Age Old Issues

 What amazes me is that whenever I post something on social media that almost certainly critical of Donald Trump (and yes he does give all of us ammunition in any given press conference or Truth Social post or interview)...the first thing some people say in response (to me personally) is something like "Oh, would you rather have Biden in there?" or "It would be worse under Biden!"

I've heard a LOT of that...and the respective answers to both those retorts is "No" and "I agree".

There is a fallacy in thinking on both of those questions, that I was a Biden fan and that I voted for him.

I am proud to say I did not. 

I also did not vote for Trump in 2020, and at that point I was again a registered Republican...not a TRUMP-o-phile, but a simple Republican with some basically conservative views.

I have seen and heard Donald Trump for decades...I did not want him sitting in the White House 9 years ago. So for reasons still unknown to me, I registered as Democrat in late 2015 as opposed to staying independent as I had for most of my voting life. 

I went to a local caucus in early 2016 where the 2 camps were Sanders and Clinton. Wow, were my eyes opened to the Democrats at that point. I was in the Sanders camp, I liked his direct way of speaking. As the year progressed, Hillary was in and the Sanders camp who ate crow but were willing to cast support to Clinton were pretty much shut out in the cold. 

I hated that treatment of a decent group of people who believed in a specific candidate, and the leader of the DNC at that time was not someone I'd have coffee with or say hello to.

As a result, I voted for neither Clinton or Trump in 2016.

Cut to 2019: the Democratic Presidential candidate debates. By this time I had already switched to GOP because of my own principles, not the Trump bandwagon (I know I said this earlier, but it bears repeating). I watched this spectacle that displayed a wide array of talent, lots of YOUNGER talent, who could possibly lead in a positive way. Then it whittled down and down and down...until we were left with Sanders and Biden. I wanted neither, not because they weren't good people, but THEY WERE TOO DAMN OLD!!

If you go back and look at Abraham Lincoln in 1860, he looked pretty damn young and strong at 51. Cut to his last year and he had aged quite a bit due to dealing with the Civil War.

The point is, the Presidency, no matter how prestigious, ages you, even in peacetime, because there are so many issues to contend with regarding the nation.

In early 2020, Joe Biden was 77 and Bernie Sanders was 78...Reagan was considered to be too old in 1981 when he began his regime at 70. Therefore these 2 old farts had no business being in the Oval Office.

It came down to Biden and at that point I began to wonder how the Democratic party operates...to be fair, the GOP is just as corrupt. But I understood later what the likely game plan was, and a buddy of mine and I discussed this back then: Biden was probably seen as to not last even a year, paving the way for his VP Kamala Harris to take over as President, making up for that "travesty" election in 2016.

Biden surprised everyone. I was not a fan, but up until the debate last year, I did hold a respect for him. Liking and respecting can be two separate things. I even respected him after the debate because I saw what 3 1/2 years had done to an already old guy.

From the day Biden got into office, Donald Trump was fully running the GOP and the attacks on Biden by the GOP and Fox News were relentless, all eyes were on Biden's next verbal blunder or trip on a stairway.

Yes, that is the media of today, millions of eyes on you and just waiting for an excuse to pounce, and if there's no excuse, then one will be MANUFACTURED via edited video to create one. The guy had no chance, and I am one who prefers a fair fight.

And then we come to Trump. 

I hear what he says and I have read some of what he has typed on Truth Social. The man makes a ton of verbal gaffes, is often low energy in speeches, has tripped on stairs himself, and goes after others, often reporters,  in quite an uncivilized manner, in my mind making him a poor role model for today's children. 

Yet the mainstream media is afraid of him, particularly due to his attack on "60 Minutes" and CBS...nobody wants to be in his crosshairs except for CNN. The mainstream media have apparently decided that regarding 47, they will stay "nice". That means they compromised themselves in terms of being journalists just to stay in safe harbor...I no longer respect them. They might as well be frying fresh McNuggets for all their impact on the world.

Trump's people just let him roll, and I am familiar with the pattern. It happened with W, it happened with Reagan, and it happened with Nixon (read "All the President's Men" to get an idea). The people standing behind the man go after anyone the man sics them on with a vengeance, and remain loyal until the man is out; then, like weasels, they write books or do interviews to "finally tell the real story".

I now watch independent podcasters with their takes. No, they are not particularly nonpartisan either, but they are not afraid.

The fact is that Donald Trump is also too old to be in there and is showing signs here and there almsot daily the reason why.  The difference between his people and Biden's people is that Trump has the Fox News and MAGA folk working for him to ignore the signs of age and mental deterioration, and help attack those who point the issues out. Biden's people were not as ferocious and did not instill that fear of revenge upon his foes. Quite a disservice in fact.

 

I Need RE-IMAGING...and an Iced Coffee

 In fairly recent history (not the "dark ages" 1900s), I decided to put myself through a fairly grueling exercise and diet regimen that in the end (after 8 months), had me looking pretty goof. Well, apart from doing that shaved head thing, yeah, I looked good. In fact I won the school's biggest loser challenge! A whole $70 that went right into replacing my car's battery. Easy come easy go. 

I managed to keep myself under 200 pounds for about a year. Then some little things began creeping up on me that not only increased my stress but also increased the weight again. In fact, before long I was almost right where I had begun before the weight loss journey.

So the question is, what happened?

Part of the problem, as I see it now, is that I wasn't doing it entirely for myself, I was trying to impress someone. Notice I said entirely, because in late 2019, I looked pretty damn horrible. My cheeks went in a straight line to what was a long time ago a fairly well defined neck, and my gut wasn't looking so hot, either.

However, at some point in my work career, a career worked among many women, I fell into a tortuous trap: I developed feelings for a colleague. How the hell did this happen? I was married, I thought HAPPILY married, and so was she. And despite being an attractive blonde, she was always griping over something. 

A recent conversation with an old friend from that workplace informed me that my feelings were not exactly secret. They probably weren't, for I visited this woman on my prep period often for no educational purpose at all. As my friend relayed, someone had mused aloud if I really thought she would leave her husband, luxury house, and kids for little old me? The answer is a definite NO, I had no expectations. A fantasy or two maybe in the sex department, but fantasies are fantasies.

The fact is, though, that I was doing all that walking in 2020 not only to look better, but also to tell her all that I was doing and how much weight I was losing. A lot of my Facebook posts were posted to get her attention...and wow was I grounded when I got no response. Of course I would text her with an iWatch reading or scale reading and she would just say, "That's awesome!". I was thrilled then, but now I know it was like an automatic response.

This friendship as it was went on as was until mid 2023, when I began to really feel the resentment over what I felt was a one-sided friendship. And to a large extent it was. I did not get what I call unfed attention from her, meaning her checking on me out of the blue just to check on me. And why would I expect that? I expected that out of some blind hope for...what...cheap ego-feeding? Yeah, that's what it was.

I was a mess in the last half of 2023, emotionally and financially. I had been led onto a fragile cliff by a company scamming me for 2 years, plus I was so filled with self loathing that it was hurting my marriage. I was lashing out at my wife in subtle and not so subtle ways. Not only that, my obsession with this person, we'll call her Rose, and the resulting nonreciprocation, had (I now understand) led me to seek attention, however fake it was, from online vehicles like Twitter since mid 2021. And sure I made friends with lots of bots, and it became kind of a game. However, I was hiding my phone even when sitting on the couch with my wife. I wasn't good at it and eventually everything came crashing in late 2023. I had to file bankruptcy for the second time in my life, I was sending messages about Vickie to people and she was seeing them, and I just felt like shit regarding myself..

I went to Starbucks on my 51st birthday and sat at the table drinking my coffee and doing the crossword of the day...and I felt not one ounce of happiness. A fight with my wife later over messages she had seen brought it all to a fork: divorce and sell the house, or try to make things work?

I chose to try. I'm still trying a year and a half later.

The crap online still had not gone away and by April of 2024, it was worse than ever. It was time to get some professional help. Twitter and any social media platform other than Facebook was gone totally by last Christmas. 

As for Rose, I had some kind of dark angel in the new principal that wanted me out of that school. At first I felt low and insulted after 13 years there to be so unceremoniously tossed...definitely angry. Of course I had not started therapy at that point either. However, a start at a new school with new colleagues really brightened up my life. It wasn't perfect, and I had some work to do to make myself a better teacher again, but I was definitely in a better place. 

Rose texted me early that year to gripe that I had not retained or WORKED to retain a student she had gotten from me. After that, not much. A quick Halloween pic exchange, a Christmas wish from me, a birthday wish from me, and a happy Mother's Day wish from me. From her were no birthday or Christmas wish, no Father's Day wish, either. 

The writing was all there...and boy am I happy! One thing therapy has been teaching me is to love me for myself and be happy in my own skin and enjoy my own presence. Another side benefit form this is when my wife and I are having a spat, I am no longer automatically apologizing to maintain some neutral status quo that substitute for happiness.

It's all been a process of re-imaging myself, like updating a computer...damn what people see, it's the image I see that is important. I've been judging myself on how others see me for so long, it's a long process to reverse that. Not a self-dig, just a happy observation. With that, I am trying to learn to eat better so that my insides are happier as well...that and exercise.

All that said...do NOT deny me my iced coffee!

DOGE Ball

 OK OK, I am trying really hard to stay out of the Trump complaint department (so many branches now, no need for me to open another one), but I wanted to talk about DOGE.

No, not the historical term for leaders of Italian city-states, but the recently formed Department of Government Efficiency.

Like many of us, I actually had some high hopes for this, because we all know the Fed is fattier than a bone-in ribeye. That said, the process was fast, furious...and in the end it was a scam to get people to pledge their eternal loyalty to Zod-I mean Trump to keep or regain their jobs.

One of the cuts I've seen is to public television, which at times I agree to a point...meaning I don't know what the viewership numbers are like anymore, and PBS is no longer the home of Sesame Street or any other childhood memories. Back in 1969 when there were maybe 4 or 5 channels on the dial and PBS was one of them, Mr. Fred Rogers himself testified before Congress to urge them to keep funding public television. PBS stations have been known to air educational shows for kids AND adults, expose us to British melodrama and comedy, and offer some locally-themed fare. Funding cuts just might be needed if viewership has significantly waned in the last decade or 2.

Another idea for "putting things to the states" (if you want a smaller central government, yeah, you give more rights and responsibility to the states): cede the national parks to the states and create departments that see to them. California, Utah, and Arizona could drum up some good revenue from that endeavor and as we see more and more people interested in preservation and protection of the land, what an idea!

And finally a huge bone of contention for many is the dissolution of the Department of Education. The contention comes with some of the programs like Title 1 and special education that address the needs of many of our students in a lower socio-economic status or special needs. Go with me on this one, I have been a teacher for quite some time and I think a properly run and funded education department in each state can handle this. Also, if you go back 23 years, that's when the NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND bullshit began, which was a FEDERAL effort that sounded good in title, but fell flat and put education even further in the ground. No, education has for most of its U.S. history been a state matter, let it stay that way. If states find they are low in funding, it might be time to look at their bloat like overexpensive leanring materials and expensive standardized tests.

I am sure there are other ways that Washington D.C.'s bureaucratic tumor should be shrunk., but it should be done logically and EFFICIENTLY! Just throwing people out of their asses out of nowhere is not a positive move, and it does not cast us as a nation in a good way.

End of year Rhapsody

    Actually, my school year ended over 3 weeks ago. Opposed to years past, this school year ended well for me stress-wise, making the beginning of the next school year better anticipated.

   My first year at a new school, my 4th school in fact, could have gone either way. I had made a decision to do whatever it took to make the year positive. Were there a few bumps? Sure, but minor ones, and I worked with a grade level team where communal growth was the theme, a more Kumbaya vibe than I have ever felt in 23 years.

   It was also my first year working for a male principal, a male assistant principal and a female assistant principal. Now, I might rub someone the wrong way here, but I'm used to that. I've found that working for 2 males, at least in this case, was more direct and I was observed many times with constructive feedback. It kept me on my game.

   My class size was never above 18, and the 18 was due to an unruly kid placed in my room as babysitting the last two weeks.

   All right, enough of review. Time for a little of my Bob Newhart-style interplay. 

   Have you ever noticed that there is a time at the end of the school year, like a week before summer is due to commence, there is always a student who is not going to make it out. This is generally not an elementary school problem, more of middle and high school. I have seen memes of this scenario where the parent or student is appealing to the teacher to create a quick and miraculous cure to that failing grade at the 11th and a half hour. It likely goes something like this.

Hello? 

Yes, Mrs. Parker, I got your message later on last evening but it was a bit late to call back.

Well, I got it at 10:30p.m. Anyway, I saw that you're concerned about Karr's grade.

Oh yes, I'm concerned, too. Right now he's holding at a 23%.

No, we don't do the 50% minimum F here.

No, Mrs. Parker, and I can guarantee my principal will back me on this. Karr has not completed any of the class assignments and projects I gave. In fact, I might be giving him too much credit to say he did not complete them, he likely did not begin them, either. In fact, the only reason he is holding a grade as high as he has is because he deigned to come to class and attempt to pass a few tests.

Well, sure he got a couple questions right here and there, but those were review questions from last year's material.

Mrs. Parker, I know he is trying out for every sport there is, but our coaches check their grades before the kids even try out. It's school policy.

No, no, I am not trying to deny him greatness on the athletic field, but he has to earn that greatness in the classroom first. A 70% mimimum is required to try out, even for cheerleaders.

Mrs. Parker, I'm not suggesting that your son tries out for the cheerleading team, my point was-

Yes, thank you for understanding.

You want him to pass. Well, I want him to pass, too. This is his second year of basic algebra and he should have been in geometry.

Mrs. Parker, Karr has a 23% as of today and even if he passes his final exam next week, he won't have a passing grade for the year.

That's right, even if he scores a 100%. I have to give it to you, Mrs. Parker, your optimism is inspiring.

Extra credit? Well, Mrs. Parker, I usually assign that to students who are on the cusp of getting a B or an A and they just need a little booster.

Well, of course everyone deserves an opportunity, I don't deny that. The problem is that extra credit involves a project that demonstrates their understanding of what I've been teaching them all year. Karr has not shown that understanding.

(sigh) Look, this is high school, not elementary. I don't give word searches at this stage, and we're talking basic algebra here. 

How basic? Mrs. Parker, I spent the first two weeks reviewing order of operations and several of the kids, Karr included, couldn't even multiply without a times table in front of them.

Mrs. Parker, there were several opportunities for him to get tutoring and attend summer school, none of which were taken advantage of for his whole time in this district, which would be seven years.

I like my summers, too, and I am about to embark on mine. That said, I do offer tutoring during the month of June, as do other teachers trying to make an extra buck or two.

(sigh) Mrs. Parker, I worry about Karr graduating on time, which would be in two years. Now, how is he doing in his other classes, if I may ask?

He's doing about the same? 

Mrs. Parker, I will confess to you that I was held back in kindergarten, back in the days when the system believed in that. 

If you want to say I flunked, fine. My point is, that extra year of skills reinforcement helped me to grasp new concepts later as they came. Otherwise I might have struggled as Karr has obviously been.

No, it's not a bad mark on his record if he's held back. If the system held more kids back when needed instead of pushing them through, we'd have more genuine graduates with genuine diplomas as opposed to 12th grade exit certificates...which don't even buy a free Big Mac..

All right, Mrs. Parker, you can talk to the principal if you like, but he won't give him a fake pass on this class, either. He'll just push him up like the district tells him to.

Same to you, Mrs. Parker. Bye now.

Can anyone relate to the teacher? Maybe the parent?

Dads

    Well, today I celebrate my 15th true Father's Day....16 if you include the one just a month and a half before we were introduced to Natalie. Nobody ever really counts that one, but the excitement was there. I couldn't wait to meet her!

   So what has fatherhood been like?

   Hell? Sure!

   Heaven? Absolutely!

   There are times when it has been both simultaneously.

   The bad times were usually a direct result of how I was doing with myself. I'm not one who fakes it well. If I'm doing badly with myself, I'm not projecting a convinving mirage to others, especially my own family.

   I look at some of the best TV dads (or at least the ones who TV Guide rated as the best)...some I agree with, others not.

   The one I wished I could be like was Ward Cleaver. That guy had it all: stories of when he was a boy, sound advice, and a pretty good temperament even when he was pissed off...which was often with Beaver, not so often with Wally.

   Jim Anderson was kind of up there with Ward, but way too well scripted for any real dad...you could almost see Robert Young's desire for a few drinks behind that gentle smile.

   Mike Brady was kind of another too-well-scripted dad, never really lost his cool.

   To me, Al Bundy was more well rounded. So was Howard Cunningham. 

   Cliff Huxtable, despite his faults, was also just a bit too perfect for me. And the later scandals involving Cosby explained that facade nicely...or darkly.

   If you want to go frontier, there's always Charles Ingalls or John Walton. 

   So what makes a good dad? 

   Quite frankly, it's about being there emotionally and physically, plus and letting things come naturally. I think it's important to have both, because if one is lacking, there will be a missing element. 

   On one of my favorite shows The Edge of Night, the Whitney's manservant Gunther Wagner seemed to just naturally know how to get along with Raven Whitney's recently returned boy. When Raven's husband Sky asked what the secret was, Gunther told him it wasn't what you do, it's how you do it.

   I couldn't agree more. I think back to all the times when Natalie was an infant and we played on the floor, or when she was a bit older and we played horsey...or even when she climbed into my lap and fell asleep. Or all the times we rode in the car to school. Most of our car chats were good, some of them were not so good. But the not so good chats led to better ones later. 

   There was a time a couple of years ago when our relationship wasn't as good as it should have been. It wasn't until some sessions on a shrink's couch and me watching Inside Out 2 that I understood that my bad times were really affecting her, so I made damn sure I was going to do better.

   Sometimes I think of all those baby daddies who never get a chance to meet their kids, either by their fault or mom's fault. As a teacher, I can see usually who has had the benefit of having moms and dads on board with their upbringing. It makes the teaching a ton easier.

   Maybe it's nerdy me, or maybe it's just coming into the marriage/family era of life a bit later (my 30s), but I cannot picture making a child and not wanting to be part of its life in a personal one on one way. I kinow there are a ton of guys out there who are merely seed planters, and I wish they'd plant trees or tomatoes, but not their own seed, because in many cases they have helped spawn unbalanced kids...not always, but in many cases.

   I'm proud to be a dad and I will feel that way right up until my last breath.

   I love you, Natalie!