Some embattled entertainment mogul with his (mostly) useless kiss-ass minions: We're in big trouble!
Minion 1: Why?
Mogul (opening the blinds): Look out there! What do you see?
Minion 1: Smog?
Mogul: Exactly, and who is out there BREATHING in that smog?
Minion 2: Morons?
Mogul: Even worse, morons who aren't at home glued to their devices or TVs! We're losing our touch.
Minion 3: If I give you a good idea, can I be promoted to minion 1?
Mogul: Let's hear it!
Minion 3: While on the crapper today, I thought of a new reality show, but this one takes place in a zoo and-
Mogul: And the zoo is like a big escape room, right? With the people INSIDE the cages?
Minion 3: No, I was thinking more like life at the hot dog stand.
Mogul: Forget it, mogul 5 said that last week, not even Pluto TV would touch it.
Minion 4: How about another celebrity game show?
Mogul: Nah, that's already cornered and it's mostly B and C list has-beens anymore. Move on.
Minion 6: Well...this is a long shot, and nobody in their right mind would ever agree to it...but what if we took a movie premise and turned it into a streaming TV series?
Mogul: You've watched me pick my nose for years....do I LOOK like I'm in my right mind?
Whoever that mogul was, he has apparently hit paydirt! So far we have "The Mandalorian", a Star Wars offshoot about a resourceful bounty hunter and his "Baby Yoda". In fact, all it needs is John Williams music to seal the deal. I caught the first few episodes and I wasn't all in. But then again, the Rogue 1 and Solo movies didn't impress me all that much. The original storytelling from 44 years ago has changed hands a lot...and I am a bit of a purist. Of course, that said, even I admit George Lucas lost his touch with the prequel trilogy.
Then there is "Cobra Kai", which takes "The Karate Kid" from its original roots and brings the the first rivalry forward 35 years later, mostly from former bully Johnny's point of view. In fact, I found myself cheering more for Johnny than I did Daniel as I watched further.
OK, we have 2 successes there. Sadly, I can see where this will go. What other movie series will they turn into comic melodrama on the home screen? Let's take a look as the meeting with the mogul and his sellout whores continues...
Mogul: Now what's this with The Groupies?
Minion 7: Goonies, sir. We'll focus on the funniest one in the group, Chunk, and how he turned from an obnoxious kid to an obnoxious adult...it'll focus on him and the rest of his Goonie buddies.
Mogul: So they live in the same small town?
Minion 7: Er...yes.
Mogul: Did any of them happen to manage to get laid?
Minion 7: Of course! They all have kids! The new Goonies, if you will.
Mogul: And who are their adversaries?
Minion 7: Umm...the kids of their old adversaries.as well as the kids of the Fratellis.
Mogul: So nobody has really evolved?
Minion 7(feeling defeated): Umm...no.
Mogul: Sounds like the public will love it! Anything else?
Minion 6: Yes, my father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate had a great one about Willie Wonka...each week 5 kids get the golden ticket and by the end there's only 1 winner, the rest get washed out.
Mogul: Er, right, Beavis. And what do they get since Charlie already inherited the damn factory?
Minion 6: But that's the catch. In an alternate universe, nobody won, not even Charlie. There wasn't even a Charlie who won at all because he didn't turn back to get another bar.
Mogul: If you think the studio will spring for another set like that, YOU'RE in an alternate universe! Next!
Minion 8: We have the Breakfast Club. Listen, this is great-
Mogul: Listen, Skeezix- that won't fly because it'd be 30-60 minutes of kids on their damn phones! Too tech-stoned to really BE stoned. Next!
Minion 9: Little Shop of Horrors?
Mogul: Let me guess- the plant eats most of the cast every week? Only the fans of Zoey's Playlist will go for all the music numbers. Next?
Minion 10: I know, I know! There was that movie The Fugitive where the doctor was accused of murdering his wife. He spent the movie running from the law and trying to prove his innocence. Well what if he just went from place to place each week getting involved in other people's lives?
Mogul: What a great idea! Brilliant! I can see this happening except for one thing.
Minion 10: What?
Mogul: The movie was based on a series already, then they tried to revive it 20 years ago, didn't fly...but then again, this streaming gig has a new audience not addicted to the old big 3. Give it a shot. One more!
Minion 4: Boogie Nights?
Mogul: Skinemax? Meeting Adjourned!
So, there may be 1 or 2 decent ideas out there. The problem is, the originality is gone and even in base roots, there's repetition and at its worst, rehash. For the time being, I'll stick to the stuff I have and just enjoy the past as it is...especially on the crapper!
