I'm not really into doing odes, especially when I don't get what a Greek body ash holder is. I've done a major one recently, to The Edge of Night, by far my favorite TV show (my wife snickers at its cheesiness, which is ok). Looking at the snobbish celebrity world that is constantly thrown at us even when I duck, it brings to mind another of my favorites: The Hollywood Squares.
When I talk about Hollywood Squares, I mean the 1966-81 REAL version with Peter Marshall as host. I definitely do not refer to the Match Game-Hollywood Squares Hour, or the 1986-89 version with John Davidson, and hell no, I got quickly disenchanted with the Tom Bergeron version, even though he was a great emcee. There are reasons I love the one and not the others. Like a good writer, I will now transition to the reasons.
1. The real version had a variety of celebrities. Some of them were up-and comers, some were current (then) actors and musicians in their prime, and some were in their show biz decline and getting rent and food money for the week Bill Bixby once said the Squares were a help during the lean years in his career, according to my HS book, and big-time celebrity Burt Reynolds in his star status days still went on the show because it had helped early in his career. So did Mel Brooks. That's class!
2. The humor was almost no-holds-barred. I mean, there wasn't any cursing, but there was no political correctness. The stars could joke about anything and pretty much get away with it. The Tom Bergeron-Whoopi Goldberg version was pretty tame and afraid to touch certain subject matter.
3. The host Peter Marshall was an established show biz guy who'd done comedy, movies, and musicals and often laughed when there was a funny line from the stars. You don't find many like him anymore.
4. There were about 3 regular stars at any given time: Paul Lynde in the center, Charlie Weaver, Wally Cox, and George Gobel after Weaver left us, and those Cox reruns made me laugh when they were on Game Show Network. There were 6 wild cards each week, adding a bit of mystery as to who'd be on the following week. The John Davidson version tried this and was successful, there was just something missing.
The Bergeron-Goldberg version had about 5 regulars, it seemed, and 4 wild cards, and their regulars weren't comedy gold, in my humble but correct opinion. I've never been a Whoopi Goldberg fan, I don't think Gilbert Gottfried, Jeffrey Tambor, or Caroline Rhea were that funny.
And I think that brings me (why else would I be in this paragraph?) to the point of celebrity. Back in the 60s and 70s, actors and musicians were more willing to work for a meager wage of $750 a week on a game show, and they were willing to poke fun at even themselves. In other words, those people looked like (for the most part) they were having a great time.
A show like Hollywood Squares wouldn't work today. There's just too much cost to get a "star" to commit for a week, even if they were just finished shooting in the next studio over. I say "star" because, well, some people who think they're stars really are hopeful has-beens who think they deserve lots of money because their time is apparently precious. No, the only way Hollywood Squares would work now is to get celebrities through utter extortion and blackmail, something lots of performers could use to take them down a notch anyway.
There's also the dumb-down factor. Anyone see what's happened to Family Feud in the 21st century? The families need more time for fast money than Richard Dawson gave them in the 70s and 80s. I think Squares would be the same, for both the actors and contestants. Try past references, intelligent pop culture nuances and any high-level vocabulary words and those people would be the proverbial deer in my headlights!
So, I hope they put the old show back on or at least on DVD since GSN chickened out on it after only a year. That and Edge of Night would make a happy collection together!
Monday, July 22, 2013
Monday, July 1, 2013
Back in MY day.....I griped about how it was in my dad's day
Yep, I'm there, I've reached the point of no return...I'm in love with the Toyota Prius! No...! That wasn't it, Good heavens, I'd rather drive my old 1980 Chevy Citation with an AM only radio! My point being, I've reached the point of remembering the "old days" fondly. The problem is, they really do not seem that long ago.
The 80s really seem a few years ago to me in many ways. I love the music, TV shows, movies, and cars. I know many don't like the Reagan era, but it was the best of times to me. We knew who the "enemy" was...it was the Russians, it was the principals in "Ferris Bueller" and "Breakfast Club", it was the mall security guard, it was white rap, it was the New Coke! We knew what we liked and did not like.
The 80s, for many, ended when Reagan retired and George Sr. came in. Datewise, it ended when 1990 started. For others, the 80s went just a bit into the 90s and ended around 1992 or 1993, or the end of George Sr. Eras are different for different people.
So, that all being said and sighed over ("Knock it off, nerd! GET-WITH-THE-TIMES!!). Sorry, my pancreas drank coffee, and will probably be up late, just ignore it. Anyhow, we all remember our folks telling US, the 70s-80s-born generation X and Y, how good the old days were. Yeah, I know, Dad, you walked 50 miles in your sailboat boxers, brown socks and sandals through the snow so you could buy your Mustang and listen to the Beach Boys while looking for a Howard Johnsons to have a malt at. Yeah yeah yeah. I've heard it before. Seriously, I believe that Christopher Lloyd happened upon my dad with the DeLorean back in 1962 and, through some goofy Grandpa Musnster-like time experiment, KEPT MY DAD IN 1962! His clothes, music tastes, and views evidence this to a tee.
But now that I'm about 41 and legally have a past, it's time for Mr. Moore's list of "Back in MY day" gloats and self-barricaded views. Keep in mind that I will use a range of 1977-89. This is for the purpose of coming up with more crap to write.
Back in my day..
-Televisions had KNOBS! You had to GET UP to TURN THE KNOB to CHANGE THE CHANNEL...not only that...but you had to GET UP, WALK TO THE TV, AND CHANGE THE VOLUME AND TURN THE SET ON OR OFF!
-MTV meant MUSIC television, not MORON television!
-We could spend less than $15 to fill the gas tank in the car!
-TV dinners were in metal tins and had to be put in the oven for almost an hour!
-The Emergency Broadcast System and nails on the chalkboard were the main ways to make your ears bleed (Katherin Heigl wasn't heard of yet)
-Oh yeah, schools had chalkboards where you wrote with chalk and used erasers that made a cloud of dust. This was school smog!
-TV ad breaks were only about 1-2 minutes! And they weren't spent on promoting the same show 2 or 3 times!
-Disney meant an old classic coming on Sunday night, live or animated, and it could also mean an oldie coming to the theater for a couple of weeks...the concept of taking a little kid and programming them for success hadn't come until the Olsens.
-We did our research in books, which we found using a card catalog, and had to document our sources in really specific formats that made the term paper a nightmare! Er...bad example!
- When someone called you and you weren't available, the phone would ring and ring forever until they gave up. Sometimes, there'd be an answering machine that played a mangled tape, but lets stick with 70s normalcy here.
-A movie, popcorn, and soda could run you UNDER $10!
-Texting someone probably meant hitting them with your English book.
-Cars came with just a radio and an AM one at that.
-We listened to music on vinyl records that inevitably formed skips, then on tapes that melted or got stuck! THANK GOODNESS for CDs!
- School was simple: you came in at 8ish, learned for an hour or two, then you had a 15-minute recess, then another hour or so of learning, then lunch and more recess AFTER YOU ATE, then learned for another 2 or 3 hours, then went home.
-Pizza Hut was mainly dine-in and it was a fun place to be.
-Chicken wings were an often-discarded part of the bird, not a source of appetizer craze!
- TV had TEST PATTERNS, not INFOMERCIALS! Test patterns were these colorful stripes with a low steady beep...and were more intelligent than an infomercial.
-George Carlin, Richard Pryor, and Bill Cosby were the stand-up kings and made us laugh! There was no "Carrot Top"
- Erectile dysfunction and yeast infections were kept in people's private hells, not advertised during "Tom and Jerry"!
-There were no "dating sites", unless you considered the corner pub a place to meet someone serious. You either married your high school or college sweetheart, or spent a lot of time at work passing the secretary's desk or were lucky enough to have a friend introduce you to someone...or you just lamely lived life.
-We said the Pledge of Allegiance without thinking about it, except feeling American pride!
-Junk food was sugary soda and buttery, salty crackers...there was no high fructose corn syrup....at least they weren't listend on the packaging. We just bought it and ate it happily. Of course, we also exercised by playing outside and riding our bikes.
-We didn't learn about sexual lies from any Internet...but we didn't exactly learn from our parents, thank goodness. No, we learned from dad's Penthouse or Playboy, older brothers and older schoolmates, and the scrambled pay channel's Friday night adult movie...and still screwed it up the first time, so to speak.
-We didn't get on anyone's case for weeks for saying an inappropriate thing, that was reserved for marriage!
-Movies tended to be ORIGINAL STORIES, not endless REAMKES!
-There was no Internet to give us lots of information, lies, sound bites, and video clips to expose us to things we didn't need to see. We just lived life as it unfolded live before our eyes.
So, it wasn't all Guns N Roses, there were some inconveniences. However, I'd take an innocent youth any day over all the imagery and violence that we, and our kids, are exposed to. Now, if you'll excuse me, a new episode of the "Cosby Show" is coming on. I gotta get up to change the channel...I wish!
The 80s really seem a few years ago to me in many ways. I love the music, TV shows, movies, and cars. I know many don't like the Reagan era, but it was the best of times to me. We knew who the "enemy" was...it was the Russians, it was the principals in "Ferris Bueller" and "Breakfast Club", it was the mall security guard, it was white rap, it was the New Coke! We knew what we liked and did not like.
The 80s, for many, ended when Reagan retired and George Sr. came in. Datewise, it ended when 1990 started. For others, the 80s went just a bit into the 90s and ended around 1992 or 1993, or the end of George Sr. Eras are different for different people.
So, that all being said and sighed over ("Knock it off, nerd! GET-WITH-THE-TIMES!!). Sorry, my pancreas drank coffee, and will probably be up late, just ignore it. Anyhow, we all remember our folks telling US, the 70s-80s-born generation X and Y, how good the old days were. Yeah, I know, Dad, you walked 50 miles in your sailboat boxers, brown socks and sandals through the snow so you could buy your Mustang and listen to the Beach Boys while looking for a Howard Johnsons to have a malt at. Yeah yeah yeah. I've heard it before. Seriously, I believe that Christopher Lloyd happened upon my dad with the DeLorean back in 1962 and, through some goofy Grandpa Musnster-like time experiment, KEPT MY DAD IN 1962! His clothes, music tastes, and views evidence this to a tee.
But now that I'm about 41 and legally have a past, it's time for Mr. Moore's list of "Back in MY day" gloats and self-barricaded views. Keep in mind that I will use a range of 1977-89. This is for the purpose of coming up with more crap to write.
Back in my day..
-Televisions had KNOBS! You had to GET UP to TURN THE KNOB to CHANGE THE CHANNEL...not only that...but you had to GET UP, WALK TO THE TV, AND CHANGE THE VOLUME AND TURN THE SET ON OR OFF!
-MTV meant MUSIC television, not MORON television!
-We could spend less than $15 to fill the gas tank in the car!
-TV dinners were in metal tins and had to be put in the oven for almost an hour!
-The Emergency Broadcast System and nails on the chalkboard were the main ways to make your ears bleed (Katherin Heigl wasn't heard of yet)
-Oh yeah, schools had chalkboards where you wrote with chalk and used erasers that made a cloud of dust. This was school smog!
-TV ad breaks were only about 1-2 minutes! And they weren't spent on promoting the same show 2 or 3 times!
-Disney meant an old classic coming on Sunday night, live or animated, and it could also mean an oldie coming to the theater for a couple of weeks...the concept of taking a little kid and programming them for success hadn't come until the Olsens.
-We did our research in books, which we found using a card catalog, and had to document our sources in really specific formats that made the term paper a nightmare! Er...bad example!
- When someone called you and you weren't available, the phone would ring and ring forever until they gave up. Sometimes, there'd be an answering machine that played a mangled tape, but lets stick with 70s normalcy here.
-A movie, popcorn, and soda could run you UNDER $10!
-Texting someone probably meant hitting them with your English book.
-Cars came with just a radio and an AM one at that.
-We listened to music on vinyl records that inevitably formed skips, then on tapes that melted or got stuck! THANK GOODNESS for CDs!
- School was simple: you came in at 8ish, learned for an hour or two, then you had a 15-minute recess, then another hour or so of learning, then lunch and more recess AFTER YOU ATE, then learned for another 2 or 3 hours, then went home.
-Pizza Hut was mainly dine-in and it was a fun place to be.
-Chicken wings were an often-discarded part of the bird, not a source of appetizer craze!
- TV had TEST PATTERNS, not INFOMERCIALS! Test patterns were these colorful stripes with a low steady beep...and were more intelligent than an infomercial.
-George Carlin, Richard Pryor, and Bill Cosby were the stand-up kings and made us laugh! There was no "Carrot Top"
- Erectile dysfunction and yeast infections were kept in people's private hells, not advertised during "Tom and Jerry"!
-There were no "dating sites", unless you considered the corner pub a place to meet someone serious. You either married your high school or college sweetheart, or spent a lot of time at work passing the secretary's desk or were lucky enough to have a friend introduce you to someone...or you just lamely lived life.
-We said the Pledge of Allegiance without thinking about it, except feeling American pride!
-Junk food was sugary soda and buttery, salty crackers...there was no high fructose corn syrup....at least they weren't listend on the packaging. We just bought it and ate it happily. Of course, we also exercised by playing outside and riding our bikes.
-We didn't learn about sexual lies from any Internet...but we didn't exactly learn from our parents, thank goodness. No, we learned from dad's Penthouse or Playboy, older brothers and older schoolmates, and the scrambled pay channel's Friday night adult movie...and still screwed it up the first time, so to speak.
-We didn't get on anyone's case for weeks for saying an inappropriate thing, that was reserved for marriage!
-Movies tended to be ORIGINAL STORIES, not endless REAMKES!
-There was no Internet to give us lots of information, lies, sound bites, and video clips to expose us to things we didn't need to see. We just lived life as it unfolded live before our eyes.
So, it wasn't all Guns N Roses, there were some inconveniences. However, I'd take an innocent youth any day over all the imagery and violence that we, and our kids, are exposed to. Now, if you'll excuse me, a new episode of the "Cosby Show" is coming on. I gotta get up to change the channel...I wish!
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