So far I've had 2 ok years. They weren't great by any means, as I was still learning to become, what I thought was, a good teacher. The year that was to follow made those first 2 years paradise. This is one of two years I have had hesitation in writing about, although this one was 11 years ago, I have have had time to put perspective on it.
2004-2005
This was my year to begin teaching 5th grade. I was moved from my broom closet in 1st grade row to a portable on the blacktop. I was excited at first, trying something new. We were adopting a new math program called Saxon, a hell lasting 4 years.
A few other issues emerged to cause problems before they began. First, it took a whole to get the AC installed on the portable, making it next to impossible to prep the room without sweating bullets. Also, I now felt distanced from the people I'd come to think of as friends. As I'd come to understand later, some friendships are built to last, many more are situational. On top of all that, my personal life was really sucking big time. Following my breakup with Gigi and a short-lived reunion with Treasa in the spring, I was having one disastrous date after another and getting quite discouraged...and this frustration was going to interfere big-time with my professional life.
A few teachers had left including Christy. It all blended into an entirely new feel, and it was disconcerting.
I had what many would consider a rough group. They were into gangsta rap and wrestling for the most part. I was also used to teaching younger kids, and the transition was a 12-month trial by fire, putting it mildly. Personality clashes and my own insecurities regarding these bigger, tougher kids led to many a day ending with my face red and body shaking after dismissal. 11 years later, I realize that if I'd had patience, flexibility, and a huge sense of humor, the year would have been a LOT smoother. However the dating hell had eroded much of that.
2 months of hell went by, although things eased a little bit by September's end, but just enough to keep me from having a nervous breakdown. I was also getting pressure form administration to get my act together, along with hearing some undertones of talking behind my back among teachers. My own fifth grade team wasn't the most sympathetic, either.
The first track break was most welcome, although that was also a big toll on my psyche in terms of relationships. In short, I had asked someone to come stay with me and maybe make it permanent. This was where my emotional state lay, a wreck waiting to happen...and it did. The situation unraveled within a week and I took her home to Texas. This boy needed some psychotherapy and fast! After a couple of sessions and a little trip to San Diego, I was feeling better and trying some new things with my class. For the time being, things were more tranquil.
However, temporary solutions not well thought-out and planned eventually crack, and by spring it was getting bad again. What did not help was the AC failing and us having a hot room for a while, like 2 months. The class was quite aware that my management sucked and took advantage at any given moment. My emotional state had evened out a bit. The dating still sucked, but with one person I had found a nice, if temporary source of sexual sustenance without the stress of first date bullshit.
That and therapy helped to create a wall between me and the class for the remainder of the year.
In class, it was just getting worse. The boys were turning out the lights to have a wrestling match in the dark, and kids were stealing my stuff. One or two of the boys were getting confrontational with me. By the time the final 4 weeks in July and August came, I was in survival mode. Admin was pissed at me for letting the kids do whatever, and the rumor undertones that it was my last year were really hitting my ears. Teachers with rooms near my portable were mad at me for the things my kids were doing...and rightly so. I really had thrown in the towel on that year.
During the last week, the boss made sure I wasn't alone with the kids to prevent a lawsuit from parents. Now, a lot of teachers would resent that. Not me! I was glad to have the backup and relief. I was a man in heaven on the last day. Really. I went home, grabbed a bag of clothes and headed to San Diego. It was a cloudy, humid day and there was a sudden rainfall leaving town. It was like a pressure leaving my body atr last. I laughed and cried for miles.
I learned a lot about myself that year...and about others I worked with. For myself, I learned that I needed healthy outlets outside of dating so that I could work without the emotional overhead. As for the others, I learned who the true friends were (very few) and who the fair-weather twerps were. Such knowledge is useful in any workplace, I just wished it had not taken so long to discover. The next year had its rough edges, but was nowhere near this one.
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