The Divorcé part 4

   I sat down in a booth at the Black Bear Diner, a place where I had met many out of town friends when they had a moment or 2 to spare with me between slot pulls or shows. It was fairly close to the Strip, so Uber or taxi access was easy for them. The place itself was average family restaurant family fare, and that was what I liked about it. Some good oldies were ususally playing so that was a bonus.

   As I decided on a French dip, Tessa appeared before me. She was almost exactly as I had remembered her, except the brown long shaggy hair had more than a few gray strands in it. "Sam! You came!"

  I smiled. "Why wouldn't I?" I stood up and put out my arms to which she ran to and gave me quite a tight hug. After a long minute, I eased back. "You are looking good."

   She laughed. "Yeah, good and gray!" She sat down and so did I. She glanced at the menu I'd had put there for her. "Did you order?"

  "No, but I know what I want. Take your time."

    As she looked through the menu, I could tell she wasn't really interested in the food, her raised eyebrows couldn't have cared less. After a minute of fake looking, she closed it. "A burger looks good to me. You?"

  "French dip."

  "I haven't had one of those for a long time! Maybe I'll do that instead." She looked at me intently with her smile.

  "As you wish. I love them here."

   She looked at me some more, then said, "I bet you are wondering why I wanted to meet with you."

  "Yeah, I've been thinking about that."

  "Any theories?"

  "Well, you and I had no real romantic or sexual nature to our friendship way back when, so I was thinking this is money or business related."

   Tessa's smile shortened a bit. "Really? You didn't get any relationship vibes from me?"

  "I remember us meeting on  a dating site and that you were very cautious, even sending me to meet a friend who was busy at work. We got together a few times for a friendly meal and your son Doug. Most of our phone conversations revolved around him. I do remember helping you move to a new place once and shortly after you were moving to Phoenix and had fallen in love with some online gamer you'd never met. No, I think you and I were the perfect definition of platonic." I took a sip of my beer. "And there's nothing wrong with that, mind you. When you come back into my life 20 years or so later, I rule out a second shot because the seed for a first shot wasn't really planted."

   She nodded in response, then stayed quiet for a long while, in fact she didn't speak until our sever took our orders. We both got the French dip. After the server left us, Tessa's eyes were a bit wet. "Wow, the way you sum that all up sounds pretty cold."

  "Not cold, just matter of fact after so long."

  "Well, were you into me at all?"

  "As far as I know I was, but in the dating era of my youth, I was into a lot of women, figuratively and literally."

   She raised an eyebrow. "A bit TMI there."

  "Sorry. What I mean is, during the time I knew you, I was actually dating other women, going on actual dates. So while I was interested in you, I wasn't waiting on you."

   She nodded again. "OK, I can see that."

   I took another pull. "You've been back a year now?"

  "Yeah, the job brought me back, still servicing slot machines, or rather I'm back to that."

  "What took you so long to contact me?"

  "Oh! Well, I was getting settled in my apartment and the job again, and-"

  "And after burying yourself in all that for all that time, I'm the first guy you contacted, right?"

  "Um, no. Why do you ask that?"

  "Oh, nothing, just taking a survey. While we are waiting for our meals, let's get down to it."

  "Get down to what?"

  "Why we're meeting."

  "I-I wanted to see you."

  "Why?"

  "Oh my God, why are you so suspicious?"

   I smiled. "I'm not suspicious, but I'm not a dummy or a fool...well, except for not seeing a dead marriage for what it is. Now, as I am an experienced man and an old acquaintance, do me the respect of telling me why we are here together at your insistence."

   Tessa opened her mouth to speak, then closed it and looked away in thought. Afrer a while, she looked back at me. "I've been doing a lot of...looking."

  "OK, what have you been looking for?"

  "Not really for so much as at...I've been looking at myself the past year. Been meeting some guys, both new and from my past."

   I nodded in understanding. "You're trying to see if you're broken."

   She flashed me a fierce glare for a quick second, but relented and nodded gravely. "Everyone else from my past wanted to get together for a fling, but nothing else. No interest in talking. The new ones, well, I'm not even up to their standards, especially the younger ones."

  "They wanted the flings. Pardon my question, but did you grant them?"

 "Yes...not that it's any of your business."

  "It's not, and you didn't have to answer. But after the flings, how did you feel?"

  "Jesus! What are you, my shrink?"

  "No, just following up on what you said about looking at yourself. The question fits."

   Tessa just shook her head for a moment. "This is not the Sam Chapin I remember!"

  "That man is long gone, for better or for worse. Right now I'm more aware of people's motives. It's one of the perks of the divorce, almost a super power, though I don't know if it's being used for good or evil."

   We were interrupted by the arrival of our food. We paused the conversation and ate in silence for a few minutes. I savored the au jus with every bite. Tessa picked daintily at her food, eating a bit here and there. After a while, she put down her sandwich and folded her arms on the table. "I'm not really hungry."

  "I know. You didn't expect to actually eat. I'm guessing you wanted to," I lowered my voice, "screw."

   For the first time in a while, Tessa laughed. "Yeah, I did. I decided to give my past another try by giving more and...I think I lost more."

   I finished my chew and decided I'd had enough. "One thing I've learned from my marriage is that my past is merely an accumulation of who I am now, but I can't go back and change it. That's what the twenties, maybe early 30s, are for, for some people anyway, to enjoy when you can, because you can't get them back. What you CAN do later on is evolve from that."

  "Sounds depressing."

  "It can be if you dwell on things like what could have been. Instead, think about what could be, not STILL be, but could be."

   She thought about that for a bit, then grinned. "Are you and me a could be?"

  "Tonight?"

  "Why not?"

   I smiled back. "Could be. Let's get dessert first. I haven't eaten much today."

To be continued.