The Divorcé Part 5

    The door opened. Dr. Friedman waved me in with a smile. "Sam, right on time as always." He closed the door behind me and waved at the proverbial shrink couch. "Take your favorite seat."

   I sat in the big soft lumpy sofa and relaxed. I'd been seeing Friedman since a bit before the divorce, when I knew things were coming at me. 

   Friedman checked his notes as he sat in his swivel chair, then looked up. "Last time we spoke, you were getting back into the dating world."

   "I've been wading in, testing the waters so to speak."

  "And how does the water feel?"

  "Good at times...other times cold."

  "Might depend on which end of the pool you're in."

  "Brad, I'm not even going tot try to analyze that."

   Friedman laughed. "Well, the shallow end tends to warm faster as its the safer end...on the other hand, the deep end has more variety but can take longer to navigate." He stopped. "Forget it...I'm no good at ad lib analogies." He checked his notes again. "There's a topic you and I didn't grab tightly on , and this is 2 sessions ago. You were so excited about your dating that we didn't touch on it again at all."

  "Which is?"

  "The woman at work. Natasha was her name, right?"

  "Oh yeah, we're going way back!"

  "You brought me there, I never left." Friedman sat forward. "You indicated that you'd fallen for her."

   I sat back and looked up at the ceiling, the memory coming back. "Yeah, this is 6 years ago."

  "Tell me about her."

  "I didn't tell you last time?"

  "You told me her name and that you were in love with her, but that's as far as we got. No, wait, you told me she was also married, right?"

  "Right. You know I'm thinking on that time and realizing something right off the bat...I was more in love with the idea of her than actually being in love with her."

  "All right. What idea of her was so appealing?"

  "Now that's a question I've asked myself time and time again...but I don't have a solid clue. SHe was pretty enough. Had the most kissable lips I'd ever seen, that's for sure."

  "Did you ever kiss them?"

  "Oh no, not even a cheek peck. Despite my feelings, I still respected her marriage."

   Friedman sat back and folded his arms. "All right, let's go back to then. What was it about her that got those feelings going?"

  "Hoo boy! Well, when I first started at the office, it took a bit to fit in. You know, new guy and all coming into an established colleague web. Well, at a staff lunch function, I was sitting by myself...this was about 3 months in...and she asks me to come sit with her and some of her friends. I wasn't precisely involved in their conversation, ladies and all, but I wasn't alone. That was the start."

  "Sounds friendly but it doesn't exactly spell out love to me."

  "Not to me, either. Just as time went, we talked more and got to know each other. Before I knew it I was thinking a lot about her. At first I thought it was pure lust. There was some of that, but not overwhelming. No, this was a heart matter. My day was definitely improved when I'd had some contact with her, either in person or even text. Luckily for me, she never really knew my feelings, at least I don't think she did. Then something happened...some crisis in her husband's family and she took a little time off so they could travel."

   Friedman nodded. "Did she come back?"

  "Yeah, but she was a lot more reserved...very inward...after. I tried to offer an ear of support, but she kept it inside, so I backed away. After about a year, no it was two years, she transferred to another office in another town. It was quiet, no going away party or anything, in fact quite sudden."

  "I see. So you developed some friendly, I'll go with FOND, feelings for another woman. Sounds perfectly normal and nothing to feel ashamed of...if you feel ashamed."

  "I don't now, I did a little then, probably because I mentioned Natasha more than a healthy mention at home."

  "And your wife didn't care for that."

  "We had a few fights about it."

  "And when Natasha left, did it get back to normal?"

   I looked at Brad with a frown. "Normal? I did get a divorce not all that long after."

  "Right. So here's a question: do you think your feelings for Natasha were a factor in your divorce?"

   I looked back at the ceiling. "That is hard to say. My marriage was never normal, whatever that word means. Three years passed between Natasha leaving and my wife leaving, so somehow I doubt it was a main factor."

  "But it might have been one."

  "Could be. I doubt it."

   Friedman closed his notebook. "Sam, we've been dancing around this for a while. We never really hit at it, though."

  "Right, the why of it all."

  "Your feelings for Natasha, innocent as they seem to me, are the first clues as to cause. Apart from that, nothing on your end seems to justify any of it. Although, when she left, you didn't seem too anguished over it apart from the change in life."

  "So ok, I developed feelings for another woman, my wife languished over it for 3 years, then decided I wasn't worth fighting to save our marriage, so she split. Simple, right?"

   Friedman laughed. "Nah, this will take some more cracking. Collecting a $20 copay from you weekly was in fact my life's ambition, so we will look more into this next week. Same time?"

  "Same Bat channel!"