Dear Everyone,
Well, here we are again after a year. Wow, where has the time gone? Lots has happened in this short time, and I don't quite know where to start, not to mention how to fit it into a concise letter that most of you will probably stop reading after the first paragraph or so. However, since I have this neurotic need to boast about my family's successes in the hopes of one-upping at least one of you other shit-braggarts at least once, let's let it rip!
Our oldest finally came off of alcohol...again...this past autumn. Of course, he didn't have much of a choice after landing in jail for D and D (NOT Dungeons and Dragons) for the eighth time this year. It should be noted that he was very polite to the officer when he showed him his...pride. In our son's defense, officers of the law should be more clear when asking for an ID from someone under the influence. In his state, our son thought ID meant immense..."definition". Having landed in the clink a few times myself for inebriation in the past, I can relate to him. Having been arrested so often got him in a slightly higher class of imprisonment, so he is moving up in the world. Even better, he is now the official "Queen" of C block, so now he finally has a title at 26 years old.
Then there is our younger child. Now, I have heard all of you chortling behind her back about dressing like a hoe and being the most likely to get knocked up before turning 20. Well the joke's on you all! She's only 17 and has 3 months to go before the due date! The dad is a fine gentleman. His official title is "social director" and has an office, so to speak, close to all the local motels. He even gets a commission from all the nearby businesses for bringing them business himself! Hopefully our grandchild will carry on his family name!
Of course, there is my wife! God bless her, she really has an interest in building our credit rating and local exposure. We went from having very little debt to well over $10,000 in credit cards alone. I was worried about her for a bit with our son's and daughter's successes and feeling somewhat left out. No sir! She has amassed an impressive new wardrobe, made local business connections at various hostels and bars, not to mention making contributions to our local police and court systems. She even unofficially modeled for a local lingerie outfit and has created a demand for more. For some reason, the cash flow has gone away rather than toward us, but I am sure she knows what she's doing.
And then there's boring old me with the same old sales job traveling all over the place, eating and drinking alone often. Thankfully I am not always forced to sleep alone! I've often woken up as the guest of some kind stranger or another...who for some reason are often rushing me out, but hey, everyone has to get to their own job, right? After one of those trips, I did have a persistent itch and oddly colored mark that hasn't gone away. After all those pleas to get a COVID shot, I am wondering if that'll clear it up?
Well, that's been our wonderful year! I cannot imagine being in a more loving, successful, and growing family. Hope you all have a great New Year. Try not to be jealous of us, we just do things our way!
Love,
Phil
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