It Was Me, Most Definitely Me

 A bit of an old and painful topic came up a couple nights ago at a New Year's Eve gathering at a friend's house.

For those who don't know, the 2010-11 school year was the worst year of my (so far) 23 years in the CCSD. I was at a new school after an 8-year stretch at my first school. I was excited about the new adventure, but a few factors led to it being the worst. In fact, it was so bad that I took FML for the final month of the year and went through a tough time afterward before I felt good at being a teacher again. I even went back to this school (but put in a different position) for the first month of the next year before voluntarily transferring after count day.

At this gathering the other night was the mom of one of my kids during that torturous year. I vaguely remembered her daughter, especially after seeing her picture. The mom told me her daughter (and other students in the class) thought I left because "they were so bad".

Folks, that one hit me hard. If there is anyone responsible for a year being bad, it is most certainly me. Granted there were factors in my life outside the classroom along with lingering crap form my first school that helped to shape that year into what it was. That said, the buck definitely stopped with me.

I had another bad year that almost matched that one 20 years ago. Once again, it wasn't the kids, it was me and how I approached things. Funny thing about that year...about 5 years ago I ran into one of the 'bad' kids from that year at a store. I shook his hand and gave him a bear hug and admitted my shortcomings that year. Truly, if I'd been more ready for the year (and had working AC in that portable), I would have had a better time with them as a whole. Same with the 2010-11 year.

Back to the gathering...the mom texted her daughter that I was there and the daughter's reply was that "oh no, he probably never wants to see me again". I asked for the mom's phone and texted that it was me and that the person responsible for that year was me, not her or her classmates. As I recall they were a decent group and if the teacher I am now was with them then, the year would have been a lot better all around.

The mom (who is very friendly and good-humored) also told me that the principal that year put me in that different position in hopes that I would quit and told everybody that.

Well, I did not quit and have held on for quite some time.

I have known other teachers who the boss, especially a new one, did not mesh well with and suffered at work and at home, often quitting just to end the torture they were going through.

There are just some people who should not be put in charge of other adults, at least not long-term. When they scheme with others working for them to isolate and alientate the ones they want to get rid of, that's a power trip, not leadership.

Being a teacher, especially nowadays, is a difficult endeavor when there is not sufficient support from administration and parents. Definitely not like when I went to school. Granted, I grew up in a pretty homogenous group, not nearly as diverse culturally and ethnically as where I teach now, but even those homogenous groups are in a different time in history where electronic devices tend to dominate their social interactions and outlooks, even with adequate parental support.