hairpiece. If he isn't in ever again (my preference), so much the better. The only thing that will make America 'great' again is moderate political debate in D.C., a removal of owned politicians, and roads without potholes.

The End of the Chain?

    When you think of American culture, what comes to mind? Kardashians? Velveeta? Gas station sushi? Well, actually somehow those 3 seem to meld together in some sick form of Play-Do anyway. But no, what I am thinking here is the chain restaurant concept...and I am thinking that my generation may be seeing the end of that basic concept...and that might not be a bad thing.

   All right, you know how I work....that's right, it is time to, well, go BACK in time and see exactly where the chains got started and developed.

   To my knowledge, the first real American chain restaurant was Howard Johnson's. The man in question was first a drugstore operator, then ice cream innovator, then moved into the restaurant biz in Massachusetts in the 1920s. He first had 1, then 2, then expanded to 41 by 1936, and then 107 all along the east coast by 1939. In fact, when the Pennsylvania Turnpike opened in 1940, all of the service plazas along the road were operated by Howard Johnson's in terms of food service, as well as on the New Jersey, Ohio, and Connecticut Turnpikes.

   How was all of this done? It wasn't the man himself running it, no way. It was all through franchising. For those who need a basic lesson (like me), franchising is where someone takes a look at a successful business and says, "Hey, I want in on that!" and proceeds to give money to the owner for the right to operate a business with that name and use some, most, or all of the business practices associated with that particular, well, business!

   In fact, franchising was the key in the expansion of many American restaurant chains, fast food in particular. McD's, Burger King, Taco Bell, Arby's, KFC, and others made themselves known nation-and world-wide. It wasn't limited to fast food, though. Vast amounts of sit-down-and-be-served-for-a-tip-or-else eateries began popping up in the mid-to-late 20th century. Many of them became pretty trendy tote bags on their own, others flopped.

   Thinking back to my youth in Pennsylvania, it was a major event in little ol Berks County when we got a major chain in our kingdom. All I knew for the longest time were the McDonald's and Burger King kitty corner from each other in Sinking Spring and the Arby's in the Berkshire Mall. Wendy's didn't come until 1985 in Wyomissing. I'm not sure, but KFC and Taco Bell might have been in Muhlenberg when I was little. 

    It was big when Big Boy arrived in 1985, but like many Big Boy re-emergences in America, it did not last very long. Red Lobster was a huge hit and was equated with upscale yet casual (pricey but you can wear a t shirt) seafood. Chi-Chi's came along and represented upscale yet casual Mexican dining with fried ice cream.

   When I moved to California I got a glimpse of other chain concepts like Applebee's, Chili's, Olive Garden, Outback, Claim Jumper, Islands, Mimi's and a few others.

   What is interesting, to me at least, is that while some restaurant franchises are nationwide, others take a while to reach certain states. For instance, it wasn't until about 4 years ago that Chik Fil-A came into Las Vegas. I am not sure why this happened, but it may have had to do with a closed-on-Sunday operation opening in a 24/7 town.

   So we have a lot of successful businesses in America vying for Americans' hard-earned dollars. Great, perfect, competition is what a capitalist economic system thrives on...and for a long time, many of these places were thriving. And then they weren't.

   What happened?

   Well, that's not an easy answer. For one thing, many chains like McD's and Starbucks thrive because heart-endangering greasy food and caffeine remain an American obsession, for better or worse.

   In other instances, tastes change. The trouble with being a trendy business is that trends always change and it is almost impossible to keep up constantly. And then there is a portion of the population that wants to eat healthier in this century and no longer want to guess what is being cooked on that grill. 

   In a city like Las Vegas, who wants to get fajitas at Chili's when there are dozens of authentic Mexican eateries that give you a more authentic version?

   And then we had the Pandemic...and for many eateries, it was a game-changer! The first casualty that I remember was Sweet Tomatoes, a soup/salad bar place that was good for healthy eating as long as you avoided the delicious muffins and brownies.The businesses that thrived were the ones that offered curbside pickup and/or connection to a meal delivery service like Grubhub, Doordash, Grubdash, Doorhub, GarageWarp, Food Stalkers, and others.

   To tell the truth, I think the big reason many chains have kicked the bucket is simple: food and service quality. 

   There's a reason Vickie and I don't frequent Applebee's, Chili's, Olive Garden, and Reb Lobster like we used to. The quality of dining in those places has gone down significantly. Why hit dark drab Olive Garden when for a few extra bucks we can do Buca di Beppo that is lit up like Christmas? Why do Red Lobster when a local place called Crab Corner does the seafood better and fresher? IHOP and Denny's don't agree with me anymore, but local single-unit Lou's Diner offers good food and great atmosphere.

   That's just us, of course, but I have talked to people (other than myself!) and I hear similar vibes about the old haunts...they're haunted and nobody wants to eat at a haunted house.

   All that said, what is the future of the restaurant chain? Who can tell? Some may bounce back, at least for a time. Others will lose out when the losses become too much. New businesses will pop up, of course, but I believe the era of nationwide chain eateries is closing due to people always being on the go. Not only that, but there is also a political stigma attached to places like Chik Fil-A, who apparently support things others don't in this divided watchful eye society we live in. 

   In closing, I look back in fondness at some of the restaurants I used to frequent, occasionally feeling a tinge of stomach acid burn and a touch of gout in my foot.. It wasn't always that way, though. In my youth I could (and would) eat just about anything. Now I look out for the low carb options that don't involve ground beef. To each his/her/its own, though.

Here's to the 20th Century restaurant chain gang, rest in peace!

2020-21...Hell's School Year in Review

       Now I must admit, I have had some doozies in terms of school years. Hell, in 19 years, one is bound to have a few. Here is a little sum-up of my school years on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being worst, 10 being best:

2002-03: 7

2003-04: 7

2004-05: 1

2005-06: 6

2006-07: 9

2007-08: 8

2008-09: 6

2009-10: 7

2010-11: a negative 2 (as I ended the year on FML, this score is generous)

2011-12: 7

2012-13: 9

2013-14: 10

2014-15: 8

2015-16: 7

2016-17: 9

2017-18: 9

2018-19: 8

2019-20: 6

and, drum roll...

2020-21: 5

Those 2 lowest were, in order, my first year ever of teaching 5th  grade and my first year teaching 4th grade. That 5th grade intro was once the worst until the year of 4th hit, and worst went to 2nd worst. It would be easy (and a cop-out) to say the kids were the factor, but honestly it was pretty much me and how I reacted to people and events. 

I actually ran into one of the kids from the 5th grade intro year shortly before the pandemic. He was one of my personalities that drove me nuts back then, but when I saw him and all the memories came flooding back, I remembered just how funny that group could be and how much of an easier time I could have had if I'd been less reactionary.

As for the other year, well, I am not sure what could have helped that. I was the new guy at a pretty established school and before the year started I had to move my family to a new apartment. It was also my first regular year of teaching as opposed to year-round, and I was exhausted by November. On top of that, I had not sat down to form any real classroom management plan and as a result a lot of things went by that shouldn't have. Truly, this is the year I would choose to do over if I could.

And then we come to this past year that ended on May 26. When the teachers re-convened in early August, we weren't quite sure what to make of what was coming in terms of online learning. There had been a small taste of it the previous Spring when we went into pandemic mode, but now we were in full swing. We spent a couple of weeks trying to learn an online system called Canvas, though we ended up using Google Classroom for the year instead. Those appeared at first to be 2 wasted weeks, though it looks like it will be our plan in the fall...even though we are scheduled to be in regular learning mode.

The year commenced with the kids on August 12. I had a couple of kids from a previous class when I taught 2nd. I would have to say the toughest thing to get the grasp of was time management. The idea of teaching for 30-40 minutes, then having the kids do things on their own for the next 40 or so minutes was insane. Plus, there was no way to get the kids back on track if they weren't doing the work. The problem was, parents worked and often the kids were at home alone. 

The students themselves were pretty good. Many of them kept their cameras on to be engaged in class. With this new learning mode, there weren't a whole lot of true behavior "problems", just a lot of kids not getting their work done. 

Sitting in a classroom by myself managing the class, assigning things, and trying to teach via the ELMO was pretty tough, as well as lonely. A school without kids in the halls isn't a school. Staff meetings on a Google Meet are bizarre to say the least. 

On the homefront, Natalie was doing 6th grade from home. It wasn't going well for her as she missed the physical and social engagement aspect of each class.

I have to say that one of the best things in the year was something I created...a new tradition of coffee Fridays with my friend Candice, who was teaching from her home (as other teachers did as well) with her 2 kids learning from home as well, and she lived very close to work. One Friday I'd bring her brew to her front gate and the next Friday she'd have it ready for me...meaning more often than not her husband went and grabbed it. On either instance we'd talk for a few minutes about how school and our own lives were going, then I'd head to work. 

This tradition lasted until mid November when the spike in COVID cases forced everyone to be home. This was bad news for me, since our Internet wasn't all that strong. Luckily, I was provided with a hotspot from work that Natalie could use. Even with fairly good Internet, my home system was not designed for work use and it was impossible to play educational videos. Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks were definitely looked forward to.

After the New Year, January 6, and inauguration happened, my boss informed us that we could return to the school building if we followed the distancing rules. Really, I would have worn a hazmat suit if required just to go back. The home environment was just not working well with me.

 I really was overjoyed to be back and enjoy the smell of new carpet that had been installed after we were all kicked out. There were only a few of us coming back but it was better than nothing. Even so, a month later, pre-K through 3rd was scheduled to come back in a cohort format. This meant that teachers in those grades had to teach both kids in the classroom plus the ones at home via Google. One cohort was in Monday and Tuesday, one was in Thursday and Friday, and the other cohort just stayed home all the time. 

Also in early March Vickie had a hysterectomy and I had another kidney stone blasted 3 days later. That was quite the week!

Before Spring Break, it was decided that everyone who wanted to could come to school on April 6, but those choosing to remain home could do so. I was scheduled for 18 kids in class and 8 at home..that later changed to  20 in class and 6 at home. 

I have to say, the best part of the teaching year was being with the kids physically. Even though there were restrictions like no full class bathroom breaks and limited play outside, it was workable and made the end of the year more bearable even with the fucking state testing!

Teacher appreciation week was pretty good for me, getting lots of Starbucks cash among other things. Even though our coffee tradition had more or less died in November, we still got each other a brew here and there like we had before the pandemic hit. One day during the week before the last week, I was dragging for some reason and out of nowhere she brought me a rescue coffee! Friends like that you hold onto for life!

Then came the end. Like the previous year, we had a parade at school after hours and it was great to see those faces one more time. And then, it was over. That day was the last day with students and the next one pretty much consisted of a morning where teachers couldn't wait to check out and get out. Granted, most years end like that for teachers, but this one seemed particularly empty of emotion, just a desire to get out.

If I was forced to, I could do another year like this, but I really do not want to. At one time I was thinking about getting a provision on my license for blended/online learning, but I no longer feel this way. There is a definite bond between teachers and students that cannot be replicated on a computer screen. And there is a bond between teachers that also cannot be recreated digitally. In closing, I raise my Starbucks cup in salute to all those who survived 20-21 and are returning for the real thing!

There's Show Business Like Ho Business

 Some embattled entertainment mogul with his (mostly) useless kiss-ass minions: We're in big trouble!

Minion 1: Why?

Mogul (opening the blinds): Look out there! What do you see?

Minion 1: Smog?

Mogul: Exactly, and who is out there BREATHING in that smog?

Minion 2: Morons?

Mogul: Even worse, morons who aren't at home glued to their devices or TVs! We're losing our touch. 

Minion 3: If I give you a good idea, can I be promoted to minion 1?

Mogul: Let's hear it! 

Minion 3: While on the crapper today, I thought of a new reality show, but this one takes place in a zoo and-

Mogul: And the zoo is like a big escape room, right? With the people INSIDE the cages?

Minion 3: No, I was thinking more like life at the hot dog stand.

Mogul: Forget it, mogul 5 said that last week, not even Pluto TV would touch it.

Minion 4: How about another celebrity game show?

Mogul: Nah, that's already cornered and it's mostly B and C list has-beens anymore. Move on.

Minion 6: Well...this is a long shot, and nobody in their right mind would ever agree to it...but what if  we took a movie premise and turned it into a streaming TV series?

Mogul: You've watched me pick my nose for years....do I LOOK like I'm in my right mind?

Whoever that mogul was, he has apparently hit paydirt! So far we have "The Mandalorian", a Star Wars offshoot about a resourceful bounty hunter and his "Baby Yoda". In fact, all it needs is John Williams music to seal the deal. I caught the first few episodes and I wasn't all in. But then again, the Rogue 1 and Solo movies didn't impress me all that much. The original storytelling from 44 years ago has changed hands a lot...and I am a bit of a purist. Of course, that said, even I admit George Lucas lost his touch with the prequel trilogy.

Then there is "Cobra Kai", which takes "The Karate Kid" from its original roots and brings the the first rivalry forward 35 years later, mostly from former bully Johnny's point of view. In fact, I found myself cheering more for Johnny than I did Daniel as I watched further. 

OK, we have 2 successes there. Sadly, I can see where this will go. What other movie series will they turn into comic melodrama on the home screen? Let's take a look as the meeting with the mogul and his sellout whores continues...

Mogul: Now what's this with The Groupies?

Minion 7: Goonies, sir. We'll focus on the funniest one in the group, Chunk, and how he turned from an obnoxious kid to an obnoxious adult...it'll focus on him and the rest of his Goonie buddies.

Mogul: So they live in the same small town?

Minion 7: Er...yes.

Mogul: Did any of them happen to manage to get laid?

Minion 7: Of course! They all have kids! The new Goonies, if you will.

Mogul: And who are their adversaries?

Minion 7: Umm...the kids of their old adversaries.as well as the kids of the Fratellis.

Mogul: So nobody has really evolved?

Minion 7(feeling defeated): Umm...no.

Mogul: Sounds like the public will love it! Anything else?

Minion 6: Yes, my  father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate had a great one about Willie Wonka...each week 5 kids get the golden ticket and by the end there's only 1 winner, the rest get washed out.

Mogul: Er, right, Beavis. And what do they get since Charlie already inherited the damn factory?

Minion 6: But that's the catch. In an alternate universe, nobody won, not even Charlie. There wasn't even a Charlie who won at all because he didn't turn back to get another bar.

Mogul: If you think the studio will spring for another set like that, YOU'RE in an alternate universe! Next!

Minion 8: We have the Breakfast Club. Listen, this is great-

Mogul: Listen, Skeezix- that won't fly because it'd be 30-60 minutes of kids on their damn phones! Too tech-stoned to really BE stoned. Next!

Minion 9: Little Shop of Horrors?

Mogul: Let me guess- the plant eats most of the cast every week? Only the fans of Zoey's Playlist will go for all the music numbers. Next?

Minion 10: I know, I know! There was that movie The Fugitive where the doctor was accused of murdering his wife. He spent the movie running from the law and trying to prove his innocence. Well what if he just went from place to place each week getting involved in other people's lives?

Mogul: What a great idea! Brilliant! I can see this happening except for one thing.

Minion 10: What?

Mogul: The movie was based on a series already, then they tried to revive it 20 years ago, didn't fly...but then again, this streaming gig has a new audience not addicted to the old big 3. Give it a shot. One more!

Minion 4: Boogie Nights?

Mogul: Skinemax? Meeting Adjourned!

So, there may be 1 or 2 decent ideas out there. The problem is, the originality is gone and even in base roots, there's repetition and at its worst, rehash.  For the time being, I'll stick to the stuff I have and just enjoy the past as it is...especially on the crapper!

Living Life on the Binge

   Let's see...what can I watch? Ooh, I have the first 4 years of Barney Miller! What else? Oh yeah, my dad gave me the entire Maverick series...on that note I also have all of The Rockford Files, The Wild Wild West, Sledge Hammer, most of Soap, Titus, SCTV, and the first season of SNL...among other shows.

   Then there is all that streams on Netflix or Hulu or whatever other services there are...way too many.

   But that is the nature of the beast in the 21st century...binge watching an entire series, or at least an entire season of a series in one fell swoop.

   I don't know about the rest of you, but I just can't do the binge watch the way many do these days. Yet, shows made now especially for streaming have shorter seasons. The Mandalorian, for instance, is less than 10 episodes in a season, and go for about 40-50 minutes each. One could watch that in a 12 hour period if they really wanted to...and in this COVID era with people staying home, those streaming originals are tailor-made for that kind of watching.

   It wasn't always that way, though.

   Back in the 1950s, when television was in its infancy, the idea of a rerun wasn't in anybody's minds. On average, sitcoms went between 30-40 episodes per season! That pretty much meant that the season went from September to April or May, then some other summer replacement show would fill in until the next season began. Same with westerns and dramas. All 6 years of Leave It To Beaver were 39 episodes, putting its total at 234 shows! I have watched that on one of the services, and I can't do more than 2 or 3 before deciding I've had my fill.

   My wife just finished watching all of Bewitched in a bit over a month, and that was 254 shows! She is more binge-tolerant than me. I was happy when Dick Sargent showed up, it meant the end was near.

   So when did this binge-craze begin? In my mind, TV Land got it started a bit over 20 years ago with their focus weekend marathons of severely cut shows (what they did to Barney Miller was a crime!) That brings about another bit: if you are going to air a show, air it WHOLE...otherwise there is no point. And also, air it with its original closing credits and studio logos, it is part of classic TV.

   The trouble with some classic shows is, many lack the original charm they once had, especially after 3 or 4, maybe 5 episodes! Take Cheers, for instance. Once a hot 80s-90s staple on NBC, Norm and Cliffie wear a bit thin after an hour or so, especially the first 2 years. Another is Family Ties, which truly belonged to the 1980s. The nostalgia wears off after a bit. I can only handle half a disc of The Rockford Files before I'm ready to do something...anything...else!

   Don't get me wrong, lots of these shows are considered classics and deserve to be watched again. For me, I generally have specific episodes in mind for different shows that were, in my mind, the "best ofs". For example, I absolutely love The Wild Wild West, but not all of its 104 episodes were gems. If I had to pick a show I could probably binge-watch for at least a whole disc, it would be WKRP in Cincinnati, I don't think there was a dud in there.

   Actually, I find that my former couch-potato-head ass doesn't desire a whole lot of TV watching anymore. My attention span for it just isn't where it once was.

   Until I get old and retire, I think I'll just stick to an episode here and there of whatever, then put it back into my memory for the time being...unless someone finds the missing episodes of The Edge of Night....then I'm there, dude!

   

The 2000s part 4: 2006

    Eek! It has been some time since I took my trip backward...the holiday doldrums tend to put my creativity into a kind of suspended animation...that and my walking as well!

   After waiting out the beginning of 2021, it was soon apparent the holidays were indeed finished. January 6 clinched that, in fact.

   Looking back at my previous entries about the early 21st century, it is apparent that while there were some decent periods, my personal life was in a serious state of ennui. Catching up on not getting laid for my first 29 years of life wasn't doing the trick enough...I needed more out of life, a more solid connection with another woman that would be longer-lasting. A 3-month relationship in early 2004 had proved fruitless and an attempt at shacking up with another in late the same year proved disastrous...making 2005 a sort of hangover-and-recover year.

That brings us to...

2006

   I was more determined than ever to find "the one" with the new year. I had taken myself off the market in fall of the previous year to shed some old shit off of the soul. The trouble with that was after about 2 months my loins were holding protests. Therefore, after Christmas I got myself back into the game. It started to happen fairly quickly even if sparsely.

   On the way back from my holiday time in San Diego, I met up with a woman named Melanie in Laughlin. What I hadn't quite gotten from her profile was that she had one eye. Eh, not a biggie. We had a nice dinner and chat before I headed home, listening to more of my new Spenser audio book on the drive. We made plans to meet again.

   A couple of weeks went by with nothing really going on. I sent messages to various ladies but with little to no response...though one would prove fruitful later.

   During MLK weekend...the Monday in fact... I met a girl online named Vanessa who really wanted to meet right away or not at all. Having no plans I met her at a bar later at night, bought her a drink or 2 plus a pack of cigs (at least she didn't blow it in my face), then we went back to her home, a trailer in her parents' yard, and proceeded to have a nice time of it. What I discovered pretty quick was that she liked a certain technique that gave her a LOT more pleasure than me, but not before I got my jollies.

   Shortly after that, I met up with Melanie in Laughlin again, this time getting a room. We had dinner, had fun in my hotel room, then she left to be with her boys, with whom I bowled the next morning. Melanie was a nice person, but she was way too down on herself. I recalled I was feeling the same way regarding myself not too long before and realized I did not want that in my future.

   I hung with Vanessa a few more times but before long I came to understand that her mood swings were pretty quick, and I wasn't getting much pleasure emotionally or physically from her. Also, as she didn't have a car, I found myself driving to the southwest to get her, sometimes eat with her, and then take her home. The physical end of the relationship had already died down, so the writing was on the wall.

   A promising start to the year it was not! However, there was a person I had contacted previously whom I had not heard from that finally messaged me back. Her name was Vickie Johnson and she didn't have regular computer and internet access, hence the delay. 

   On February 7, our school had a hard lockdown that went from 12:30 p.m. to almost 6. Everyone was pretty freaked out, and no kids were required to come in the next day if they needed a day to recover... though some came. On my way home (finally) after it was over, I called Vickie, and we talked every night after that and made  a plan to meet on Saturday the 11th.

   On that Saturday, I had to go get a blood draw and had not made an appointment, and as it was a fasting draw, I was pretty hungry and had a big headache when it was all over. I called Vickie and asked her whether she wanted to wait a bit and let me shower or just come over in my cleanest dirty shirt...she chose the latter.

   I picked her up and we went to Pick Up Stix for lunch. My headache was still going even after we ate, so on the way to the movies, we hit up Albertson's for some Advil...for which she had a coupon! What a great omen! We went to see "The Pink Panther" with Steve Martin, during which I felt much better. We had a nice time...and didn't see much of the last part of the movie!

   Afterward, we played some slots for a bit, then went on a drive around town and just talked. It was nice to just be able to get to know someone without getting to the obvious home plate. We stopped and ate at South Coast (later South Point) at the diner, then later headed back to my place and talked and smooched a bit more while watching "Revenge of the Sith". Before we knew it, it was 2am! It had been a long day for me, but I really liked being with her. I made her an offer of sleeping on my bed and I would sleep on the couch (I had napped there many times so no big deal). After some thought and seeing how tired I was, not wanting me to get into an accident taking her home or on the way back to mine, she agreed.

   The next morning, I got up and after she did, I made us breakfast and we just hung out talking and whatever until mid afternoon when she had to get ready for work. I took her home, waited for her to get into her Arby's uniform, then drove her to work. We made plans to have dinner on Valentine's Day, 3 days later. Pretty much immediately after, I went to the store and got her some flowers and a card. I couldn't WAIT until Tuesday!

   I think my kids at school saw something different about me on Monday, I seemed more relaxed and easygoing. On Tuesday after work, I picked Vickie up and took her to my apartment where I made her meatloaf with turkey along with my Nana Moore's piquant sauce (ketchup, brown sugar, and nutmeg). I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she agreed. When I took her home that evening, I couldn't hold it in anymore...I told her I loved her. Now this was almost a classic case of me running off the cliff like Wile E Coyote again...but this time I was covered...she told me she loved me, too.

The End!

No! You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? However, seeing as Vickie and I are still happily together 15 years later, there is so much more!

The following weekend was Presidents' Day. Vickie and I went to breakfast, then out to Valley of Fire. We filmed a little informational video while walking around, then drove around some more. While driving, I was starting to feel quite ill. Recalling that at a school staff function the previous day I had some hot dogs, I figured those were the culprit. I asked Vickie if she could drive. She said she could, but was uneasy about it even though she had a license. After a bit, I took over again and we made it home. I was feeling horrible and she took good care of me. Sometime during that evening I asked if the name Vickie Moore sounded good to her. At the time I wasn't sure if she was humoring me, but she said it had a ring to it. She made some chicken and corn and later I threw that up...and felt much better later!

The next morning, I felt even better, but discovered my computer wasn't working. After breakfast, I called a mobile tech guy to come out, a wheezing 300+ pound guy named Barry. It cost $300 along with a new hard drive (the old one was virus-stricken), but he got it going again. I left him there to work while I took Vickie home so she could get ready for work.

About a week later, I took her over to her brother Mark's house to drop off a birthday present for her 5 year old niece Kaitlyn. I met her, Kaitlyn's brother Brendan, and Mark's girlfriend Laura. Not long after, we went to Joe's Crab Shack for Vickie's birthday where I met her brother Mark and her mom Laurie. At this point I had met most of the family in town...all except her half brother John, with whom Vickie did not have the best relationship. 

Soon after came track break number 2. Vickie and I spent as much time together as possible. On many days I would take her to work, do my thing for a while, then pick her up to hang some more. I took a very short trip to San Diego during track break, but was in a hurry to return to Vickie. She really didn't like being in her own place, which was a house in which she rented a room and had use of the laundry and kitchen facilities. Her roommate, whose grandfather owned the house, was quite the bitch and held the only mail key. Vickie got disability checks due to some previous medical situations (including 2 bouts of childhood leukemia and resulting other things) and was waiting her her monthly installment one night so we could go to dinner. The roommate Christie was taking her time getting home and Vickie went to check with Christy's brother if he had a mail key but he didn't. For some reason that pissed Christy off, but finally she got home with the mail so we could go. Soon after, Vickie rented a box at Smith's to avoid the hassle.

Not long after, Christy let some family friends stay at the house and they pretty much had the run of the place while Christy put restrictions on what Vickie could do and when, including laundry. They got into a huge fight about it one night, after which Vickie hugged me for support and said, "Let's go home." We also got my friend Robin to help us get Vickie's rear projection TV from the house garage to my apartment.

In April, we went to San Diego together for my dad's 60th birthday celebration. We stayed at my mom's and she got to meet my mom, Don, and dog Sabrina and cat Callie. The birthday celebration was at a country club where some of Becky's family had also traveled. Well, everyone who mattered had met everyone who mattered. Later that month, we took a little trip to Primm and stayed at Whiskey Pete's. Little trips like that when she wasn't working were a treat for us. 

In May, I was thinking a lot about her. We had done things nice and slow, pretty much just enjoyed being with each other. I knew I was always happier when I was with her and vice versa. Somewhere in my mind, the m word was rattling around...yep, marriage! As Memorial Day weekend was coming up, we planned a short trip to San Diego. Before going, I bought her a nice simple ring. When in California, we went to the beach and I proposed to her...Wile E. lucked out again, she said yes! Shortly after, we went to a celebratory lunch at Bully's North in Del Mar with Mom, Don, and his business partner Bob Ellis...who had me say "REAL ESTATE" so he could make it a business expense.

As we were now engaged, we decided it would be good to live together before our November wedding. It was a great time, too, because my apartment complex had changed hands and was now run by an outfit that was horrible and cheap when it came to maintenance and repair, especially with water leaks! We looked around and with the help of realtor friend Treasa, we found a really nice 2 bedroom apartment not too far from the Arby's where Vickie worked. It was spacious, well lit, and a perfect place for Vickie's cat Mitzy Mew to romp around in. During the final track break of the year, we hired Starving Students to move things from the apartment and our friends Lauren and Aaron helped get Vickie's things from the house. On the final morning she would ever see that house, Vickie got some final things from there and had a fairly nasty confrontation with Christy...I think she had been looking forward to that. All I remember is Christy following us out of the house in her pajamas just woken up. She looked pretty stupid as we drove away.

Indeed, as the move had happened during the week of July 4th, it was an independence for both of us in our new home. It was a slow process unpacking our boxes. The spare bedroom has the bed Vickie had used in the house. Our kitchen table was a mere card table for the time being, but that was ok. Also during that summer I met Vickie's grandpa Walt. We got along immediately, and he accidentally got my name wrong, calling me "Dave". It was a running joke for years right up until he passed in 2016.

We got in another trip to San Diego, which was memorable because on the way back we stopped and had something to eat at the Excalibur Café with a friend. I played my first round of keno then and won $600! That paid for Vickie's wedding dress and alterations. I haven't won at keno since.

In July we traveled to the L.A. area for my friend Rob's wedding to Samantha Ross. We hadn't made a reservation so we scrounged around for a hotel and found one in Azusa for $75. It was a bit dumpy and it was also a night of power failures. The next day we drove around for a while until it was wedding time and then went to Pasadena. It was a good wedding and Rob looked genuinely happy with his new bride. As Vickie had to work the next day, we drove home that night.

In early August, we wrapped up the 2005-06 school year. Unlike the previous year, this one was ending on a good note and I was sad to be parting with that group of kids. On the last day of school, Vickie and I had dinner at the Top of the World restaurant at the Stratosphere, sharing a chateaubriand dinner. We then went to Mesquite to stay the night. Our room at the Edgewater had a bad A/C unit so we got to move to a new room with a better working one. The next morning we swam a bit, went to breakfast, then drove a bit into Utah and back into Nevada while listening to good music. One thing I already knew about Vickie was that she was a good road trip co-pilot, keeping me awake with coffee, gum, and loud music.

Shortly after the 2006-07 year began, I had a couple more weddings to attend. On Labor Day weekend, we traveled again to San Diego (by plane) for my mom's wedding (finally) to Don. It was a very pleasant time, and nephew Ian and I walked her to the gazebo on the lagoon, which was pretty much the community's back yard. Afterward we had good food and the men had celebratory cigars, me included. The following weekend, we flew to San Francisco then drove up to Santa Rosa for Scott's wedding to Darlene. I hadn't been up there for a while, so the visit was great. Looking back on the wedding shots, I had been gaining a good (as in BAD) amount of weight throughout the year...we had eaten out many times.

As the new school year was progressing, so were our wedding plans. While Vickie's dress alterations were going on, we searched for a chapel, settling on Special Memories Chapel in downtown. We also got flower arrangements through Smith's floral department. 

One night we were out drinking and karaoke-ing with the Mikinka sisters and Vickie had gotten a bit toasted. She fell off her stool, giving her quite the bruise, and later she felt nauseous, throwing up a few times on the way home. After getting her on the bed, I said something to her and she told me quietly to F off. I thought it was funny, but she didn't...and quite frankly has not done a lot of alcohol since.

Before we knew it, November had arrived. Luckily we had the first almost 2 weeks before the 11th to finalize things. On the 10th, everyone was coming in from everywhere, both my family and friends plus Vickie's family. There was a rehearsal dinner at Mastroianni's Italian restaurant, where my dad held podium as "master of ceremonies" so to speak, telling his corny jokes. After dinner, Vickie and I checked one more time with the chapel to make sure all was set, then she went to stay at her mom's for the night.

The next day, I got up, ate, got a haircut and shave, went to get my tux, had a bit of lunch, then got dressed. The plan was to get to Red Lobster where the chapel limo would pick me and the wedding party (Scott, his dad, Lora and Alexa, Vickie's coworker Tonya, the Mikinkas, and I) at 1:30 as the wedding was at 2. Somehow the chapel people hadn't checked this so I had to call. The limo was late and as it had to dodge around Veteran's Day traffic. On the way, I got a call from Treasa, who immediately gave her phone to Vickie, who was fearing I had changed my mind. At last we got there, but had to wait a bit for another wedding to end as we came late. At least the ceremony went right and we said our personal vows to each other. 

The limo getting us to Red Lobster for the reception wasn't too bright either and took his sweet time getting there. Luckily as it turned out, due to the disasters, Scott and Sam Catania had a Sicilian style talk with the chapel people, who got us a lot of our stuff for free. Red Lobster itself was good, though I suspected that despite our chosen appetizer items we'd agreed to pay for, some full meals were put on our bill, which was about $900. 

That night, we went to our apartment and changed clothes. Rob and Sam stayed there as well, along with my grandma. While Vickie and I went to Mesquite for our brief honeymoon night, Rob and Sam hung with my grandma and took her to breakfast the next day before going home. Vickie and I had a good night together and hung around Mesquite for part of the day, where we saw some of Vickie's family on their way back home. Once home, we took Grandma Jo to dinner then to the airport.

After that it was just hanging out in our apartment with each other doing whatever for a few days. We then took a small road trip up into Utah then across to Page, Arizona to check out the Glen Canyon Dam (pretty DAMN impressive), then headed down to the Grand Canyon and then home...a good 2 day trip. Not long after we went to Big Bear Lake to meet up with my mom and Don for Thanksgiving at their cabin. There was a decent little apartment above the garage for us to stay in. Dinner was great and we also took in a movie and did a little fishing. Soon after, it was time to get back to school, and that week I celebrated my 34th birthday.

In December, we got a new kitten from Vickie's friend Courtney, a pretty orange tabby we named Layla. Finally Mitzy had a playmate! Also in December, we went on a late night drive to visit my grandma as she was getting ready to move in with my aunt Terry in San Diego and needed some organizing help. One thing we attained was my grandpa Fitz's chiming naval clock. That had always been one of my favorites. Also in December we were getting some things here and there for the apartment, one of them being a wooden dining table with 4 chairs. That was a fun fit into the car trunk!

We decided that Christmas would be spent with just the 2 of us in Las Vegas instead of traveling. It was the first time I had ever done Christmas without my parents, even when they were apart. It was a nice change. And it was a great end to perhaps the best year of my life!