Rest Stop Closed!

Lieutenant's log, Stardate 3456789. I really have no clue what the stardate is, and quite frankly I don't think the time experts do either! I am sitting in for the Captain, who has been struck with transporter sickness. That ususally doesn't happen, but hey, if you use the transporter for sexual purposes, you get what you get!

Our ship the Nebula 6 has just passed a pretty cool looking planet. Well, the planet itself is pretty boring, but it has THE most awesome set of rings I've seen in the past 3 galaxies. That's not saying much, it's been pretty boring for months. This space desert makes you feel so cold, it's got so many asteroids but it's got no soul...scratch that, that was pretty cheesy!

Our mission is to seek out new life forms, hopefully intelligent ones, with which to communicate and share technology. Space is pretty big and it gets lonely on Planet Nixon sometimes. You can only do so many talk shows and game shows and cartoons to pass the time before you get planet fever.

Status, Lt. Smith!

"We're floating in space, nothing around us life-wise...same as a day ago!"

Well, regulations say we have to do this daily when we're not being particularly productive OR destructive.

"Yeah ok, do regulations state you get to be in charge while the captain is sick as usual?"

As a matter of fact, yes. Whoever draws the longest head tentacle is in charge! That WAS  on the sergeant exam when you took it...LIEUTENANT!

"Yes, sir."

That's better! Carry on! By the way, what are you carrying on with?

"Oh, some game where you break blocks with a ball and paddle. Pretty addicting."

Sounds a little too high-tech for me! Have fun with that.

"Sir! I have a life form reading on a planet not very far from here!"

Excellent, Lieutenant Yankovic!

"Sir, you can call me Al."

A little casual today, aren't we, 'Al'?

"Yes, sir."

Fine. Can you get a better reading yet?

"Not yet, we need to get closer."

Make it so...wait, that sounded dumb....just get closer, will you? Just don't make our presence too obvious, we know nothing about them and the last time we just dropped on a planet, they crapped all over themselves. Lieutenant Green, let's warp.

"Yes sir. Hyperspace or warp speed?"

Is there a difference?

"Just how the stars move past, it's all visual. No difference in speed."

You choose.

"Warp speed it is, sir! Is everyone strapped in?"

As opposed to strapped on? Yes. (ship shoots off) Whoa! Those wavy lives rock! How long?

"45 seconds, sir."

Aww, that's shorter than I expected!

"Small sun system, sir! And.....we're done!"

Excellent, let me call the captain. (hits a button). Captain! I think we finally might have found a good rest stop. We could all use a stretch, don't you think?"

(grumbling) "Who put you in charge? Wait, never mind, that stupid tenatcle regulation. How do you think I drew the SHORT tentacle to get this command?"

How are you feeling, sir?

(mocking) "How are you feeling sir? I know you're enjoying this, so enjoy it while it lasts! Let me know when we're there."

Yes sir! Lieutenant....whoever, give me a scan of this world.

"Lieutenant whoever? Look, I apologized for messing up the food computer several times!"

Tell you what, if you are ever on the toilet for 4 days without sleeping, THEN I'll remember your name. Scan!

"Yes sir...oh wow, this is a strange place."

How so?

"Several billion beings who love to fight over who to worship and kill each other over that matter."

Sounds stupid, go on.

"They have a technological entertainment system similar to ours called TV. Decent game shows, but mostly garbage called informercials."

Yuck. Go on.

"A huge amount of pollution. There are a few intelligent beings trying to push for planetary use of solar power, but too many beings in power want to squander their what appears to be few remaining natural resources."

Unbelievable!

"There are those who eat animal life, those who eat plant life, and those who eat both. Some kill animal life just for fun."

Without using them for food?

"They sell animal parts for profit."

This is too horrible to imagine!

"Sir, from what I can gather, any life forms not native to their planet would likely be destroyed by military and strange beings called 'rednecks' due to paranoia and wish for superiority. Only a few intelligent beings anticipate arrivals from those like us."

Quite sad. (hits comm button) Captain?

"Well? Can we stop there?"

Sorry sir, the rest stop is closed.

"Understood. Drive on! Hey, I once heard about a planet named Ceti Alpha 5 that's supposed to be populated. Let's see about that!"

Aye sir!