A Dynamic Duo

    Over the years I have read a somewhat limited scope of books, at least in terms of series. On an independent scale, I've done pretty well, usually focusing on source materials for famous movies. Some highlights from those adventures are The Godfather, Nothing Lasts Forever (which became Die Hard), 58 Seconds (Die Hard 2), Ordinary People, The Ice Storm, several John Grisham books, both print and audiobook formats, James Patterson (Alex Cross) and The Princess Bride.

   In terms of series, my first tackling was the Ian Fleming set of James Bond novels. Many of them were good, while a select few like Moonraker were dry and hard to get through...in fact I never DID finish Moonraker. Diamonds Are Forever still holds a place in my bookshelf since a good portion takes place in old Las Vegas. His final 3 books, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, You Only Live Twice, and The Man With The Golden Gun, had taken on a slightly different, longer-paragraph format that also contained smaller print, at least in paperback. I also read the updated Bond novels by John Gardner written mostly in the 1980s. That Bond was almost certainly designed with the stunt-laden movies as inspiration.

   After the Bond phase, I got into the Fletch books by Gregory McDonald. Those books taught me a LOT about writing witty dialogue. There were 9 total original Fletch books, my favorite being Confess, Fletch (probably my most reread book). If one thinks they are getting a Chevy Chase-like character, they are to be disappointed. Fletch does have his wit, but his other character traits are fleshed out better on paper better than Clark W Griswold could muster. 

   In the mid to late 90s, I got into Elmore Leonard books quite a bit, and even though they weren't a series about a single character, his stories were intriguing and quite well-written. Several of his stories were made into movies on a small AND grand scale, the most famous being maybe Get Shorty and Jackie Brown, though the early 70s' Mr Majestyk with Charles Bronson was pretty good.

   I took a break from new reading during the early 2000s for a variety of reasons (depression, starting my school career....not necessarily in that order). In late 2005, I don't remember why, I looked into the Spenser series by Robert B. Parker and picked up an audiobook to listen to coming back from Phoenix. I'm not sure what it was, maybe the voice talent on Joe Mantegna, but I was immediately hooked on this character and started getting more books (print) to get into it more. In my bookshelf, I probably have more Spenser than anything else!

   So who is Spenser? Well, he doesn't really have a first name, for one thing. He is a Boston private dick who is a wiseass when it comes to dealing with authority. He is also a gourmet cook who can whip up a great meal with just what he has in his apartment. He was once a police officer who was let go for 'being too much of a fucking hot dog' (Bad Business). 

   In the early books, Spenser resembles Phillip Marlowe in terms of mood. In the first book The Godwulf Manuscript(1973), Spenser in the course of duty ends up not only bedding his college-age unofficial client, but also her mother, leaving him feeling low about himself. In the next book God Save The Child, he meets the woman who is to become the love of his life, Susan Silverman. They develop a 2-part relationship, in the middle of which she took a self-prescribed break from Spenser to find more out about herself and how she is. The break started in one book and they were reunited in the next one. Through it all, they have never gotten married to each other. They tried living together in one book, but it did not work out the way Susan thought it would. Spenser and Susan have a one of a kind love that requires independence for both of them, though they see each other most days of the week, unless Spenser is on a case requiring overnight work or going out of town.

   In 1976's A Promised Land, Spenser encounters a shady old acquaintance named Hawk, a formidable black  thug who is working for a gangster. Spenser and Hawk circle each other a bit throughout the book, but at a pivotal moment before police arrive, Spenser tells Hawk to go. In my view, that really set up a truly dynamic duo for the course of 30+ years of Spenser books.

   The question is, what makes them so dynamic? Spenser works on the side of the law (most of the time) while Hawk has many underworld connections and is often employed by them as a leg-breaker or otherwise enforcer. Still, while tracking down terrorists in Europe in The Judas Goat (1978), Spenser hires Hawk as extra muscle. In this story, Hawk states that he trusts Spenser and, strangely enough, police lieutenant Martin Quirk because he's a straight shooter. For a few stories afterward, Hawk is still working for the bad guys here and there for good pay, and sometimes requires money from Spenser in exchange for assistance, but that does not last long.

   In A Catskill Eagle (1985), Spenser travels to California to break Hawk out of jail so that they can both find Susan (part 2 of their short break). In the course of their search, they end up killing many employees of arms dealer Jerry Costigan as well as some cops owned by Costigan and a pimp and his bodyguard to protect two hookers they forced to let them stay at their apartment. There are many Spenser stories that deal with a certain theme, and this is one of those books. Spenser doesn't really like killing, and he will often opt to let someone go if it is a possibility.  Hawk, while respecting Spenser, views this as a moral weakness that could get Spenser killed one day. 'We gonna have to kill him/them' is advice given by Hawk more than once in this friendship.

   In 1997's Small Vices, Spenser is shot almost to death by Rugar, a gray-attired/skinned assassin while working on a case. Spenser, Susan, and Hawk travel to Santa Barbara so that Spenser can rehabilitate his body and spirit. Hawk is truly at his best in this story, as he does what he can for his friend, but when it comes time to face Rugar, Hawk knows Spenser has to do it on his own, an almost John Wayne-like 'a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do'  philosophy. Eight years later in Cold Service, Spenser helps to rehabilitate Hawk in almost the same way.

   In the course of these stories, Spenser and Hawk work out together at Henry Cimoli's gym, often dine together, and quite frequently exchange racial epithets that modern audiences might take offense to ('dumb jigaboo' has been uttered a few times by Spenser in jest). However, while Black, Hawk doesn't have the standard shoulder chip that would otherwise anger someone else. These two men trust each other with their lives, hands down. On this note, Hawk is very loyal to Susan and would die for her if necessary even though she is Spenser's woman. Hawk has been with many nameless women in the series, usually unseen. He does have a brief relationship with a surgeon named Cecile, but after he is shot, she cannot deal with his unwillingness to let his guard down emotionally. It shows that any relationship has to be strictly on his terms. That said, he has chosen Spenser and Susan as his family because they do respect his terms. Susan does not always get it, but even as a therapist she chooses not to dig deeper...what ain't broke does not need fixing.

   In the Spenser series there is a plethora of regular characters to back up this motley crew.

Lt/Captain Martin Quirk- a by the book (usually) cop who forms an uneasy relationship with Spenser early on, but several books later Quirk is often bringing donuts and coffee to Spenser's office to discuss business.

Sergeant Frank Belson- a less by the book and more sarcastic cop who has liked Spenser since book one.

Paul Giacomin- Spenser's surrogate son who is introduced in An Early Autumn. His divorced parents  toss Paul back and forth like a bargaining chip. Spenser takes this 'unlovely little bastard' who has no social or coping skills and teaches him how to box, work out, and build. Paul appears occasionally in later books, a much more confident and happy young man.

Joe Broz- Joe is a gangster in the early books who frequently clashes with Spenser and often tries to have him killed. As the years go by, Joe is getting too old and losing his once firm control. This is demonstrated by the emergence of his ne'er do well son Gerry, whom Joe tries to groom to take over. When Gerry makes a pathetic run at Spenser and gets a bullet in the knee for his effort, Joe is essentially finished, Gerry is never heard from again.

Vinnie Morris- Joe Broz's bodyguard for a time, but he quits so that he doesn't have to work for Gerry. He is ultra-fast with a gun, faster than Spenser or Hawk. He often helps the two on cases, usually as a bodyguard for clients or a quick gun.

Henry Cimoli- a gym owner who once had a classic style gym for boxers but updated reluctantly with the times. He is a short Italian who can banter with Spenser or Hawk quite well. 

Captain Healy- a Massachusetts State cop who occasionally collaborates with Spenser on cases. Like Quirk, he at first maintained an uneasy alliance with Spenser that evolved into good ol sarcastic banter and trust.

   Original Spenser creator Robert B. Parker passed over 10 years ago and author Ace Atkins took over the series. I have only read one of his books so far, but it was good enough for me to want to read more.

   Who knows what characters I might find next?

Cedar Cedar Pumpkin Eater

    Hey parents! Yeah you, you all know who you are. Remember those days when you decided you wanted to have a kids or 2? Maybe 3 or 4 if you were in a decent enough tax bracket for either tax dodging or food stamps? As you went through pregnancy and then infancy, there was one glorious thought on your minds likely...WHEN THE HELL CAN WE KICK THIS KID(S) OUT OF THE HOUSE SO WE CAN HAVE A LIFE BACK?

   We all know those lucky moments don't happen that often, especially if  a handy dandy grandparent or aunt isn't so handy dandy in town. Luckily for us, Vickie's mom is nearby as is her brother and his family. That generally works for a one-nighter if we need it.

   When Natalie was just 6, my dad arranged for her to fly solo to spend time with him. That was all fine and good...except that he didn't really get a confirmation from us that it was ok before paying for the ticket. That set off a little panic from us, as we weren't quite ready for that. In the end, though, we decided to go ahead with it, knowing in our hearts that the on-board crew would see to her if and when needed. 

   If you've ever flown your child by themselves, it's not that easy. Well, sometimes it is. If you see how far they can fly from the porch door to the back wall and they're under 70 pounds, sure they aviate fairly well once your foot initiates propulsion. No, I mean in terms of dealing with the airport. If you just drop your child off at the ticketing counter, he/she/pick a pronoun will likely seek the luggage loading facilities a la John McClane in Die Hard 2 just for kicks.

   Depending on the airline, some require your child's birth certificate, some require their immunization records, others require their latest FBI dossier. Luckily for us, Southwest merely required the proof of birth. Unluckily, at McCarran Airport, if you park instead of merely depositing the flyer, you have to walk a ways past baggage carousels and one of many mini-casinos before you hit the ticket counters. Then once you find your airline (the furthest one down ALWAYS) then it's a long line as the one who paid for the ticket always uses the most popular and cost-effective and least accident prone airline for some reason. 

   Once you reach an actual agent, then it is another long process getting the birth record verified, blood type confirmed, parents' SAT scores pulled up...these folks are THOROUGH!  Afterward, the minor gets a lanyard with all of their info inside. Then it is off to security where one parent each will forget one of the following:

Wallet

ID

Child

Shoes

Phone/device

The first 4 happen all of the time and get a warm-hearted chuckle for the oops. after you get all the way to the gate. The fifth one, however is a matter of life and death. This happened to Vickie once when all 3 of us went to her cousin's wedding in Houston, and she didn't realize she didn't have her iPad until we were at the gate and by the time she got back to security, it was long taken.

   Afterward, it is just a wait until boarding time and the time she was 6, it was a tearful departure for all 3 of us. Of course, Natalie was good once she was in the plane and pampered by all she charmed. There were a lot of unaccompanied minors on that flight, so she was in good hands.

   This past week we had the same situation except for a few things. This time I skipped the suspense and left my wallet at the ticket counter (recovered by Vickie) and then my ID got shuffled at security's scanner, but was recovered. Also, Natalie is now almost 12 and really could have handled it all without us. She is THAT independent. However, as she is still 11, we had to accompany her one last time. On this flight she sat with another girl her age and they just partied all the way to San Diego. The girl's grandma talked our ears off while we waited for the jet to pull out. I don't know what it is about me and my wife, but we are natural magnets for strangers' life stories and there is no known steroid to treat this. After losing the grandma, we got out of the airport and headed for Utah. 

   There is something about that state that is just magical to us. If you have not been there, chances are you are avoiding it on purpose or just have no reason to cross the Susquehanna River (my Berks County friends know who I mean!). I have written about Utah previously, and there is just so much beauty about the state that one really doesn't know where exactly to start. Now, there is a very good chance that you associate the entire state with Latter Day Saints...you know, the Mormons. Have no fear, you stand a very good chance of not running into one for at least fifteen seconds upon crossing the state line! Just kidding, more like seven seconds. Seriously, I have made good friendships with many a Mormon at work over the past nineteen years, good people, they take their faith IN good faith more than other church-goers I know.

   The neatest way I have found to enter Utah is on I 15. After leaving Nevada, you cross the Arizona Strip, which is the very northwestern sector of the state and inaccessible to the rest of Arizona unless you are on a horse. What is neat about this stretch of highway is that you go through a very narrow canyon for a bit and after emerging from it, you gaze upon a GORGEOUS panorama of mountains and red rock cliffs that left you know you are entering a very different desert from the one behind you...actually that desert behind you tried to pull and pull at you to stay but once you emerge from the canyon and had only 2 miles of Arizona left, it practically kicks you out!

   Our destination was Cedar City...a town named for the tree which was THOUGHT to be cedar but was actually juniper...ah those pioneers had been on the trail a bit too long. Before Cedar City, though, we passed through the town of St George, which is quite Vegas-like in terms of climate and traveler services. After that town, though, I 15 climbs about 3,000 feet for 50 miles and the weather gets a bit cooler in the daytime AND nighttime.

   After getting to our room at the local Ramada, we headed for Rusty's Ranch House and had a good dinner, then headed back to town and caught a gorgeous sunset. We also put our windows down as the temperature was no longer Vegas-like.

   The next day, we headed out (after getting dressed) and ate breakfast at Amber Kay's, then did some shopping along Main Street. One thing we noticed is that pretty much everyone was really nice, even nicer when you buy something.  While there we learned about the upcoming Pioneer Day, which is a major holiday in Utah. We then headed up the mountain to Cedar Breaks National Monument and caught some really spectacular views. It was also thundering and lightning quire a bit so the views were enhanced. Rain and temps going down to the 50s just confirmed we were in a different land altogether. After Cedar Breaks, we had some lunch in Brian Head, went on a deep decline downhill, and got back onto 15 in Parowan and drove the 16 miles back to Cedar City. 

   For dinner, we settled for Sizzler...and yes I do mean settled...as in the food settled in our stomachs after a desperate struggle to not exit back through the mouth! Like other chains, Sizzler is not what it used to be...meaning it used to be great when I was young and didn't discern between quality and crap.

   The next day, we got up and checked out of the Ramada. It was a sad departure, for we really enjoyed the atmosphere, temperatures, and the people. I really could live there if provided the opportunity. On the way back we checked out Kolob Canyon, which is part of Zion National Park. It was pretty spectacular, though I question the $35 fee. The best thing to do there is check our Kolob then go to the main part of Zion right after to make the money spent worthwhile. However, we missed our home and cats and BED! 

   We will check out Pioneer Day perhaps next year. I'd like to come back sooner, maybe experience some snow, which I know falls regularly in the upper elevations. Until then, I will try not to lose my wallet.

Election Meh

    I am proud to claim that I have voted in 8 Presidential elections...and oddly enough, am proud to say I voted for the loser in more than half of those. Even at the young age of 19, I had some sense of principle and wanted to have the right man in. In that first election during 1992, I voted for H. Ross Perot. It was at that time maybe an odd move for me because I had been a Republican in youth, not so much for belief but because I was a follower in the vain hope I would be accepted into the "crowd"...so glad the hell of identity search in high school is long over!

   However, in 1992 I could not bring myself to vote for George H.W.X.Y.Z. Bush. Despite the fun times his presidency brought to Saturday Night Live for 4 years, and the quick action he brought against Saddam Hussein in 1990-91, I didn't see a bright future there. I didn't have anything against Bill Clinton, either, other than he was a Democrat (a big hurdle for me then). Perot, on the other hand, represented something new. Even after he dropped out and came back in at the last minute, I figured what the hell. I lost.

   In 1996, I did vote for Clinton because the nation appeared to be going in a good direction. My politics had also changed quite a bit after being in northern California for a while, and Bob Dole just didn't ring a a good bell...in the back of my mind I was wondering about a sales tax hike on pineapples with a name like that!

   In 2000 I voted for Al Gore, loser move #2. Quite frankly I was not enamored with either  parties' main ticket, and Gore just seemed the lesser of 2 evils. To be honest, I think either was a bad move for our country and I was getting the idea that the U.S. Presidency was losing its steam. Four years later, I voted for John Kerry, loser move #3. Bush was scaring me and the nation was heading down a dangerous direction in terms of never-ending war. That said, I was not all that sure about Kerry, either.

   Then came 2008. I voted for Mitt Romney. His words made a certain amount of sense and he seemed to have a good vision. Same in 2012. Once again, I had nothing against Barack Obama. In fact I really liked his eloquence and intelligence.. to me he seemed what Bryant Gumbel could have been if he'd gone into Ivy League instead of sportscasting!

   And then came 2016. After 24 years I'd come to understand a LOT about the swing of the nation, and the pendulum in that swing was not nearly as low and rhythmic as I had once imagined it to be. Here was how I saw it:

1996-2001- fairly liberal, but with enough checks and balances that Clinton was often able to work WITH an opposing party Congress to get things done.

2001-2009- more Right-leaning and a lot of war-profiting going on at taxpayers' expense despite no end in sight. 9/11 had become more a political tool than national tragedy. A shame nobody of use got it into Bush's head our economy was in trouble.

2009-2017- As perhaps a negative reaction to that right-sided war-profiting and resulting economic plummet, the nation turned to the left quite quickly. Well, not ALL of the nation. While our economy had a slow climb out of a dark hole these 8 years, our government was also developing a new social policy that demanded tolerance of anybody and everybody in terms of self-identity. It also created a health care reform that raised costs on the middle class while low income paid little to none and the high income folks paid whatever (they also didn't care about how much they paid to fill up their cars). In short, that left a LOT of folks unhappy who were used to life being a certain way, and one part of that way was having a white guy as President at all times! That's just being honest. So while the nation was being led by a well-spoken and well-educated African American gentleman, a lot of folks in very conservative parts of the nation didn't take to him or his 'voodoo' ways at all. 

   It's important to understand that so that one may comprehend what has been happening since 2015, when Donald John Trump threw his hat into the Presidential ring as one of his many publicity stunts. Many people thought the idea was funny, for really he was a funny man with a mildly amusing 'reality' show. Yet, the idea took hold and before anyone knew it, he won the 2016 primaries after doing a verbal hatchet job on his Republican contenders...and if you really look at it closely, the whole GOP contest was a show for our benefit. There was no way Cruz or Jeb Clampett Bush or any of those also-rans were true contenders...just like the Dem debates of 2019!

   So in November 2016, my wife and I voted for the also-ran named Johnson. Many said it was a wasted vote that helped Trump. Whatever! I never took Trump seriously even when he was all over the media in the 1980s, and certainly not when he was firing 'apprentices' on TV. Hillary Clinton had bothered me for a long time, and it wasn't for being a woman. Her involvement in foreign affairs over time took a nasty tone and, personally, I thought we as a nation had gone too left. The pendulum had swung way too high. 

   I felt good about my 2016 vote. Still do.

   2017-21- It is frighteningly amazing what can happen when a lot of ducks are in a row party-wise, even when midterms strike a blow to the agenda. It wasn't so much what happened as opposed to what was said. The touted wall was a failure, but the tax cut wasn't. I guess neither really affected me with the exception of gradually declining tax refund amounts. Eh, whatever. In reality, the Trump era really didn't affect me or my family personally. But we come back to the words...words spoken in press conferences and rallies. The people attending those rallies and just reacting to whatever bullshit came out of his mouth were the truly frightening ones...and still are. 

   My mind drifts to Caddyshack where Rodney Dangerfield's character Al Cervik is the center of attention wherever he goes. Most just laugh at him and don't take him seriously at all, he just likes being the big voice in whatever space he occupies, and he knows at heart he is just a big if big RICH blowhard. Donald Trump is  Al Cervik times ten. And he has a following of dangerous people who act on his words. These people are dangerous because they felt betrayed and left behind during Obama's time, their values were ignored. 

   Now, in the old days before social media, it wouldn't have been so bad. Some newspaper and magazine articles and interviews, along with some televised speeches and press conferences and that would have been it. Some violent debates at the local bar followed by a night in the tank, and the next morning a bad hangover or loose jaw. Social media, however, has created an eerie number of shadow groups who bond online and share hatreds and plans to act on them. Of course, social media also has fan pages for old soaps, so there's something for everyone! Fox News has also fed the fish with a lot on non-news and opinion (to be fair, Fox isn't alone in the TV department on opinion) When you have a pretty large group (or rather GROUPS) of disenfranchised people, many in the South and Midwest who are armed without legal license, and they decide to bond over their common goals and dreams, find some online space,and you have a man spouting rhetoric in elementary school vocabulary and logic all over the place, some bad shit will happen. And it did, on January 6. 

   Now we are 6 months past Joe Biden's inauguration. I am no longer part of Facebook partially because of a bad hack job on my account but also because the hatred and bad-mouthing of anyone with a certain view was just getting worse all the time. The memes were getting pretty bad as well. I get some news from a site called Raw Story. Not as raw as they'd like it to be, there is still lots of opinion in those articles. That said, it looks like a scary time ahead. Right now the only ones who can stop Trump from running (and winning) in 2024 is the New York state prosecutors. January 6th is being downplayed a lot, and that invites further violence in my mind.

   However, in closing I must repeat that his four years were meh for me, didn't hurt or help me one bit.  If he is in again, all I ask is that he gets new face makeup and a new hairpiece. If he isn't in ever again (my preference), so much the better. The only thing that will make America 'great' again is moderate political debate in D.C., a removal of owned politicians, and roads without potholes.

The End of the Chain?

    When you think of American culture, what comes to mind? Kardashians? Velveeta? Gas station sushi? Well, actually somehow those 3 seem to meld together in some sick form of Play-Do anyway. But no, what I am thinking here is the chain restaurant concept...and I am thinking that my generation may be seeing the end of that basic concept...and that might not be a bad thing.

   All right, you know how I work....that's right, it is time to, well, go BACK in time and see exactly where the chains got started and developed.

   To my knowledge, the first real American chain restaurant was Howard Johnson's. The man in question was first a drugstore operator, then ice cream innovator, then moved into the restaurant biz in Massachusetts in the 1920s. He first had 1, then 2, then expanded to 41 by 1936, and then 107 all along the east coast by 1939. In fact, when the Pennsylvania Turnpike opened in 1940, all of the service plazas along the road were operated by Howard Johnson's in terms of food service, as well as on the New Jersey, Ohio, and Connecticut Turnpikes.

   How was all of this done? It wasn't the man himself running it, no way. It was all through franchising. For those who need a basic lesson (like me), franchising is where someone takes a look at a successful business and says, "Hey, I want in on that!" and proceeds to give money to the owner for the right to operate a business with that name and use some, most, or all of the business practices associated with that particular, well, business!

   In fact, franchising was the key in the expansion of many American restaurant chains, fast food in particular. McD's, Burger King, Taco Bell, Arby's, KFC, and others made themselves known nation-and world-wide. It wasn't limited to fast food, though. Vast amounts of sit-down-and-be-served-for-a-tip-or-else eateries began popping up in the mid-to-late 20th century. Many of them became pretty trendy tote bags on their own, others flopped.

   Thinking back to my youth in Pennsylvania, it was a major event in little ol Berks County when we got a major chain in our kingdom. All I knew for the longest time were the McDonald's and Burger King kitty corner from each other in Sinking Spring and the Arby's in the Berkshire Mall. Wendy's didn't come until 1985 in Wyomissing. I'm not sure, but KFC and Taco Bell might have been in Muhlenberg when I was little. 

    It was big when Big Boy arrived in 1985, but like many Big Boy re-emergences in America, it did not last very long. Red Lobster was a huge hit and was equated with upscale yet casual (pricey but you can wear a t shirt) seafood. Chi-Chi's came along and represented upscale yet casual Mexican dining with fried ice cream.

   When I moved to California I got a glimpse of other chain concepts like Applebee's, Chili's, Olive Garden, Outback, Claim Jumper, Islands, Mimi's and a few others.

   What is interesting, to me at least, is that while some restaurant franchises are nationwide, others take a while to reach certain states. For instance, it wasn't until about 4 years ago that Chik Fil-A came into Las Vegas. I am not sure why this happened, but it may have had to do with a closed-on-Sunday operation opening in a 24/7 town.

   So we have a lot of successful businesses in America vying for Americans' hard-earned dollars. Great, perfect, competition is what a capitalist economic system thrives on...and for a long time, many of these places were thriving. And then they weren't.

   What happened?

   Well, that's not an easy answer. For one thing, many chains like McD's and Starbucks thrive because heart-endangering greasy food and caffeine remain an American obsession, for better or worse.

   In other instances, tastes change. The trouble with being a trendy business is that trends always change and it is almost impossible to keep up constantly. And then there is a portion of the population that wants to eat healthier in this century and no longer want to guess what is being cooked on that grill. 

   In a city like Las Vegas, who wants to get fajitas at Chili's when there are dozens of authentic Mexican eateries that give you a more authentic version?

   And then we had the Pandemic...and for many eateries, it was a game-changer! The first casualty that I remember was Sweet Tomatoes, a soup/salad bar place that was good for healthy eating as long as you avoided the delicious muffins and brownies.The businesses that thrived were the ones that offered curbside pickup and/or connection to a meal delivery service like Grubhub, Doordash, Grubdash, Doorhub, GarageWarp, Food Stalkers, and others.

   To tell the truth, I think the big reason many chains have kicked the bucket is simple: food and service quality. 

   There's a reason Vickie and I don't frequent Applebee's, Chili's, Olive Garden, and Reb Lobster like we used to. The quality of dining in those places has gone down significantly. Why hit dark drab Olive Garden when for a few extra bucks we can do Buca di Beppo that is lit up like Christmas? Why do Red Lobster when a local place called Crab Corner does the seafood better and fresher? IHOP and Denny's don't agree with me anymore, but local single-unit Lou's Diner offers good food and great atmosphere.

   That's just us, of course, but I have talked to people (other than myself!) and I hear similar vibes about the old haunts...they're haunted and nobody wants to eat at a haunted house.

   All that said, what is the future of the restaurant chain? Who can tell? Some may bounce back, at least for a time. Others will lose out when the losses become too much. New businesses will pop up, of course, but I believe the era of nationwide chain eateries is closing due to people always being on the go. Not only that, but there is also a political stigma attached to places like Chik Fil-A, who apparently support things others don't in this divided watchful eye society we live in. 

   In closing, I look back in fondness at some of the restaurants I used to frequent, occasionally feeling a tinge of stomach acid burn and a touch of gout in my foot.. It wasn't always that way, though. In my youth I could (and would) eat just about anything. Now I look out for the low carb options that don't involve ground beef. To each his/her/its own, though.

Here's to the 20th Century restaurant chain gang, rest in peace!

2020-21...Hell's School Year in Review

       Now I must admit, I have had some doozies in terms of school years. Hell, in 19 years, one is bound to have a few. Here is a little sum-up of my school years on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being worst, 10 being best:

2002-03: 7

2003-04: 7

2004-05: 1

2005-06: 6

2006-07: 9

2007-08: 8

2008-09: 6

2009-10: 7

2010-11: a negative 2 (as I ended the year on FML, this score is generous)

2011-12: 7

2012-13: 9

2013-14: 10

2014-15: 8

2015-16: 7

2016-17: 9

2017-18: 9

2018-19: 8

2019-20: 6

and, drum roll...

2020-21: 5

Those 2 lowest were, in order, my first year ever of teaching 5th  grade and my first year teaching 4th grade. That 5th grade intro was once the worst until the year of 4th hit, and worst went to 2nd worst. It would be easy (and a cop-out) to say the kids were the factor, but honestly it was pretty much me and how I reacted to people and events. 

I actually ran into one of the kids from the 5th grade intro year shortly before the pandemic. He was one of my personalities that drove me nuts back then, but when I saw him and all the memories came flooding back, I remembered just how funny that group could be and how much of an easier time I could have had if I'd been less reactionary.

As for the other year, well, I am not sure what could have helped that. I was the new guy at a pretty established school and before the year started I had to move my family to a new apartment. It was also my first regular year of teaching as opposed to year-round, and I was exhausted by November. On top of that, I had not sat down to form any real classroom management plan and as a result a lot of things went by that shouldn't have. Truly, this is the year I would choose to do over if I could.

And then we come to this past year that ended on May 26. When the teachers re-convened in early August, we weren't quite sure what to make of what was coming in terms of online learning. There had been a small taste of it the previous Spring when we went into pandemic mode, but now we were in full swing. We spent a couple of weeks trying to learn an online system called Canvas, though we ended up using Google Classroom for the year instead. Those appeared at first to be 2 wasted weeks, though it looks like it will be our plan in the fall...even though we are scheduled to be in regular learning mode.

The year commenced with the kids on August 12. I had a couple of kids from a previous class when I taught 2nd. I would have to say the toughest thing to get the grasp of was time management. The idea of teaching for 30-40 minutes, then having the kids do things on their own for the next 40 or so minutes was insane. Plus, there was no way to get the kids back on track if they weren't doing the work. The problem was, parents worked and often the kids were at home alone. 

The students themselves were pretty good. Many of them kept their cameras on to be engaged in class. With this new learning mode, there weren't a whole lot of true behavior "problems", just a lot of kids not getting their work done. 

Sitting in a classroom by myself managing the class, assigning things, and trying to teach via the ELMO was pretty tough, as well as lonely. A school without kids in the halls isn't a school. Staff meetings on a Google Meet are bizarre to say the least. 

On the homefront, Natalie was doing 6th grade from home. It wasn't going well for her as she missed the physical and social engagement aspect of each class.

I have to say that one of the best things in the year was something I created...a new tradition of coffee Fridays with my friend Candice, who was teaching from her home (as other teachers did as well) with her 2 kids learning from home as well, and she lived very close to work. One Friday I'd bring her brew to her front gate and the next Friday she'd have it ready for me...meaning more often than not her husband went and grabbed it. On either instance we'd talk for a few minutes about how school and our own lives were going, then I'd head to work. 

This tradition lasted until mid November when the spike in COVID cases forced everyone to be home. This was bad news for me, since our Internet wasn't all that strong. Luckily, I was provided with a hotspot from work that Natalie could use. Even with fairly good Internet, my home system was not designed for work use and it was impossible to play educational videos. Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks were definitely looked forward to.

After the New Year, January 6, and inauguration happened, my boss informed us that we could return to the school building if we followed the distancing rules. Really, I would have worn a hazmat suit if required just to go back. The home environment was just not working well with me.

 I really was overjoyed to be back and enjoy the smell of new carpet that had been installed after we were all kicked out. There were only a few of us coming back but it was better than nothing. Even so, a month later, pre-K through 3rd was scheduled to come back in a cohort format. This meant that teachers in those grades had to teach both kids in the classroom plus the ones at home via Google. One cohort was in Monday and Tuesday, one was in Thursday and Friday, and the other cohort just stayed home all the time. 

Also in early March Vickie had a hysterectomy and I had another kidney stone blasted 3 days later. That was quite the week!

Before Spring Break, it was decided that everyone who wanted to could come to school on April 6, but those choosing to remain home could do so. I was scheduled for 18 kids in class and 8 at home..that later changed to  20 in class and 6 at home. 

I have to say, the best part of the teaching year was being with the kids physically. Even though there were restrictions like no full class bathroom breaks and limited play outside, it was workable and made the end of the year more bearable even with the fucking state testing!

Teacher appreciation week was pretty good for me, getting lots of Starbucks cash among other things. Even though our coffee tradition had more or less died in November, we still got each other a brew here and there like we had before the pandemic hit. One day during the week before the last week, I was dragging for some reason and out of nowhere she brought me a rescue coffee! Friends like that you hold onto for life!

Then came the end. Like the previous year, we had a parade at school after hours and it was great to see those faces one more time. And then, it was over. That day was the last day with students and the next one pretty much consisted of a morning where teachers couldn't wait to check out and get out. Granted, most years end like that for teachers, but this one seemed particularly empty of emotion, just a desire to get out.

If I was forced to, I could do another year like this, but I really do not want to. At one time I was thinking about getting a provision on my license for blended/online learning, but I no longer feel this way. There is a definite bond between teachers and students that cannot be replicated on a computer screen. And there is a bond between teachers that also cannot be recreated digitally. In closing, I raise my Starbucks cup in salute to all those who survived 20-21 and are returning for the real thing!

There's Show Business Like Ho Business

 Some embattled entertainment mogul with his (mostly) useless kiss-ass minions: We're in big trouble!

Minion 1: Why?

Mogul (opening the blinds): Look out there! What do you see?

Minion 1: Smog?

Mogul: Exactly, and who is out there BREATHING in that smog?

Minion 2: Morons?

Mogul: Even worse, morons who aren't at home glued to their devices or TVs! We're losing our touch. 

Minion 3: If I give you a good idea, can I be promoted to minion 1?

Mogul: Let's hear it! 

Minion 3: While on the crapper today, I thought of a new reality show, but this one takes place in a zoo and-

Mogul: And the zoo is like a big escape room, right? With the people INSIDE the cages?

Minion 3: No, I was thinking more like life at the hot dog stand.

Mogul: Forget it, mogul 5 said that last week, not even Pluto TV would touch it.

Minion 4: How about another celebrity game show?

Mogul: Nah, that's already cornered and it's mostly B and C list has-beens anymore. Move on.

Minion 6: Well...this is a long shot, and nobody in their right mind would ever agree to it...but what if  we took a movie premise and turned it into a streaming TV series?

Mogul: You've watched me pick my nose for years....do I LOOK like I'm in my right mind?

Whoever that mogul was, he has apparently hit paydirt! So far we have "The Mandalorian", a Star Wars offshoot about a resourceful bounty hunter and his "Baby Yoda". In fact, all it needs is John Williams music to seal the deal. I caught the first few episodes and I wasn't all in. But then again, the Rogue 1 and Solo movies didn't impress me all that much. The original storytelling from 44 years ago has changed hands a lot...and I am a bit of a purist. Of course, that said, even I admit George Lucas lost his touch with the prequel trilogy.

Then there is "Cobra Kai", which takes "The Karate Kid" from its original roots and brings the the first rivalry forward 35 years later, mostly from former bully Johnny's point of view. In fact, I found myself cheering more for Johnny than I did Daniel as I watched further. 

OK, we have 2 successes there. Sadly, I can see where this will go. What other movie series will they turn into comic melodrama on the home screen? Let's take a look as the meeting with the mogul and his sellout whores continues...

Mogul: Now what's this with The Groupies?

Minion 7: Goonies, sir. We'll focus on the funniest one in the group, Chunk, and how he turned from an obnoxious kid to an obnoxious adult...it'll focus on him and the rest of his Goonie buddies.

Mogul: So they live in the same small town?

Minion 7: Er...yes.

Mogul: Did any of them happen to manage to get laid?

Minion 7: Of course! They all have kids! The new Goonies, if you will.

Mogul: And who are their adversaries?

Minion 7: Umm...the kids of their old adversaries.as well as the kids of the Fratellis.

Mogul: So nobody has really evolved?

Minion 7(feeling defeated): Umm...no.

Mogul: Sounds like the public will love it! Anything else?

Minion 6: Yes, my  father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate had a great one about Willie Wonka...each week 5 kids get the golden ticket and by the end there's only 1 winner, the rest get washed out.

Mogul: Er, right, Beavis. And what do they get since Charlie already inherited the damn factory?

Minion 6: But that's the catch. In an alternate universe, nobody won, not even Charlie. There wasn't even a Charlie who won at all because he didn't turn back to get another bar.

Mogul: If you think the studio will spring for another set like that, YOU'RE in an alternate universe! Next!

Minion 8: We have the Breakfast Club. Listen, this is great-

Mogul: Listen, Skeezix- that won't fly because it'd be 30-60 minutes of kids on their damn phones! Too tech-stoned to really BE stoned. Next!

Minion 9: Little Shop of Horrors?

Mogul: Let me guess- the plant eats most of the cast every week? Only the fans of Zoey's Playlist will go for all the music numbers. Next?

Minion 10: I know, I know! There was that movie The Fugitive where the doctor was accused of murdering his wife. He spent the movie running from the law and trying to prove his innocence. Well what if he just went from place to place each week getting involved in other people's lives?

Mogul: What a great idea! Brilliant! I can see this happening except for one thing.

Minion 10: What?

Mogul: The movie was based on a series already, then they tried to revive it 20 years ago, didn't fly...but then again, this streaming gig has a new audience not addicted to the old big 3. Give it a shot. One more!

Minion 4: Boogie Nights?

Mogul: Skinemax? Meeting Adjourned!

So, there may be 1 or 2 decent ideas out there. The problem is, the originality is gone and even in base roots, there's repetition and at its worst, rehash.  For the time being, I'll stick to the stuff I have and just enjoy the past as it is...especially on the crapper!

Living Life on the Binge

   Let's see...what can I watch? Ooh, I have the first 4 years of Barney Miller! What else? Oh yeah, my dad gave me the entire Maverick series...on that note I also have all of The Rockford Files, The Wild Wild West, Sledge Hammer, most of Soap, Titus, SCTV, and the first season of SNL...among other shows.

   Then there is all that streams on Netflix or Hulu or whatever other services there are...way too many.

   But that is the nature of the beast in the 21st century...binge watching an entire series, or at least an entire season of a series in one fell swoop.

   I don't know about the rest of you, but I just can't do the binge watch the way many do these days. Yet, shows made now especially for streaming have shorter seasons. The Mandalorian, for instance, is less than 10 episodes in a season, and go for about 40-50 minutes each. One could watch that in a 12 hour period if they really wanted to...and in this COVID era with people staying home, those streaming originals are tailor-made for that kind of watching.

   It wasn't always that way, though.

   Back in the 1950s, when television was in its infancy, the idea of a rerun wasn't in anybody's minds. On average, sitcoms went between 30-40 episodes per season! That pretty much meant that the season went from September to April or May, then some other summer replacement show would fill in until the next season began. Same with westerns and dramas. All 6 years of Leave It To Beaver were 39 episodes, putting its total at 234 shows! I have watched that on one of the services, and I can't do more than 2 or 3 before deciding I've had my fill.

   My wife just finished watching all of Bewitched in a bit over a month, and that was 254 shows! She is more binge-tolerant than me. I was happy when Dick Sargent showed up, it meant the end was near.

   So when did this binge-craze begin? In my mind, TV Land got it started a bit over 20 years ago with their focus weekend marathons of severely cut shows (what they did to Barney Miller was a crime!) That brings about another bit: if you are going to air a show, air it WHOLE...otherwise there is no point. And also, air it with its original closing credits and studio logos, it is part of classic TV.

   The trouble with some classic shows is, many lack the original charm they once had, especially after 3 or 4, maybe 5 episodes! Take Cheers, for instance. Once a hot 80s-90s staple on NBC, Norm and Cliffie wear a bit thin after an hour or so, especially the first 2 years. Another is Family Ties, which truly belonged to the 1980s. The nostalgia wears off after a bit. I can only handle half a disc of The Rockford Files before I'm ready to do something...anything...else!

   Don't get me wrong, lots of these shows are considered classics and deserve to be watched again. For me, I generally have specific episodes in mind for different shows that were, in my mind, the "best ofs". For example, I absolutely love The Wild Wild West, but not all of its 104 episodes were gems. If I had to pick a show I could probably binge-watch for at least a whole disc, it would be WKRP in Cincinnati, I don't think there was a dud in there.

   Actually, I find that my former couch-potato-head ass doesn't desire a whole lot of TV watching anymore. My attention span for it just isn't where it once was.

   Until I get old and retire, I think I'll just stick to an episode here and there of whatever, then put it back into my memory for the time being...unless someone finds the missing episodes of The Edge of Night....then I'm there, dude!