Rhapsody Slimmed

   Have you ever noticed that there is a time at the end of the school year, like a week before summer is due to commence, there is always a student who is not going to make it out. This is generally not an elementary school problem, more of middle and high school. I have seen memes of this scenario where the parent or student is appealing to the teacher to create a quick and miraculous cure to that failing grade at the 11th and a half hour. It likely goes something like this.

Hello? 

Yes, Mrs. Parker, I got your message later on last evening but it was a bit late to call back.

Well, I got it at 10:30p.m. Anyway, I saw that you're concerned about Karr's grade.

Oh yes, I'm concerned, too. Right now he's holding at a 23%.

No, we don't do the 50% minimum F here.

No, Mrs. Parker, and I can guarantee my principal will back me on this. Karr has not completed any of the class assignments and projects I gave. In fact, I might be giving him too much credit to say he did not complete them, he likely did not begin them, either. In fact, the only reason he is holding a grade as high as he has is because he deigned to come to class and attempt to pass a few tests.

Well, sure he got a couple questions right here and there, but those were review questions from last year's material.

Mrs. Parker, I know he is trying out for every sport there is, but our coaches check their grades before the kids even try out. It's school policy.

No, no, I am not trying to deny him greatness on the athletic field, but he has to earn that greatness in the classroom first. A 70% mimimum is required to try out, even for cheerleaders.

Mrs. Parker, I'm not suggesting that your son tries out for the cheerleading team, my point was-

Yes, thank you for understanding.

You want him to pass. Well, I want him to pass, too. This is his second year of basic algebra and he should have been in geometry.

Mrs. Parker, Karr has a 23% as of today and even if he passes his final exam next week, he won't have a passing grade for the year.

That's right, even if he scores a 100%. I have to give it to you, Mrs. Parker, your optimism is inspiring.

Extra credit? Well, Mrs. Parker, I usually assign that to students who are on the cusp of getting a B or an A and they just need a little booster.

Well, of course everyone deserves an opportunity, I don't deny that. The problem is that extra credit involves a project that demonstrates their understanding of what I've been teaching them all year. Karr has not shown that understanding.

(sigh) Look, this is high school, not elementary. I don't give word searches at this stage, and we're talking basic algebra here. 

How basic? Mrs. Parker, I spent the first two weeks reviewing order of operations and several of the kids, Karr included, couldn't even multiply without a times table in front of them.

Mrs. Parker, there were several opportunities for him to get tutoring and attend summer school, none of which were taken advantage of for his whole time in this district, which would be seven years.

I like my summers, too, and I am about to embark on mine. That said, I do offer tutoring during the month of June, as do other teachers trying to make an extra buck or two.

(sigh) Mrs. Parker, I worry about Karr graduating on time, which would be in two years. Now, how is he doing in his other classes, if I may ask?

He's doing about the same? 

Mrs. Parker, I will confess to you that I was held back in kindergarten, back in the days when the system believed in that. 

If you want to say I flunked, fine. My point is, that extra year of skills reinforcement helped me to grasp new concepts later as they came. Otherwise I might have struggled as Karr has obviously been.

No, it's not a bad mark on his record if he's held back. If the system held more kids back when needed instead of pushing them through, we'd have more genuine graduates with genuine diplomas as opposed to 12th grade exit certificates...which don't even buy a free Big Mac..

All right, Mrs. Parker, you can talk to the principal if you like, but he won't give him a fake pass on this class, either. He'll just push him up like the district tells him to.

Same to you, Mrs. Parker. Bye now.

Can anyone relate to the teacher? Maybe the parent?

End of year Rhapsody

    Actually, my school year ended over 3 weeks ago. Opposed to years past, this school year ended well for me stress-wise, making the beginning of the next school year better anticipated.

   My first year at a new school, my 4th school in fact, could have gone either way. I had made a decision to do whatever it took to make the year positive. Were there a few bumps? Sure, but minor ones, and I worked with a grade level team where communal growth was the theme, a more Kumbaya vibe than I have ever felt in 23 years.

   It was also my first year working for a male principal, a male assistant principal and a female assistant principal. Now, I might rub someone the wrong way here, but I'm used to that. I've found that working for 2 males, at least in this case, was more direct and I was observed many times with constructive feedback. It kept me on my game.

   My class size was never above 18, and the 18 was due to an unruly kid placed in my room as babysitting the last two weeks.

   All right, enough of review. Time for a little of my Bob Newhart-style interplay. 

   Have you ever noticed that there is a time at the end of the school year, like a week before summer is due to commence, there is always a student who is not going to make it out. This is generally not an elementary school problem, more of middle and high school. I have seen memes of this scenario where the parent or student is appealing to the teacher to create a quick and miraculous cure to that failing grade at the 11th and a half hour. It likely goes something like this.

Hello? 

Yes, Mrs. Parker, I got your message later on last evening but it was a bit late to call back.

Well, I got it at 10:30p.m. Anyway, I saw that you're concerned about Karr's grade.

Oh yes, I'm concerned, too. Right now he's holding at a 23%.

No, we don't do the 50% minimum F here.

No, Mrs. Parker, and I can guarantee my principal will back me on this. Karr has not completed any of the class assignments and projects I gave. In fact, I might be giving him too much credit to say he did not complete them, he likely did not begin them, either. In fact, the only reason he is holding a grade as high as he has is because he deigned to come to class and attempt to pass a few tests.

Well, sure he got a couple questions right here and there, but those were review questions from last year's material.

Mrs. Parker, I know he is trying out for every sport there is, but our coaches check their grades before the kids even try out. It's school policy.

No, no, I am not trying to deny him greatness on the athletic field, but he has to earn that greatness in the classroom first. A 70% mimimum is required to try out, even for cheerleaders.

Mrs. Parker, I'm not suggesting that your son tries out for the cheerleading team, my point was-

Yes, thank you for understanding.

You want him to pass. Well, I want him to pass, too. This is his second year of basic algebra and he should have been in geometry.

Mrs. Parker, Karr has a 23% as of today and even if he passes his final exam next week, he won't have a passing grade for the year.

That's right, even if he scores a 100%. I have to give it to you, Mrs. Parker, your optimism is inspiring.

Extra credit? Well, Mrs. Parker, I usually assign that to students who are on the cusp of getting a B or an A and they just need a little booster.

Well, of course everyone deserves an opportunity, I don't deny that. The problem is that extra credit involves a project that demonstrates their understanding of what I've been teaching them all year. Karr has not shown that understanding.

(sigh) Look, this is high school, not elementary. I don't give word searches at this stage, and we're talking basic algebra here. 

How basic? Mrs. Parker, I spent the first two weeks reviewing order of operations and several of the kids, Karr included, couldn't even multiply without a times table in front of them.

Mrs. Parker, there were several opportunities for him to get tutoring and attend summer school, none of which were taken advantage of for his whole time in this district, which would be seven years.

I like my summers, too, and I am about to embark on mine. That said, I do offer tutoring during the month of June, as do other teachers trying to make an extra buck or two.

(sigh) Mrs. Parker, I worry about Karr graduating on time, which would be in two years. Now, how is he doing in his other classes, if I may ask?

He's doing about the same? 

Mrs. Parker, I will confess to you that I was held back in kindergarten, back in the days when the system believed in that. 

If you want to say I flunked, fine. My point is, that extra year of skills reinforcement helped me to grasp new concepts later as they came. Otherwise I might have struggled as Karr has obviously been.

No, it's not a bad mark on his record if he's held back. If the system held more kids back when needed instead of pushing them through, we'd have more genuine graduates with genuine diplomas as opposed to 12th grade exit certificates...which don't even buy a free Big Mac..

All right, Mrs. Parker, you can talk to the principal if you like, but he won't give him a fake pass on this class, either. He'll just push him up like the district tells him to.

Same to you, Mrs. Parker. Bye now.

Can anyone relate to the teacher? Maybe the parent?

Dads

    Well, today I celebrate my 15th true Father's Day....16 if you include the one just a month and a half before we were introduced to Natalie. Nobody ever really counts that one, but the excitement was there. I couldn't wait to meet her!

   So what has fatherhood been like?

   Hell? Sure!

   Heaven? Absolutely!

   There are times when it has been both simultaneously.

   The bad times were usually a direct result of how I was doing with myself. I'm not one who fakes it well. If I'm doing badly with myself, I'm not projecting a convinving mirage to others, especially my own family.

   I look at some of the best TV dads (or at least the ones who TV Guide rated as the best)...some I agree with, others not.

   The one I wished I could be like was Ward Cleaver. That guy had it all: stories of when he was a boy, sound advice, and a pretty good temperament even when he was pissed off...which was often with Beaver, not so often with Wally.

   Jim Anderson was kind of up there with Ward, but way too well scripted for any real dad...you could almost see Robert Young's desire for a few drinks behind that gentle smile.

   Mike Brady was kind of another too-well-scripted dad, never really lost his cool.

   To me, Al Bundy was more well rounded. So was Howard Cunningham. 

   Cliff Huxtable, despite his faults, was also just a bit too perfect for me. And the later scandals involving Cosby explained that facade nicely...or darkly.

   If you want to go frontier, there's always Charles Ingalls or John Walton. 

   So what makes a good dad? 

   Quite frankly, it's about being there emotionally and physically, plus and letting things come naturally. I think it's important to have both, because if one is lacking, there will be a missing element. 

   On one of my favorite shows The Edge of Night, the Whitney's manservant Gunther Wagner seemed to just naturally know how to get along with Raven Whitney's recently returned boy. When Raven's husband Sky asked what the secret was, Gunther told him it wasn't what you do, it's how you do it.

   I couldn't agree more. I think back to all the times when Natalie was an infant and we played on the floor, or when she was a bit older and we played horsey...or even when she climbed into my lap and fell asleep. Or all the times we rode in the car to school. Most of our car chats were good, some of them were not so good. But the not so good chats led to better ones later. 

   There was a time a couple of years ago when our relationship wasn't as good as it should have been. It wasn't until some sessions on a shrink's couch and me watching Inside Out 2 that I understood that my bad times were really affecting her, so I made damn sure I was going to do better.

   Sometimes I think of all those baby daddies who never get a chance to meet their kids, either by their fault or mom's fault. As a teacher, I can see usually who has had the benefit of having moms and dads on board with their upbringing. It makes the teaching a ton easier.

   Maybe it's nerdy me, or maybe it's just coming into the marriage/family era of life a bit later (my 30s), but I cannot picture making a child and not wanting to be part of its life in a personal one on one way. I kinow there are a ton of guys out there who are merely seed planters, and I wish they'd plant trees or tomatoes, but not their own seed, because in many cases they have helped spawn unbalanced kids...not always, but in many cases.

   I'm proud to be a dad and I will feel that way right up until my last breath.

   I love you, Natalie!