McDonald's associate Clarence Peters, searching for a way to salt the fries in peace before he's asked to clean the dining area, when a sudden splash from the mop bucket into the fry grease creates an explosion that alters Clarence's body chemistry. Now, whenever he experiences stress or angst at home or school or work, a startling metamorphosis (CHANGE for the millenials) occurs. The creature is driven by neurosis and starts whining and crying like the world's biggest wuss. He is pursued by nobody...seriously, who wants be around that shit? THE INCREDIBLE SNOWFLAKE!
Earlier this summer I was reunited with an old buddy from Pennsylvania. We had a great time talking about the past and old friends, but what really struck me was how much I've changed in 20 odd years, and not all for the better. There's a toughness that is hard to describe in people from PA, Jersey, and New York. I think Bostonians have it as well. It doesn't mean looking for a fight necessarily, it doesn't even mean not giving a shit. It just comes down to not advertising your problems and making a victim and martyr of yourself.
I was not the toughest guy by far, but I didn't do therapy or cry on my parents' shoulders all the time. Most of the time I internalized it all. Not that it was the healthiest option, I just had no decent outlet. Living out west all my adult life, I've found myself among many people who whine and make their problems known and prioritized above others. It's catching when you don't have a few people to counterbalance that, and I am afraid that I have transformed into what I call a snowflake as well. I am working to reverse it.
The problem is relatively simple to fix, you might just need to slap yourself a few times before going down the checklist.
1. I fucked up. Will I
a) admit it and fix it
b) stress, overeat, and lash out at the family for no real reason while the problem remains unsolved
2. Someone cut in front of me in traffic. Will I
a) cuss and let it be
b) stress, fume, and curse myself for being victimized....maybe call the police to find this dastardly criminal
3. The landlord raises the rent by $200. Will I
a) curse the landlord and his dogs, then economize on extras to make it work
b) stress, fume, and bemoan my never getting a raise
4. I get pulled over by a cop for speeding. Will I
a) follow the guy's directions and say yes sir or ma'am and cooperate
b) act all nervous so that I'm tased?
The a answers are to strive for. The b answers are self-damaging. I've done the b choices with no satisfaction, particularly on #1.
I am changing grades this year. Among that, our numbers are low and we are losing up to 7 or 8 staff members. Here's the thing. Do I go in there and do my job to the best of my ability or do I get anxious and await the next shoe to drop? The second option is no way to live.
There is another aspect to being a snowflake, or at least a different classification: shouting FOUL at every little thing that happens to you or your family, threatening to sue, whatever...basically deflecting all responsibility. I'm not saying to not take action if there was serious injury or true injustice. I'm talking about petty crap.
Here's a perfect example. Last year, my daughter got in trouble for kicking another student via peer pressure. She got suspended for the day and lost field trip privileges. Once again, this was choice time. Did I
a) tell her she's lucky to get off that easy and take her punishment
b) raise a stink that it was unfair and she promises never to do it again
I did the a choice. She knew it was wrong and she won't learn if I bail her out.
OK, public service announcement over, back to Clarence!
Pilot: After the soap/grease injury, Clarence is in class, trying to take notes while Bill Morgan is teaching foreign relations. The head of the water polo team starts flicking the back of Clarence's head. Clarence turns and says loudly but lamely, "Stop it!" The asshole behind him doesn't stop and the flicking gets worse.
The guy next to Clarence whispers, "Just pop him one!" Clarence shakes his head in stress, just wishing the guy would stop. As Bill Morgan prattles on about folkways and customs and mores in Canada, Clarence's skin starts turning a pinkish teal (imagine THAT one in makeup!) and actually gets skinnier.
He stands up and shouts, "Mr. Morgan, Biff (every show needs a Biff) won't stop bothering me! I'm trying to concentrate but he won't stop!"
Morgan tries to stifle a smile...actually he always looks like he's stifling humor...and says, "Okay. Biff, knock it off."
Biff nods, smiles, shakes his head at the wimp in front of him, and resolves to give Clarence a swirlie in the toilet later. But Clarence keeps shaking and crying and complaining about the unfairness of life, even throwing in his attorney father in a possible lawsuit. Morgan shrugs, asks if Clarence needs to visit the counselor, gets no response, then moves on to Mongolian folkways before the bell rings.
In the hall, Clarence turns back to normal. Biff passes him and whispers, "You're dead meat!' Clarence just keeps to himself on the way to study hall, depressing piano music playing as the camera pans out.
OK OK, I know what you're all thinking. And no, Clarence is not me 30 years ago. I was a tad wittier and rolling with it better than that! As for the show, I cannot see it lasting more than 7 episodes. However, the last episode should resolve Clarence's affliction via coaching and tough support and perhaps removing a giant arachnid from his ass surgically.
In short, if we are to survive as a nation, in our family lives, our jobs, all of it, we need to toughen up and stop the whining and martyrdom and blaming others for your problems. And stay out of the fry grease!
