We've all been in that situation . You know, when you get an official court document that says you've been selected for jury duty. Yes, it's an opportunity to mix with other alien races, kind of like at the DMV, Social Security office, or the outlet center. These places should have the "Cantina Band" song from Star Wars playing over and over again. In fact, I think I've SEEN the actual alien band playing at the outlets near the carousel.
So, you're employed and need to let your boss know. Your boss is obviously happy to let you go for a day...NOT! Your boss needs you...not that the reverse is also true. However, your boss is a person short for a day and needs to deal with it...unless you're a teacher like me. In that case, I need to call a temporary worker, or, in the land of educational hell, this is known as a substitute. I used to be one, so I know. In fact, I spent 5 years after graduating college both as a temp for an agency and as a substitute teacher.
As in life, those 5 years had mixed results. There were some temp jobs that were easy money and fairly fun. The best one I can remember was filling orders for a scrip company. I got to meet some nice people to talk to during the work day and there was a decent cafeteria nearby. The rest were, well, jobs. One of them required a 40 mile round trip drive, and after a full day on my feet, I was tired. Then came the years of substitute teaching that were intermixed with the temp jobs. This was in Sonoma County, California where there were several school districts that needed subs. I had successful relationships with some districts and as a result I got regular work once I was established. However, there were the "hell" classrooms that seemed to lure me from time to time and there were some teachers that did not like my style (meaning I didn't read between the lines of their lesson plans or I did...some were impossible to please). As a teacher who has needed to call for a sub many times over, especially during my wife's pregnancy, I've learned to be pretty understanding...meaning I have literally scripted my sub plans for each minute, because we all know how nice kids are for subs, right? (loud chants of BS emanate!)
Emergency Alert! Alfred the butler is summoned to jury duty. Now, millionaire Bruce Wayne can obviously use his influence to get him off, right? NO! His alter ego Batman believes in civic duty. However, there is a problem: who is to tend to the Batcomputer and dust off all of the machinery if Alfred is not there? Yes, Batman calls up Gotham Day Workers. Shortly after Alfred leaves, there is a call from Stu, a 25-year old recent graduate from Gotham Community College with an associate's degree in music appreciation. He can just come to the Batcave, right? No! The location is a secret, so Batman has ROBIN dust while he drives to pick up Stu in the Batmobile, gives him a whiff of the Batgas (source of which is rumored to be the effects of Batcookies and Batmilk from Batman's visit with the Scooby gang), then brings him to the Batcave. Batman must then give Stu the required orientation (meaning, he gives Stu the dustmop and Pledge). Stu starts work while Batman and Robin go back up the Batpole, assumably in the Batshaft.
Stu minds his own business, right, like any good temp does? NO! Like any common temp worker, he sniffs around the place trying to familiarize himself with his surroundings, hoping to land a permanent position. He also has larger priorities on his mind, such as his break and lunch times. He constantly gets on the phone to Commissioner Gordon (since it's the only phone in the cave he can see) asking several questions. Gordon calls to complain to Batman only to get Stu, so a communication gap has occurred. Finally Stu locates the other phone and wonders why there's a line to Wayne Manor, where he temped as a bartender last month. Luckily, Stu is an average temp who never knew how to add clues, or numbers for that matter, which is why the associate's degree was a major award for him!
After about two hours, the red phone goes off, and Stu answers.
"Hello?"
"Look Stu, is Batman or Robin there?"
"Uh, no. They said something about fishing."
"Dear God! The Riddler just escaped from jail."
"I like riddles."
(Bruce picks up the other extension) "Hang up, Stu!"
"Please would be nice."
"Get off NOW!"
"I'm calling the agency. I don't need this-" Stu is knocked out by the Bat-a-rang, taken home on the way to police headquarters. Luckily, Alfted's knowledge of all criminal matters made him ineligible for any jury in Gotham City, so his service was done quickly and permanently.
Now, this was an extreme example, and most superheroes are not millionaires with butlers. However, I can gladly say that my temp days are behind me...for now (who knows what the older years will bring for me). If anyone needs a scrip order filled, I hear Stu is available.
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