Thinking of the past...the DEEP past, recently. Not obsessively, of course, like my dream for old Hollywood Squares shows or EDGE OF NIGHT episodes to come on DVD. Someitmes I just lay in bed in the morning at peace and I think of the "good old days", whatever that means. For me, the good old days mean something completely different....they mean a time when I was relatively at peace with myself, liking me for me without giving a damn about anyone else's opinions. OK, fine, there was never REALLY a time like that, but of late I've been going through a change and with any change there's a thinking back period. The time: 1995, a year of true change for me. While there was a lot of unpleasantness then, the one thing that kept me going was...music!
Luckily for me, the music I refer to was not 90s crap. I don't think ANY of it was inspring, calming, or even angering for reaction sake. No, back then I was really into older material, generally 60s and 70s pop and rock. I made an audio tape long ago chronicling that peculiar year, and I don't know what happened to it to this day.
Early in the year, during the holiday break between semesters, I'd bought a tape of pop songs released between 1970-74. My favorite song on it was "Diamond Girl"...it made me look forward to coming back to school to see a certain someone again. Life at home was pretty tense between my parents and I couldn't wait to escape. That tape was played twice on my drive back to school in late January. Of course, there were other good songs on the tape: Mr. Bojangles, Midnight Train to Georgia, Venus, and You're So Vain, among others.
Two months later, I got the call that really changed my life...the call from my mom that she was divorcing my dad. I was torn apart by this, of course. As time went on, I was forced to as well. I continued to listen to oldies and classic rock. One night, Oscar night, in fact, I was working on a paper and had "American Graffiti" playing in the background. I'd never seen it before and was just loving the doo wop music that apparently George Lucas grew up on. That summer, I bought the soundtrack, along with some Rascals CD. I was also listening a lot to The Doors album "Waiting for the Sun", newly acquired the previous Christmas and first listened to on the drive back home for the summer...home, what did that mean anymore? Nothing. It was a concept split between a bed slept on for almost 20 years and a futon bed my mom got just for me when I visited. No, home was no longer San Diego. It wasn't really PA anymore, either. Although I was still entrenched in dorm life, I loved northern California more than anything else at this point, and was already growing anxious to return. The girl I liked that semester, well, I still liked, but there was tension there and there was someone else from my classes that I'd found interest in (ah, college!)
Well, an oldies/classic rock summer got me through what silence would have devastated: edge of sanity. Living with a newly divorced dad who felt guilty about dating, along with a pregnant sister and her toddler firstborn, and spending part-time with a newly-free and happy for the first time I could remember mom, was bizarre and quite troubling. Having a job helped, but hell was hell.
Coming back to school in August, I'd found a new interest in old Doobie Brothers music, particularly "Black Water". I felt free at first...then I met the 4th roommate that was to complete the roommate situation at school with Rob, Scott and myself...a guy named Ed. A new hell was emerging, but it wasn't really mine, it was his! Rob and Scott were good guys (and still are) and I didn't like subjecting them to my new anger at the state of my life. Yes, once I left the 2 nests, I felt ok to be angry about it all. Unfortunately, the stranger named Ed was the target of my anger and, later, some cruel pranks at his expense. Incidentally I feel bad about what I did now, but I feel no guilt about my feelings then. Around this time, The Beatles and The Yardbirds were finding my ears. Also, more Doors with "Soft Parade" and "Morrison Hotel". I listened to those albums coming home for Christmas in late 1995.
Early 1996 was much of the same, but the music discovery was dying down a bit. Emerson Lake and Palmer and America were ringing in my ears as well, but I had all the music I wanted for a while...also, Scott was subscribing to Time Life's Guitar Rock, so I was in music heaven while personal hell was just under the surface...and I mean just.
Now, 17 year later, I guess I've grown somewhat bored with the old music...I find myself skipping those songs on the iPod often. They don't hold the relevancy they once did, or maybe I just don't want to delve into that past much. Who would? 22 was a hellish year for me...and now I'm seeing 40 in 3 months. Only Paul Lynde holds the answers now, LOL!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Whose birthday is it anyway???
An easy question to answer: if there is a birthday party for my daughter, who is the center of attention? Well, apparently it's my sister-in-law and her uninvited guest. Well, at least that was the case at my daughter's 3rd birthday party.
Let me step back a moment...rather, let me step back 35 years. The earliest birthday I can remember anymore is my 5th. We had our neighbors and friends the Kirkners over for dinner and birthday cake. I opened presents, and the focus was definitely on me. I don't mean to sound egotistical about this, like I was trying to steal the show, but the purpose was always clear that they were there to celebrate my day.
A year later, I had a much bigger party. The Kirkner kids were there, along with other kids on the street. I also had kids from my kindergarten class there. We had lunch, opened presents, and played games. It was fun! At least it looked fun from the pictures and home movies. The adults provided food, entertainment...and were supervising. It sounds strange to say that last part, but I'll get to that in a bit.
My next major party was my 9th. Once again it was kids in the 'hood and classmates. We went bowling and had hot dogs at the alley party room. Two years later it was Chuck-E-Cheese, a short-lived experiment at the Berkshire Mall. Same thing: we opened presents, then went to eat and have fun! My next (and last) party as a kid was when I turned 15. I had some guys over for a sleepover. We had pizza, cake, watched some movies (including one porn, I am not ashamed to say from a teen's point of view).
The running theme throughout all of these parties was that they were kid-oriented although adults were clearly in charge and supervising (but not hovering). It was the same when my sister had a birthday party. The only difference was that she wasn't trying to crash my parties...I just crashed hers like an annoying little brother was supposed to do.
Over the years, I know parties have changed. Sometimes there are themes (like a superhero or princess), sometimes a clown, balloon artist, or face painter is hired. There are sometimes also rented bouncers. I get that. The level of entertainment has increased somewhat with a lot of people. However, there are two things that should not go away: the kid-centered aspect and the parental supervision.
Since meeting my wife (actually, we met BEFORE getting married, a rarity in Vegas, I know), I have been exposed, many times, to a different sort of party. In this type of party, a very select group of adults are invited and they bring their kids if they have any. The men go to the garage, the women sit and text and talk about whom they have texted with (often a person sitting two feet away), and the kids are off riding bikes, playing video games, or sitting zoned off in front of the TV. Occasionally an adult will scream at their kid to ask what they are doing, just to practice parenting. The focus is not on the child, but rather on adults. At some point, gifts are opened and cake is eaten, but those are the only two times everyone is together, and it is less than 5 minutes of unity in total.
I'm not comfy with these parties. I generally don't hang around with the guys because all they talk about is what they did to make their car look cooler (not move better, strangely) and drink beer. I dig the beer aspect, but I'm a geek and could give a rat's ass about the cosmetic surgery.I don't want to hang around the women because I have an ancient form of practiced communication: I find common ground and TALK about that common ground. These women are all mostly tattooed, pierced, generally devoid of wordly usefulness. So, often my wife and I sit ignored. Why were invited (oh yeah, we're family) is beyond me. If we're not included, don't invite, we'll send a card later.
Then we come to my daughter's recent party. Granted, there were more adults because living in an apartment complex makes it hard to find kids Natalie's age. I sat with some of the invited guests to share recent life experiences and ask how they are doing with genuine interest. Then, some family arrives like expected and provide pizza. Then, more family arrives...with add-ons! Natalie plays with the kids as well as she can keep up. However, one family member and her friend gab on and progressively force everyone to hear them through sheer volume. A lot of times, the talk is not kid-friendly. At the end, we are left with two invited guests for Natalie to impress until she is wiped out then us adults continue talking pleasantly. I liked this part of the evening.
Am I old-fashioned? Maybe so, but I know the basics of a proper party for kids and lately I haven't seen one. Probably the last one was our goddaughter's party at a roller rink before she moved away. To conclude, keep it kid-centered, friendly, and together.
Let me step back a moment...rather, let me step back 35 years. The earliest birthday I can remember anymore is my 5th. We had our neighbors and friends the Kirkners over for dinner and birthday cake. I opened presents, and the focus was definitely on me. I don't mean to sound egotistical about this, like I was trying to steal the show, but the purpose was always clear that they were there to celebrate my day.
A year later, I had a much bigger party. The Kirkner kids were there, along with other kids on the street. I also had kids from my kindergarten class there. We had lunch, opened presents, and played games. It was fun! At least it looked fun from the pictures and home movies. The adults provided food, entertainment...and were supervising. It sounds strange to say that last part, but I'll get to that in a bit.
My next major party was my 9th. Once again it was kids in the 'hood and classmates. We went bowling and had hot dogs at the alley party room. Two years later it was Chuck-E-Cheese, a short-lived experiment at the Berkshire Mall. Same thing: we opened presents, then went to eat and have fun! My next (and last) party as a kid was when I turned 15. I had some guys over for a sleepover. We had pizza, cake, watched some movies (including one porn, I am not ashamed to say from a teen's point of view).
The running theme throughout all of these parties was that they were kid-oriented although adults were clearly in charge and supervising (but not hovering). It was the same when my sister had a birthday party. The only difference was that she wasn't trying to crash my parties...I just crashed hers like an annoying little brother was supposed to do.
Over the years, I know parties have changed. Sometimes there are themes (like a superhero or princess), sometimes a clown, balloon artist, or face painter is hired. There are sometimes also rented bouncers. I get that. The level of entertainment has increased somewhat with a lot of people. However, there are two things that should not go away: the kid-centered aspect and the parental supervision.
Since meeting my wife (actually, we met BEFORE getting married, a rarity in Vegas, I know), I have been exposed, many times, to a different sort of party. In this type of party, a very select group of adults are invited and they bring their kids if they have any. The men go to the garage, the women sit and text and talk about whom they have texted with (often a person sitting two feet away), and the kids are off riding bikes, playing video games, or sitting zoned off in front of the TV. Occasionally an adult will scream at their kid to ask what they are doing, just to practice parenting. The focus is not on the child, but rather on adults. At some point, gifts are opened and cake is eaten, but those are the only two times everyone is together, and it is less than 5 minutes of unity in total.
I'm not comfy with these parties. I generally don't hang around with the guys because all they talk about is what they did to make their car look cooler (not move better, strangely) and drink beer. I dig the beer aspect, but I'm a geek and could give a rat's ass about the cosmetic surgery.I don't want to hang around the women because I have an ancient form of practiced communication: I find common ground and TALK about that common ground. These women are all mostly tattooed, pierced, generally devoid of wordly usefulness. So, often my wife and I sit ignored. Why were invited (oh yeah, we're family) is beyond me. If we're not included, don't invite, we'll send a card later.
Then we come to my daughter's recent party. Granted, there were more adults because living in an apartment complex makes it hard to find kids Natalie's age. I sat with some of the invited guests to share recent life experiences and ask how they are doing with genuine interest. Then, some family arrives like expected and provide pizza. Then, more family arrives...with add-ons! Natalie plays with the kids as well as she can keep up. However, one family member and her friend gab on and progressively force everyone to hear them through sheer volume. A lot of times, the talk is not kid-friendly. At the end, we are left with two invited guests for Natalie to impress until she is wiped out then us adults continue talking pleasantly. I liked this part of the evening.
Am I old-fashioned? Maybe so, but I know the basics of a proper party for kids and lately I haven't seen one. Probably the last one was our goddaughter's party at a roller rink before she moved away. To conclude, keep it kid-centered, friendly, and together.
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