Relationships

   This is a piece I have wanted to tackle for a while, and did not quite know how to go about it. No, I'm not doing a pathetic why oh why am I where I am now and how did I get here. It's just a look back because it's a sunny Sunday in March, quite pleasant, and it gets the creative juices flowing.

   I have been in 1 relationship for 11 years and a month and 7 days now. This was the woman I knew from the first day that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the vibes were that instant. It took quite a long time to find Vickie, an arduous journey of heartache, headaches and despair, and that was just the morning before our first date started!

   No, seriously, the relationship cycle was a rollercoaster for years. I've met a lot of women, some of whom I've spent a good deal of time with, some whom I saw once and never saw again, to a varying degree of relief and sadness. In fact, I don't think I could write this without 11 years of happy marriage under my belt so I can fully look at the past objectively and with fondness, not angst, animosity, or regret. I regret nothing, it was all meant to be....or not to be.

   To begin, I should make it clear that I was basically a virginal geek for quite a long time, even through college. It was a mixture of awkwardness and self-doubt that kept me out of the sexual and relationship arena for the years it would have been fun. The way I look at it is this: given the right opportunity HANDED TO ME ON A SILVER PLATTER, I would have been stupid enough to mess it up and/or gotten a venereal disease due to no condom because I would have been THAT GRATEFUL to get laid. Like I say, things happen for a reason. So let me go all the way back to childhood, say, third grade.

   Yes, I was liking girls a lot early on, but my geekiness made me a laughing stock or just a general creep....I did a lot of staring in admiration and wonderment.

Lisa A- In third and fourth grade I thought her to be the prettiest girl in class. She thought me to be a creepy nerd. Luckily we grew to be friendlier acquaintances in junior high and high school.

Karen W-I liked her in 5th grade and never stopped liking her in junior high. I just had nothing going for me in those years. Hardly saw her in high school, but it's a big place.

Donna M- Cute girl in 6th grade, stayed cute all through graduation, just too sophisticated or pseudo sophisticated for the likes of me.

Robyn S- I thought she was the hottest number in 8th grade. Sitting next to her in science was the highlight of my day that year.

Mary P.- Quite a beautiful Greek-blooded girl. She was my 9th grade focus.

Tracey G.- Actually Tracey and I were just friends, but we talked regularly on the phone for a while. It was nice to talk to a female who didn't get me tongue-tied. I needed that.

Amy E.-Almost right from the start of 11th grade, I was smitten with this blonde beauty. I was not quite sure why then. This was the girl that had me being an idiot just to get her attention, and damn was I pathetic. I wrote her notes, sent her carnations with the message "Love Ya", and it pretty much embarrassed her, and me, as the end result. Ah, awkward youth. I was interested in her for the rest of high school but to no avail.

Julie Cinnamon- This was a girl I liked in my 1 year at West Virginia. Alas, she had a guy who was in the military. I will say it was nice to have a new focus other than Amy.

After West Virginia, I went through a dry spell in regards to girls to like. A full 2 years and 4 months to be exact. One of those years was spent with lousy temp jobs in San Diego, another was in junior college. Well, there was a girl named Darcy, but she was about 6 years older. I found myself being stupid again like I was with Amy...I was a guy who needed to get laid before my mind went bonkers.

Kimberly C.- I met her at Sonoma State's summer orientation. She was really fun and perky and I liked being around her. Unfortunately, I had 2 things going against me. First, when I got the guts to ask her out, my parents were on the verge of splitsville. Second, she had another guy she liked and was getting some from. Still, we had some nice times for a couple of years. My temper almost cost me my friendship with her a couple of times. The trouble with parents divorcing at that point in life is that it put me into a total sense of confusion and loss. And by temper I don't mean physical, just words. Luckily, we have grown and are still friends.

Sarah Sc.- Another college interest. Pretty and gaunt and smart. Other than that, she seemed to have a strange home life and we only got together a couple of times. I tried to get something going after graduation, but she got a job so nothing.

Sarah Su.- This Sarah has the distinction of being the first girl I met online. She was a very pretty Chinese girl who lived in Sacramento. I went over there a few times to see her. Once we just did lunch and movie, the next time was a day in San Francisco. We did a few other things, and were pretty passionate with each other. We never did the deed, but got close a couple of times. Timing was not right and I was probably a bit anxious.

Jodie D.- Another online connection. We actually had 2 separate periods. One was brief in the summer of 2000 and we fooled around a bit. The other was was just slightly longer in late 2001-early 2002. It was during this last period that I got my cherry popped at last...AT 29!! I think she figured that out without asking, and was frustrated I was awkward about that part. Oh well, an obstacle had been overcome and I no longer felt pressure within myself.

Treasa S- My first real regular woman friend after moving to Las Vegas, met online. She was taller than me but it did not matter to her. We had a lot of fun going to movies, eating together, and fooling around. I felt quite blessed to be with her, although she was not really with me exclusively. That bothered me a bit, but I did enjoy my times with her. Like Jodie, we had 2 periods: spring-summer of 2003 and spring-summer 2004. We are still friends to this day.

Gigi P.- I actually met Gigi through another online connection. Gigi was older, divorced, and with a child. After a slow start, we enjoyed a 4 month relationship of sex and companionship. However, we bickered a lot over commitment issues (I wasn't close to ready) and she was quite jealous of any other females in my life, Treasa in particular. There was no place for that relationship to grow.

Dorothy- There came a time when a lot of failed first and second dates were taking their toll on me. Summer of 2004 was that time. Losing Gigi and then Treasa for a second time did not help. I found Dorothy from Texas online in late summer and we developed a daily phone routine. I really wanted to meet her and invited her for a visit. When that time came in late October, I was at wit's end over relationships and work. I not only paid for a plane ticket, but I invited her to live with me. Never having met her before, I actually asked her this! She came, we had sex a few times, and were trying to be domestic. However, she was 9 years younger and had her own huge problems, not the least of which was coming down form a speed addiction. After a week, the dam burst and we both knew it was not working. I drove her back to Texas during track break and came home a lonely guy. This guy was in need of serious psychotherapy and I proceeded immediately.

Thea R.- After a few weeks of therapy, I was starting to feel better and ready for the dating world. Maybe a bit premature, but I had, in my own mind, unmanned myself with Dorothy and needed to get something back. Along came Thea in December of 2004. It was almost too perfect. We met online and then a bar the next night. After a few drinks we came to my place and had the best sex I'd had to that point. Shortly after, she hooked up with someone else, but after a few months it was over and we got together a few times in spring 2005. We are still good friends and I credit her with restoring my manhood during a difficult time.

Jacqueline C-My first experience with a psycho. Quite the mood jumps. A wiccan, and as I later discovered, still married to her 2nd hubby! This lasted a little over a month before I escaped.

After my last time with Thea, I had a few dates with others, but by fall of 2005 I was tired of the scene. Part of it was my fault, I expected too much from people, not in terms of relationships but rather honesty. I quit for 3 months.

During that time I developed a nice friendship with a woman named Robin. No stress, just meals and movies. I also hung with 2 sisters with major mental hangups. Overall, the celibacy was wearing thin pretty quick, so I got back into the game during the Christmas holidays. Robin and I might have gotten serious if we'd wanted to, but her plate was pretty full and the most we shared was a kiss on New Year's Eve.

   In January 2006, I spent some time with Melanie in Bullhead City, but that commute would get old fast. She was also too down on herself. I was also with Vanessa K. Sex with her was fun but she was another temperamental firecracker like Jacqueline, and was much more obsessed with her own orgasms via whole fist. Quite the lesson in elasticity.

   On February 11 2006, after a week of phone talks, I met Vickie. Seriously, the rest is history. We married 9 months later and had a baby girl in summer of 2009. It is not perfect, we have our pasts and disagreements, but we talk and work things out and above all, we love each other with all our hearts!

The end!