Once again I delve into book review mode. This happens so infrequently that I think if someone actually reads it, We'll have Spring 6 weeks earlier. Although in Vegas that doesn't mean much.
Recently I picked up a copy of The Godfather by Mario Puzo, published in 1969, 3 years before the movie. I'd seen the movie several times and in fact own it (a copy of the movie, not the rights). As usual, I like to read source material for movies and often find the source to be more entertaining or at least more detailed. This was no exception!
The book is quite graphic of both violent and sexual scenes, and it gives a background on most if not all of the characters. I won't go too into depth, because I want my 2 readers (on a lucky day!) to get the book and read it themselves.
Don Vito Corleone: you can practically see Marlon Brando as you read the book, they kept true to the book when making the film. Most of his lines are the same. The history of his character is included and was used in The Godfather 2. His morals are strong, and he believes that the law of the land is flawed and broken, so he has his own laws.
Santino(Sonny) Corleone: an explosive character who acts before he thinks. One more, his character was kept intact in the film in both personality and lines.
Fredo Corleone: a weak individual kept mostly intact in the movie. A perfect example of a black sheep. He failed to protect his father from getting shot, then got sent to Las Vegas for his own protection and made trouble for himself there.
Michael Corleone: Once again, I can see Al Pacino as I read the novel. He wants to be his own man without Family help, but the attempted murder of Vito brings out his loyalty and he is willing to go all out to protect his people. In the course of the story, he moves his wounded father to a different hospital room to avoid a murder attempt, kills the gangster and police bodyguard who plotted Vito's death, marries and loses a young Sicilian wife, and loses his brother Santino. All of this hardens Michael traumatically, and he has no trouble ordering the deaths of all who threaten his family when he becomes the new Don.
Constanzia (Connie) Corleone Rizzi: a spoiled daughter who suffers abuse at the hands of her husband. A minor book character but kept intact in the movie.
Tom Hagen: Don Vito's consigliere. He is loyal to the Don and is an effective peacetime lawyer, but lacks the savvy for wartime negotiations. A scene not included in the movie where Tom comes to get Kay and the kids after they fled to New Hampshire following Carlo Rizzi's murder shows how far Tom will go to help keep the Family together, even divulging taboo secrets.
Mama Corleone: a loving, forceful woman who never talks about business with Vito, but knows everything about him. She goes to church frequently to pray for Vito's soul. She also tries to convince Kay to move on with her life after Michael disappears.
Carlo Rizzi: Connie's abusive and womanizing husband who helps to set up Sonny to get killed. He wants a place in the Corleone business, but is a lowlife and everyone knows it. A scene referred to in the book but not in the movie has Carlo hitting Connie on their wedding night to get hold of the cash gifts they were given.
Kay Adams: Michael's girlfriend and lover. She is curious about the Family and its real business. A warm and open woman, she holds out for Michael while he is away in Sicily. She becomes a Catholic after marrying Michael so she can pray for his soul the way Mama Corleone prays for Vito's soul.
Luca Brasi: Don Vito's violent henchman for dirty jobs. A background for him is supplied that portray him as a monster. Don Vito uses him only when necessary. The gangster Solozzo knows Luca is a threat so he has Luca killed first.
Johnny Fontane: Don Vito's godson. A singer whose failing voice is hurting his singing career. In the book, his story is larger. He becomes a successful movie star and then producer and eventually gets his voice back thanks to a brilliant surgeon.
Nino Valenti: a talented musician in his own right, he lacks Johnny's success for a long time until Johnny brings him out to California to work for him. Nino is Johnny's friend, but there is a rivalry that Johnny is unaware of until Nino is dying. Nino is not in the movie.
Jack Woltz: a sleazy and pompous movie producer who wants to ruin Johnny Fontane's career. He also likes to screw preteen girls (kept out of the movie). His prized horse's head in his bed is the beginning of Woltz's ruin.
Lucy Mancini: Sonny's extramarital love affair. In the book, her story is expanded upon. After Sonny is killed, she is sent to Las Vegas to work. She meets a brilliant and matter-of-fact doctor named Jules Segal who has her labia tightened to better feel pleasure. They fall in love afterward.
Dr. Jules Segal: A brilliant and matter-of-fact doctor who performs abortions for strippers/dancers in Las Vegas. He does this so that he can be a surgeon. He helps Lucy Mancini get over her grief over Sonny, gets her labia fixed so she can feel pleasure easier, and takes care of Johnny Fontane's throat problems. He also predicts Nino Valenti's death from diabetes. Jules in a way is my favorite character because of his friendly but brutal honesty regarding diagnoses. He has a contempt for Hollywood doctors who do nothing except to help patients mask the pain. Jules also helps to fix Michael's face. He is not in the movie.
Solazzo: a gangster who wants the Corleones to help bankroll him and get the politicians to cooperate. When Vito refuses, Solazzo kills Luca Brasi then tries to have Vito killed so he can reason with Sonny and Tom.
Captain Mark McCluskey: a crooked cop who does freelance side jobs, including being a bodyguard for Solazzo. He gives Michael a powerful blow to the face leaving quite a mark for years.
Peter Clemenza: Vito's caporegime (captain) and friend. He recruits reliable soldiers to help carry out Vito's orders.
Tessio: another old friend and caporegime of Vito's, He is loyal to Vito but wary of Michael's succession and becomes a reluctant traitor.
Paulie Gatto: one of Clemenza's soldiers. He is at first a loyal soldier, but soon sells Vito out to Solazzo. Sonny has Paulie killed. A scene not included in the movie has Paulie and 2 other soldiers beating the crap out of 2 boys who beat and raped a daughter of a man who asked Vito to avenge her attack.
Overall, the movie is true to the book. The movie, of course, is from 1972 and there were certain book scenes to graphic for the times even when rated R. The book is an easy 563 page read and I never wanted to put it down so I could sleep or eat or go to the store. I recommend it to anyone 17 or older.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Santa's Agent
One of my favorite comedians of all time is Bob Newhart. Not really because of his shows, which were indeed funny in their own right, but I mean his comedy albums. His style was that of a conversation between two people, but you heard only 1 side of it with lots of pauses in between. So, I was thinking about writing something in his style.
I was watching a special on Johnny Carson and I noted just how sweet a deal that guy got over time. Eventually, he got to work only 3 days a week and got to own all of his show's tapes. On top of that, he got the network to stop airing reruns of The Tonight Show on weekends. Saturday Night Live can thank him for that, though I don't anymore!
I then got to thinking about Santa Claus and just how sweet a deal he has now. And how does one get sweet deals? Well, if he is worth his salt, it's their agent. So I came to wonder what it would be like if Santa Claus wanted to change the best deal in the world and I came up with this.
I was watching a special on Johnny Carson and I noted just how sweet a deal that guy got over time. Eventually, he got to work only 3 days a week and got to own all of his show's tapes. On top of that, he got the network to stop airing reruns of The Tonight Show on weekends. Saturday Night Live can thank him for that, though I don't anymore!
I then got to thinking about Santa Claus and just how sweet a deal he has now. And how does one get sweet deals? Well, if he is worth his salt, it's their agent. So I came to wonder what it would be like if Santa Claus wanted to change the best deal in the world and I came up with this.
Santa
Baby, what’s happening?
Ok,
sorry, I figured if Eartha Kitt and Madonna both made it a hit,
you’d be flattered.
Fine,
whatever, I won’t say it anymore. Touchy today, aren't we? So, what
can I do for you?
A
new contract? Look, Santa, I don’t know what else you could want. I
mean, you have the sweetest deal in the world, better than Johnny
ever got!
Johnny
Carson. He only had to work 3 times a week for the last 10 or so
years he was on TV and made millions each year.
Uh
huh, yeah. Well look, you pay me to be your agent and I want you to
get the best deal possible. You believe that, right?
Good.
Well, you HAVE the best deal anyone could imagine. Look at it! You
work one night a year. What else could you possibly want?
Change
of diet? Well, what do you mean?
You
were watching Dr. Oz, I see. Look, Santa, you’ve been around for a
while, I don’t think lowering your carbs is gonna make your life
longer or shorter, given that you’re a magical being.
No,
I don’t think expensive vitamin supplements will make a difference.
(sighs)
Santa, listen, I don’t think the kids will be impressed if you’re
a spokesperson for Jenny Craig, you know? Just stick with the
cookies, cakes, hot cocoa, all of it. Trust me, your clientele
doesn’t like change.
Weight-lifting?
No, try to imagine the Coca Cola ads with a buff Santa. First, it
looks stupid, second, it sends a bad image to kids, like soda will
build muscles. Third, nobody wants presents from Schwartzesanta!
Ok,
good. Everything else fine?
What
about the sleigh?
Well,
yeah, I’d say you’re definitely green on the power. After all,
you have nine flying reindeer, that’s as green as you can get.
Would
that be good to advertise? No, no, I think the people will accuse you
of false advertising if you tell them to use reindeer power. It’s
that North Pole magic, you know? Nowhere else does it happen.
More
reindeer? Uh, no. People have enough trouble remembering eight, then
having to add in Rudolph, depending on where you live. Then someone
will have to make up a song.
What’s
wrong with that? You listen to the Christmas music stations? We have
more than enough songs, and different artists covering each one. It's
repetitive as it is!
Well
you try hearing Wham, Wings, and Air Supply 8 times a day each!
All
right, all right, what’s your new little guy’s name?
Sylvester?
No no, each reindeer has to have two syllables, so it keeps the beat.
Dasher, Prancer, Comet, Blitzen, even Rudolph has 2 syllables.
Look,
let's keep it at nine for now, all right? Anything else?
The
store Santas are giving you a bad rep? OK, well, the stores hire the
bums, not much we can do on that note. Seasonal work, you know?
I
know, but you see, a lot of kids see different Santas each year, I
think they know they're not you, but one of your helpers.
Well,
your real helpers are busy making toys, not enough of them to spread
around stores, malls, and street corners.
No,
you can't sue. As a magical entity, you don't have the power to bring
suit against every business that displeases you. Look, Santa, I'm
headed to lunch with the Tooth Fairy in 10, so let's wrap this up.
Mrs.
Claus? What about her?
She
wants to be more visible? (sigh) No, no, look, that marriage just
quells any rumors, you know?
Rumors
about your masculinity. I know, it didn't matter for a long time, but
modern times made it necessary.
No,
I think she can just help fatten you up and make underwear and socks
for the kids.
Yeah
yeah, I know, kids don't look forward to opening that crap, nobody
does! But it gives her something to do.
No,
please, don't TMI me on what she does the rest of the year.
(whistles)
Shes does? Wow, sounds like we found you a winner, way to go!
(chuckle) Sounds like you're not bored for 364 days anyway.
OK,
let's wrap this up. No change in diet, no vitamins, no workout, no
further exposure for the Mrs, she's done that for you enough already.
No new reindeer and no reindeer power advertising. In exchange you
keep your one day a year work day, way down from more than 50, but
you did that one to yourself. You have the best home/toy factory on
the planet without an HOA, better than the old dump in East
Rutherford. Also, you have the cheeriest work force bordering on
slave labor, not to mention a hot-trotting wife now.
I
thought it would sound good if I laid it out for you like that. Hey,
gotta go. The Tooth Fairy has his gripes, too, but I gotta remind
him he's locked in for 1 more millenium. Night!
Sunday, November 2, 2014
KMOR is on the air!
I sit in the car and turn on the radio, preparing for the excruciatingly long 10 minute drive to work...
"It's 7:45 and here's a 4-hour block of Carrie Underwood..." SCAN
"We will return to our Doors tribute after this 20-minute string of politcal mudslinging." Turn to AM, SCAN
"These Democrats are obviously out to make every American a vegetarian zombie." SCAN
"It's not enough for us God-fearing Republicans to have control of the Senate, we must have the Presidency and the baggage claim at the Newark Airport to turn this country around!!" RADIO OFF!
My wife and I have had enough of the current radio trends. Oldies stations now play a range of pop between 1965 and 1995. Our favorite heavy metal/hard rock station is playing more off-format crap than ever. Even our soft pop station has a strange hip hop hell thing going on. We're fed up and there's only one solution... we will launch our own radio station!
Why are we committing this act of audio "terrorism", as I just pretended some may call it? We believe that the radio industry has destroyed the radio industry, that's why! Over the decades it has become a sterile, rigid system of overplaying the same songs, with taped recordings of disc jockeys dishing out banter that we are led to believe is live.
I remember 20 years ago there was a good range of radio stations out there. Oldies stations played a wide variety from 1955 to 1973. Metal stations played metal. Classic rock played actual rock, and much of it was live performances. There was a 70's only station out of San Francisco in 1994 that was pretty good, then it expanded to the 70s AND 80s, but it was still good. My buddy Scott and I would go on drives and have the radio or his guitar rock tapes to entertain us. It was a great time!
No more good times from the radio status quo, so we will have to make our own.
COMING SOON....KMOR RADIO!
This station will have something for everyone, as evidenced by my wife Vickie's iPod. You could hear Slim Whitman howling , followed by Bon Jovi, then some Ann Murray, followed immediately by Pearl Jam, then some George Strait and then Josh Turner (if you're lucky to get 2 country artists in a row!). Yes, the playlist can go for a week without hearing a song twice! That is, if our ENTIRE iTunes library is loaded up.
Now, of course, we will have more than just our music variety. Our daughter Natalie will get her own 30 minute block of kids' songs or just music that she enjoys singing in the car. This could be lullabies, George Harrison, The Wiggles, Steely Dan, or even Godsmack . It's her slot, she can play what she wants. You may, of course, hear her singing along, and why not? Everyone needs a refresher on their ABCs once in a while. Congress evidences this regularly.
I will, of course, get my own music hour, playing mostly Doors, along with a few old TV theme songs, all interspersed with lots of LIVE commentary.
Any old-timers yearn for the age of radio comedy, drama, or westerns? Well, you will get an hour of that each evening from 7 to 8, with Vickie and I providing the voices of a myriad of characters and sound effects (think clapping coconut shells for galloping horses here).
Now don't think for a minute that there won't be news. Oh yes, there will be...local, state, national, and worldwide, along with weather. Of course, this hard-hitting journalism will come right from Yahoo, the source of all current news. My philosophy here is, if the rest of the journalists out there use other sources, so can I. Weather will be the usual guesswork that all "official meteorologists" use.
These news reports will go no longer than 15 minutes, since that's all most people can handle.
Emergency Alert System tests will occur once a day (at 3a.m.) in accordance with the FCC's requirement to annoy the public.
Now how will this be funded? Commercials, of course...OUR commercials. No annoying jingles here. We will give it to you straight. Here's an example. "Regular vegetable oil is crap and will kill you after a month. Use extra virgin olive oil instead. All grocery stores carry it. Now back to our program." See how direct that was? How's this? "Did your dog pee on the carpet? Try spraying some Resolve on the stain and scrub it for a minute. Resolve is in all major stores. After you use it, train your dog to go outside so you can avoid this problem! Back to our program."
In conclusion, this station is the future of radio. Soon, everyone will be broadcasting their own stations for the public's listening pleasure...or hell. In the meantime, this is Bryan Moore signing off of KMOR for the day. Stay tuned after I leave for an airing of all 60s sitcom themes. Thank you.
"It's 7:45 and here's a 4-hour block of Carrie Underwood..." SCAN
"We will return to our Doors tribute after this 20-minute string of politcal mudslinging." Turn to AM, SCAN
"These Democrats are obviously out to make every American a vegetarian zombie." SCAN
"It's not enough for us God-fearing Republicans to have control of the Senate, we must have the Presidency and the baggage claim at the Newark Airport to turn this country around!!" RADIO OFF!
My wife and I have had enough of the current radio trends. Oldies stations now play a range of pop between 1965 and 1995. Our favorite heavy metal/hard rock station is playing more off-format crap than ever. Even our soft pop station has a strange hip hop hell thing going on. We're fed up and there's only one solution... we will launch our own radio station!
Why are we committing this act of audio "terrorism", as I just pretended some may call it? We believe that the radio industry has destroyed the radio industry, that's why! Over the decades it has become a sterile, rigid system of overplaying the same songs, with taped recordings of disc jockeys dishing out banter that we are led to believe is live.
I remember 20 years ago there was a good range of radio stations out there. Oldies stations played a wide variety from 1955 to 1973. Metal stations played metal. Classic rock played actual rock, and much of it was live performances. There was a 70's only station out of San Francisco in 1994 that was pretty good, then it expanded to the 70s AND 80s, but it was still good. My buddy Scott and I would go on drives and have the radio or his guitar rock tapes to entertain us. It was a great time!
No more good times from the radio status quo, so we will have to make our own.
COMING SOON....KMOR RADIO!
This station will have something for everyone, as evidenced by my wife Vickie's iPod. You could hear Slim Whitman howling , followed by Bon Jovi, then some Ann Murray, followed immediately by Pearl Jam, then some George Strait and then Josh Turner (if you're lucky to get 2 country artists in a row!). Yes, the playlist can go for a week without hearing a song twice! That is, if our ENTIRE iTunes library is loaded up.
Now, of course, we will have more than just our music variety. Our daughter Natalie will get her own 30 minute block of kids' songs or just music that she enjoys singing in the car. This could be lullabies, George Harrison, The Wiggles, Steely Dan, or even Godsmack . It's her slot, she can play what she wants. You may, of course, hear her singing along, and why not? Everyone needs a refresher on their ABCs once in a while. Congress evidences this regularly.
I will, of course, get my own music hour, playing mostly Doors, along with a few old TV theme songs, all interspersed with lots of LIVE commentary.
Any old-timers yearn for the age of radio comedy, drama, or westerns? Well, you will get an hour of that each evening from 7 to 8, with Vickie and I providing the voices of a myriad of characters and sound effects (think clapping coconut shells for galloping horses here).
Now don't think for a minute that there won't be news. Oh yes, there will be...local, state, national, and worldwide, along with weather. Of course, this hard-hitting journalism will come right from Yahoo, the source of all current news. My philosophy here is, if the rest of the journalists out there use other sources, so can I. Weather will be the usual guesswork that all "official meteorologists" use.
These news reports will go no longer than 15 minutes, since that's all most people can handle.
Emergency Alert System tests will occur once a day (at 3a.m.) in accordance with the FCC's requirement to annoy the public.
Now how will this be funded? Commercials, of course...OUR commercials. No annoying jingles here. We will give it to you straight. Here's an example. "Regular vegetable oil is crap and will kill you after a month. Use extra virgin olive oil instead. All grocery stores carry it. Now back to our program." See how direct that was? How's this? "Did your dog pee on the carpet? Try spraying some Resolve on the stain and scrub it for a minute. Resolve is in all major stores. After you use it, train your dog to go outside so you can avoid this problem! Back to our program."
In conclusion, this station is the future of radio. Soon, everyone will be broadcasting their own stations for the public's listening pleasure...or hell. In the meantime, this is Bryan Moore signing off of KMOR for the day. Stay tuned after I leave for an airing of all 60s sitcom themes. Thank you.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Bryan Moore in '72!
All right, that's it! I have decided once and for all that I am going to get off the current timeline that is 2014. After all, what is the point? The economy continues to tumble, various terrorist groups have the U.S.A. in their sights, and health care is a huge mess. My career is ok right now, but I don't wish to anticipate the strange changes coming down the pike before mandatory retirement (wearing Hanes briefs on my head during the Pledge of Allegiance as a professional responsibility doesn't seem so far-fetched anymore). No, it is time to leave.
What, you weasel-faced scavenger? No, no, no, I am unwilling to give my life so that the government can recycle my social security number, it's been mine for 30 years! I have a much better plan, although it will take some planning, money, consultation from Christopher Lloyd, and an absurd belief in the impossible...I am going back to my birth year of 1972.
What was that you asked, you simple-minded twit? Once again, no! I am not on some self-reflective panty-waisted journey to my childhood to make sure I don't get circumsized! This journey makes complete sense!
Ah, you see it now? No? OK, for one thing I have no intention of meeting any of my family members or talking sense into my child form, it would probably kill me or at the very least get Howard Cosell appointed as CIA director! I completely comprehend the risks of personal interactions. I figure if I take 2 months salary with me to 1972 to build on, I can spend the rest of my life in paradise! I know, a lot say you can't go back. Well, yes I can, because I never truly experienced the 1970s in a cognizant manner. I was 7 when the 80s dawned, so I can experience something completely new. The advantages here to my man-cave mentality are almost endless.
1. Music. Having seen the decline of pop and rock to a demonic, industry-neutered lame form for 20 years, 1972 is a good year to start from. I can get a decent hi-fi stereo set and get all of the rock/ pop I truly enjoy and cut out the crap. Plus, 1972 radio has no "oldies" stations, it is music of the time in its different genres. I can experience Wolfman Jack, The Midnight Special, contemporary concerts with more reasonable ticket prices. And as time moves on, I can re-experience the 80s (in my 50s) music all over again and retire in 1992 with all of my likes and leave the dislikes behind.
2. Teaching. I truly love my job in terms of teaching young minds through my unique comedy style. I can still do this in 1972, but without the current pressures. I can show films, filmstrips, crank out dittoes, supervise my kids during morning recess, and just teach what their minds can handle. Plus, field trips were more frequent. Yes I know, the pay is lower then, but if I already brought 2 months salary back with me, it was already enough to live on then. Also, I know that report cards and lesson plans are still handwritten, but it is a small price to pay.
3. Television: Anyone who knows me understands that I am a lover of old TV shows, 60s and 70s particularly. The cool thing is, in 1972, I already get a mix of the old and new. My favorite games shows are still in vogue, especially "The Hollywood Squares". Also, "The Bob Newhart Show", "All in the Family", "MASH", and "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" are already in their weekly prime. My nights for TV favorites would be set as I corrected papers. Saturday Night Live in 1975 would be another fun weekly treat. AND, I can catch The Edge of Night daily from the CBS run!
4. Movies. Like TV, I know what's coming down the pike already and can plan accordingly. It'd be nice to see "The Godfather", "Dirty Harry" series (most Clint Eastwood movies for that matter) on the silver screen.Reliving the magic of Star Wars in 1977 would be something all over again.
5. Consumer prices. I've done the research. I know which cars were good for gas consumption, I know what the gas prices were. I know what food went for. Historical knowledge comes in handy here and I can just chuckle at people's complaints, knowing that it only got worse as time went on.
6. Travel. Since gas was so low, airfare was cheaper then. Plus, driving around the country would be fun. The Interstate Highway system was not quite complete, so I could enjoy 2-lane roads better (trust me, seeing America this way shows you more). I can see some of my old towns of residence in a 1972 view: Reading PA, Wilmington NC, San Diego CA, Santa Rosa CA, and my current home of Las Vegas! What an education that would be!
Now, there are other issues to consider. I am a male in his early 40s experiencing the joys of high blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, and now gout. I still have to watch my food and beverage consumption in 1972, but there are old, now bygone eateries I can try and, more importantly, the diet craze hasn't brainwashed America beyond Tab cola yet. I would have to make new friends as well.
Plus, as I am a technophile, I would have to give up my computer and take up my other loves of books, crossword puzzles, and bike-riding. Small loss. Besides, I would have my family with me, so they could experience the different world with me.
So as you can see, there are lots of advantages to living the "old" life. By the time I got to 2014, I'd be 84, if I was lucky to live that long. I could plan the future better knowing what I already know, by investing in companies I knew to have great growth. Yes, there are other disadvantages I am sure, but they sure have to be better than our current government, health care, and soon-to-come required cotton headgear!
What, you weasel-faced scavenger? No, no, no, I am unwilling to give my life so that the government can recycle my social security number, it's been mine for 30 years! I have a much better plan, although it will take some planning, money, consultation from Christopher Lloyd, and an absurd belief in the impossible...I am going back to my birth year of 1972.
What was that you asked, you simple-minded twit? Once again, no! I am not on some self-reflective panty-waisted journey to my childhood to make sure I don't get circumsized! This journey makes complete sense!
Ah, you see it now? No? OK, for one thing I have no intention of meeting any of my family members or talking sense into my child form, it would probably kill me or at the very least get Howard Cosell appointed as CIA director! I completely comprehend the risks of personal interactions. I figure if I take 2 months salary with me to 1972 to build on, I can spend the rest of my life in paradise! I know, a lot say you can't go back. Well, yes I can, because I never truly experienced the 1970s in a cognizant manner. I was 7 when the 80s dawned, so I can experience something completely new. The advantages here to my man-cave mentality are almost endless.
1. Music. Having seen the decline of pop and rock to a demonic, industry-neutered lame form for 20 years, 1972 is a good year to start from. I can get a decent hi-fi stereo set and get all of the rock/ pop I truly enjoy and cut out the crap. Plus, 1972 radio has no "oldies" stations, it is music of the time in its different genres. I can experience Wolfman Jack, The Midnight Special, contemporary concerts with more reasonable ticket prices. And as time moves on, I can re-experience the 80s (in my 50s) music all over again and retire in 1992 with all of my likes and leave the dislikes behind.
2. Teaching. I truly love my job in terms of teaching young minds through my unique comedy style. I can still do this in 1972, but without the current pressures. I can show films, filmstrips, crank out dittoes, supervise my kids during morning recess, and just teach what their minds can handle. Plus, field trips were more frequent. Yes I know, the pay is lower then, but if I already brought 2 months salary back with me, it was already enough to live on then. Also, I know that report cards and lesson plans are still handwritten, but it is a small price to pay.
3. Television: Anyone who knows me understands that I am a lover of old TV shows, 60s and 70s particularly. The cool thing is, in 1972, I already get a mix of the old and new. My favorite games shows are still in vogue, especially "The Hollywood Squares". Also, "The Bob Newhart Show", "All in the Family", "MASH", and "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" are already in their weekly prime. My nights for TV favorites would be set as I corrected papers. Saturday Night Live in 1975 would be another fun weekly treat. AND, I can catch The Edge of Night daily from the CBS run!
4. Movies. Like TV, I know what's coming down the pike already and can plan accordingly. It'd be nice to see "The Godfather", "Dirty Harry" series (most Clint Eastwood movies for that matter) on the silver screen.Reliving the magic of Star Wars in 1977 would be something all over again.
5. Consumer prices. I've done the research. I know which cars were good for gas consumption, I know what the gas prices were. I know what food went for. Historical knowledge comes in handy here and I can just chuckle at people's complaints, knowing that it only got worse as time went on.
6. Travel. Since gas was so low, airfare was cheaper then. Plus, driving around the country would be fun. The Interstate Highway system was not quite complete, so I could enjoy 2-lane roads better (trust me, seeing America this way shows you more). I can see some of my old towns of residence in a 1972 view: Reading PA, Wilmington NC, San Diego CA, Santa Rosa CA, and my current home of Las Vegas! What an education that would be!
Now, there are other issues to consider. I am a male in his early 40s experiencing the joys of high blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, and now gout. I still have to watch my food and beverage consumption in 1972, but there are old, now bygone eateries I can try and, more importantly, the diet craze hasn't brainwashed America beyond Tab cola yet. I would have to make new friends as well.
Plus, as I am a technophile, I would have to give up my computer and take up my other loves of books, crossword puzzles, and bike-riding. Small loss. Besides, I would have my family with me, so they could experience the different world with me.
So as you can see, there are lots of advantages to living the "old" life. By the time I got to 2014, I'd be 84, if I was lucky to live that long. I could plan the future better knowing what I already know, by investing in companies I knew to have great growth. Yes, there are other disadvantages I am sure, but they sure have to be better than our current government, health care, and soon-to-come required cotton headgear!
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Food inglorious food
I will say it right out front: I love food! I love the different succulent flavors that a good meal can bestow upon my palate. I love the aftertaste, too...most of the time. I remember when I could order a HUGE prime rib dinner with all the fixins and have dessert, too. I remember my favorite meal of baked chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, and cranberry sauce could be enjoyed regularly and without punishment. A special treat at Red Lobster of crab legs, salad and veggies would be well-enjoyed. Oh, do I remember the crabfest in 1999 when Scott Catania and I participated in an all-you-can-eat crab leg dinner!
I look upon those days with fondness...and now a little sadness, because it is now a thing of the past for me. :(
As my late 30s came, I was faced with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, weight gain, and, more recently, a bout of gout. On top of that, the foods I once enjoyed are not enjoying me apparently, at least not all of them. Corn and peas do not really agree with me anymore. Too much beef causes nausea. And other foods cause, well, aromas not sold by Glade!
I will do an Adam Sandler and look fondly back at 1985. I was 13 and could eat anything and everything...which I generally did! Lots of people did! Why? Because there was no stigma about anything really. Well, soda was extremely limited in our house because of the sugar, but then I was someone who worked off the calories on my bike so it wasn't really a problem. My 2 favorite sweets were crumb buns and Tastykake Jelly Krimpets! Coming back to almost 30 years later, I wonder if those Tastykakes are fully exited from my body!
Why was all of this excess happening in me and the rest of the nation? Simple: WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING INTO THOSE GOODS!! It was not until 1990 (from my readings anyway) that food labels began listing nutrition facts and ingredients. That didn't really faze me at first, because nobody really knew what half the crap was that they listed.
The big thing in the early 90s was how many calories were ingested from fat. This became significant for me in 1993 when I weighed in at a pretty high pound count. It was time to do something and that was...EAT LESS FAT! Really, this was the 1990s healthy eating caveat. And lots of food companies, PACKAGED food companies in particular, came out with more and more LOW FAT and FAT FREE snacking and meal options. I even bought a fat free margarine once and it tasted like disinfectant smells! I also was under the belief that diet soda was healthy.
I lost some weight at this time just from the change in eating habits alone. However, as we have all seen, plateaus will come eventually. I still believed in the low or no fat philosophy. There is still something to this now in me, just from a completely new angle.
I actually lost some decent weight in 1995, not exactly from eating low fat packaged goodies, but from eating a lot of cucumbers in the college dining hall. My parents were splitting and somehow cukes were my comfort food. I ate other things, of course, but cukes and bike riding brought my weight to a healthy level. It stayed that way for a while. In 1997, when I graduated from college, I found myself at a standstill...what now? I didn't feel like finding a job yet and I was eating a lot of crap like M&M's and cookies. In other words, change-in-life depression was hitting me. I've had that at other times since.
Eating and drinking habits went up and down, I occasionally dropped one food and tried another, this went on for a while. In 2003 I was not looking good so I joined a gym and got a trainer. I was feeling better and looking better as well. Well, that was getting old after a year and a half so I left that lifestyle. I know it works for some and I'm proud of them for staying committed, but I am out-of-place there.
I think my current attitudes and philosophies actually began in 2007 when my wife and I bought You on a Diet by Dr. Oz. Within a day, we were tossing anything with high fructose corn syrup or hydrogenated oils away. We both lost 25 pounds within a few months of eating and drinking better and taking walks. A health setback for Vickie (brain tumor) kind of put a halt on those habits for a little while. We also still ate crap when we ate at a restaurant.
And then we come to now. It was all triggered by seeing a pic of myself taken 3 months after starting at the gym and looking at my current self. Something had to be done. I began doing research and was finding disturbing things beyond the hydrogenated and corn syruped evils.
Canola oil is apparently a highly manufactured product that contains petroleum. I had long believed that canola oil was healthy and we even switched from I Can't Believe It's Not Food (er Butter) to actual butter with canola oil 2 years ago. We now just eat whipped butter in a tub...er, we buy it in tub not stick form, get your mind out of my gutter!
Before the Canola crisis, we discovered that the "wonderful" Splenda could be dangerous. Since then, I've read a few articles that down the danger, but I still don't want it.
Farm-raised vs wild caught fish: no more farm raised, too much crap in them.
And then there's soybean oil. I once believed that soy was the vegetarian's glory. Not so sure now. Having read a lot of about GMO and a certain company that rhymes with Tonto, I use it sparingly, which means if my wife makes egg salad or tuna salad with regular mayo, I'll eat it. Other than that I use my own spread. Seriously! I have actually made a palatable (to me anyway) mayo with grapeseed oil and eggs. I have not yet read anything credible disowing grapeseed oil, but I will keep a lookout.
Apart from all that, I have come to highly distrust the FDA. They serve whomever's pockets they reside in and do not represent the People. At the same time, I do not trust every little article I read because they have their biases and I certainly have mine. I therefore trust my own instincts and judgments on whether I will eat a certain food or not. I still believe in moderation but to mainly keep a good healthy regiment of protein, fruits, and vegetables.
Have to go now: the Force has told me of a crabfest! (at Red Lobster, you pervs!)
I look upon those days with fondness...and now a little sadness, because it is now a thing of the past for me. :(
As my late 30s came, I was faced with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, weight gain, and, more recently, a bout of gout. On top of that, the foods I once enjoyed are not enjoying me apparently, at least not all of them. Corn and peas do not really agree with me anymore. Too much beef causes nausea. And other foods cause, well, aromas not sold by Glade!
I will do an Adam Sandler and look fondly back at 1985. I was 13 and could eat anything and everything...which I generally did! Lots of people did! Why? Because there was no stigma about anything really. Well, soda was extremely limited in our house because of the sugar, but then I was someone who worked off the calories on my bike so it wasn't really a problem. My 2 favorite sweets were crumb buns and Tastykake Jelly Krimpets! Coming back to almost 30 years later, I wonder if those Tastykakes are fully exited from my body!
Why was all of this excess happening in me and the rest of the nation? Simple: WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING INTO THOSE GOODS!! It was not until 1990 (from my readings anyway) that food labels began listing nutrition facts and ingredients. That didn't really faze me at first, because nobody really knew what half the crap was that they listed.
The big thing in the early 90s was how many calories were ingested from fat. This became significant for me in 1993 when I weighed in at a pretty high pound count. It was time to do something and that was...EAT LESS FAT! Really, this was the 1990s healthy eating caveat. And lots of food companies, PACKAGED food companies in particular, came out with more and more LOW FAT and FAT FREE snacking and meal options. I even bought a fat free margarine once and it tasted like disinfectant smells! I also was under the belief that diet soda was healthy.
I lost some weight at this time just from the change in eating habits alone. However, as we have all seen, plateaus will come eventually. I still believed in the low or no fat philosophy. There is still something to this now in me, just from a completely new angle.
I actually lost some decent weight in 1995, not exactly from eating low fat packaged goodies, but from eating a lot of cucumbers in the college dining hall. My parents were splitting and somehow cukes were my comfort food. I ate other things, of course, but cukes and bike riding brought my weight to a healthy level. It stayed that way for a while. In 1997, when I graduated from college, I found myself at a standstill...what now? I didn't feel like finding a job yet and I was eating a lot of crap like M&M's and cookies. In other words, change-in-life depression was hitting me. I've had that at other times since.
Eating and drinking habits went up and down, I occasionally dropped one food and tried another, this went on for a while. In 2003 I was not looking good so I joined a gym and got a trainer. I was feeling better and looking better as well. Well, that was getting old after a year and a half so I left that lifestyle. I know it works for some and I'm proud of them for staying committed, but I am out-of-place there.
I think my current attitudes and philosophies actually began in 2007 when my wife and I bought You on a Diet by Dr. Oz. Within a day, we were tossing anything with high fructose corn syrup or hydrogenated oils away. We both lost 25 pounds within a few months of eating and drinking better and taking walks. A health setback for Vickie (brain tumor) kind of put a halt on those habits for a little while. We also still ate crap when we ate at a restaurant.
And then we come to now. It was all triggered by seeing a pic of myself taken 3 months after starting at the gym and looking at my current self. Something had to be done. I began doing research and was finding disturbing things beyond the hydrogenated and corn syruped evils.
Canola oil is apparently a highly manufactured product that contains petroleum. I had long believed that canola oil was healthy and we even switched from I Can't Believe It's Not Food (er Butter) to actual butter with canola oil 2 years ago. We now just eat whipped butter in a tub...er, we buy it in tub not stick form, get your mind out of my gutter!
Before the Canola crisis, we discovered that the "wonderful" Splenda could be dangerous. Since then, I've read a few articles that down the danger, but I still don't want it.
Farm-raised vs wild caught fish: no more farm raised, too much crap in them.
And then there's soybean oil. I once believed that soy was the vegetarian's glory. Not so sure now. Having read a lot of about GMO and a certain company that rhymes with Tonto, I use it sparingly, which means if my wife makes egg salad or tuna salad with regular mayo, I'll eat it. Other than that I use my own spread. Seriously! I have actually made a palatable (to me anyway) mayo with grapeseed oil and eggs. I have not yet read anything credible disowing grapeseed oil, but I will keep a lookout.
Apart from all that, I have come to highly distrust the FDA. They serve whomever's pockets they reside in and do not represent the People. At the same time, I do not trust every little article I read because they have their biases and I certainly have mine. I therefore trust my own instincts and judgments on whether I will eat a certain food or not. I still believe in moderation but to mainly keep a good healthy regiment of protein, fruits, and vegetables.
Have to go now: the Force has told me of a crabfest! (at Red Lobster, you pervs!)
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Which Shield to take?
Driving home from San Diego on Thursday, my wife and I were discussing the difference between old U.S. shield routes and interstate highways. Well, actually I was discussing them and she looked at me patiently nodding and shrugging and waiting to get back to her music and Ipad games. No matter, I had nerdy issues to raise and by golly I was going to have an audience!
For those of you in the know, well, you get this stuff, especially if you are in the eastern half of the nation where there is a good blend of the old and new systems of road. For those of you not in the know, let's just imagine you've been trapped in a timeshare presentation, and you can't leave until the sellers have made every effort to get you to buy....please?
1926: a system of roads begins to develop throughout the United States called Interstate Shield routes. As time went on, this system grew and grew, aided much by the public works programs during the Depression. One reason for this system was that as the number of automobiles on the roads increased, the system of dirt or cobblestone roads were inadequate for travel. Plus, good ole Dwight Eisenhower and a bunch of troops tried to take the Lincoln Highway from the east to west coasts in 1919...the trip took 2 months and suffered broken bridges and vehicles stuck in the mud.. Now this sounds like an average day in Las Vegas after a rare storm even in 2014, but back then it was absolutely inexcusable for the military with DDE high in the ranks. So, the system grew and grew and by the early 1950s the system was well in place. It took a while because World War 2 most likely put a stop on domestic construction and put a focus on military support.
This system of roads was now the norm and was what the public used for major travel by road. It was certainly better than the old system. The Okies used U.S. 66 to California to find work on the farms in "The Grapes of Wrath". In fact, route 66 became a legend unto itself, a road of culture, a main road from the east to the west and back, a Bobby Troup tune, and a loose basis for a TV show.
Was all hunky dory? Heavens no! This new road system was of course paved and well maintained. However, problems were aplenty. For instance, in mountainous regions such as the Rockies, U.S. 6 is a windy, treacherous route, especially for truckers, over the high passes. 66 also had high passes in New Mexico, Arizona, and California.
Apart from treacherous mountain terrain, U.S. Shield routes go through lots of towns. Now, if you're taking a short jaunt somewhere, it is not a huge deal. However, if you are traveling 100 or more miles or going transcontinental, these routes are a MAJOR pain when dropping down to 25 miles per hour going through a small burg that also acts as a speed trap! I have driven from Las Vegas to Reno a few times on U.S. 95. This is 450 miles through mostly barren terrain that roaches won't even touch. However, when going through Indian Springs, Beatty, Goldfield, Tonopah, and Hawthorne, there is a HUGE speed limit drop. Believe me, you can't get through the desert fast enough, not even with a good music selection. Unfortunately, the Las Vegas-Reno drive is unlikely to change.
Enter Eisenhower once again. In 1956, with enlightenment from seeing the German Autobahn during the war, he enacted the construction of the Interstate Highway System. This new system of roads would make travel around the nation more efficient, especially for military and emergency purposes. Mountainous travel would be especially better with less intense curves and grades. Plus, access to and from these 4+ lane roads would be limited. via ramps and overpasses instead of lights and stop signs. In fact, the Pennsylvania Turnpike was the blueprint for this system and that had opened in 1940 with 160 miles of nonstop travel. By the early 1970s, a driver could drive through the Eisenhower tunnel on Interstate 70 instead of taking U.S. 6 up the deadly Loveland Pass. The Interstate system also used a shield symbol, but it was with the flag colors, the black and white like the old shield symbols.
Unfortunately, much of the original Interstate system was 2 lanes each way and that just didn't work in high-traffic areas. Case in point: most California major metro areas needed 3 or 4 lanes per direction. Interstate 5 got a major rehab in the late 90s in the L.A. area....and it is STILL congested! Interstate 15 is still 2 lanes between the CA/NV state line and Barstow, and traffic to Vegas on Friday and back to CA on Sunday is horrendous.
Another downside to the efficient interstates is that they bypass towns. Here, there is some debate on whether this is a downside. For those in a hurry to get somewhere on a long trip, they want to go past many of those towns without hitting the brake pedal. However, one must look at the economics. Small towns rely not only on local dollars, but visitor dollars as well. Once again, look at U.S. 66, which in many places was bypassed by Interstates 10, 15, 40, 44, and 55. Many of the towns 66 went through suffered, particularly from Texas on west. These towns once flourished with mom and pop motels, diners, and trinket merchants. Now, these towns' centers are practically ghost towns served by the interstates' business loops, which hold modern business chains at either end.
I have actually traveled most of 66 in California with the exception of deepest L.A. proper. Foothill Blvd between San Dimas and San Bernardino remains busy, with modern businesses and a widened layout. It is Mt. Vernon Avenue up to Devore where I-15 takes over. There is a stretch containing Kenwood and Cleghorn Avenues before once again returning to 15 to climb Cajon Pass. Here, I am grateful for the 4 lanes of climbing! In Victorville, 66 ventures on its own for an almost 40 mile scenic route in the desert to Barstow. There, it is I-40 with a few independent stretches for 50 miles to Ludlow, where it again strikes out on its own for quite a long stretch before it meets U.S. 95 before traveling back to 40 to reach Needles.
From Needles, one could take 66 into Arizona and climb into Oatman and some very narrow curves before reaching Kingman, and then stay on its own to Williams, almost making it to Flagstaff. Incidentally, the Oatman stretch was bypassed due to its dangerous narrow curves in 1953. That's as far as I've taken on 66. I've looked on maps to see if there is an old way to get from San Diego to Las Vegas without taking an Interstate...there isn't! Minus the independent stretches of old U.S. 395, 91, and the aforementioned 66, I-15 is really the only game in town for that drive.
Of course, some U.S. routes themselves have become freeways. The perfect example is U.S. 101 in California. It once reached San Diego, but was cut back to starting in Downtown Los Angeles. From there it is a freeway or at-grade expressway all the way to San Francisco. Once it crosses the Golden Gate Bridge, 101 is again a freeway/expressway all the way to southern Mendocino County, then becomes a beautiful 2-lane highway, then again a freeway 80 miles to Eureka. From Arcata onward, 101 is 2-lane all the way to Olympia, Washngton Here and there, however, there are movements (hopefully not bowel) to build bypasses around the towns 101 passes through. On these, I disagree. The terrain 101 passes through is just 3 notches above beautiful, even the towns themselves.
So, Interstate shield or U.S. shield? I guess it depends on what you want in a drive. In some instances, U.S. is the only way to go, like U.S. 95 from Vegas to Reno where there is not a multi-lane alternative. If there is a choice, what would you take? Let me ask my wife....never mind, she's back to her game!
For those of you in the know, well, you get this stuff, especially if you are in the eastern half of the nation where there is a good blend of the old and new systems of road. For those of you not in the know, let's just imagine you've been trapped in a timeshare presentation, and you can't leave until the sellers have made every effort to get you to buy....please?
1926: a system of roads begins to develop throughout the United States called Interstate Shield routes. As time went on, this system grew and grew, aided much by the public works programs during the Depression. One reason for this system was that as the number of automobiles on the roads increased, the system of dirt or cobblestone roads were inadequate for travel. Plus, good ole Dwight Eisenhower and a bunch of troops tried to take the Lincoln Highway from the east to west coasts in 1919...the trip took 2 months and suffered broken bridges and vehicles stuck in the mud.. Now this sounds like an average day in Las Vegas after a rare storm even in 2014, but back then it was absolutely inexcusable for the military with DDE high in the ranks. So, the system grew and grew and by the early 1950s the system was well in place. It took a while because World War 2 most likely put a stop on domestic construction and put a focus on military support.
This system of roads was now the norm and was what the public used for major travel by road. It was certainly better than the old system. The Okies used U.S. 66 to California to find work on the farms in "The Grapes of Wrath". In fact, route 66 became a legend unto itself, a road of culture, a main road from the east to the west and back, a Bobby Troup tune, and a loose basis for a TV show.
Was all hunky dory? Heavens no! This new road system was of course paved and well maintained. However, problems were aplenty. For instance, in mountainous regions such as the Rockies, U.S. 6 is a windy, treacherous route, especially for truckers, over the high passes. 66 also had high passes in New Mexico, Arizona, and California.
Apart from treacherous mountain terrain, U.S. Shield routes go through lots of towns. Now, if you're taking a short jaunt somewhere, it is not a huge deal. However, if you are traveling 100 or more miles or going transcontinental, these routes are a MAJOR pain when dropping down to 25 miles per hour going through a small burg that also acts as a speed trap! I have driven from Las Vegas to Reno a few times on U.S. 95. This is 450 miles through mostly barren terrain that roaches won't even touch. However, when going through Indian Springs, Beatty, Goldfield, Tonopah, and Hawthorne, there is a HUGE speed limit drop. Believe me, you can't get through the desert fast enough, not even with a good music selection. Unfortunately, the Las Vegas-Reno drive is unlikely to change.
Enter Eisenhower once again. In 1956, with enlightenment from seeing the German Autobahn during the war, he enacted the construction of the Interstate Highway System. This new system of roads would make travel around the nation more efficient, especially for military and emergency purposes. Mountainous travel would be especially better with less intense curves and grades. Plus, access to and from these 4+ lane roads would be limited. via ramps and overpasses instead of lights and stop signs. In fact, the Pennsylvania Turnpike was the blueprint for this system and that had opened in 1940 with 160 miles of nonstop travel. By the early 1970s, a driver could drive through the Eisenhower tunnel on Interstate 70 instead of taking U.S. 6 up the deadly Loveland Pass. The Interstate system also used a shield symbol, but it was with the flag colors, the black and white like the old shield symbols.
Unfortunately, much of the original Interstate system was 2 lanes each way and that just didn't work in high-traffic areas. Case in point: most California major metro areas needed 3 or 4 lanes per direction. Interstate 5 got a major rehab in the late 90s in the L.A. area....and it is STILL congested! Interstate 15 is still 2 lanes between the CA/NV state line and Barstow, and traffic to Vegas on Friday and back to CA on Sunday is horrendous.
Another downside to the efficient interstates is that they bypass towns. Here, there is some debate on whether this is a downside. For those in a hurry to get somewhere on a long trip, they want to go past many of those towns without hitting the brake pedal. However, one must look at the economics. Small towns rely not only on local dollars, but visitor dollars as well. Once again, look at U.S. 66, which in many places was bypassed by Interstates 10, 15, 40, 44, and 55. Many of the towns 66 went through suffered, particularly from Texas on west. These towns once flourished with mom and pop motels, diners, and trinket merchants. Now, these towns' centers are practically ghost towns served by the interstates' business loops, which hold modern business chains at either end.
I have actually traveled most of 66 in California with the exception of deepest L.A. proper. Foothill Blvd between San Dimas and San Bernardino remains busy, with modern businesses and a widened layout. It is Mt. Vernon Avenue up to Devore where I-15 takes over. There is a stretch containing Kenwood and Cleghorn Avenues before once again returning to 15 to climb Cajon Pass. Here, I am grateful for the 4 lanes of climbing! In Victorville, 66 ventures on its own for an almost 40 mile scenic route in the desert to Barstow. There, it is I-40 with a few independent stretches for 50 miles to Ludlow, where it again strikes out on its own for quite a long stretch before it meets U.S. 95 before traveling back to 40 to reach Needles.
From Needles, one could take 66 into Arizona and climb into Oatman and some very narrow curves before reaching Kingman, and then stay on its own to Williams, almost making it to Flagstaff. Incidentally, the Oatman stretch was bypassed due to its dangerous narrow curves in 1953. That's as far as I've taken on 66. I've looked on maps to see if there is an old way to get from San Diego to Las Vegas without taking an Interstate...there isn't! Minus the independent stretches of old U.S. 395, 91, and the aforementioned 66, I-15 is really the only game in town for that drive.
Of course, some U.S. routes themselves have become freeways. The perfect example is U.S. 101 in California. It once reached San Diego, but was cut back to starting in Downtown Los Angeles. From there it is a freeway or at-grade expressway all the way to San Francisco. Once it crosses the Golden Gate Bridge, 101 is again a freeway/expressway all the way to southern Mendocino County, then becomes a beautiful 2-lane highway, then again a freeway 80 miles to Eureka. From Arcata onward, 101 is 2-lane all the way to Olympia, Washngton Here and there, however, there are movements (hopefully not bowel) to build bypasses around the towns 101 passes through. On these, I disagree. The terrain 101 passes through is just 3 notches above beautiful, even the towns themselves.
So, Interstate shield or U.S. shield? I guess it depends on what you want in a drive. In some instances, U.S. is the only way to go, like U.S. 95 from Vegas to Reno where there is not a multi-lane alternative. If there is a choice, what would you take? Let me ask my wife....never mind, she's back to her game!
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Your Food or Theirs?
Recently (like this morning), my cousin posted an article about the end of a lot of small-scale Michigan farmers' way of life. Basically, rural residents who raised hens (and therefore eggs) along with cows and goats are no longer allowed to do their thing because "too many people" live nearby. Seriously!
In an article posted on http://www.inquisitr.com/1235774/michigan-loses-right-to-farm-this-week-a-farewell-to-backyard-chickens-and-beekeepers/, local growers are not allowed to raise chickens, goats, or beehives that are within 250 feet of another residence or at least 13 homes 1/8 of a mile away!
All right, now one would assume that these local growers are acting responsibly, keeping their bees and goats and chickens contained, especially the bees. Michigan is primarily an agricultural and outdoorsy state once you leave the confines of the Detroit area, with a large mix of large- and small-scale farmers. Why on earth should that change?
Well, the article states that the Michigan Right to Farm Act was passed 33 years ago to protect farmers from, get this, urbanites and suburbanites who were tired of city life and decided to move to the country....but wanted to make the country more civilized by demanding anti-farming ordinances. This always makes me angry (yes, this is an ANGRY not literary or goofy post). When we moved to the Reading, Pennsylvania area in early 1976, the area was still largely rural. We got our milk from the local Tulpehocken Dairy until the Feds bought it 10 years later and turned it into residential and business-owned land. I can say from distinct memory (just ask my wife Vickie, mom, or colleague Candice about the trivia I recall) that the dairy milk was 10 times tastier than what we had to get at the supermarket after the dairy closed!
What I want to know is, what right do newcomers to an area have to dictate what others who have lived in the area MUCH LONGER can or can't do? Observe this Mr. Moore -contrived scenario
Farmer Gunther: Howdy!
Newcomer Neighbor Numbnuts: Hi.
Gunther: Welcome to the neighborhood!
Numbnuts: Thanks.
Gunther: How do you like the neighborhood so far?
Numbnuts: It's ok. It could be better.
Gunther: Why, what's the matter?
Numbnuts: I heard bees last night.
Gunther: You HEARD bees? From the top of that hill?
Numbnuts: Er, I saw bees.
Gunther: Last night? My bees are inside the beehouse at night.
Numbnuts: Er, someone told me you had bees.
Gunther: Who? We're the only ones in the area.
Numbnuts: Er, I was watching your yard and saw them yesterday.
Gunther: Oh...why?
Numbnuts:I like to get to know my neighbors.
Gunther: You could ring our doorbell, you know. Share some lemonade and get to be friends.
Numbnuts: I'm not like that. I just like to know what my neighbors do.
Gunther: Not very friendly of you.
Numbnuts: I have friends already. One is moving next door to me.
Gunther: Is he like you?
Numbnuts: He's not as sociable.
Gunther: Pity.
Numbnuts: Anyway, he's allergic to bees. The law says you need to get rid of them.
Gunther: But I supply the general store with the best honey in the state! Besides, the bees are perfectly controlled.
Numbnuts: It doesn't matter.
Gunther: Why did you move here anyway?
Numbnuts: I like the privacy.
Gunther: You're invading mine.
Numbnuts: It's MY neighborhood now. If you don't like it, move!
Gunther (blowing Numbnuts away with a Civil War cannon) Move this...punk!
OK OK, I didn't mean to make the farmer Clint Eastwood, but you can't win with a numbnuts like that. He probably served on local committees where he came from and caused trouble there, too! The point is, if someone wants to relocate, fine. If you want to make your home your "home away from home", great, build a wall and create it, DON'T try to mold the locals into how you want them!
By the way, I am a native Michigander...Michigan born, Pennsylvania raised and I sure miss the old places! I have learned the hard way a few times that you can't go back home, go back to being 21, or go back in a Delorean, I can live with all that. I can, however, demand we go back to living with our neighbors acceptingly. Otherwise, move on...punk!
In an article posted on http://www.inquisitr.com/1235774/michigan-loses-right-to-farm-this-week-a-farewell-to-backyard-chickens-and-beekeepers/, local growers are not allowed to raise chickens, goats, or beehives that are within 250 feet of another residence or at least 13 homes 1/8 of a mile away!
All right, now one would assume that these local growers are acting responsibly, keeping their bees and goats and chickens contained, especially the bees. Michigan is primarily an agricultural and outdoorsy state once you leave the confines of the Detroit area, with a large mix of large- and small-scale farmers. Why on earth should that change?
Well, the article states that the Michigan Right to Farm Act was passed 33 years ago to protect farmers from, get this, urbanites and suburbanites who were tired of city life and decided to move to the country....but wanted to make the country more civilized by demanding anti-farming ordinances. This always makes me angry (yes, this is an ANGRY not literary or goofy post). When we moved to the Reading, Pennsylvania area in early 1976, the area was still largely rural. We got our milk from the local Tulpehocken Dairy until the Feds bought it 10 years later and turned it into residential and business-owned land. I can say from distinct memory (just ask my wife Vickie, mom, or colleague Candice about the trivia I recall) that the dairy milk was 10 times tastier than what we had to get at the supermarket after the dairy closed!
What I want to know is, what right do newcomers to an area have to dictate what others who have lived in the area MUCH LONGER can or can't do? Observe this Mr. Moore -contrived scenario
Farmer Gunther: Howdy!
Newcomer Neighbor Numbnuts: Hi.
Gunther: Welcome to the neighborhood!
Numbnuts: Thanks.
Gunther: How do you like the neighborhood so far?
Numbnuts: It's ok. It could be better.
Gunther: Why, what's the matter?
Numbnuts: I heard bees last night.
Gunther: You HEARD bees? From the top of that hill?
Numbnuts: Er, I saw bees.
Gunther: Last night? My bees are inside the beehouse at night.
Numbnuts: Er, someone told me you had bees.
Gunther: Who? We're the only ones in the area.
Numbnuts: Er, I was watching your yard and saw them yesterday.
Gunther: Oh...why?
Numbnuts:I like to get to know my neighbors.
Gunther: You could ring our doorbell, you know. Share some lemonade and get to be friends.
Numbnuts: I'm not like that. I just like to know what my neighbors do.
Gunther: Not very friendly of you.
Numbnuts: I have friends already. One is moving next door to me.
Gunther: Is he like you?
Numbnuts: He's not as sociable.
Gunther: Pity.
Numbnuts: Anyway, he's allergic to bees. The law says you need to get rid of them.
Gunther: But I supply the general store with the best honey in the state! Besides, the bees are perfectly controlled.
Numbnuts: It doesn't matter.
Gunther: Why did you move here anyway?
Numbnuts: I like the privacy.
Gunther: You're invading mine.
Numbnuts: It's MY neighborhood now. If you don't like it, move!
Gunther (blowing Numbnuts away with a Civil War cannon) Move this...punk!
OK OK, I didn't mean to make the farmer Clint Eastwood, but you can't win with a numbnuts like that. He probably served on local committees where he came from and caused trouble there, too! The point is, if someone wants to relocate, fine. If you want to make your home your "home away from home", great, build a wall and create it, DON'T try to mold the locals into how you want them!
By the way, I am a native Michigander...Michigan born, Pennsylvania raised and I sure miss the old places! I have learned the hard way a few times that you can't go back home, go back to being 21, or go back in a Delorean, I can live with all that. I can, however, demand we go back to living with our neighbors acceptingly. Otherwise, move on...punk!
The ruling will allow local governments to arbitrarily ban goats, chickens and beehives on any property where there are 13 homes within one eighth mile or a residence within 250 feet of the property
Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/1235774/michigan-loses-right-to-farm-this-week-a-farewell-to-backyard-chickens-and-beekeepers/#CEVsgeGWdRfXcBMd.99
Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/1235774/michigan-loses-right-to-farm-this-week-a-farewell-to-backyard-chickens-and-beekeepers/#CEVsgeGWdRfXcBMd.99
The ruling will allow local governments to arbitrarily ban goats, chickens and beehives on any property where there are 13 homes within one eighth mile or a residence within 250 feet of the property
Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/1235774/michigan-loses-right-to-farm-this-week-a-farewell-to-backyard-chickens-and-beekeepers/#CEVsgeGWdRfXcBMd.99
Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/1235774/michigan-loses-right-to-farm-this-week-a-farewell-to-backyard-chickens-and-beekeepers/#CEVsgeGWdRfXcBMd.99
The ruling will allow local governments to arbitrarily ban goats, chickens and beehives on any property where there are 13 homes within one eighth mile or a residence within 250 feet of the property
Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/1235774/michigan-loses-right-to-farm-this-week-a-farewell-to-backyard-chickens-and-beekeepers/#CEVsgeGWdRfXcBMd.99
Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/1235774/michigan-loses-right-to-farm-this-week-a-farewell-to-backyard-chickens-and-beekeepers/#CEVsgeGWdRfXcBMd.99
The ruling will allow local governments to arbitrarily ban goats, chickens and beehives on any property where there are 13 homes within one eighth mile or a residence within 250 feet of the property
Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/1235774/michigan-loses-right-to-farm-this-week-a-farewell-to-backyard-chickens-and-beekeepers/#CEVsgeGWdRfXcBMd.99
Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/1235774/michigan-loses-right-to-farm-this-week-a-farewell-to-backyard-chickens-and-beekeepers/#CEVsgeGWdRfXcBMd.99
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
I'll Take a novel...and a novel!
Once again it is time for me to do another literacy critique/comparison between novel and movie. I feel the need to do this for several reasons. 1) I'm on Spring Break and that's always a good opportunity to rid my head of useless shit so it can fill up with more of the same for the last 6 weeks of school. 2) I do not see many literary critiques online the way I want to read them, so the best thing to do is write my own. 3) I always enjoy watching my viewership graph rise if just for a day.
OK, the subject for today is...Fletch. Specifically, Irwin Maurice Fletcher, the star of 9 fun-to-read novels by Gregory McDonald, RIP. I suppose one or two people have also seen an obscure Chevy Chase film from 1985 called "Fletch", which was based loosely on the original 1974 novel. There was another Fletch film in 1989 called "Fletch Lives". I've always wondered if this film was a result of blackmail by or against Chevy Chase. In either case, it sucks (a valid literary opinion!)
Let us first visit the character of Irwin Maurice Fletcher in the first novel. He has a very interesting moral code. As a reporter, he refuses to give up until he gets the whole story. As a former soldier (Marines), he earned a Bronze Star yet refuses to collect it. On this, one may presume that Fletch feels he did what anyone ought to do and therefore does not feel the need to be decorated for it. He already got a lifelong friend (private turned public attorney Alston Chambers) out of it and that is enough for him.
Sex for him is natural and frequent, as he is described as a naturally sexy man. He was married twice, once to Barbara and once to Linda. The marriage to Barbara ended due to many infidelities, and the marriage to Linda ended with his intolerance for the house cat (he threw it out of the window). During one assignment it is strongly implied that he has screwed a 15 year old female junkie in exchange for her using his pad to sleep in, and Fletch justifies this by iterating his goal to find the whole story. Even Linda's gay divorce attorney expresses an attraction to Fletch, which is smoothly tricked out of him by Fletch himself on the phone just for fun. His 2 ex-wives can't get over him and want to be with him on a casual basis. Fletch, however, feels once was enough with both of them.
In the first book, Fletch juggles 2 cases. One is an assignment to find the source of drugs on "The Beach", a fictional southern California town. It is over an hour's drive from the newspaper office and his apartment, which are presumably in Los Angeles, so The Beach may be a disguise for Santa Barbara. Possibly, The Beach is just another L.A. suburb and the long drive is just because of famous L.A. traffic jams. Fletch forms friendships with the junkies on the actual beach in order to find the source, which turns out to be the police chief. While on the case, Fletch has to contend with an editor named Clara Snow who has risen a few levels above her competency as a result of her affair with the managing editor Frank Jaffe. She demands that Fletch gets his stories in on time so that she can heavily edit them. These edited stories have gotten printed with a lot of backlash towards Fletch who is himself infuriated because the edited articles are far from what he actually wrote. In the end, he bypasses Clara to get the drugs story printed before she and Frank can "fix" it.
His other case is a man named Alan Stanwyk, who hires Fletch to kill him because he is presumably dying of bone cancer. He offers Fletch $20 grand to do this job and go to South America. Fletch gets Stanwyk to up the offer to $50 grand with no resistance. As Fletch is a badger-like reporter, he is determined to find out if Stanwyk is the real article after agreeing to do the job. He manages to interview Stanwyk's doctor, wife, father-in-law, father, best friend, mistress, and supposed real estate broker to find out what is the truth. Fletch even sleeps with Alan's wife Joan. It is a less-than-passionate affair, more like something to do on an otherwise dull afternoon, but Joan gives Fletch a clue about Alan: both men have a similar bone structure. Fletch has managed to make himself unmemorable to all of Alan's people except for Joan, who takes his picture during their first meeting and has her family's security men find out who he is. Fletch eventually puts it all together: Alan wants out of his current life as a successful businessman and family man so that he can be with his high school sweetheart and her son. Stanwyk plans to do this by dying his hair blond (Fletch is blond as well), killing Fletch likely by boxing and strangling him to death, his justification being that he has a right to kill someone who has agreed to kill him. Alan Stanwyk is, in Fletch's opinion, a decent man despite a twice weekly infidelity and being torn between 2 worlds (family in California and family in Pennsylvania). Given Fletch's own moral code, this opinion is understandable.
Stanwyk's plan is foiled by Fletch's threat to send letters to his family about the murder plan if he goes through with it. Fletch, knowing he has deflated Stanwyk, is ready to leave when Stanwyk is shot to death by the chief of police, who thought he was killing Fletch after the drugs article was seen all over town. Fletch takes a briefcase with $3 million that Stanwyk had skillfully embezzled from his company Collins Aviation in the guise of a down payment for a ranch in Nevada, and heads to the airport, where he takes an arranged private plane to Rio, but not before calling in Stanwyk's murder to the newspaper. As he flies to Rio in style, he contemplates his freedom from his 2 ex-wives, his Bronze Star pickup ceremony, and employment in general.
The book is full of colorful dialogue that moves the story along well. I always find something new each time I read it, and I've held my copy for 35 years.
Then we come to the movie. I will say that "Fletch" is one of Chevy Chase's better films....I say this knowing the turkeys he has madefrom the 90s on. A younger actor may have done the Fletch character more justice, though, Woody Harrelson or Tim Robbins being 2 possibilities, or even Val Kilmer, at least in the 80s. Tim Matheson as Stanwyk, however, was completely well-cast. Joe Don Baker as the police chief was also good, though he smiles too much to be menacing.
The movie is definitely silly at times, while also maintaining a mystery theme. This makes the movie a bit disjointed at moments.
A few differences between the book and the movie:
-Alan's wife is named Gail instead of Joan, probably because Joan's maiden name is Collins. One could get away with that in 1974, but not Dynasty-rich 1985! In fact, in the movie the family's name is Boyd, not Collins.
-The chief of police is named Karlin in the movie, where in the book his name is Cummings. This change makes no sense
-Stanwyk's doctor in the movie is Dolan, in the book it is Devlin, again a nonsense change
-Clara Snow is not in the movie, nor is Bobbi, Fletch's teenage junkie roommate in the book.
-Stanwyk's supposed land investment is in Utah in the movie, in the book it is in Nevada. One consistency is that in both cases, it is embezzlement.
-In the movie, Fletch's boss is Frank Walker, in the book the last name is Jaffe. Another nonsense change.
In the movie Fletch charges his country club meals to the Underhills, in the book it is the unseen Underwoods.
In the movie, Stanwyk tells Fletch he will take a plane to Rio, in the book it is to Buenos Aires (although Stanwyk actually plans to go to Rio himself with his true love)
-In the movie, Fletch takes Gail to Rio with him. In the book, Joan leaves his apartment after a hinted last fling.
-In the movie, the chief kills Stanwyk; however, it is because Stanwyk was about to double-cross him, not mistaken identity.
Of course, the movie also had a lot of Chevy Chase antics: a Doberman chasing him out of an office, a car chase with a teenage car thief as his copilot, escaping the police by rallying a bunch of Shriners, a daydream about Fletch being an L.A. Laker, and posing as a doctor at the hospital to look at Stanwyk's medical records. Some of Fletch's lines befit the novel character's personality while others are just Chase egotism.
I will cover some of the other Fletch books later that round out Fletch's character better. In the meantime, I'll take a steak sandwich...and a steak sandwich.
OK, the subject for today is...Fletch. Specifically, Irwin Maurice Fletcher, the star of 9 fun-to-read novels by Gregory McDonald, RIP. I suppose one or two people have also seen an obscure Chevy Chase film from 1985 called "Fletch", which was based loosely on the original 1974 novel. There was another Fletch film in 1989 called "Fletch Lives". I've always wondered if this film was a result of blackmail by or against Chevy Chase. In either case, it sucks (a valid literary opinion!)
Let us first visit the character of Irwin Maurice Fletcher in the first novel. He has a very interesting moral code. As a reporter, he refuses to give up until he gets the whole story. As a former soldier (Marines), he earned a Bronze Star yet refuses to collect it. On this, one may presume that Fletch feels he did what anyone ought to do and therefore does not feel the need to be decorated for it. He already got a lifelong friend (private turned public attorney Alston Chambers) out of it and that is enough for him.
Sex for him is natural and frequent, as he is described as a naturally sexy man. He was married twice, once to Barbara and once to Linda. The marriage to Barbara ended due to many infidelities, and the marriage to Linda ended with his intolerance for the house cat (he threw it out of the window). During one assignment it is strongly implied that he has screwed a 15 year old female junkie in exchange for her using his pad to sleep in, and Fletch justifies this by iterating his goal to find the whole story. Even Linda's gay divorce attorney expresses an attraction to Fletch, which is smoothly tricked out of him by Fletch himself on the phone just for fun. His 2 ex-wives can't get over him and want to be with him on a casual basis. Fletch, however, feels once was enough with both of them.
In the first book, Fletch juggles 2 cases. One is an assignment to find the source of drugs on "The Beach", a fictional southern California town. It is over an hour's drive from the newspaper office and his apartment, which are presumably in Los Angeles, so The Beach may be a disguise for Santa Barbara. Possibly, The Beach is just another L.A. suburb and the long drive is just because of famous L.A. traffic jams. Fletch forms friendships with the junkies on the actual beach in order to find the source, which turns out to be the police chief. While on the case, Fletch has to contend with an editor named Clara Snow who has risen a few levels above her competency as a result of her affair with the managing editor Frank Jaffe. She demands that Fletch gets his stories in on time so that she can heavily edit them. These edited stories have gotten printed with a lot of backlash towards Fletch who is himself infuriated because the edited articles are far from what he actually wrote. In the end, he bypasses Clara to get the drugs story printed before she and Frank can "fix" it.
His other case is a man named Alan Stanwyk, who hires Fletch to kill him because he is presumably dying of bone cancer. He offers Fletch $20 grand to do this job and go to South America. Fletch gets Stanwyk to up the offer to $50 grand with no resistance. As Fletch is a badger-like reporter, he is determined to find out if Stanwyk is the real article after agreeing to do the job. He manages to interview Stanwyk's doctor, wife, father-in-law, father, best friend, mistress, and supposed real estate broker to find out what is the truth. Fletch even sleeps with Alan's wife Joan. It is a less-than-passionate affair, more like something to do on an otherwise dull afternoon, but Joan gives Fletch a clue about Alan: both men have a similar bone structure. Fletch has managed to make himself unmemorable to all of Alan's people except for Joan, who takes his picture during their first meeting and has her family's security men find out who he is. Fletch eventually puts it all together: Alan wants out of his current life as a successful businessman and family man so that he can be with his high school sweetheart and her son. Stanwyk plans to do this by dying his hair blond (Fletch is blond as well), killing Fletch likely by boxing and strangling him to death, his justification being that he has a right to kill someone who has agreed to kill him. Alan Stanwyk is, in Fletch's opinion, a decent man despite a twice weekly infidelity and being torn between 2 worlds (family in California and family in Pennsylvania). Given Fletch's own moral code, this opinion is understandable.
Stanwyk's plan is foiled by Fletch's threat to send letters to his family about the murder plan if he goes through with it. Fletch, knowing he has deflated Stanwyk, is ready to leave when Stanwyk is shot to death by the chief of police, who thought he was killing Fletch after the drugs article was seen all over town. Fletch takes a briefcase with $3 million that Stanwyk had skillfully embezzled from his company Collins Aviation in the guise of a down payment for a ranch in Nevada, and heads to the airport, where he takes an arranged private plane to Rio, but not before calling in Stanwyk's murder to the newspaper. As he flies to Rio in style, he contemplates his freedom from his 2 ex-wives, his Bronze Star pickup ceremony, and employment in general.
The book is full of colorful dialogue that moves the story along well. I always find something new each time I read it, and I've held my copy for 35 years.
Then we come to the movie. I will say that "Fletch" is one of Chevy Chase's better films....I say this knowing the turkeys he has madefrom the 90s on. A younger actor may have done the Fletch character more justice, though, Woody Harrelson or Tim Robbins being 2 possibilities, or even Val Kilmer, at least in the 80s. Tim Matheson as Stanwyk, however, was completely well-cast. Joe Don Baker as the police chief was also good, though he smiles too much to be menacing.
The movie is definitely silly at times, while also maintaining a mystery theme. This makes the movie a bit disjointed at moments.
A few differences between the book and the movie:
-Alan's wife is named Gail instead of Joan, probably because Joan's maiden name is Collins. One could get away with that in 1974, but not Dynasty-rich 1985! In fact, in the movie the family's name is Boyd, not Collins.
-The chief of police is named Karlin in the movie, where in the book his name is Cummings. This change makes no sense
-Stanwyk's doctor in the movie is Dolan, in the book it is Devlin, again a nonsense change
-Clara Snow is not in the movie, nor is Bobbi, Fletch's teenage junkie roommate in the book.
-Stanwyk's supposed land investment is in Utah in the movie, in the book it is in Nevada. One consistency is that in both cases, it is embezzlement.
-In the movie, Fletch's boss is Frank Walker, in the book the last name is Jaffe. Another nonsense change.
In the movie Fletch charges his country club meals to the Underhills, in the book it is the unseen Underwoods.
In the movie, Stanwyk tells Fletch he will take a plane to Rio, in the book it is to Buenos Aires (although Stanwyk actually plans to go to Rio himself with his true love)
-In the movie, Fletch takes Gail to Rio with him. In the book, Joan leaves his apartment after a hinted last fling.
-In the movie, the chief kills Stanwyk; however, it is because Stanwyk was about to double-cross him, not mistaken identity.
Of course, the movie also had a lot of Chevy Chase antics: a Doberman chasing him out of an office, a car chase with a teenage car thief as his copilot, escaping the police by rallying a bunch of Shriners, a daydream about Fletch being an L.A. Laker, and posing as a doctor at the hospital to look at Stanwyk's medical records. Some of Fletch's lines befit the novel character's personality while others are just Chase egotism.
I will cover some of the other Fletch books later that round out Fletch's character better. In the meantime, I'll take a steak sandwich...and a steak sandwich.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Holy Nostaligia, Batman!
Yes, once again I can enjoy my Saturday evenings watching an old favorite, the epitome of TV superhero fun for decades....the one...the only...the original...The Tick! No, just kidding, I am referring, of course, to the 1966-68 classic Batman. It's interesting that I can still sit and watch this show, like I can watch The Bob Newhart Show, All In The Family, The Wild Wild West, and The Edge of Night, with as much enjoyment as I did when I was younger. If I sit and watch Gilligan's Island, I will generally remember the episode yet not enjoy it as much as I once did, same goes for the Brady Bunch. I think I know the answer as far as Batman goes: Natalie!
Yes, my daughter has helped me to enjoy Batman again in a couple of different ways. First, it's fun to listen to her sing the theme song (na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!).. This recent Saturday night tradition isn't the first for us, either. Batman was on every night on The Hub when she was just 1 and Batman was one of her first successful singing attempts. Now, 3 1/2 years later, we're enjoying it again and the funny thing is, she remembered the song for those years of not having it! Now she loves watching 2 episodes with me, then schmoozes me into watching Wonder Woman afterwards!
What is the fascination with this show for about 35 years of my life? Well, there are quite a few things I could mention.
1) Alfred, the cool butler who knows, all sees all, and pretty much cleans all (Wayne Manor AND the Batcave!) A confidant and booster, he was actually larger-than-life moreso than the caped crusader himself!
2) The theme song, of course
3) The Batmobile: a super car with all sorts of weapons, communications and anti-theft systems onboard
4) Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara, 2 completely useless Irish stooge cops who can't make a move without calling Batman. Even when there's a new villain in town, they don't try to earn their paychecks, they just call Batman. The highlight of this is when Liberace threatens Gotham City's peace, and Batman is away, the look of horror on Gordon's face as he says, "We might have to solve this OURSELVES!"
5) The Green Hornet/Kato crossover episode pair: The clash of these heroes with the Dynamic Duo makes for a good set of episodes...in fact, it is one of the last good episodes that aired before the dreaded Batgirl season, but more on that later!
6) And, of course, the VILLAINS!
There were quite a few fun villains I love to see, and of course some big duds.
1) The Riddler as played by Frank Gorshin. He was the most fun to watch, yet mainly confined to the first season. They tried a recast with John Astin, but I can't look at Astin without thinking of The Addams Family and Night Court! Gorshin came back for one of the Batgirl episodes but it was lame and too late.
2) Mr. Freeze: played 3 times with 3 different actors. I liked all 3, this guy definitely had the chill theme going.
3) The Joker: this guy was fun for most of his appearances...then became a spoiled, whiny thug toward the end.
4) The Penguin: Fun and pompous at all times, he never changed. My favorite memory is him running for mayor!
5) The Catwoman: Julie Newmar MADE this villainess, both in voice and figure! Eartha Kitt ruined the character in the Batgirl season :(
6) The Mad Hatter: a strange villain with a sleep-ray top hat who somehow made 2 appearances. David Wayne was known as a fairly low-key yet talented actor of the 40s through 70s and not a Batworthy one really, but he seemed to have fun and those episodes are always watchable.
7) King Tut: his first 2 appearances were fun, the rest were just dumb. Victor Buono made any of his roles memorable, but this one was overplayed.
8) The Bookworm: played by Roddy McDowall, this one (and when I say one, I mean a pair of episodes) was great and unfortunately limited to the one pair of episodes. His British manner makes him very entertaining.
9) Egghead: His one good appearance set is his first, where he's a pun-spewing master criminal... his appearances in the Batgirl episodes, paired with the Cossack Olga, are quite lame.
10) The Puzzler: essentially, this is Samantha's father Maurice from Bewitched being made into a mild criminal...and yet a fun episode pair.
And now here's the crap...in my ever-not-so-humble opinion. Hey, I'm 41, I can think what I want!
1) Aunt Harriett: Larry Mondello's too-old mom from Leave It To Beaver is now the aunt to Robin, er, Dick Grayson. She's not from the comics, she was merely brought in to, apparently, dispel the idea that our duo is gay. Yeah, like she'd help to fool anyone! The gay jokes were going to happen, which makes the show even more fun to watch. Apart from her ruse, she was also a perpetual victim of kidnappings, robberies, and a victim of the evil Liberace to try to steal the Wayne fortune.
2) Louie the Lilac: Milton Berle at his lamest. He was in 2 Batgilr episodes and they were single episode stories.....1 did the trick to prove he sucked!
3) Shame: I like Cliff Robertson, but he was wasted here as a deranged cowboy....2 stories, and 1 of them in the Batgirl year.
4) Marsha, Queen of Diamond: Morticia Addams as a money-grubbing temptress...and she was even brought back to partner with Penguin! Um, no!
5) A few other 1-timers: The Archer, Ma Parker, The Minstrel, The Siren, Minerva, Dr. Cassandra, Zelda (this one wasnt's too bad, but not a favorite!), the Black Widow, Nora Clavicle, and Lord Marmaduke Fogg (a terrible Batgirl 3 parter!)
and...drum roll, please.....
6) Batgirl! Now, the character wasn't too bad, but her introduction also brought about a huge decline in production values. There were a lot of 1-episode stories (thankfully!) and the dialogue got worse. There were no decent new villains introduced, Eartha Kitt was now Catwoman, and our favorites Riddler, Joker, and Penguin were just wasted.
All of this means: I will watch all of them, because, as a Doors fan, I listen to all of the songs, and as a Batman fan, I will watch all of the episodes. Why? Because 20 years ago I learned the fun of watching something and poking fun at it whether it was good or bad (thank you Mystery Science Theater 3000!) Catch you next time, Same Bryan Time (inconsistent), Same Bryan Channel!
Yes, my daughter has helped me to enjoy Batman again in a couple of different ways. First, it's fun to listen to her sing the theme song (na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!).. This recent Saturday night tradition isn't the first for us, either. Batman was on every night on The Hub when she was just 1 and Batman was one of her first successful singing attempts. Now, 3 1/2 years later, we're enjoying it again and the funny thing is, she remembered the song for those years of not having it! Now she loves watching 2 episodes with me, then schmoozes me into watching Wonder Woman afterwards!
What is the fascination with this show for about 35 years of my life? Well, there are quite a few things I could mention.
1) Alfred, the cool butler who knows, all sees all, and pretty much cleans all (Wayne Manor AND the Batcave!) A confidant and booster, he was actually larger-than-life moreso than the caped crusader himself!
2) The theme song, of course
3) The Batmobile: a super car with all sorts of weapons, communications and anti-theft systems onboard
4) Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara, 2 completely useless Irish stooge cops who can't make a move without calling Batman. Even when there's a new villain in town, they don't try to earn their paychecks, they just call Batman. The highlight of this is when Liberace threatens Gotham City's peace, and Batman is away, the look of horror on Gordon's face as he says, "We might have to solve this OURSELVES!"
5) The Green Hornet/Kato crossover episode pair: The clash of these heroes with the Dynamic Duo makes for a good set of episodes...in fact, it is one of the last good episodes that aired before the dreaded Batgirl season, but more on that later!
6) And, of course, the VILLAINS!
There were quite a few fun villains I love to see, and of course some big duds.
1) The Riddler as played by Frank Gorshin. He was the most fun to watch, yet mainly confined to the first season. They tried a recast with John Astin, but I can't look at Astin without thinking of The Addams Family and Night Court! Gorshin came back for one of the Batgirl episodes but it was lame and too late.
2) Mr. Freeze: played 3 times with 3 different actors. I liked all 3, this guy definitely had the chill theme going.
3) The Joker: this guy was fun for most of his appearances...then became a spoiled, whiny thug toward the end.
4) The Penguin: Fun and pompous at all times, he never changed. My favorite memory is him running for mayor!
5) The Catwoman: Julie Newmar MADE this villainess, both in voice and figure! Eartha Kitt ruined the character in the Batgirl season :(
6) The Mad Hatter: a strange villain with a sleep-ray top hat who somehow made 2 appearances. David Wayne was known as a fairly low-key yet talented actor of the 40s through 70s and not a Batworthy one really, but he seemed to have fun and those episodes are always watchable.
7) King Tut: his first 2 appearances were fun, the rest were just dumb. Victor Buono made any of his roles memorable, but this one was overplayed.
8) The Bookworm: played by Roddy McDowall, this one (and when I say one, I mean a pair of episodes) was great and unfortunately limited to the one pair of episodes. His British manner makes him very entertaining.
9) Egghead: His one good appearance set is his first, where he's a pun-spewing master criminal... his appearances in the Batgirl episodes, paired with the Cossack Olga, are quite lame.
10) The Puzzler: essentially, this is Samantha's father Maurice from Bewitched being made into a mild criminal...and yet a fun episode pair.
And now here's the crap...in my ever-not-so-humble opinion. Hey, I'm 41, I can think what I want!
1) Aunt Harriett: Larry Mondello's too-old mom from Leave It To Beaver is now the aunt to Robin, er, Dick Grayson. She's not from the comics, she was merely brought in to, apparently, dispel the idea that our duo is gay. Yeah, like she'd help to fool anyone! The gay jokes were going to happen, which makes the show even more fun to watch. Apart from her ruse, she was also a perpetual victim of kidnappings, robberies, and a victim of the evil Liberace to try to steal the Wayne fortune.
2) Louie the Lilac: Milton Berle at his lamest. He was in 2 Batgilr episodes and they were single episode stories.....1 did the trick to prove he sucked!
3) Shame: I like Cliff Robertson, but he was wasted here as a deranged cowboy....2 stories, and 1 of them in the Batgirl year.
4) Marsha, Queen of Diamond: Morticia Addams as a money-grubbing temptress...and she was even brought back to partner with Penguin! Um, no!
5) A few other 1-timers: The Archer, Ma Parker, The Minstrel, The Siren, Minerva, Dr. Cassandra, Zelda (this one wasnt's too bad, but not a favorite!), the Black Widow, Nora Clavicle, and Lord Marmaduke Fogg (a terrible Batgirl 3 parter!)
and...drum roll, please.....
6) Batgirl! Now, the character wasn't too bad, but her introduction also brought about a huge decline in production values. There were a lot of 1-episode stories (thankfully!) and the dialogue got worse. There were no decent new villains introduced, Eartha Kitt was now Catwoman, and our favorites Riddler, Joker, and Penguin were just wasted.
All of this means: I will watch all of them, because, as a Doors fan, I listen to all of the songs, and as a Batman fan, I will watch all of the episodes. Why? Because 20 years ago I learned the fun of watching something and poking fun at it whether it was good or bad (thank you Mystery Science Theater 3000!) Catch you next time, Same Bryan Time (inconsistent), Same Bryan Channel!
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Romancing the Consumer
Being married for over 7 years now, I find myself in an uncomfortable position. Someone really wants me yet the feeling is, of course, not mutual. I've been trying to resist their advances, but the party in question is VERY persistent. I've been trying to cut all ties but the persistence stays. For those of you who may be in the same situation, let me warn you, it is hell.
What? Oh no! No no no, I'm not talking about another woman. The last time I thought another woman was looking longingly at me was just a ruse to get my parking space after I backed out. This situation is much more serious, possibly dangerous. Yes, you guessed it, DirecTV will not let me leave them.
We were seduced by the dark cable provider almost 2 years ago in a deep dark corner of Sam's Club. They wanted to sway us to the Direct side and succeeded with a low rate for a year. Being the tightwad I am, it was an easy lure. However, I soon learned that my new provider was not endowed with 2 big, sumptuous classic TV show channels (AntennaTV and MeTV). My new provider refused to get an enlargement... and then began costing me more money after a year. It began to think it owned me. Well, finally I had enough and decided to return to my ever-forgiving old provider Cox, who was well-endowed but cost just a bit more for the big package. It's ok, they know how to satisfy me. Sometimes bigger IS better.
Well, DirecTV was not going to let me go without a fight. They pleaded, begged, even stalked my wife on the phone. When that didn't work, they started following me around in a not-so-subtle van. When I got to the store, they pulled me inside by force, where I talked to their head "agent" who tried to make me a better offer. They soon tied me up and began forcing me to watch one of their 24/7 informercial channels, breaking down my resolve. Luckily, a Cox van pulled up and their team eliminated the Direct team judicously. From then on, until Cox got fully reconnected with us, they provided us with 24/7 protection. DirecTV, realizing they'd lost us, smiled seductively and said we were welcome back anytime.
If only it were that fun! No, unfortunately, we consumers are left to our own wits when trying to change from one thing to another. However, it does seem that the TV provider industry is like women with low self-esteem fighting for the same man. Imagine if this transferred to grocery shopping.
Picture yourself walking down the spaghetti aisle and trying to get some sauce. You've been using Ragu for years faithfully, and there's a Ragu rep standing by his cans. However, you look at the Prego sauce and realize that the ingredients are simpler and not filled with a bunch of useless and maybe dangerous ingredients. Soon, the Prego and Ragu reps begin pulling you in 2 different directions. When you wrench free, they begin a fistfight right in the aisle, sauce flying everywhere when jars begin to be hurled.
Sound ridiculous? Well, if the cable/satellite industry is any indication, I think the competition for loyal subscribers/users/junkies in ANY consumer realm will reach this point. The fast food wars ought to be a riot on streets where every franchise is within a mile of each other. Anyhow, I have to go now in my Volkswagen....before the Chevy dealership starts to follow us!
What? Oh no! No no no, I'm not talking about another woman. The last time I thought another woman was looking longingly at me was just a ruse to get my parking space after I backed out. This situation is much more serious, possibly dangerous. Yes, you guessed it, DirecTV will not let me leave them.
We were seduced by the dark cable provider almost 2 years ago in a deep dark corner of Sam's Club. They wanted to sway us to the Direct side and succeeded with a low rate for a year. Being the tightwad I am, it was an easy lure. However, I soon learned that my new provider was not endowed with 2 big, sumptuous classic TV show channels (AntennaTV and MeTV). My new provider refused to get an enlargement... and then began costing me more money after a year. It began to think it owned me. Well, finally I had enough and decided to return to my ever-forgiving old provider Cox, who was well-endowed but cost just a bit more for the big package. It's ok, they know how to satisfy me. Sometimes bigger IS better.
Well, DirecTV was not going to let me go without a fight. They pleaded, begged, even stalked my wife on the phone. When that didn't work, they started following me around in a not-so-subtle van. When I got to the store, they pulled me inside by force, where I talked to their head "agent" who tried to make me a better offer. They soon tied me up and began forcing me to watch one of their 24/7 informercial channels, breaking down my resolve. Luckily, a Cox van pulled up and their team eliminated the Direct team judicously. From then on, until Cox got fully reconnected with us, they provided us with 24/7 protection. DirecTV, realizing they'd lost us, smiled seductively and said we were welcome back anytime.
If only it were that fun! No, unfortunately, we consumers are left to our own wits when trying to change from one thing to another. However, it does seem that the TV provider industry is like women with low self-esteem fighting for the same man. Imagine if this transferred to grocery shopping.
Picture yourself walking down the spaghetti aisle and trying to get some sauce. You've been using Ragu for years faithfully, and there's a Ragu rep standing by his cans. However, you look at the Prego sauce and realize that the ingredients are simpler and not filled with a bunch of useless and maybe dangerous ingredients. Soon, the Prego and Ragu reps begin pulling you in 2 different directions. When you wrench free, they begin a fistfight right in the aisle, sauce flying everywhere when jars begin to be hurled.
Sound ridiculous? Well, if the cable/satellite industry is any indication, I think the competition for loyal subscribers/users/junkies in ANY consumer realm will reach this point. The fast food wars ought to be a riot on streets where every franchise is within a mile of each other. Anyhow, I have to go now in my Volkswagen....before the Chevy dealership starts to follow us!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)